Adoption

[kappyfinn]

My DH and I are wanting to adopt. We have two bio children (3 and 1). For those of you that have adopted, do you have any advice? Agency recommendations?

We aren't sure if we are going to adopt domestically or internationally although I'm leaning internationally. But we want to hear thoughts on both.

We are trying to gather as much information as possible before we jump in.

Thanks.

 

[twinboysmom]

I do have some. It's not usually easy and it's not quick. We looked into adoption about halfway through some of our fertility treatments. In terms of international, things change frequently. China has really slowed down and it can take quite a number of years to adopt now. We were immediately ruled out as candidates for adoption in China as my DH had had a minor cancer (required no chemo and is considered cured) and I had been divorced. Some countries do health histories, look at both parents ages and BMI's. We also did not have the time to spend in some of the European countries (some require long multiple visits of 6+weeks).
Now my cousin adopted a girl from Russia about 8 years ago from Russia and things went smoothley. Fast forward 5 years, she could not find a healthy child in multiple visits (fetal alcohol syndrome, HIV) and they spent over 20k in the process. I know a coworker that adopted from Korea 10 years ago and things went well. We can not currently adopt from Korea in Mississippi now. I know very little about central or south American adoptions. As for domestic, there are many factors involved including do you want a caucasian infant only (slower) or would you be willing to accept a baby from a mother who has done drugs during pregnancy. Would you be able to provide living and medical expenses? There are many different factors. Find some good agencies, tons of info on the Internet. Good luck in your journey!

 

[Sugar Jones]

I have friends that have adopted two children from Russia and are currently in the process of adopting their third. They have to travel to Russia twice with the second trip being around 4-6 weeks long. Both the boys were around 1 year old when they brought them home. They are happy, healthy 4 & 2 year old now. They are now adopting a little gir. I know it's expensive, but I have no idea how much it actually costs.

 

[Jen_in_NH]

My husband and I just started the process. We're leaning towards a special needs child from China, but are still making the final decision about what country.

We spent a lot of time online researching agency options in our state - I guess there are a lot more options if you don't live in NH We went to 2 different informational meetings, and found that one agency felt right, and one turned us off entirely.

There seems to be a lot of information out there, but it's hard to sort out what's fact and what's just someone venting. Keep reading and researching though

Jen

 

[carolinagirl121]

My hubs and I pursued adoption while we were having TTC issues. We decided to go internationally because we felt that the adoption process was more "secure." With domestic adoptions, birth mothers have the ability to back out, whereas international adoptions are processed through a third party agency so those children are firmly available. We were not opposed to a different race child so decided that our chances were better internationally. With international adoption, you may have to use two different agencies, one for your home study and one for the adoption itself. Each agency will have different requirements for classes and reading prior to the start of the actual adoption process.

The biggest decision we faced was what country to adopt from. There are pro and cons to each and each country has specific restrictions that parents must meet. For China you must be 30 and married 5 years. Also, you have to consider the health risks of the region and what disabilities you are willing to consider. Eastern Europe has high rates of fetal alcohol syndrome, Central America has a higher rate of trafficked children, etc. We ultimately chose Ethopia because we met the restrictions and the health risks were much lower.

I would recommend checking out books on international and domestic adoption. We read several and found them to be a wealth of information not only on the process, but also what you can expect when you bring a child home.

We ultimately did not adopt, found out we were pregnant after the completion of our home study and before actually having a child placed. But we learned a great deal and plan on adopting in the future. Good luck!

 

[livndisney]

My hubs and I pursued adoption while we were having TTC issues. We decided to go internationally because we felt that the adoption process was more "secure." With domestic adoptions, birth mothers have the ability to back out, whereas international adoptions are processed through a third party agency so those children are firmly available. We were not opposed to a different race child so decided that our chances were better internationally. With international adoption, you may have to use two different agencies, one for your home study and one for the adoption itself. Each agency will have different requirements for classes and reading prior to the start of the actual adoption process.



This actually depends on the program chosen. Some contries to have birth mothers choosen the adoptive family. Also it is possible that a child can suddenly be no longer available for adoption.
The biggest decision we faced was what country to adopt from. There are pro and cons to each and each country has specific restrictions that parents must meet. For China you must be 30 and married 5 years. Also, you have to consider the health risks of the region and what disabilities you are willing to consider. Eastern Europe has high rates of fetal alcohol syndrome, Central America has a higher rate of trafficked children, etc. We ultimately chose Ethopia because we met the restrictions and the health risks were much lower.

China is once again (as of this week) allowing single women to adopt.

I would recommend checking out books on international and domestic adoption. We read several and found them to be a wealth of information not only on the process, but also what you can expect when you bring a child home.

We ultimately did not adopt, found out we were pregnant after the completion of our home study and before actually having a child placed. But we learned a great deal and plan on adopting in the future. Good luck!

You may also want to find adoption groups in your area. Having "lived it" they have some really good information. A lot of agencies also host in person and webinars on adoption (most are free or low cost) where you can get lots of information.

Good luck on your journey! Adoption was the best thing I have every done.

 

[Momof4DisneyLuvrs]

In the past 3 years we have adopted from China through the special needs process and also through the special needs process in Korea. Both are wonderful programs. I cannot imagine not having my girls! I am happy to answer any questions if I can and recommend some agencies that do China and Korea adoptions as I am still very active in those groups. Just send me a PM.

Right now many international programs are unstable. China SN and Korea are still predictable. There are many children available (both boys are girls) from China that have anything from minor medical to what is considered significant special needs. There are "healthy" older children available as well (usually 4+ that are simply waiting because of their age). In Korea there are primarily young children available. Most are home between their 1st and 2nd birthdays. There are healthy and special needs children available from Korea.

 

[Aliceacc]

My almost-13-year old son was adopted from Korea at the age of 7 months (my 2 daughters are biologically ours.)

There are so many reasons Korea was the right choice for us! He lived with a foster family, so was very well taken care of and socialized. The agency was incredibly professional-- they gave us a price list up front, with different amounts due at different points in the process. There were absolutely NO surprises.

Take a look at their website
http://www.new-beginnings.org/
They're licensed in NY and FL, I'm not sure where else. But they do a great job of outlining the various international options, with prices and projected timelines. They'll probably be able to recommend a reputable agency in your state.

Best wishes!

 

[MyDizneyBoyz]

My boys are a mix of bio and adopted - our almost-4-year-old came home from Korea 3 years ago. We used Holt International as they are one of the largest agencies in Korea and we have a family friend who brought her two children home from Korea through Holt over 30 years ago.

We chose international adoption over domestic for a lot of reasons and after lots of research. The primary reason we chose Korea is that my DH is half Korean so we have a cultural link to that country.

While it is expensive, the cost is spread out over a little bit of time and you have a pretty good idea when you start the process of how much you'll need to pay and when. To keep it relative, it's not much more expensive than having a biological child via c-section with no insurance. Plus, there are tax incentives (the adoption tax credit (refund?) is over $10k) and grants if you qualify.

I think the most important thing to do first is decide if you want to adopt domestically or internationally.

We went through Holt's Waiting Child process and our lttle man came to us with a heart condition which has since been resolved into a medical non-issue. It's a humbling experience but something you need to do is take a good, hard look at what you believe you are willing to handle from a "special needs" perspective. We thought long and hard about what our limits were and what kinds of issues we could handle while still growing OUR ideal family.

We took "Parents in Process" classes through Holt (they're mandatory) and they were very helpful in giving us a lot of insight into things we may never have thought about.

There are so many facets to adoption and it can be overwhelming! Trust me, I know! Take your time, keep gathering info, and eventually one path will feel right.

ETA - Keep in mind that most agencies will discourage you from adopting out of birth order and very few will even consider letting you displace your oldest child so you'll most likely be looking to adopt an infant. This might make domestic adoption harder as most infants are placed into families chosen by the birth mother and they "usually" want to put their child with a young, childless couple. There are exceptions to every case but this is the general rule.

ETA (again!) - Come browse the Holt adoption forums - they're open to potential adopters, those in process and those who have already brought their children home. Doesn't matter which agency you ultimately select. Tons of great info with a large crowd of helpful folks: http://www.holtinternational.org/forums/ (I'm GloriaNJ over there - spend most of my time in the post-adoption forum)

 

[ZellyB]

You can contact your state government to get a listing of all agencies licensed in your state for adoption. Then, you can look through those and contact the ones you think would fit your needs and send a letter or call and ask them for information about their programs. From that point you can narrow down those agencies where you might want to pursue application to the program.

If you are interested in a domestic adoption of an infant, going through an agency would likely be a long shot. Most agencies that do domestic infant adoption often exclude families that already have children. Not always, but often. If you are interested in an older child or one with special needs, then that makes an domestic adoption more likely.

You can also look for attorneys in your state who handle private adoptions. This is often more costly, but you are not as restricted by already being parents.

We didn't pursue international adoption, I don't know as much about that process.

Adoption is a challenging and costly road to parenthood, but one that is ultimately a blessing. At least it was for us. Good luck.

 

[disney11fan]

it may take some time ..but it works.

 

[ZachnElli]

I'm seeing too much misinformation about domestic adoption to not respond. We adopted our youngest son domestically and we had 2 biological children. He was 6 days old when we got him and the whole process took less than 6 months. If you are open to different or mixed races or some health issues, it doesn't have to be a long process. My son's birth mom tested positive for cocaine 2 weeks before he was born, but he was born 10 lbs 3 oz! He was not addicted, she just did drugs casually, doctor was honest there are no studies for that, just really addicted babies. We used casi, I think their website is casi.org. Oh, also, birthparents don't have the right to come back at any time. It varies by state, so check your states laws or any state you are willing to work with. Our son came from Texas and at that time birthparents had 30 days, but they had to get a lawyer and set up a court hearing. My son's birthparents' parental rights were permanently terminated at that 30 day mark. They could not come back after that, it was done. Good luck!

 

[Ninnygunk]

I am a single mother & my beautiful 5 yr old DS was adopted domestically & the experience was picture perfect! We have a local agency that works with families all over the country finding forever families for children. They work with several countries (Ethiopia, Korea, El Salvador, Nepal, Haiti and several countries in Africa). They also counsel many birth mothers who eventually place their babies with waiting parents. They are a non-profit agency & sponsor many children overseas. The choice to go international or domestic is a very personal one & really depends on your comfort level. The homestudy & paperwork is a lot to deal with but truthfully I don't remember much of it now. I had my son in my arms 3 1/2 months after turning in my application to the agency and can easily say adoption has been the best & most fulfilling decision of my life. Best wishes on your journey - wherever it takes you. PM me if you'd like info on my agency - they'd love to hear from you!

 

[MomtoAlexnWilliam]

My DH and I are wanting to adopt. We have two bio children (3 and 1). For those of you that have adopted, do you have any advice? Agency recommendations?

We aren't sure if we are going to adopt domestically or internationally although I'm leaning internationally. But we want to hear thoughts on both.

We are trying to gather as much information as possible before we jump in.

Thanks.

My background: I have been an attorney for over 14 years. Of those 14 years I have spent 12 of those working in the juvenile court system and/or in family law. Both of my sisters have adopted -- one 8 children and one 2 children. All of the adoptions were foster care children. 8 of the 10 were 3 or under when they were placed with my sisters. 2 were pre-teen/teenagers.

I say all of that to let you know while I have not adopted personally, I have seen multiple sides of the topic.

Have you considered a child through foster care in your area? You didn't mention if money/time away would be an issue for private and/or international adoption. Adoption through foster care is free, there is no significant travel involved and there are tons of kids in our country who need a permanent home. I see kids every day who need a permanent home. They range in age from newborn infants to teenagers.

My general thoughts on adoption: You will not know 100% the background of any child or infant you adopt -- whatever the method. Please make sure you and your DH are fully prepared to accept the infant/child with all of his/her history - known/unknown. Also please make sure that you and DH are capable of loving an adopted child the same as a bio child (I don't mean to sound harsh but I have seen this and it was devastating for the adopted child to feel like a 2nd class citizen in her own home!) And while placements that occur at infancy usually have the least amount of issues (think bonding, behavior, etc.) there are some genetic and/or pregnancy experiences that can cause problems with infant adoptions. And while people sometimes generalize that older kids come with tons of problems, some of those adoptions are the smoothest placements!! Maybe because they have seen what it is like out there and they can appreciate a loving home!

Please do not adopt a child who is older than your current children -- especially at the young age they are at now. I have several cases right were unspeakable things have occurred when a family with small children bring an older child (usually 10+) into the home.

Adoption is a wonderful thing! I have 10 wonderful nieces and nephews because of it! Whichever way you decide to go, please go into with your eyes wide open. You already have 2 children and I know since you want to adopt you must have tons of love in your heart to give another child. My gut is telling me to tell you to wait a bit until your two current kids are a little older before you start the process. The process can be draining emotionally (and financially if you go the private route). Of course that is a decision for you and DH. But whatever you decide, I will pray that the baby/child that is meant to be yours arrives in the least stressful way possible! Good luck!

 

[sl_underwood]

I second adoption through foster care. We had great experiences with this and highly recommend. If you are interested in special needs kids there are many under 3 who are legally free for adoption. Often times Foster adoption is free for the most part and usually comes with a subsidy and medical care. It is a wonderful inexpensive way to help a child who needs a family.

 

[Mom 2 Two]

We have been home 7 months with our Dd from China. She was 2.5 at placement, and was diagnosed with an eye special need while in China. When we had her examined by our ophthalmologist here, we found out she was misdiagnosed and she is perfectly healthy! Our agency had us fill out a lengthy form of the special needs we felt comfortable with. I know the term special needs is scary, but most of the needs of the children in China are minor and correctible. They just don't have access to healthcare like we do here in the US. We waited 9 months from the time our dossier went to China to referral, then another 5 months to travel. Please PM me if you have any questions. We used Bethany Christian Services, and were extremely pleased with them.
Blessings,
Karla

 

[iheartdisney]

My background: I have been an attorney for over 14 years. Of those 14 years I have spent 12 of those working in the juvenile court system and/or in family law. Both of my sisters have adopted -- one 8 children and one 2 children. All of the adoptions were foster care children. 8 of the 10 were 3 or under when they were placed with my sisters. 2 were pre-teen/teenagers.

I say all of that to let you know while I have not adopted personally, I have seen multiple sides of the topic.

Have you considered a child through foster care in your area? You didn't mention if money/time away would be an issue for private and/or international adoption. Adoption through foster care is free, there is no significant travel involved and there are tons of kids in our country who need a permanent home. I see kids every day who need a permanent home. They range in age from newborn infants to teenagers.

My general thoughts on adoption: You will not know 100% the background of any child or infant you adopt -- whatever the method. Please make sure you and your DH are fully prepared to accept the infant/child with all of his/her history - known/unknown. Also please make sure that you and DH are capable of loving an adopted child the same as a bio child (I don't mean to sound harsh but I have seen this and it was devastating for the adopted child to feel like a 2nd class citizen in her own home!) And while placements that occur at infancy usually have the least amount of issues (think bonding, behavior, etc.) there are some genetic and/or pregnancy experiences that can cause problems with infant adoptions. And while people sometimes generalize that older kids come with tons of problems, some of those adoptions are the smoothest placements!! Maybe because they have seen what it is like out there and they can appreciate a loving home!

Please do not adopt a child who is older than your current children -- especially at the young age they are at now. I have several cases right were unspeakable things have occurred when a family with small children bring an older child (usually 10+) into the home.

Adoption is a wonderful thing! I have 10 wonderful nieces and nephews because of it! Whichever way you decide to go, please go into with your eyes wide open. You already have 2 children and I know since you want to adopt you must have tons of love in your heart to give another child. My gut is telling me to tell you to wait a bit until your two current kids are a little older before you start the process. The process can be draining emotionally (and financially if you go the private route). Of course that is a decision for you and DH. But whatever you decide, I will pray that the baby/child that is meant to be yours arrives in the least stressful way possible! Good luck!

We are not supposed to discuss religion on the disboards, but I just wanted to say Bless your sisters!
My sister recently adopted my nephew from Foster care- he is 4 and has CP, and i can't WAIT to meet him this summer. I know from her experience it took about 9 months between when the paperwork was completed and when they could meet him. From the first visitation, it was about 2 months until he was permanently placed, and 90 from then to the adoption. She jokes that she could have birthed a baby in that time!
It drives me bonkers every time I see a celebrity go on and on about animal rights and make sure to adopt a puppy, but in this country we are silent on the thousands upon thousands of children without homes.
Bless you and your family, no matter which way you go!

 

[Jazcat]

Hi I wanted to tell you our experenice. We were in the foster parent classes and if you are willing to adopt outside your race ther are children to be adopted. We found out my stepsister was pregant and was going to give us the baby. We were blessed we got twins out of it She didn't get any prenatal care and our children are biracial. Since our hands are full we are not fostering but we may do later in life. I would definately try the foster system route

 

[MomtoAlexnWilliam]

Hi I wanted to tell you our experenice. We were in the foster parent classes and if you are willing to adopt outside your race ther are children to be adopted. We found out my stepsister was pregant and was going to give us the baby. We were blessed we got twins out of it She didn't get any prenatal care and our children are biracial. Since our hands are full we are not fostering but we may do later in life. I would definately try the foster system route

I bolded the part I wanted to address. The more open you are to various character traits of children the more quickly you will be matched. However, there are children of all races waiting to be adopted. Our 10 are all white like us.

We are not supposed to discuss religion on the disboards, but I just wanted to say Bless your sisters!
My sister recently adopted my nephew from Foster care- he is 4 and has CP, and i can't WAIT to meet him this summer. I know from her experience it took about 9 months between when the paperwork was completed and when they could meet him. From the first visitation, it was about 2 months until he was permanently placed, and 90 from then to the adoption. She jokes that she could have birthed a baby in that time!
It drives me bonkers every time I see a celebrity go on and on about animal rights and make sure to adopt a puppy, but in this country we are silent on the thousands upon thousands of children without homes.
Bless you and your family, no matter which way you go!

Thanks! I think it is okay to say general "I'll pray for you" or "Bless you" on the boards -- at least I think it is!! I think they just want to avoid debates.

Have fun meeting your nephew!!!

 

[EKW]

Consider foster-adopt. Yes, some of those kiddos can only be placed in families with no other children, but there are many "older" children...older than toddlers...who need forever families!