Address Question...

[mvazul]

I am addressing our son's graduation announcements/invitations and I am stuck on one address. I pretty much use the same etiquette for weddings, but one has stumped me.

My brother-in-law (my husband's youngest brother) is living with someone. They have lived together for about 10 years or so. They are not engaged. They are not married. Do I just address the envelope to John Smith? Or do I write John Smith and Jane Doe? She also has a son who is a year older than our son. Should I include him on the envelope? There are no inner envelopes.

I am confused about this one. I won't go into details, but I'm pretty sure they won't even come. They haven't acknowledged our existence since 2007. My husband says I shouldn't worry about inviting him, but I am not the type to invite all family and leave one out. If they don't want to come, I am okay with that, but I won't have them say they weren't invited.

Thanks for any help!

Michelle

 

[Frye7127]

I would probably address it:

Mr. John Doe and Family,
The John Doe Family, or

Mr. John Doe
Ms. Jane Smith and Son
or son's name here

 

[mvazul]

I would probably address it:

Mr. John Doe and Family,
The John Doe Family, or

Mr. John Doe
Ms. Jane Smith and Son
or son's name here

That was what I was thinking, but it just didn't seem right for some reason. Thank you!

 

[Wendy31]

You could send two invitations - one addressed to your BIL & the other addressed to your BIL's girlfriend & son.

Technically, I think anyone over the age of 18 & not married gets his/her own invitation - like a 20 year old college student still living at home would get his/his own invitation separate from the parent(s). However, I'm not sure if that would be the same in the case of a non-engaged couple living together.

If you only wanted to send 1 invitation, I would do as the previous poster suggested:

Mr. John Smith
Ms. Jane Doe and Bobby

 

[mvazul]

You could send two invitations - one addressed to your BIL & the other addressed to your BIL's girlfriend & son.

Technically, I think anyone over the age of 18 & not married gets his/her own invitation - like a 20 year old college student still living at home would get his/his own invitation separate from the parent(s). However, I'm not sure if that would be the same in the case of a non-engaged couple living together.

If you only wanted to send 1 invitation, I would do as the previous poster suggested:

Mr. John Smith
Ms. Jane Doe and Bobby

I had thought about that, too. Unfortunately, I don't have enough invitations to do that. I ordered 25. They were $50 for that 25. I custom designed them and ordered them through the lab I use to order for my clients.

On my side of the family, I have cousins who are married and have children. I am just sending one invitation to each of my mother's siblings and writing "And Family" on them.

 

[dodukes]

i think " and family" will work in this situation

 

[kaytieeldr]

I found a website (now, there's a surprise ) with general addressing etiquette. Either
Mr. John Doe and Ms Jane Smith
or
Mr. John Doe
Ms Jane Smith
is acceptable

 

[badblackpug]

I had thought about that, too. Unfortunately, I don't have enough invitations to do that. I ordered 25. They were $50 for that 25. I custom designed them and ordered them through the lab I use to order for my clients.

On my side of the family, I have cousins who are married and have children. I am just sending one invitation to each of my mother's siblings and writing "And Family" on them.

now this is a problem for me. I have cousins that do this. They send my mother an invitation then ask her why I didn't come. If I didn't get an invitation, I am not invited. I'm sorry, if you are over 18, you get your own invitation. I think if you are over 18 and living at home it might be okay to address it Mr. & Ms. John Doe and Jane Doe, and sens one invitation, but if you are over 18 and living on your own, you should get you own invitation.

 

[mvazul]

i think " and family" will work in this situation

I think that is what I will be doing. Thank you!

I found a website (now, there's a surprise ) with general addressing etiquette. Either
Mr. John Doe and Ms Jane Smith
or
Mr. John Doe
Ms Jane Smith
is acceptable

Thank you very much! That helps!

now this is a problem for me. I have cousins that do this. They send my mother an invitation then ask her why I didn't come. If I didn't get an invitation, I am not invited. I'm sorry, if you are over 18, you get your own invitation. I think if you are over 18 and living at home it might be okay to address it Mr. & Ms. John Doe and Jane Doe, and sens one invitation, but if you are over 18 and living on your own, you should get you own invitation.

I understand this. I definitely did that for our wedding. However, for an informal graduation party (being held at our family cabin), it will be a general invite to my aunts/uncles and their families. That is how my aunts and uncles did it for my cousins' graduation parties. My family is fairly close knit. I am the oldest of 28 grandchildren. This is the way it is usually done for events our family throws and no one expects their own invite unless it's a wedding.

Michelle

 

[badblackpug]

I think that is what I will be doing. Thank you!




Thank you very much! That helps!



I understand this. I definitely did that for our wedding. However, for an informal graduation party (being held at our family cabin), it will be a general invite to my aunts/uncles and their families. That is how my aunts and uncles did it for my cousins' graduation parties. My family is fairly close knit. I am the oldest of 28 grandchildren. This is the way it is usually done for events our family throws and no one expects their own invite unless it's a wedding.

Michelle

Whatever works for you, but in my book, if I don't get an invitation, I am not invited. As an adult, I do not attend any functions, no matter how formal or casual, to which I don't receive an invitation. Honestly I think that if I am not worth the extra 5 minutes it takes to address an invitation, I am not really wanted at the event.

 

[mvazul]

Whatever works for you, but in my book, if I don't get an invitation, I am not invited. As an adult, I do not attend any functions, no matter how formal or casual, to which I don't receive an invitation. Honestly I think that if I am not worth the extra 5 minutes it takes to address an invitation, I am not really wanted at the event.

Yes, whatever works. You would, unfortunately, miss out on a whole lot of events if you were in our family.

 

[badblackpug]

Yes, whatever works. You would, unfortunately, miss out on a whole lot of events if you were in our family.

LOL! Excellent! Less money out of my pocket!

 

[dodukes]

alternatively, you could always do like i do for one particular friend, (not married but her and "hubby" live together and have one kid), i just write all three first names on the xmas card.

 

[onelilspark]

For wedding etiquette, as someone mentioned earlier it would be either
Mr John Doe and Mrs Jane Smith
or
Mr John Doe
Mrs Jane Smith

For anything formal, the son (if he's older than 18 and lives at home) should get his own invitation. If this is casual, I think it's okay to put them all on the same one. You might write the parents names on the outside and on the invite itself list all names? Like, "John, Jane & Bobby, we hope you can make it!"

 

[sbell111]

I had thought about that, too. Unfortunately, I don't have enough invitations to do that. I ordered 25. They were $50 for that 25. I custom designed them and ordered them through the lab I use to order for my clients.

We ended up with a similar problem when we sent out our wedding invitations. We solved it with 'A' and 'B' invitations. Those people who we truly hold dear got 'A' invitations and anyone who we were merely obligated to invite, for whatever reason, got 'B' invitations. The 'B' invitations were still nice but they weren't spendy.

Whatever works for you, but in my book, if I don't get an invitation, I am not invited. As an adult, I do not attend any functions, no matter how formal or casual, to which I don't receive an invitation. Honestly I think that if I am not worth the extra 5 minutes it takes to address an invitation, I am not really wanted at the event.

We know a few people that think the same way as you. My thinking is that people with this mindset are looking for reasons to not go. As it turns out, they are not people who make or break a gathering.

 

[cornflake]

I don't understand what part is confusing? It is just like a wedding or any other invite...

Mr. John Smith
Ms. Jane Doe and family

 

[badblackpug]

We ended up with a similar problem when we sent out our wedding invitations. We solved it with 'A' and 'B' invitations. Those people who we truly hold dear got 'A' invitations and anyone who we were merely obligated to invite, for whatever reason, got 'B' invitations. The 'B' invitations were still nice but they weren't spendy.

We know a few people that think the same way as you. My thinking is that people with this mindset are looking for reasons to not go. As it turns out, they are not people who make or break a gathering.

No, I think it is disrespectful to treat an adult as a child. If someone is grown and living on their own, then they are a separate entity from their parents. I am well over 18, employed, own my own home, have been married, divorced, and remarried, and I am raising 4 kids of my own. I deserve enough respect to be acknowledged as an adult.

You may say that is is "people that think like me" that really don't want to attend, but you can reverse that. If I am not worth an extra 5 minutes, and/or the extra $2 for the invitation and the stamp, YOU really don't want me there.

 

[sbell111]

No, I think it is disrespectful to treat an adult as a child. If someone is grown and living on their own, then they are a separate entity from their parents. I am well over 18, employed, own my own home, have been married, divorced, and remarried, and I am raising 4 kids of my own. I deserve enough respect to be acknowledged as an adult.

I think that we are close to agreement. When you made your initial reply, I missed that you were referring to children who did not live with their parents. In my opinion, adult children not living with their parents would receive their own invitation (likely a 'B' invite). Children (adult or minor) living with their parents might not receive their own invitation. Likely not, actually, unless they were adult 'A'-listers.

You may say that is is "people that think like me" that really don't want to attend, but you can reverse that. If I am not worth an extra 5 minutes, and/or the extra $2 for the invitation and the stamp, YOU really don't want me there.

I'm not super excited about any 'B'-listers showing up.

 

[sbell111]

I don't understand what part is confusing? It is just like a wedding or any other invite...

Mr. John Smith
Ms. Jane Doe and family

It still is a bit touchy as even your way can be insulting.

Imagine that John Smith and Jane Doe have a long-term committed relationship, but are not married. John Smith is seen by the children to be their dad as they are treated as his children. They way you've suggested could be seen as not recognizing this important relationship.

That's why I would go with:

Mr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Doe

and then include a note inside that makes it clear that the children are invited.

 

[cornflake]

It still is a bit touchy as even your way can be insulting.

Imagine that John Smith and Jane Doe have a long-term committed relationship, but are not married. John Smith is seen by the children to be their dad as they are treated as his children. They way you've suggested could be seen as not recognizing this important relationship.

That's why I would go with:

Mr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Doe

and then include a note inside that makes it clear that the children are invited.

Oh, that too - I'd normally do just adults on the envelope and indicate inside whether kid were invited unless listing everyone formally -

Mr. John Smith
Ms. Jane Doe
Miss Jennie Doe-Smith
Master James Smith-Doe

but the issue seemed to be with how to include the kid on the envelope AS the family, I thought. Maybe I was confused about the confusion, heh.