A weird problem

[Rebelmom67]

A couple weeks ago, you told us about taking back in your former foster son - who was 23. If this young man is your foster son, that you raised for many years in your home - well, yes I find it wrong.

To have sexual feelings for someone your raised as your child is not normal in my opinion.


Hi Rebelmom67! I believe the OP said she had a dream about her son's best friend!!

This thread makes me giggle!

Yes, but she says the boy LIVES with them and is 23. The foster son lives with them and.....he is 23. I just think it is icky to have sexual feelings for someone you raised as your "son". I'm sorry, that is just how I feel, no disrespect meant towards the OP.

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[jetprincess]

Oh, I guess I missed something. The way I originally understood the OP's post - the 23 year old son (who lives with them) and the 23 year old son's best friend were 2 different people. Your interpretation is that they are one and the same?

 

[Rebelmom67]

Oh, I guess I missed something. The way I originally understood the OP's post - the 23 year old son (who lives with them) and the 23 year old son's best friend were 2 different people. Your interpretation is that they are one and the same?

Well, either way, I doubt son's best friend and the foster son would both be living in her home (they are likely one in the same). She recently posted about the foster son living with her, I'm willing to bet he is the young man in question.

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

OMG I would never act on it! But when I look at him I notice how lovely his mouth is.

 

[minkydog]

A couple weeks ago, you told us about taking back in your former foster son - who was 23. If this young man is your foster son, that you raised for many years in your home - well, yes I find it wrong.

To have sexual feelings for someone your raised as your child is not normal in my opinion.

Yes, this is the same boy. He first came to us when he was 17yo. I have never had anything but compassionate feeling toward him. His parents threw him out in the middle of his last semester of his senior year. We (my hubby & I) helped him get his diploma in summer school.

I found this:
Identifying the 'who' or 'what' that has generated discomfort is an important first step. Was it a boss, co-worker, friend? Someone much older or younger than you with whom you have an affectionate, but platonic relationship? Or was it the nature of the encounter - coerced, cheating, public, or whatever - that is the most distinct feature of the dream? Who was forcing whom? Was it a stranger who reminded you of someone you know? Representation and displacement relationships are often components of sexual dreaming.



Some of these dreams indicate our own ambivalence about taboos. There is, after all, something exciting about what is forbidden. In other cases, we are expressing our own frustration with a sex life that is not satisfying. Still other times, others have violated our boundaries and we respond by thinking they have taken unmerited favours from us.

I believe you have something there. Thanks--you've given me food for thought.

Yes, but she says the boy LIVES with them and is 23. The foster son lives with them and.....he is 23. I just think it is icky to have sexual feelings for someone you raised as your "son". I'm sorry, that is just how I feel, no disrespect meant towards the OP.

Oh, I feel so much better. NOT. I have never had sexual feelings for this young man. For heavens sakes, I'm a dumpy 52yo woman!

I don't know about the history but hope this isn't a young man who thinks of you as his mother on some level, and whose affection was encouraged by you by your caregiver status. If it is true than I think any toying around with the notion needs to stop ASAP, this poor guy didn't end up in foster care for nothing.

There is no "toying." Just one dream. I don't know, maybe it was that pizza I ate.

Well, either way, I doubt son's best friend and the foster son would both be living in her home (they are likely one in the same). She recently posted about the foster son living with her, I'm willing to bet he is the young man in question.

He is. His mother died when he was 18yo and he has looked to me kinda like a beloved aunt. We have been supportive of this young man while he is going to college full-time because his family is not supportive. His father says he's stupid and will never amount to anything. This boy is nothing but kind and respectful of me and DH.

I repeat: There is no sexual attraction here. No Sexual Attraction. I am not fantasizing about having a fling. Thank you for those who have given me a vote of confidence. I'm sure this pass. It just kinda freaked me out.

 

[SereneOne]

Dreams are usually never about what people think they are. Usually things we dream about symbolize something else than we think they do. I would not worry about it.

 

[minkydog]

Dreams are usually never about what people think they are. Usually things we dream about symbolize something else than we think they do. I would not worry about it.

Spot on. I, too, believe that dreams tell me about things that are often subconcious. In this dream I became upset with myself because I was having feelings for another man(in this case, a young man who is very close to our family.) I have had some similar dreams involving Johnny Depp but those dreams didn't unsettle me. In fact, they were rather thrilling.

 

[Aisling]

Dreams are usually never about what people think they are. Usually things we dream about symbolize something else than we think they do. I would not worry about it.

I agree. I've had plenty of "sensual" dreams about people I have NO sexual interest in during awake hours!!

 

[SereneOne]

Your sexual dreams may also reveal things about the way you feel about your relationships and your shared sexual behavior. As was explained in the section about Freud, dreams can sometimes disguise sexual subjects and wrap the naked truth in all manner of symbolism. Explicit sexual images may appear in dreams. For example, should you dream of having sex with a member of your family or someone completely inappropriate, it does not necessarily mean that you have a mixed-up sexuality. Psychologists point out that this type of dream can be a symbolic message about your relationship with these people. You may worry that you have these illicit feelings, but dreams of this nature are comparatively common.. There's no need to panic. Don't read too much into them.

 

[NHdisneylover]

To have sexual feelings for someone your raised as your child is not normal in my opinion.

I don't know about the history but hope this isn't a young man who thinks of you as his mother on some level, and whose affection was encouraged by you by your caregiver status. If it is true than I think any toying around with the notion needs to stop ASAP, this poor guy didn't end up in foster care for nothing.

It was a DREAM. Dreams can be very wierd. If the OP said she had this dream and she liked it and now whe was thinking of pursuing something with this boy then I think these comments would be appropriate. However, the OP said she had this dream and it freaked her out BECAUSE she does not have any sexual feelings toward the boy and she knows that the feelings in THE DREAM are totally inapproriate. Sleeping dreams (as opposed to daydreams or fantasties which we refer to as dreams) are rarely ones true desires. I don't think everyone who ever dreamed they showed up at school/work naked that they are sick exibitionists who want to do just that anynmore than I think the OP wants to seduce this young man. Both dreams are distrubing because the feel so wrong.

 

[disneyismyname]

It was just a dream. I've had those kinds of dreams with people I wouldn't even think about ....you know..like that. They are usually when the "dream person" is around more.
2 weeks ago I watched Harry Potter Weekend on ABC Family, skimmed through some of the HP books, and watched The Half-Blood Prince. 3 nights in a row I had Harry Potter dreams! One was The Dark Lord was trying to come in my parents house. Second one...I and other Hogwarts students were fighting the Death Eaters and the only spell I could come up with was the Patronas spell? Then we all stopped fighting and did the Star Spangle Banner?!
The 3rd was involving Harry and I...and I won't tell much of that dream..only that it was a good one!

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[phorsenuf]

Last night I had a very sensual dream...about my 23yo son's best friend. I'm 52 I rarely have these kinds of dreams anymore(sad, isn't it) To make matters worse, this boy lives with us. I can hardly look him in the eye! Ack! what's wrong with me??

OMG I would never act on it! But when I look at him I notice how lovely his mouth is.

Dear God, please let this kid keep his shirt on. Must think of yucky stuff...sour milk, dead birds, dog poop, mildew...

Yes, this is the same boy. He first came to us when he was 17yo. I have never had anything but compassionate feeling toward him. His parents threw him out in the middle of his last semester of his senior year. We (my hubby & I) helped him get his diploma in summer school.



I believe you have something there. Thanks--you've given me food for thought.



Oh, I feel so much better. NOT. I have never had sexual feelings for this young man. For heavens sakes, I'm a dumpy 52yo woman!



There is no "toying." Just one dream. I don't know, maybe it was that pizza I ate.



He is. His mother died when he was 18yo and he has looked to me kinda like a beloved aunt. We have been supportive of this young man while he is going to college full-time because his family is not supportive. His father says he's stupid and will never amount to anything. This boy is nothing but kind and respectful of me and DH.

I repeat: There is no sexual attraction here. No Sexual Attraction. I am not fantasizing about having a fling. Thank you for those who have given me a vote of confidence. I'm sure this pass. It just kinda freaked me out.

You keep saying there is no attraction but look at what I bolded above.

Sorry, but it's totally inappropriate being your foster child and all. Keep saying it's nothing but I tend to not believe you based on the above comments.

I have to say too this is such a wonderful family friendly thread.

 

[EthansMom]

There's nothing wrong with sensual dreams over which you have no control. Also, there's nothing wrong with fantasies.

So long as you choose not to act upon any dreams or fantasies in a manner that you think would be inappropriate or cause harm to others (say, the emotional damage to family members, for instance) then there's nothing wrong with you at all. You're perfectly normal.

 

[minkydog]

I am relieved to read this. To be fair, there was a daytime comment about his lips so no-one can say it didn't get a bit hazy there for us readers. As long as this doesn't drift into daydreaming about his lips or any other parts I can sympathize with you. We can't govern our minds when we're asleep, but waking hours is a different story. Sorry if I made you feel bad

Thank you. There is no fantasizing. I just made a silly comment based on a stupid dream.

You keep saying there is no attraction but look at what I bolded above.

Sorry, but it's totally inappropriate being your foster child and all. Keep saying it's nothing but I tend to not believe you based on the above comments.

I have to say too this is such a wonderful family friendly thread.

<sigh> Believe whatever you want.

There's nothing wrong with sensual dreams over which you have no control. Also, there's nothing wrong with fantasies.

So long as you choose not to act upon any dreams or fantasies in a manner that you think would be inappropriate or cause harm to others (say, the emotional damage to family members, for instance) then there's nothing wrong with you at all. You're perfectly normal.

Thank you. Not only am I not acting on fantasies, I have not even told anyone about this dream because it felt creepy. I turned to my (so-called) friends on the DIS to help me sort it out. I got a bit silly with it and now half of them think I'm a pervert.

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[Nyla]

Am I the only one who finds this to be way too much information? Why would you post something like this on what is supposed to be a family-friendly forum? Or any forum for that matter?

 

[minkydog]

For what its worth, I don't think you're a perv BECAUSE you were creeped out by it. IMO, it's the being creeped out by the idea that makes you normal, not the other way around, KWIM

Thanks for the vote of confidence

 

[Darsa]

Wow Minky, apparently you're depraved and perverted, you'd better check yerself into a clinic or something.

I once had a dream (this is completely true) about ducks wearing cowboy hats flying over a truck in the road between cornfields with my dad and my father in law in it. They were concerned because some of the ducks were losing their hats. Which one of us is crazier, hmmmm....

Never did find out the significance of the ducks in hats, either. I should look that up.