A what would you do question

[Val]

My DD18's best friend in the whole world committed suicide in November. He was 18 and a first semester senior (would have graduated in May). This dear child was editor of the school newspaper, an absolutely brilliant writer, accepted into a terrific university, earned several scholarships, was in the upper 20% of his class....a terrific and wonderful kid loved by everyone, parents, kids, staff of the high school....but he had a terrible secret- depression. It was devastating because it seemed so "out of the blue"....but with everyone putting all the pieces of the puzzle together, the full extent of his depression has become evident. He was very, very good at covering it.

Now fast forward to graduation. Last year, when a student was killed in a drunk driving accident 2 months before school ended (he WAS the drunk driver), his name was included in the graduation list, and they announced his name at graduation. Students who have died in other accidents or of illnesses such as cancer have always been included. This year, DD's friend was NOT listed and his name was NOT announced. His family was upset, my DD and her friends were devastated. The reasoning given by the staff and school board was to avoid glorifying or giving too much attention to suicide, so as to avoid copy-cats.

Now, what is done is done. My DD18 says that we are discriminating against her friend because he had a mental illness, not a physical illness such as cancer or he did not die in an "accident" ....I have my own opinions. but at this point I am asking for an "outsiders" viewpoint.....My question.....what would YOU have done if YOU ran the school? And why!?!

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

include the name of everyone who has died, no matter from what. It doesn't matter HOW they died, they are still loved and missed by friends, classmates and family.

 

[momof1princess]

i agree, he SHOULD have been included. it's ok to glorify drunk driving by including the kid who had the "accident", but the guy who was suffering from depression and committed suicide should be ignored? EPIC FAIL by the school and school board.

 

[magicalfoursome]

I am so sorry for your DD's loss. That is a tragedy-- a young man with such a bright future. Depression can be a devasting illness. Yes, I definitely think he should have been included in the graduation list. Of course suicide should never be glorified. We, however, can not ignore the fact that mental illness causes some people to sadly take their own lives. I hope the school offered counseling to the students and resources for other kids who may find themselves depressed and considering suicide. That poor boy must have been in unbearable pain to end his life. May he rest in peace and may God comfort his family.

 

[wdwfan16]

I would not have included a drunk driver or a suicide victim. Since the drunk driver was included I would have also included the suicide victim.

 

[disneychrista]

The reasoning given by the staff and school board was to avoid glorifying or giving too much attention to suicide, so as to avoid copy-cats.

I have to agree with this, but I would think they should have excluded the drunk driver too.

 

[quasar4legs]

I think all should be included, the loss of any young adult is a tragic.

So sorry your daughter has had to deal with this heartache.

 

[Katy Belle]

He should have been included. I agree with your daughter...his death was caused by an illness, mental illness.

The school should aplogize to his family.

 

[Planogirl]

I agree that he should have been included. I understand that schools try to shy away from suicide since it's such a problem but simply including someone in a graduation list is not glorifying their act.

 

[PixieDustandEeyore]

The name should have been included. It is rooted from a mental illness not from stupidity or something.

 

[barkley]

from a strictly practical standpoint-would the student have qualified to graduate? by this i mean-if the one student died 2 months before school ended he may have met the criteria for graduation whereas a student who died in november of a school year may not. taking the death factor out entirely-if the first student had lived and stopped attending school in may/did no further work, would he have met the graduation requirements? put the same standard to the other student.

from a personal standpoint, i can support the school on this. one of the most difficult funerals i ever attended was for a 16 year old who committed suicide in large part because a number of teen suicides had occured over a short timespan in his town wherein the decedents received massive glorification through large public memorial services, area dedications at their high schools (benches with plaques placed, trees planted...), full page year book spreads, and television and print media coverage.

the sad reality is that there is a percentage of suicides-esp. among teens that occurs out of a copy cat mentality, so if the teen who committed suicide would not have qualified for graduation had they stopped attending in november, i think it sends the wrong message to include their name as a "graduate". teens need to understand that no matter what the root cause of a person's choice to committ suicide, while "life goes on" for everyone else-it does not for the person who chose to end theirs.

 

[bumbershoot]

Having had an extremely depressed and suicidal friend who kept me up many many late, drama-filled, nights.... I think they are in the right for keeping the friend's name out.

To my friend, having her name on a special list WOULD be glorious for her if she could somehow see it. And if someone at our school had committed suicide, it would have made it seem even more romantic to have that person's name there, and could have sent L off.

Then again, how often are kids from lower grades at graduations???? Sure, siblings, but other than that....


Another thought. Is it possible that some problems happened *because* of the boy from last year being included in the list? And they didn't want those problems to happen again?


But I don't think you can discriminate against someone who is dead...and it sounds like they were coming from a place of truly caring about the other students....

 

[dbriggsq]

What a sad story - depression is a terrible illlness - but it is an illness exactly the same as diabetes or appendicitis - it can be genetic or caused by a chemical imbalance. So I think the school should have included his name whilst at the same time giving some sort of counselling to his fellow students which would lower the chances of anyone contemplating copying him

Please keep a very close eye on your DD. My DD's close friend committed suicide when she was 16 and it affected my DD very badly - she kept it very close to her chest and couldn't talk about it, but looking back I can see that she changed from that time and not really for the better but she is getting better slowly now ( 2 years later). Best wishes to you both.

 

[Diva of Dragons]

i agree, he SHOULD have been included. it's ok to glorify drunk driving by including the kid who had the "accident", but the guy who was suffering from depression and committed suicide should be ignored? EPIC FAIL by the school and school board.

Precisely!!

 

[Sparx]

When the son of the principal at my high school accidentally committed suicide by preforming a sexual act, he had two full pages in the beginning year book with pictures of him and talking about him. I believe two or three other students passed away that year (not suicide, I believe car wrecks?) they were squished down in about an 8th of a page at the very end of the book.

If you're going to memorialize any student, you should memorialize all students equally.

 

[Cindy B]

What a tragic event. I feel that the school should include all names of students who pass away-- because well, these students were a part of the student body and do have family and friends that do remember them. This student was still somebodys son or daughter, brother or sister, and friend.

Our district had a bit of "notoriety" for a while-- we had suicides every year of a fairly high profile student for about 8 years. Incredibly tragic and horribly sad. Every student got a mention of some kind-- not all were high school students-- unfortunately some were 7th and 8th graders
These students were part of the student body. However, as teachers, we were asked not to bring it up and redirect students to another topic. However, if students seemed really distraught, we were allowed to send them to a special counselor.

 

[SadieDog]

i agree, he SHOULD have been included. it's ok to glorify drunk driving by including the kid who had the "accident", but the guy who was suffering from depression and committed suicide should be ignored? EPIC FAIL by the school and school board.

Agreed.

 

[Trish Bessette]

Hard call to make. To make things fair I wouldn't include ANY names of students who passed away due to any circumstance.

My heart breaks for what your DD is going through. However I do understand the reasoning the college gave as to why they omitted his name and I do agree with them.

 

[Darsa]

i agree, he SHOULD have been included. it's ok to glorify drunk driving by including the kid who had the "accident", but the guy who was suffering from depression and committed suicide should be ignored? EPIC FAIL by the school and school board.

This was precisely my thought when I read the OP. Perfect opportunity to assist other kids in understanding the problems that occur due to a perfectly valid condition like depression, and may possibly even save some lives by helping others to recognize it and get help for it!!

His name should have been included.

 

[Cindy B]

Is the school a public school? I was just thinking that if it wasn't -- they "can" utilize their own ideals/thoughts.

To be completely fair, a small insert could have been placed inside the program that coud say something like "In Rememberance of "-- that way you are remembering them and not "memorializing" them.. if someone has issues with behavior.

I still think the school failed on this issue. The student still have the right to be "remembered"