Adult Children & Keys to Your House

[DisneyHardin]

I have a key to my Dad/stepmom's house, but have only used it a few times. They are pretty much always home, so I've only used it when I needed to drop something off/pick something up a few times. My mom lives in another town, but has one of the locks where you put in a code and I do know the code. The only time I ever used it though, was when I went to my hometown for a funeral and she wasn't home and I really needed to use the bathroom, so I went to her house.

We aren't super close to my inlaws, but I'm pretty sure we do have a key to their house on a ring in case of an emergency.

 

[OrangeBirdGirl]

I have a key to my parents. I don't just stop over because they are an hour away and I'd have no reason to travel in that direction unless seeing them. I guess I really have no idea why I have a key but I do. They don't have a key for our house, but know the garage code. My dad will randomly stop over if he's in the area even if I'm not home. Doesn't bother me. Like if we're out of town he will stop in the day before or the earlier in the day before we arrive home and bring us some treats from the bakery so we could have for breakfast the next day.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Yesn- I have a key to my parents house and so does my husband - and Yes - We go over whenever and no - we dont have to tell them in advance - my brother and SIL each have keys as well - We are FAMILY and family goes in and out whenever

Of course you're family, but most like privacy or just prefer a heads up. My mother-in-law walks around naked in her home...yeah I think I'll call first despite having a key to get into their garage which leads into their home. We're always welcome but that's not the same as dropping by unannounced letting myself in just because

 

[Micca]

One DD lives 1000 miles away, she doesn't really need a key. Local DD certainly has access to the house any time she wants or needs to, I don't even mind a pop-in (unless it's late at night and I'm in bed.) I have keys to her house as I sometimes need to help with pets if she gets busy at work.

 

[Colleen27]

We're not there yet, but I have no plans to ask my son to hand over his key when he moves out and he's already told me he's going to leave a spare to his house with us. I have a key to my mom's house too, as does DS (as the only local grandkid of driving age), and I had one to my grandmother's for years before she died. My grandmother fell once, when I was a teenager, and while it was fortunate that we had plans with her that evening so she didn't have to wait long for rescue, my brother ended up having to break in to the house because no one had a key. Ever since then, we swap keys among the immediate family. We are all respectful enough of one another's space and privacy that we don't use the keys as a matter of course, but it just became a sort of emergency fail-safe to have a trusted someone outside of the household have a key.

 

[georgina]

Nope. Two of my kids live 3000+ miles away. Other is 250 miles away, but no reason why she would need one. We got rid of the garage door pad with the last upgrade to the opener, now controlled by app.

Totally shocked at all the people who say their house is unlocked!

 

[cmarsh31]

I have keys to both of my parents houses, stop by whenever. Wouldn't think twice of stopping at either whenever and letting myself in... my brother used to stop at my house if he was in the neighborhood (he worked in HVAC) for to eat lunch etc when we were at work. Sometimes I'd even tell him there were leftovers in the fridge... Had to leave my car at the dealership one time when my dad was out of town, borrowed his car. DH was shocked that it didn't even occur to me to call him to ask. That's just how we all are.

Now that my kids are teens, and my dad & stepmom live around the corner, my dad stocks soda and snacks for them at his house whenever they want to stop by.

We all knock to be polite but calling before stopping by is completely unnecessary.

 

[BrerRabbit66]

DH & I had keys to our parents homes when they were alive. We installed motion activated alarms for both homes so they were alerted that someone was approaching the door.; it was loud enough they could hear it without hearing aides. Our DD has a key and code for our home but usually calls first. We have keys to her home and have stopped by when she's working to drop off home cooked meals (she's a nurse and Covid has kept us apart). She has the Ring doorbell so we wave at the camera (make funny faces) and enter. We won't just show up when she's home because of her work schedule we wouldn't want to interrupt her sleeping.

 

[bushdianee]

After my dad died my mom and I bought a house together. She insisted that all 7 of my siblings have a key. It really helped when she was ill and they would come to visit or help. When she died I didn't feel like I could ask for them back. Most of them don't use them. They did come in handy when I fell a few years ago and spent 3 months in rehab. They came over and checked on the house and got it ready for me to come home. After I came home some of them checked in on me frequently and it was nice not having to get up and answer the door all of the time when I was still not weight bearing. I have a key to one sister's house but I am her back up for picking her kids up from school.

 

[Southernmiss]

We all have keys to each other's places. Our doors and our parents doors are unlocked. Family is welcome to drop in and walk in without announcement or knocking anytime. Kids are welcome to our fridge/food/pantry anytime just like we are at our parent's homes ( but I don't just take something). Never occurred to me to ask my kids to turn in their keys. And I wouldn't.

We went out of town over New Year's and gave my brother our garage door code so he could pick up mail for us.

 

[mumto3girls]

I have a key to my parents house and used to use it mostly when they were out of town and I was checking on the house, watering the plants or relieving the pet sitter for the day. When they are home I always knock. My mom doesn’t leave the house anymore so I haven’t used my key in years.

My mom used to water my plants when I traveled and she had the garage code and the alarm code (in fact one of the first signs of her dementia was that she kept setting off our alarm system after years of having no issues using it). Lots of people have our garage code though—I’m sure I’ve given it to my sisters at one time or another over the years and a bunch of neighbors have it who have watered plants, pet-sat while we were out of town.

My kids all still live at home (oldest does go away to college) and I don’t foresee ever asking for their garage openers back when they are out for good—and they could always use the key pad unless we changed the code. We all always use the garage to come and go—not sure if DH and I even know where a house key is.

My in-laws are gone now, but their house was never locked. I would have knocked first.

I don’t think I’d ever want someone to come in unannounced when I was home. We have a ranch and the bathroom with the better shower is really close to the front door and living room. I’d hate to think I was all alone and come out of the bathroom barely wrapped in a towel and run into my dad/brother-in-law/nephew.

 

[maxaroni]

Always had a key to my parents house and my parents had a key to ours. My dad moved to FL and I have a key to his house. DS & DIL have keys to our house, we do not have a key to theirs.

When my parents lived in the house I grew up in, I would just walk in. When they moved, it was a mix of ringing the bell and walking in. If I walked in, I would yell out hello once I got into the house.

I have a key to my dads house only as an emergency as he’s alone and I am an only child. If I need to get into the house, I have access.

 

[Disneybuckeye]

Our kids have keys to our lake house. They actually have (or may have thrown away by now) keys to our old house they grew up in. They have the garage code to our new main home. They do let us know when they are coming over but I don’t care if they do.

We have a key to our daughter‘ door, but she has to buzz us in the building from her phone. Our son has a door code that we know. Other son is in an apartment and we don’t have a key to that.

i know the garage code to my parents and sisters.

 

[22Tink]

Yes they have keys and yes they stop in when we aren’t home for various reasons. They know our door is always open.

 

[MomOfDisneyPrincess]

I used to have a key to my parents house, but my purse was stolen in 2010 and there wasn't a good reason to replace it. I live an hour away and my sister is only 30 minutes and my brother is only 10 minutes away. I believe they both have keys and now that my parents are in their 80's, my brother does a lot of stuff for them and is the man for watching the house over the years if they were ever gone. I never stopped by without calling first. I would only be stopping by to see them, so it was always planned. I can't imagine my siblings stopping by without calling first, either. It just seems like common courtesy to me.

My parents always had a key to my house, too. I bought my first house when I was 28 and didn't get married until 36, so my dad was a great help to me whenever I needed something fixed or needed to learn how to fix something. He used to diagnose my car problems over the phone, so I was better prepared before taking it into the shop (if he couldn't fix it himself, that is). That man could fix anything!

Later, after my daughter was born, my parents would babysit for me on Saturdays during tax season. Ex-hubs was easily distracted and I was afraid he would send her into the backyard to play and not think about her again for hours. Not cool. They got to spend lots of time with DD and they could come and go as they pleased however they wanted to entertain her.

That said, they would never stop by without calling first or making plans ahead of time, but them having a key was a convenience to me.

 

[MomOfDisneyPrincess]

My daughter moved out 2 months ago. She still has a key. She came by today, while I was at work, to do some yard word she said she would do before she moved out. She texted me this evening to tell me about an outbreak at the grocery store. I said but I NEED to go to the store tomorrow. She responds I know your freezer is empty. So not only did she come over while I was not home, without telling me she was but she went into the freezer and I am sure the fridge and cupboards too. She used to do this at my parents house too when we came over.

I also have keys to my parents house. But I do not come over when they are not home unless I am taking care of the cats while they are out of town.

I wonder if this kind of thing will stop after she's had her own place for a while and actually shifts into the "full grown adult" role instead of still being in a "kid" role. Since you can't count on her realizing this on her own, I would make sure she understands your expectations and boundaries. My ex-hubs used to like to hang out at my house with DD when she was 7-10 years old. It allowed him to have time with her and she had all of her toys and stuff to play with. I was able to work Saturdays and not have to worry about babysitters, since my parents were getting older. He always wanted me to give him a key so they could come and go as they pleased, like I did with my parents. Well, he does NOT observe boundaries and I refused. DD had a key and she was responsible for it on those days. I kept it the rest of the time. I was afraid to even loan it to him for a day for fear he would just make a copy without telling me.

 

[blackpearl77]

I have a key to my parents house - same key I've had since I was a teenager! But I don't go over and let myself in when they're not home.

 

[disykat]

We all have keys to each other's places. Our doors and our parents doors are unlocked. Family is welcome to drop in and walk in without announcement or knocking anytime. Kids are welcome to our fridge/food/pantry anytime just like we are at our parent's homes ( but I don't just take something). Never occurred to me to ask my kids to turn in their keys. And I wouldn't.

This just really surprises me because, like someone said above, what if they are naked? Or otherwise not ready for company? When our kids lived at home and were going in and out we were always prepared for them to come in the door. We policed ourselves so we wouldn't be caught in an awkward situation. Now, we live with the expectation of privacy and don't worry about those things. I could be wandering out to get something from the laundry room in my underwear. We don't always shut doors to the bathrooms and bedrooms. One of us, or worse both of us, could be in the shower. How incredibly awkward.

Maybe these people all live in two story houses or places where there are private wings to the house? My house is small and pretty open concept. I can't imagine inviting people to just walk in unless I had a heads up they were coming.

If I lived next door to family, I'd continue to live in a way that could always be interrupted indefinitely. Otherwise I expect some notice. I can't imagine keeping that level of privacy going on the random chance someone might stop in.

 

[wilbret]

Do your adult children, who no longer live with you, have keys to your house? Do they stop by when you are not home?

I am an adult child, and I have keys to both my parents' house, and the in-laws house. I even have keys to their condos and security codes. I guess it depends on the relationship? Never know when you might have to or need to pop-in. Heck, I even have a key to an in-law's vehicle, a farm tractor, and my dad's boat. I also had keys to my grandmother's house when she was alive, and come to think about it... I know where the key is to my brothers' houses. My middle brother knows where the key is to my house.

My kids will always be welcome here, unless they un-earn it somehow.

 

[mjkacmom]

This just really surprises me because, like someone said above, what if they are naked? Or otherwise not ready for company? When our kids lived at home we were always prepared for them to come in the door. We policed ourselves so we wouldn't be caught in an awkward situation. Now, we live with the expectation of privacy and don't worry about those things. I could be wandering out to get something from the laundry room in my underwear. We don't always shut doors to the bathrooms and bedrooms. One of us, or worse both of us, could be in the shower. How incredibly awkward.

Maybe these people all live in two story houses or places where there are private wings to the house? My house is small and pretty open concept. I can't imagine inviting people to just walk in unless I had a heads up they were coming.

If I lived next door to family, I'd live in a way that could always be interrupted. Otherwise I expect some notice. I can't imagine keeping that level of privacy going on the random chance someone might stop in.

My parents have seen DH a bunch of times in his boxers, because he chooses to walk around in them (got caught in them by our plumber). No open concept here, if I’m on the first floor I’m covered, as were my parents. With 5 kids there were alway people coming and going here. Heck, there were kids sleeping over all of the time and I didn’t even know about it until the next day (so most of their friends have seen me in my pajamas, sans bra). My parents lived 1/4 mile away so this is just how we lived. My parents’ neighbors would just walk into their house too.