advice, experience- bad neighbors...

[rottiemom]

This started up about a year ago and has been escalating. I'm hoping that some of you can help me.

We live in a small, residential area. The family across the street from us has 2 kids, a 15 yo & 18yo. There are constantly a pack of kids hanging out in front of the house. The parents in that household have absolutely no control, nor do they seem to care. Kids are hanging out or coming in & out of the house even when the residents aren't home. I have spoken to the parents...well the mother. If you speak to the father he literally ignores you.
The mother's responses range from "well you'll have to talk to my son about that" (after one of our cars was shot up with paintballs) to "I would have smelled it if they were smoking it" (when I found an empty dime bag on my front lawn after one of their parties). The cops are over there constantly and this is literally right outside my LR window.

Last night it came to a head. I was walking back from my brothers & spotted the pack in front of my house. As I walked up several detached from the larger group, chased another boy down to the ground and started kicking and punching him. I had that split second of "are they just horsing around?" disbelief, then I started screaming for them to stop. The larger group was just watching all of this & one of the girls said "no, it's fine, they're all friends." I responded that they weren't acting like friends and to stop it right now. My husband was inside with our son (thankfuly) and didn't hear any of this.

The beating stopped, the attackers ran back to their crowd & they all took off with one of them yelling "do something about it, *****!." I whirled around.
"are you talking to ME?!" I screamed. I was shaking, I was so furious and so outraged. And yes, scared. There were easily a dozen teenage boys to little old me but all I could think of was "do NOT show fear". The girl yells "no, he wasn't talking to you" as she's running away. Just wait honey, one day it'll be your face that's getting smashed into the curb.

Anyway I went to check on the boy that had been beaten, got him ice, cleaned him up then called the cops and his mother. His "friends" had been on their front steps watching this all go down, obviously nobody came to his aid. Needless to say the parents weren't home.

Now, of course, I'm scared. These kids know where I live. I couldn't have not said anything, couldn't have not done anything but I'm still scared. And furious. I've got a son to worry about, I can't even walk through my own neighborhood? The cops are well aware of the situation & the parents of the house where all of these kids hang out just don't care.

What can I do?

I am so worried and so angry!

 

[Mickeyistheman]

First things first, when you saw them beating a child up you should have ran into your home and called the police. With kids today you can't take any chances. Also for the other times you had these instances with the kids, I would have just called the police instead of telling their parents who don't care and if you did say one of them is 18 well he/she is an adult so the parents can't do anything.

IF they did that to my car I would have called the police, and the whole dime bag incident as well I would have never gone to the parents. Now unfortunately things could be difficult for you and your family. I understand your need to help and not get the police involved but this could turn out to be a problem. Especially now since they know what you look like.

Be careful and next time (hopefully not) call the police.

 

[kelleigh1]

It sounds like in this instance you just reacted and didn't think, but I think Mickeyistheman is right and that you probably should have just called the police. Unfortunately, you can't go back and get a do-over. But hopefully, that will be your first reaction in the future.

It's terrible that you'll now be living in fear. The parents don't care and it sounds like they didn't care the entire time their kids were growing up or they wouldn't have turned out like this.

I wish I had some better advice for you, but I'm not sure exactly what to do now. It sounds like you're going to be fearful for a while.

Just thought of something...I'd probably set up a security camera so that if they do vandalize your property again or anything else, you'll have it on tape and will be able to press charges with proof.

 

[rottiemom]

First things first, when you saw them beating a child up you should have ran into your home and called the police.

You're right...except that I would have had to run through them to get home. But you're absolutely right.

With kids today you can't take any chances. Also for the other times you had these instances with the kids, I would have just called the police instead of telling their parents who don't care and if you did say one of them is 18 well he/she is an adult so the parents can't do anything.

Again, you're right.

I understand your need to help and not get the police involved but this could turn out to be a problem. Especially now since they know what you look like.

Well the group of them knows who we are & where we live since, as I said, the other house is right across from our LR. Our driveway faces their driveway. So if we're outside working on the bikes or playing with our son the pack of them is right there.

It sounds like in this instance you just reacted and didn't think, but I think Mickeyistheman is right and that you probably should have just called the police. Unfortunately, you can't go back and get a do-over. But hopefully, that will be your first reaction in the future.

Hindsight is always 20/20. The ability for a do-over would be great. You're right, I just acted without thinking. I was horrifed to be seeing this happen...right in front of MY house, in MY neighborhood (I know, it can happen anywhere).

Thanks.

 

[disneyjunkie]

This started up about a year ago and has been escalating. I'm hoping that some of you can help me.

We live in a small, residential area. The family across the street from us has 2 kids, a 15 yo & 18yo. There are constantly a pack of kids hanging out in front of the house. The parents in that household have absolutely no control, nor do they seem to care. Kids are hanging out or coming in & out of the house even when the residents aren't home. I have spoken to the parents...well the mother. If you speak to the father he literally ignores you.
The mother's responses range from "well you'll have to talk to my son about that" (after one of our cars was shot up with paintballs) to "I would have smelled it if they were smoking it" (when I found an empty dime bag on my front lawn after one of their parties). The cops are over there constantly and this is literally right outside my LR window.

Last night it came to a head. I was walking back from my brothers & spotted the pack in front of my house. As I walked up several detached from the larger group, chased another boy down to the ground and started kicking and punching him. I had that split second of "are they just horsing around?" disbelief, then I started screaming for them to stop. The larger group was just watching all of this & one of the girls said "no, it's fine, they're all friends." I responded that they weren't acting like friends and to stop it right now. My husband was inside with our son (thankfuly) and didn't hear any of this.

The beating stopped, the attackers ran back to their crowd & they all took off with one of them yelling "do something about it, *****!." I whirled around.
"are you talking to ME?!" I screamed. I was shaking, I was so furious and so outraged. And yes, scared. There were easily a dozen teenage boys to little old me but all I could think of was "do NOT show fear". The girl yells "no, he wasn't talking to you" as she's running away. Just wait honey, one day it'll be your face that's getting smashed into the curb.

Anyway I went to check on the boy that had been beaten, got him ice, cleaned him up then called the cops and his mother. His "friends" had been on their front steps watching this all go down, obviously nobody came to his aid. Needless to say the parents weren't home.

Now, of course, I'm scared. These kids know where I live. I couldn't have not said anything, couldn't have not done anything but I'm still scared. And furious. I've got a son to worry about, I can't even walk through my own neighborhood? The cops are well aware of the situation & the parents of the house where all of these kids hang out just don't care.

What can I do?

I am so worried and so angry!

Unless they were bothering me or mine, I'd stay out of it.

If the parents don't have a problem with the kids hanging out at/in front of their house(and they aren't bothering others on the block) then I don't see a problem with it.


I wouldn't worry about the kid that was beat up last night. Most likely he will be hanging out with them again today.

 

[agnes!]

If I were you...

I would get a guard-dog as soon as possible, a well-trained and gentle (but definitely vicious-looking!) guard-dog. I would also get some training for the entire family and especially for whomever is home most of the time on how to handle the dog.

I would install outside security-cameras.

I would install motion-activated outdoor flood-lights.

I would get a security system installed for the house.

I would get car-alarms installed on all the cars.

I would make sure that all my valuables were locked-up, that all the outside doors had deadbolt locks, that any outbuildings or sheds were made as secure as possible.

If my DH was ever away overnight, all travel would be cancelled until further notice.

I would go to all the decent neighbors, tell them what happened and ask them to keep an eye on my house.

I would make sure that all the decent neighbors have each other's phone numbers & contact info.

I would go to the local precinct, tell them exactly what happened and ask them if there's anything else you or they can do. Get the entire incident on record, so they *know* - if any of your alarms go off to take it seriously.

I would seriously consider moving.

And I'm so sorry. It's terrible when we don't feel secure in our own homes.
agnes!

 

[kelleigh1]

Unless they were bothering me or mine, I'd stay out of it.

Their property has already been vandalized and there was potentially illegal drugs left on their property, it is their business.

And really, if you saw some kid getting the crap beat out of him, you'd just walk on by like it was nothing? Wow!

 

[Disney Doll]

I would call the police. Every day if I had to. Every time anything happened. And if the police didn't respond, I'd call the police chief. Then I'd call the mayor. I'd just keep going up the line.

We had some "bad seed" kids in the neighborhood behind my house...drugs, carrying on...simialr stuff to what you describe I live oin the main road...sort of the "entrance road" to what is generally a very nice little neighborhood. Soapparently the parentsof these kids thought that the best possible thing to do was to get them minibikes. Anyhow these kids got minibikes. And they would zoom all over the neighborhood all the time. They'd come flying out of the side street next to my house onto the main road, not stopping, not looking. There was a hill right there, so any car coming over the crest of the hill would literally not see one of these kids until the kid was laying on thei hood of their car after they hit them. It was an accident waiting to happen.

When they were zooming around on their minibikes, I'd call the cops if they went flying out onto the main road. The cop finally indicated to me that they were "just kids trying to have some fun". I said to him "Well, it won't be too much fun when one of them ends up dead on my front lawn and the local newspaper comes to interview me and I tell them that I called to police all summer long in an effort to try and divert this tragic accident and the police didn't respond. Guess who won't be having any fun then?".

Amazingly enough, the minibikes werenever seen on the streets again. They took them to a local park, they used the neighborhood school parking lot on the weekend when there'd be no cars in & out, but they stayed off the streets.

 

[AlleyKat]

if i were you...

i would seriously consider moving.

Bingo!!!

 

[a1tinkfans]

OP:


Goodness, that is one scary situation you have found yourself in. Your heart was in the right place by helping that boy, but as someone said, he'll probably be back with them again anyways.

You really have only two choices as I see it
live in the situation which likely will stay the same until they (if ever) move out and ignore everything EXCEPT if you/family feel uncomfortable, threatened, etc, call Police, do not even SPEAK with them. Document each incident.


Or
Get the heck out of there. I am sorry to say that I would be concerned for my safety if I was threatened with "i'll punch your face in" was that towards You???? Goodness, sound like a horror group of kids.
I too would atleast put a sign on front of house from one of those security stores that says you have an alarm even if you don't.
In the meantime, I would AVOID them as much as possible, ignore the situation as best as you can and if anything makes you uncomfortable or anything else Call The Police. They WILL investigate homes that have comings and goings at all hours as it is usually drug related and they want it out of neighborhoods!
Good Luck and keep us posted..........maybe it will die down and they'll forget about it rather than being revengeful, I think there is a good chance of that since they are Kids.....rather than crazy adults...

 

[JR6ooo4]

Unless they were bothering me or mine, I'd stay out of it.

If the parents don't have a problem with the kids hanging out at/in front of their house(and they aren't bothering others on the block) then I don't see a problem with it.


I wouldn't worry about the kid that was beat up last night. Most likely he will be hanging out with them again today.

Their property has already been vandalized and there was potentially illegal drugs left on their property, it is their business.

And really, if you saw some kid getting the crap beat out of him, you'd just walk on by like it was nothing? Wow!

wow is right! Obviously the kids have been neglected. and more neglect is not going to make the problems disappear.

Like Madoff, I did not directly lose any money. So should he be free? If nobody cares, things will only get worse.

Mikeeee

 

[rottiemom]

I really appreciate all of the insight!

Unless they were bothering me or mine, I'd stay out of it.

I just couldn't do that. If it was my son I would have wanted somebody to try to stop it, even if that somebody was just a 43 year old woman.

I wouldn't worry about the kid that was beat up last night. Most likely he will be hanging out with them again today.

Oh you're right about that. But I'm not worried about him. I'm worried about me & mine.

I would get a guard-dog as soon as possible, a well-trained and gentle (but definitely vicious-looking!) guard-dog. I would also get some training for the entire family and especially for whomever is home most of the time on how to handle the dog.

Notice my DISname ? We have a 75lb rottie who comes off as the most ferocious thing on 4 feet but is fully obecience trained (and as gentle as a lamb).

As to your other suggestions...many of them are already in place. But they are very, very good suggestions.

The cop finally indicated to me that they were "just kids trying to have some fun". I said to him "Well, it won't be too much fun when one of them ends up dead on my front lawn and the local newspaper comes to interview me and I tell them that I called to police all summer long in an effort to try and divert this tragic accident and the police didn't respond. Guess who won't be having any fun then?".

DD, I have seen your responses in other threads & always thought that they were spot on. This is no different. Very well chosen words!

 

[friendofgusgus]

My advice?

You need to talk to the police. Not just call them, but call ahead and get a name, get in your car and go talk to someone face-to-face at the station.

It is much harder to ignore a citizen who is sitting in the station then yet another 911 call.

Tell them you were a witness to a crime and that you were threatened. Tell them you feel unsafe in your home. Get a business card from the detective you speak to. Ask for an increased police presence in your neighborhood at night. Tell them you are scared.

Once you do these things, everything is different. A completely new paper trail has been created. A citizen has logged a complaint - not a 911 call - but a complaint.

You need to stop calling them once it's started and get them on your side from the start. Otherwise, this can become a he said/she said neighbor situation of your nightmares. Remember how easily things can be twisted - the kids have more witnesses, you were there yelling at them and someone got beat up. There is more than one way to tell the story.

I'm sorry this is happening at your home.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Their property has already been vandalized and there was potentially illegal drugs left on their property, it is their business.

And really, if you saw some kid getting the crap beat out of him, you'd just walk on by like it was nothing? Wow!

I would only concern myself with the things that concern my family. (paint balling the car, and the weed).

I wouldn't give the hanging out a second thought unless they were on my stoop. If they were, I'd tell them to get off.

I didn't say I wouldn't have helped the kid. I just think there's a strong possibility that he will be hanging them again.

My opinion is based on my experiences. I live in an inner city section of Brooklyn. The things the OP posted aren’t sending off warning bells.

She hasn’t posted anything that would make me think the kids are running a drug ring out of the house. Or make me put my house on the market.



Op I ‘m sorry you’re dealing with this, I hope things get better.

wow is right! Obviously the kids have been neglected. and more neglect is not going to make the problems disappear.

Neglected - what are you basing that on?

 

[rottiemom]

My advice?

You need to talk to the police. Not just call them, but call ahead and get a name, get in your car and go talk to someone face-to-face at the station.

It is much harder to ignore a citizen who is sitting in the station then yet another 911 call.

Tell them you were a witness to a crime and that you were threatened. Tell them you feel unsafe in your home. Get a business card from the detective you speak to. Ask for an increased police presence in your neighborhood at night. Tell them you are scared.

This is EXCELLENT advice! I never even thought about going to the police in person and, honestly, didn't even think about the whole "do something about it, *****" comment as a threat. But you're right!
My brother, a retired police officer, did speak to the police (face to face) last night about the situation last night.

Remember how easily things can be twisted - the kids have more witnesses, you were there yelling at them and someone got beat up. There is more than one way to tell the story.

Carp, I hadn't though of this either. Thank you!

 

[TaraPA]

I agree with the suggestions here - but I certainly wouldn't consider moving - no direct threats have happened - yet. Do not let them make you the victim. But I would seriously beef up the security around your home. Many suggestions here are expensive - installing video surveillance, getting an alarm system, motion detector lights, etc. But there are some inexpensive things you can do this weekend to start:

Go to Lowe's, Kmart, whatever & get some solar powered outdoor lights - you just dig a hole & plop them in. A well lit house at night is less likely to be vandalized than a dark one. You can get kits of 10 for around $50.

Keep all your outdoor lights on at night, every night. Heck, keep an indoor light on all night long too. The few dollars a year extra this will cost you in electric is well worth the added security.

Memorize your local police phone number, or keep it on speed dial. Use it. Anytime your property or yourself is threatened, make the call.

Borrow someone's security system sign & display it out front. Our company gave us 3 of them when we got ours - so a friend with a system might have extras. You can even buy these on eBay these days!

Have a chat with all the neighbors that you are friendly with, alert them to the situation, so they cam help keep an eye on your property.

Don't go out or walking without your dog!

Keep a digital camera with fresh batteries nearby at all times - this came in handy for me once when a bunch of neighbors were ATV-ing ON my property but denying it. The proof is in the picture.

I also agree that the police, detective, chief, whomener, should be notified NOW that this incident occurred & that you were verbally threatened. Of course they said they weren't saying it to you, but we all know they probably were. Get it on record now so it is documented.

HUGS to you, I would be scared out of my mind as well. But like I said before, don't let their threats make you feel like a victim in your own home. Protect yourself. I'm sure these derelicts will be out of the house in a few years anyway - or in jail if they keep up the great job they're doing!

 

[rottiemom]

I agree with the suggestions here - but I certainly wouldn't consider moving - no direct threats have happened - yet. Do not let them make you the victim. But I would seriously beef up the security around your home.

I have no intention of moving over this. JR6 had mentioned neglect- this didn't happen overnight, the situation has been escalating. It's definitely a result of neglect, as in a "not gonna do anything, not my problem" sort of way, primarily with the parents. I'll be speaking with the rest of the neighbors...believe me, I'm not the only one that has issues with this.

Go to Lowe's, Kmart, whatever & get some solar powered outdoor lights - you just dig a hole & plop them in. A well lit house at night is less likely to be vandalized than a dark one. You can get kits of 10 for around $50.

This? Genius! I'll do this today. Ours is an old house & there are no exterior lights on the front, just around the back and sides. I'll turn our place into a beacon. I was already considering a motion sensored spotlight (aimed directly at the neighbor's house). We already have one in our driveway.

I have been getting some very sound advice and you all have been bringing up things that would never have occurred to me. Thank you all!

 

[Camicar]

you just dig a hole & plop them in. A well lit house at night is less likely to be vandalized than a dark one. You can get kits of 10 for around $50.

And then the miscreants come at night, pull them out of the ground, hit them with hammers and leave them in the bushes along with a pile of human feces.

Seriously, those little lights deter no one.

 

[TaraPA]

I'll turn our place into a beacon. I was already considering a motion sensored spotlight (aimed directly at the neighbor's house). We already have one in our driveway.

ROFL I'm picturing Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation...why not string up some year-round Christmas lights too!?!?!?

 

[pweyl36]

I saw a few mos back about store owners having a problem with teens hanging out in front of their stores. They bought this alarm that only teens can hear and the high pitch sound hurt their ears that they moved. I thought that was cool. Maybe you should try that?