You keep saying there is no attraction but look at what I bolded above.
Sorry, but it's totally inappropriate being your foster child and all. Keep saying it's nothing but I tend to not believe you based on the above comments.
Have you ever had a weird dream and then you were reminded of it? I'd posted that I had a really nasty dream about a spanish teacher...every time I saw him (in class, 5 days a week) I was reminded of the dream. Now, with that teacher, he was so ancient and ugly to me that I didn't have confused feelings, just grossed out feelings.
But, for instance, my husband's oldest friend was in some dreams of mine a few months ago, and it took a few times seeing him to stop having the, um, nicer parts of the dream flash through my head. He is NOT gross, so the dreams were making my days confusing when I saw him.
So the OP is dealing with it.
She obviously can't talk to her friends/family about it, and having it fester (like my Spanish teacher dream did b/c OMG who was I going to tell about it?) isn't good...so why not here? We all have dreams.
I remember my friend who had a baby while the Andrea Yates stuff was going on. My friend was sleep deprived and was having some dark feelings. Thankfully, instead of just feeling horrible and rotten, and keeping it all inside, she talked to me about it. Just the act of talking about it to a trusted person, who wasn't going to diagnose her with anything or go call CPS on her, lifted her burden, and she stopped having those dark thoughts. Talking about things can be a wonderful thing, and it's nice to find places where you feel safe (I still haven't really found one of those, but if the OP feels she's safe her, good for her!).