Adopted families?

[chrissyk]

Children adopted from Kazakhstan need to be at least 6 months old. More poeple that adopted infants being them home around 7-9 months. Our daughter was 8 months when she came home, and our son saw 18 months.

Per the agency that we used, I think they keep saying that there might be minor bumps in the road, such as most regions of Kaz not waiving a second 14 day waiting period after the court, once you already had a 14 day bonding period, making the trip longer than when we adopted in 2001, they do not think that there would be any major disruption of the program while the current president is in office, as he and his wife support the adoption program.


Barb

So then it would be more like 4-5 weeks in the country at once, or would there be 2 trips? Also, what is the country like? Is it safe for Americans to travel there? Is it a nice place to spend a month? Are the people friendly? What were your accomodations like? Is there good medical care there?

One of DH's good friends is from a former Soviet Republic, and he describes many of these republics as being very "European" and not at all what people would think of as Eastern Bloc. He likes to set our American assumptions about the former Soviet Republics straight...he thinks that we learned a lot of propaganda too

 

[lemondog]

We are adoptive parents. Our oldest (who turns 4 today!) is from Russia.
Now as for why Russia. Well, we elimininated domestic pretty quickly. The laws here are not always in the best interest of the child (IMO) and there is too much uncertainty. I have friends right now in the "2 week wait." They are adopting privately here in TN. The baby was born on July 13 and they cannot have custody until August 1. Anytime during that period the birthmother can change her mind. I could not live with that. So we knew we wanted to go international, and we narrowed our choices to Russia and China. When we adopted we were not old enough to adopt from China (you have to be 30) so Russia it was! Our daughter was 6 months old when we adopted her and it seems like only yesterday we were coming home with her...I cannot believe she is already 4!

 

[antmaril]

We are adoptive parents! Our DS (18) was born in South Korea. We adopted him when he was 3 1/2 months old. He will go away to college in the fall - can't believe how fast those years went.

I'm not sure how we decided on a Korea infant. We liked the idea that we didn't have to travel - he was escorted to us and we picked him up at the airport. Korea was a good "fit" for us.

He is the light of our lives and as I've said many times, adopting him remains the most important and best decision of my life.

 

[CEDmom]

We are also an adoptive family. Our DD is from China. We adopted her at 9 months in June 2000. International adoptions was the path we chose after considering all our other options. It was right for us just as it is right for some people to have 6 kids and others to have 2. I know most people ask questions about adoption because they are curious and I welcome their questions especially if it aids in another child finding a family.

I am however bothered when people wonder why someone would go 1/2 way around the world for a child when there are plenty of children available in our own country. There isn't one simple answer for a question like this, a very personal one I might add. No one seems to question when someone has another biological child when there are so many children on this earth already who need homes why is it ok then to question the specifics of a family who chose adoption?

 

[ckay87]

I was adopted as an infant. Never met my bio parents and probably never will because I'm just so grateful for the hand I was delt. I would love to "give back" by adopting a child of my own. I think I would adopt an older child, but...my DH would never go for it. We already have 2 of the best boys on earth, so I have no complaints!

Bless all of you adoptive parents for the wonders that you've done for making another little life possible!

 

[Tantorini]

I am however bothered when people wonder why someone would go 1/2 way around the world for a child when there are plenty of children available in our own country. There isn't one simple answer for a question like this, a very personal one I might add. No one seems to question when someone has another biological child when there are so many children on this earth already who need homes why is it ok then to question the specifics of a family who chose adoption?

I *so* agree!! Or we get asked "why did you go to Russia to adopt instead of adopting in the US" by friends/family/aquaintances who have gone through countless fertility treatments to have their children. I don't pass judgement on their choice, but I guess adoption is an open subject?

I don't want to get on my soapbox.. but at the same time, we did not adopt our sons to "help the world" we adopted our sons because we wanted to grow our family, and wanted children! they are not a cause, they are our children.. (and fantastic at that!)

hehe.. okay that's too aggressive, I know people mean well, but they are not the lucky ones, we are.. well okay we're all lucky.

Also - the region of Russia we adopted from, Kaliningrad, is not actually attached to mainland Russia - it's between Poland and Lithuania on the Baltic Sea... it was actually part of Prussia (Germanic) until 1945 - so it's very European!

 

[miche61]

Let me start by saying " I love adoption threads". I get to talk about some of my favorite people!
We adopted domestically in 1993. Our adoption with DD's b-mom was semi-closed and now it's semi-open. After meeting DD's b-mom, I had absolutely no fear of her knocking on our door. I'm not saying we didn't have a couple bumps in the road in the beginning, but I knew the bumps weren't her doing. I wanted a baby to raise, so for us domestic was the way for us to go.

Fast forward to 2000. DD and I decided it was time to add to our family. Long story short, DH said okay, let's add a sister. We chose Russia, because we did not want an infant. We wanted a girl closer to DD's(then 7)- age- 3-5 years old. One thing led to another, and we brought home in Oct. 2000, a sister and our BONUS brother for DD. They are biological siblings and are only 10 months apart. I'm not sure what lead us to Russia for sure. One of the teachers at DD's school was adopting from Russia, we saw the video of the girls (you got videos back then) and I guess that was a big draw for us. We got to see the kids and where they lived.

We also had friends make comments about why not adopt from here? Adoption is a personal choice. For whatever reason, our children find us, and they have always been a part of us, we just couldn't hug them yet.

 

[Cebhfhionn]

I was thinking about this before I saw the thread about adoption financing. I am an adopted mom to two awesome kid from the Republic of Kazakhstan, and I was wondering who else out there has had the oppurtunity to build there family thru adoption.

When we were at WDW in May we spent sometime with a family with a daughter from Russia. Since we have adopted, I am amazed at the number of families that I meet that are shaped with adoption, either domestic or internationally.

I have to also say that I love this board, here I thought that since our trip was over I would stay off the board, yeah right. Now I find this community board, and have a whole new world to explore. Also, I have to stay on top of things for out trip in May of 2007.

Barb

Barb, just had to tell you that your kids are absolutely beautiful!

 

[zagafi]

My oldest son was adopted (domestically) at birth. He's almost 7 and is the most incredible kid! We also have 16 month old twin sons (bio) and each of my three boys is an awesome, wonderful gift. I can't imagine life without them!

 

[Marseeya]

Let me start by saying " I love adoption threads". I get to talk about some of my favorite people!
We adopted domestically in 1993. Our adoption with DD's b-mom was semi-closed and now it's semi-open. After meeting DD's b-mom, I had absolutely no fear of her knocking on our door. I'm not saying we didn't have a couple bumps in the road in the beginning, but I knew the bumps weren't her doing. I wanted a baby to raise, so for us domestic was the way for us to go.

What a loving and generous person you must be! Far too often, adoptive parents are so threatened by, and jealous of the biological mother and it's such an ugly, selfish thing.

BTW, I'm an adoptee and I've been reunited with my biological family. I know a bit about the "ugly, selfish" emotions between the adoptive & biological parents and, thankfully, we've gone past all that.

 

[ZachnElli]

We are an adoptive family too! The baby in my siggy is our adopted son. We've had him since he was 6 days old! We went domestic. When we started out, we thought for sure we would be going international because we wanted an infant and with 2 bio kids, we didn't think we would get picked by a birthmom. But when we started researching it, just last fall, we found out that there are lots of babies born in the US that are hard to place because of their race or mixed race. I didn't care what color the baby was! We got on the infant list right before Thanksgiving. We were picked by a birthmom, by the end of Jan. (she only had 2 families to pick from).She did change her mind and kept the baby, it broke our hearts. But just 12 days later we got the call about Noah, already 2 days old. The birthmom was to sign the papers in just a few hours and she did! The birthfather signed the papers a few days later (they did a DNA test). So we were good to go! There really is no fear of birthparents coming back to take the kids. All the ones you hear in the news are when one of them didn't sign the papers, so the adoptive parents already know there could be a problem without the signed papers.

 

[CEDmom]

What a loving and generous person you must be! Far too often, adoptive parents are so threatened by, and jealous of the biological mother and it's such an ugly, selfish thing.

BTW, I'm an adoptee and I've been reunited with my biological family. I know a bit about the "ugly, selfish" emotions between the adoptive & biological parents and, thankfully, we've gone past all that.

I'm sorry you've had to experience some difficulty when finding your biological family. I hope that if my DD wants to search for her roots and her heritage that I'll be there to support and help in whatever capacity she wants me to. I think all any of us want for our children whether adopted or biological is that they are happy and they feel loved. It's scary to let your child go into the world searching for something that in all likelihood will cause some degree of pain and sadness.

 

[lynetteSC]

There really is no fear of birthparents coming back to take the kids. All the ones you hear in the news are when one of them didn't sign the papers, so the adoptive parents already know there could be a problem without the signed papers.

ditto what she said!

In SC, the laws are VERY good in favor of the adoptive parents IF all neccesary paperwork is completed at borth. We had our birthfather sign papers, but we also put an ad in the paper just to cover ourselves JUST ON THE OFF CHANCE something did come up in the future.

We had planned to adopt from China, until we attended a meeting on open adoption/semi- open adoption ... the pros and cons. We were matched with a birthmom within 2 days of our portfolio being sent in, we met with her and her family the following day and I went to her drs appts, etc. I was in the delevry room and our ds roomed in with us at the hospital. Our bmom signed papers the day after he was born(happened to be our 10th anniversary!) and we came home the following day (day before mother's day!) It is certainly not for everyone, but we could not have asked for a smoother process.

Were we worried she would change her mind, HECK yes! Until the paperwork was signed the day after he was bron, but we also knew because she had met with us and got to know us, she would feel like she was letting us down if she had changed her mind. Our birthmom was also adopted as a child, so she clued me in on many of the questions she has now about her bio parents, so I have the answers to give ds when he asks in the future.

The lawyer keeps in contact with our bmom should we need her for any medical issues that arise. Also, she rcvd letters and pictures, so she feels comfortable knowing that Connor is well taken care of and very happy. This assures her that she has made the right decision to give him a better shot at life. We hear from her occasional via email, but not very often!

This past weekend, we actually attended a meeting our lawyer had with prospective adoptive parents. They have more bmoms now than adoptive families! They are not sure what will happen to the babies if they don't get more adoptive people soon!

Ok, stepping down from my soapbox now ...

We ares till contemplating adopting from China in a few years. We have a relative who lived there for a few years. She volunteered at an orphanage and the stories she emailed home were incredible! So, for some reason, we feel drawn to go there!

 

[MerryPoppins]

No, my children were not adopted, but my DH was. He's 43 and just last week he was located by his siblings and his birth mother. It's been a whirlwind week. They are very understanding that he already has a family and a set of wonderful parents. But they want to be a part of his life somehow. It's been wonderful hearing the stories and seeing their pictures. His brother even came for a visit this last weekend.

My advice is to always be honest with your kids about their adoption. This would have been a difficult week if he'd never known. As it was it was emotionally draining, but very exciting.

 

[mudnuri]

. I am an adopted mom to two awesome kid from the Republic of Kazakhstan,
Barb

Barb, this is only the 2nd time I have heard of Kazakhstan, and honest I did not fail geography in school. My DD9 got a globe for christmas 2 years ago, and she found Kazakhstan. Since then she has asked when we could go on vacation there. LOL

Congrats to you, and the rest of the adopted families here on the Dis!

Brandy

 

[Kim in TN]

We adopted our son from Almaty, Kazakhstan to mom2kazkids, which baby house were your children at? Andrew was at BH #1, we finalized everything 3/04. We were there 8 WEEKS But he was our "son" and we did what it took to bring him home.

This is his referral photo. How could you not fall in love this that face?

Glad to see so many adoptive families out there!!

 

[Marseeya]

I'm sorry you've had to experience some difficulty when finding your biological family. I hope that if my DD wants to search for her roots and her heritage that I'll be there to support and help in whatever capacity she wants me to. I think all any of us want for our children whether adopted or biological is that they are happy and they feel loved. It's scary to let your child go into the world searching for something that in all likelihood will cause some degree of pain and sadness.

That's good of you to be so supportive. You're right about it being scary on both ends! Although my biological family found me, so that was a bit different, but it was still very emotional and hard and it didn't help AT. ALL. having to deal with jealousy issues from my adoptive family.

I think adoptive parents need to be very careful in their attitudes towards the biological mothers. It's no fun being in the middle like that, plus when there's any hostility/negativity directed towards a birth mother, some adoptees can take it personally -- after all, they're part of that woman.

 

[Sandy22]

No one seems to question when someone has another biological child when there are so many children on this earth already who need homes why is it ok then to question the specifics of a family who chose adoption?

Wow - that's a really good come-back! I'm going to keep it in mind for next time I'm asked: why not domestic? I actually don't mind the question if someone is honestly curious but so often it's asked in a judgmental tone.

 

[kandeebunny]

I was adopted at 6 weeks old, my 3 best friends were also adopted. 2 of the 3 came from the same agency as I did. When the time comes, and I eventually finish college (which may be never if I keep changing my mind lol) I am planning to adopt myself. My parents were not able to have kids and found it in their heart to save me (I came with all sorts of health problems) and I want to do the same for another kid or two. NH finally passed a law that adopted children at the age of 18 are legally allowed to request their ORIGINAL birth certificate (I believe this is standard in ALL states now) with their biological mothers name, their birth name and if known their biological fathers name as well. I recieved mine just after I turned 21 as the law had just been passed. I have searched high and low to find the woman who gave birth to me, but have yet to have any luck. As I said I was born with health problems, and she has not updated my file as to anything with her (all health problems are genetic). I wish I was able to find out more about that as it would make dr's visits and screenings SO much easier, they would know what to look for versus looking for everything. Regardless I am so greatful to my adoptive parents, my mom especially for taking me anyways. As my mom always said adopted kids come from out hearts not our stomachs. So to all you adoptive parents out there...on behalf of all us kids...thank you =)

 

[mamajoan]

Thanks to all who answered my question regarding the decision to adopt internationally vs domestic...

Your answers were well put! I believe that every child deserves a home with a loving parent..doesn't matter if it is a child from Timbucktoo living in with a parent in Kalamazoo.. love finds a way....

Btw.. I am also a birthmom.... as well as an adoptive mom....