Adoption

[ZachnElli]

I don't know how long ago you adopted your son but we tried to adopt from TX in 2003 (birth mother changed her mind). Back then the birth mother had to wait 48 hrs after birth to relinquish her rights and when she did it was final. There was no 30 day waiting period. We successfully adopted our son from Oklahoma 9 months later and in his situation his birth mother had to go to court to relinquish her rights. Once she did that, it too was final. He was born on a Wed and she went to court the following Monday.
Good luck in what ever you decide!

We adopted from Texas in 2005. The birthparents signed the papers at 48 hours, but then there is the 30 days following that, that they could get a lawyer and go to the termination hearing. The judge signed their termination on that 30th day, I have them, so I know! Of course, the laws may be different now.
OP'r, I never felt that we were a low priority because we had 2 bio kids. I know others who adopted after us with bio kids also. But once again, we were open to race and health issues, that does help a lot!

 

[kerryk74]

Our oldest two kiddos were adopted from Russia in 2000 (at 18 months) and 2002 (at 7 months). It was the greatest thing we've ever done!!! It was an emotional journey....but SO worth it! My kids are my greatest gift from God!!! Good luck!

On a side note, our family was interviewed by the Today show, a while back, after the little boy was sent back to Russia. Such a heartbreaking story, and it's a shame how those are the ones that so often make the headlines...

 

[dismiss]

to the OP:

Best thing you can possibly do is find an Adoption Support Group.
Having many people that have been there, done that before and will tell you honestly, from the heart, their experiences pro & con is the best advice.

I have 2 wonderful children adopted thru foster care, DS now 11 came home at 36 hours old (finalized 2 years later) DD came home at 18 months (finalized 3 years later). No two adoption stories are alike.

And for those who ask you personal questions- the best response is
"why do you ask?" The truely nosey ones will be left speechless
others might be truely interested in adoption or have adoption in their family.

It is a wonderful journey and a gift from God. Good luck whatever route you take, the child that God intended for you, will be there!

 

[tinytreasures]

We have been lucky enough to adopt 4 times from the foster care system. We have one child in long term foster care (long story) but he will be here till he is 18. We will be in the courtroom that day to adopt him

All of our children have special needs. I never planned on being the special needs home but someone else had different plans for our family. I wouldn't trade any of my kids for all the money in the world. We hope to adopt again. We are just waiting for the phone to ring.

 

[GAGirlInVA]

We adopted our son, Xander, domestically. It was an amazing whirlwind. We "waited" 2 weeks after our homestudy was completed and we were matched with a week old baby boy. His birthmother chose us because she said she could see our love for the children we already had. You never know what will click for a birthmother. Some agencies were less hopeful about how long we'd wait to be matched. Being open to sex, race and special needs statistically was in our favor.

I get so emotional this time of year thinking about our adoption.. his birthday is Thursday and then we have all our anniversaries coming up.

Each state has their own laws about how long the birthmothers have after their reliquishment. A good agency will tell you all about them. I've never been in a failed adoption situation, but I have very close friends that have been. (They have since matched and finalized their adoption.) There is a peace of mind that comes with knowing that your child's birthparents are still satisfied with their decision, that I can't really put into words. My friends agree with this wholeheartedly. I know everything in our adoption was done on the up and up and one day will be able to look into my son's eyes and tell him that.

We used a local agency (that only works in our immediate area) so I doubt I'd be any help with that. Our homestudy was done by a separate local agency here.

 

[afentress]

We adopted our daughter from Guatemala and all went very well. Guatemala has closed since. Research reseach research!! Make sure you completely trust your agency and know all you can about the country you choose. It's not easy and usually it's not quick but the rewards are worth all the potential heartbreak. Our daughter is beautiful, smart and completely adjusted. The younger you can get your child home with you the better. Our daughter was only 8 months old when we brought her home and while in Guatemala she was cared for by wonderful women at an orphanage we had chosen because of the care given to the children. We used the agency All God's Children out of Oregon and I would highly recommend them. Good luck with your decisions.

 

[GAGirlInVA]

I saw your question about how to answer questions and wasnted to answer that.

I often ask "Why do you ask?" It allows me to hear their motive. Sometimes I'm able to encourage someone about adoption because they are on the same path. Sometimes they are being hateful and I waste very little time with them. Sometimes people are just making conversation.

Sometimes I get to share how within 6 months of moving a few states away God perfectly timed our adoption to have him join our family. Sometimes I get to share my faith.

My son is biracial. I get alot of comments about how he looks like his daddy and I find that just hilarious! (His own birthmother said that!) My other children are rarely told they look like daddy. LOL!

I get more comments about his race when I'm here in a more "liberal" area than my hometown. I never get comments back home. (And it isn't a small enough town that everyone knows everyone.) I find that interesting since I was so worried about living in the south when we first started looking into adoption.

I don't see his skin.. I see my son, who I love so much and can't imagine my life without him. I see a little boy that had a rough start due to his birth circumstances but yet has such a bubbly happy personality.

I'm aware of his race and we do everything in our power to make sure we attend a diverse church and live in a diverse area, however.

 

[kappyfinn]

to the OP:

It is a wonderful journey and a gift from God. Good luck whatever route you take, the child that God intended for you, will be there!

I believe this. What is meant to be, will be for us. It make take years, it may happen sooner than we expect. But when it's right, it will be.

 

[DopeyDame]

From what I've read, my
DH and I will be way down on the priority list for private adoption since we have bio children. And I'm perfectly okay with that. I would prefer a childless couple have priority over us.

I wouldn't necessarily assume that - for international adoptions through private agencies, as long as you meet the country requirements, they don't typically prioritize based on children already in your house. For domestic private adoptions, since the birth mothers typically chose the family, you really never know what will make one family "click" with a birthmother - maybe she loves the pictures of you with your kids and find that reassuring. Certainly some will want their child to be an only, but others will want their child to have siblings. In our agency, they sometimes have birth mothers who chose not to pick the family themselves, in that case, the agency matches them with whichever family has been waiting the longest who meets the birth family's criteria.

This isnt' to say not to investigate foster adoption, but just not to rule out private adoptions until you talk with some agencies or local adoption attorneys.