Absolutely sick over a $150.00 flower girl dress

[ChristyJ]

Okay, so I need some major help rationalizing this...my sister-in-law, the baby of the family, is getting married and as an afterthought has asked my 7 yr. old to be a flowergirl in her wedding (seriously, an afterthought-she had asked one niece MONTHS ago and was only going to have the one niece, but decided that in case the one niece wouldn't cooperate, she'd have my daughter be in it).

She has picked out a $130.00 dress, plus tax, plus alterations=$150ish. She won't hear of shopping any where other than a bridal shop. I'm so frustrated, but need to get over it-help!!

 

[punkin]

I have a $130 flower girl dress hanging in DD7's closet. She will never wear it again and I hate my BIL (DH's brother) and his new wife with a passion. I sucked it up for the sake of family harmony, but boy it makes me mad.

 

[allysmom1218]

I guess I was just a really nice bride. When I got married 6 years ago, my DH and I paid for everything, the tux rentals, the bridesmaid dresses, the flower girl and ring bearers tux. Basically, no one paid for anything but us. I never realized that the bride and groom expect the other people to pay for it. We even bought the flower girl a new pair of shoes for the wedding. Our parents didn't even pay for anything, we paid for it all. It was my 2nd time getting married and my DH 1st time. I didn't have a wedding for my 1st marriage, we just went to the justice of the peace, so my parents got off pretty easy.

 

[Lyn5]

Okay, so I need some major help rationalizing this...my sister-in-law, the baby of the family, is getting married and as an afterthought has asked my 7 yr. old to be a flowergirl in her wedding (seriously, an afterthought-she had asked one niece MONTHS ago and was only going to have the one niece, but decided that in case the one niece wouldn't cooperate, she'd have my daughter be in it).

She has picked out a $130.00 dress, plus tax, plus alterations=$150ish. She won't hear of shopping any where other than a bridal shop. I'm so frustrated, but need to get over it-help!!

YIKES!!!! Is she expecting you to pay for it? When I married, DH and I paid for all the dresses, etc. for our party since we were honored that they took part in our wedding. I can't imagine picking out an expensive dress and expecting someone else to pay for it...especially for a little girl who will out-grow it in a few months and probable never use it again

 

[jaysue]

I am not sure why you feel pressured to proceed with this (especially since it appears your child was an after-thought)

Cheers
jaysue

 

[fofinia]

I know how you feel. My DD has been in two weddings in the last 1 1/2 years. One of the marriages is all ready divorced!

And I realize that your sis-in-law won't shop anywhere else but a bridal shop. but I bought my dresses at boutique4kids.com they have a lot of dresses that are reasonably priced.

What I did was go to their website and pick out a bunch of dresses I liked both the style and the price of. Then i printed them out and showed them to her. Plus if you go to the bridal shop with the pictures of the dresses you may be able to show her they are the same exact dresses. Just quite a bit less expensive. And the alterations were easy to make. I just did a tack at the shoulders to pull the dress up a little and make the armholes smaller.

I did a lot of searches on different search engines and just kept putting in flower girl dresses, bridesmaid dresses etc. There are tons of places. And the quality of the dresses we got were fine. Not cheap dresses just lower cost!

HTH and good luck

 

[luvsgrumpy]

I don't envy your position at all. Is there any chance your DD won't want to be in the wedding? 7 is a bit young to be able to rationalize with too much but maybe if not participating is a possibility, let her understand just what would have to be given up in order to pay for an expensive dress she may never wear again.

IMO, just don't let the situation and whatever your decision is to come between you all. I held some bad feelings towards my sister-in-law and brother for a while until I was able to convince myself that it was ultimately their day and what I thought really wasn't important in the scheme of things. Sorry to ramble.

Good Luck!

 

[MariDisney]

ARGH!! I think you are well within your rights and parameters of politeness to say "thank you so much for including her, but I'm sorry, that's just not in our budget right now. We're just thrilled that we'll be able to share your special day with you." Will that work?

 

[emh1129]

We paid for our flower girl's dress.. I wanted to pick the dress and wouldn't have felt right making her parents pay for it.

 

[maggiew]

I, personally, for the sake of family harmony, would suck it up and buy the dress.

Maybe you could get the dress style # and see if you can get it cheaper on eBay? I have seen lots of bridal store dresses and things on there when I was shopping for a formal for my DD for our cruise.

Maggie

 

[isla bonita]

My daughter will be in her second wedding in a little over 2 years on Friday night. She can not wait to be in her wedding dress. The first one is in dress up stuff and has gotten lots of use. They were both to much cash but I just could not say no and am glad I didn't.

 

[NikiM20]

I feel your pain my best friend is getting married I am the matron of honor, DH is a groomsman, DD is a miniture bridesmaid. I am about to spend $$$$$$ on this. If you dont want to spend the money dont, just apoligize and say maybe next time

 

[ChristyJ]

I wouldn't want to be THAT person in DH's family-because if I didn't go along with this, that's who I'd be. I'm going to have to suck it up-it just makes me sick right now. I had sent her a few Ebay listings that had multiple sizes of the same dress and were gorgeous, but she didn't even respond. I asked her about them tonight and she basically flipped out on me. Apparently, because I asked, I'm being very difficult.

She's the youngest-has been put through school all the way through grad school and is now making over $40,000 per year (and her fiance is making the same amount). I don't think they think about money like we do. My daughters have been in other weddings-for one, my oldest daughter wore a hand-me-down flower girl dress that someone had bought on clearance for less than $40. For my other sister's wedding, my youngest daughter wore a gorgeous dress that we bought from JCPenneys for around $50.00. She then was able to wear that dress for a couple of other events. We can afford it-that's not really the issue-it's just the presumption that asking someone to be in your wedding and then expecting that they will happliy purchase a dress of that expense is what blows me away.

Thanks so much for letting me vent-it's helping-and it's also helpful to know that I'm not being ridiculous for feeling this way.

 

[disneybound31]

Several years ago a long lost college roommate who I had not heard from in years called out of the blue and asked me to be her matron of honor. DH and I had just had our first baby and as a SAHM we were VERY strapped for cash. The typical young, new parents crammed into a tiny apartment with one very small income and no savings... Well, after the shock of 'why does she want ME to be in this wedding hours away?' I got another huge shock when her mother sent me a letter wanting to know what size dress I would wear and that it would cost $170- send her a check ASAP she says. We had no moneyfor this! And I also never got the dress in time for any alterations so it looked TERRIBLE! I had just had a baby 2 months prior. You can see the ending coming... I've never heard from my 'friend' again after shelling out this money, plus we had to foot a 2 night hotel bill because it was held at the other end of the state. With a breastfeading 2 month old! That was 7 years ago... obviously I'm still having some issues. Reading your situation, original poster, has dredged this back up... my advice... let them know your budget cannot handle it if it is too much. Sure wish I had gone that route!

 

[aliwolly]

It sounds like your future SIL is being a bridezilla. I agree with the posters who've suggested that you politely decline. $150 for a flower girl dress for a 7 year old is insane! Especially since your daughter was asked as an "afterthought" to be a backup flowergirl in case the other girl can't handle it.

People get insane around weddings and it sounds like the bride is being completely unreasonable. You've offered up some alternatives for buying the dress at a lesser price and if you can guarantee that you can get the same dress in the same color in the same fabric, then she should really let you go for it. I know you want to "keep the peace" but if you end up having to spend the money on the one-time-dress and then shell out more money for the hair appointment and the shoes and jewelry, etc, not to mention the gift... I don't know... that would make me pretty resentful of the bridezilla. Is that really worth it?

BTW - just noticed your from the Saratoga area... I'm a Clifton Park girl living in the Stockade in Schenectady right now... Small world! Oh, and where's the wedding? I strongly suspect that I'll be getting a ring when we're in Disney (YAY!!!!) and it's likely that I'll be planning a wedding of my own soon.

 

[LIFERBABE]

If you really want your DD to be in the wedding and the photographs and to have that experience then go for it.
If you would do anything for the bride and groom and are willing to sacrifice your own happpiness to make their day special, then do it.
If you think she can wear the dress again for a cruise or halloween or something! then go for it.

If you are going to resent it, then politely decline. We just had a monstrous family wedding 2 weeks ago, where there was a lot of money spent and even more hard feelings. Many in our family are not even speaking to each other because of the drama that transpired. The sister of the bride spent big money on 3 dresses, her bridesmaid dress, and her 2 daughters, 1 a flower girl and the other a hostess. She had shoes, hair and makeup for all 3 and her Dh was the brides escort! They are not even speaking now.

The bride admitted to everyone at the reception that she was a Bridezilla and apologized, but that did not make up for the abuse they all had endured.

If you can find it in your heart to do it, then do it and dont look back. But if it is going to leave you angry and bitter, bow out gracefully NOW!!!

 

[famofsix]

my girls were both in weddings this past two years (dd8ish dd10ish) as well as my DS6ish. His rented tux's cost as much as a nice tux on ebay! Too bad we did not know DH sisters would get married eight months apart! I would cry if I had to tell you the total amount we spent BUT since we agreed to be in the weddings and both brides tried to keep it reasonable I try not to think about the fact that they probably won't wear the dresses again. $150 seems about right for a bridal shop dress, honestly. However, since you are the one buying the dress, I would see if you can get the style number and order through the internet discount boutiques. If she is getting a deal through the bridal shop (discount on her dress if the attendants buy through there) then that may be why she is not telling you a lot about the dress style number or not looking elsewhere. I must say though, that since it is family, your child will always be thrilled she was a part of the day and got to participate. My girls were beautiful. I cut expenses on the second wedding by borrowing hot curlers from a friend and I did their hair myself. That alone saved a lot of money.

 

[trvlnut]

Okay, this is pretty familiar. My nephew in-law was gettin' married and they wanted my 6 year-old to be the flower girl. My nephew's father is wealthy and I just figured they were paying. Well, we get to the bridal store and my daughter picks out a dress and it is $100.00 and change. I could tell the bride had no intention of paying so off I went to pay. After I pay, the sales clerk hands me a receipt which I have to sign. The receipt says no returns allowed. Now, whenever I have signed a receipt like that it has always come back to bite me. This time was no different. The morning of the wedding day, my daughter had strep. Not only did I have to pay for the stupid dress, but my daughter didn't wear it.

I thought about selling it on ebay, but there must be a ton of others just like us. They go for a song there. My advice, EBAY baby!!

 

[Twende]

I would privately tell the bride to be that this is a sudden and quite unexpected cost for you.

Tell her that you appreciate the invite but you just do not know how you can afford it. If she understands then fine and if she really is disappointed then you can bargin with her and ask her if perhaps your daughter being in the wedding could be your family's wedding gift to them. Then do not buy a wedding gift.

I hope you can find a way to work it out.

 

[mickeyluv'r]

When we got married, we did have the bridesmaids pay for their dresses, and they weren't especially inexpensive, but I made clear to them that I did not expect another penny form them - except to come to the wedding - no shower, no gifts. They were invited to my shower, and I think they gave me some small gifts, but I was very specific. They got a very nice free meal at the shower.

Now as for the flower girl, she was very much a part of our orginal decision making, and we were fine with her mom picking out a less expensive dress. In retrospect, I wish a little I had gone with her mom to pick the dress out, but you know what? The dress is not important - having her in the wedding party was important to me.

Why don't you request that your daughter get a less expensive dress. Since she's the flowere girl, her dress doesn't have to match the others, and probably won't anyhow.