A what would you do question

[dislaney]

His name should have been included.

 

[Val]

Thanks for your responses.....I am going to the last PTO meeting at the HS tonight and wanted to talk to the principal about the lack of inclusion in graduation, but wanted some "outside" opinions.

I see it both ways. I DO think they should have included his name in the program, at minimum (and max for that matter). Others have been included in the past, and it was discriminatory to exclude his. That being said, this was a really, really, really hard death for the school. Lots of healing had to be done- this student was an extremely active and well known kid. He hurt a lot of people through his actions. At the same time, I think the disease of depression got the better of him. Regardless, I DO believe the administration made their decision to protect other kids, not to slight the student who died. I am glad I didn't have to make the decision.


My DD18 is still having a really rough time. She was the last person he made contact with the night before...he left school mid morning and went home and shot himself. In retrospect, the text could certainly be interpreted as a call for help, but at the time she thought he was being, well, a curmudgeon. She feels SO guilty, angry, sad....everything. Graduation just brought all the feelings back again, so I can see not having his name and bringing "all that" up again. OTH, these kids went to school together for 13 years- he was the first in their class to die. It would have been nice to remember....but in a way, he WAS there with all of us. The boy's parents did leave an endowed scholarship for the school in his name, so he does live on in many ways.

If any good can come out of this tragedy, my DD leaves for the national forensic speech tournament on Saturday.....she made nationals. What is the title or her original oratory? Forgiveness.......it is a personal journey through what it means to forgive someone who has committed such a grave wrong. It is her journey through the forgiveness process.....and it is one terrific speech. Without this tragedy, she wouldn't have learned such what real forgiveness is.....her speech just kind of evolved as she went through the process, and the depth of emotions in it really shows. Hard way to get an award winning speech, but one she will always remember!

Thanks for your input. It has been a long, hard journey......but we just put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Please, keep this young man's family in your prayers.....they are truly, truly good people and this time has been most difficult for them.

 

[Deb in IA]

Here's what I think:

I think that any student who was a part of the class in the 4 years of high school and died before graduation SHOULD have a mention in the program.

Just a simple
In Memoriam:
John Smith
Jane Doe

They WERE at once a part of that class, and a reminder of that would have been nice.

 

[a1tinkfans]

include the name of everyone who has died, no matter from what. It doesn't matter HOW they died, they are still loved and missed by friends, classmates and family.

I agree. I think the "don't mention it" probably brought MORE attention to it. (which is not what I care about) He deserved to be mentioned, not "forgotten" I think the school was very wrong and borders on discrimination!
What everyone "Needs" is a reminder about mental illness/depression and how it can strike anyone. Regardless of how this child passed, he deserved to be mentioned, he WAS worth it! Its making me even sadder thinking they purposely left him out
A very tragic situation. I am so sorry for this terrible loss. Hugs to your daughter and all those that knew that dear boy!

 

[camlace]

I had a classmate that was killed in an accident in 9th grade and another classmate commit suicide in 10th grade. BOTH were mentioned at my graduation and neither even made it to senior year. As others have said usually you have been with your classmates for 12+ years. There is no reason to exclude them they were part of my circle of friends for a long time and were never forgotten.

On another note we had a series of suicides over 2 years (10 total). The school REFUSED to address the issue since they didn't want to "glorify" the suicides. It took outrage, petitions and protests of students and parents to finally get the school to open their eyes and have a candid discussion about teen depression and suicide. The auditorium was PACKED and overflowing when we had our first meeting on the issue. After lots of counseling, meetings, workshop and open dialogue the issue was tackled head on and obvious improvements were seen and I cannot even imagine how many lives were saved.

Please be sure your daughter talks through her feelings, if not with you a professional, trusted friend, clergy, whomever. Grief and guilt are part of dealing with suicide and will eat away at your daughter. Please give her an extra hug and be sure she works through her emotions.

 

[Handbag Lady]

i agree, he SHOULD have been included. it's ok to glorify drunk driving by including the kid who had the "accident", but the guy who was suffering from depression and committed suicide should be ignored? EPIC FAIL by the school and school board.

This. Epic fail indeed.

 

[dis75ney]

When my best friend in high school commited suicide in October of his senior year, the school board did not include him on the list of graduates, because he did not have enough credits to graduate. Had he passed on in the spring semester, he may or may not have been included based on his class grades at the time of his death. Many years later, my friend's sister was murdered in the summer before her senior year, and the board at that school handled the list of graduates the same way...because she didn't have the credits, she wasn't included on the list.

However, that being said, neither school allowed their classmates to be forgotten during the graduation ceremony. Both schools had presentations of honorary diplomas to the families, and empty chairs were left on stage as a tribute to them. The murdered girl's classmates also staged a butterfly release in honor of their friend. Both were also given an "In Memorium" page at the beginning of the program...