Adult ADD

[SlightlyGoofy]

I wanted to stop back by and thank you all for listening and the great advice you gave. It really helped at a difficult time when I was so overwhelmed. One word jumped out at me "Aspergers " and I have done some research lately and am much striken by the similarities to what I have noted with my dh. One thread had a paragraph that told of the frustration of a spouse in dealing with all of this. I am still of a mind that it is harder on a woman because a man is seen as being manly and in control and even caring when he seems over protective etc. while a woman is Bee. Life ain't fair but I never thought it would be.

My dh has always blamed his behaviors on the fact that he was born 'blue'. Whatever that means. I have always seen it as an excuse cause he has shown he can do many things, IF he wants to, which is seldom. This condition is from birth and the description of a child with it fits with what I have been told of his childhood. He greatly frustrated his mom too. She was not too nurturing, although she had many other good qualities.

I cannot take him to a doctor as his family would rise up and attack at the idea of their brother having any sort of 'mental' problem. I have to fight tooth and nails to take him to appropriate doctors and give him certain treatments (very conservative ones too) already. Goes without saying that I could NEVER bring up the word Aspergers either.

But it is small comfort that I think I know it is a disease and so his inability to connect with any other person or care is not personal but the illness. It is not like I have not dealt with such things before, just never in an adult. I take that back. I have been dealing with it, I just did not recognize it until lately.

Day by day, step by step, I will keep on trudging and thank you all for sharing your journey's and wishing you all more good days than bad.

SG/Linda

 

[1stluvispooh]

Linda,
I have gotten up from the computer 3 times before writing this so I hope it comes off the way in which it is intended. First of all Aspergers is a neurological disorder not a mental one. ( Ok that was the mom of an autistic kid talking) Second you said that you couldn't take him to the doctor because if his family found out they would be all over it. Ok the way I look at it the only way they would find out is if you came out and told them! Don't tell them why he is going to the doctor. He if his behaviors improve they might figure it out themselves but if they are the type of people that would give someone a hard time about taking care of their mental health I doubt that they would be that bright to figure it out in the first place.
I hope you find peace in your life

 

[SlightlyGoofy]

1stluvispooh, good morning and hello!

I put quotes around the word "mental" cause I know that the condition is not in that category. I have worked with learning disabled children for many years and have much experience in that area. I get upset at those who believe that children and others who are 'different' are not as valuable or capable as others.

My in laws are educated (book learned) in one way and ignorant in many other ways and dangerous enough to cause me great trouble if they wished to do so. One bil is holding assets for another to hide them from his wife and if given provocation they could do me great harm. I deal and do my best to try to cope with my situation (which could be so much worse than it is) the best I know how.

My husband tells everything he knows, in great detail, and with his own 'spin' and since I got him the all you can call option to keep in touch with his family (and give me a bit of a break from all his talking too) he talks to them many hours a day so it would impossible to keep any doctor's visits a secret. Even our normal ones are dissected in great detail and I am quizzed as to each and every detail. I had to put my foot down one time when they insisted that he not take a very important medicine. It is a great responsibility making decisions for another person and I take it very seriously.

Having input from those who live through such circumstances helps me to understand. I just feel terrible that I did not see this situation before.

It has always been the 'chicken or the egg" for me. The frustration of not knowing if he can help the things he does or not is overwhelming at time and especially so since he has often bragged about pulling one over on the guys at work so he did not have to do any work. Very confusing for me.

Thank you for allowing me the vent and thank you for being a wonderful mother to a wonderful child. I know how those small gestures mean so much with a special child. That magic moment when you see a glimmer of hope is what we live for.

SG