A Wedding WWYD?

[Procrastinate]

We have a cruise booked for next fall. Friends have also booked to go with us. These friends have to get their vacation approved at work a year in advance. They have their vacation time approved and cannot reschedule, so they will go on this cruise whether we go or not. Our cruise deposit is fully refundable at this point. We have not started making flight and hotel reservations, but would like to start doing this next month when Southwest opens their schedule for fall. Other relatives would like to go on the cruise with us but have not booked yet.

After the cruise was booked, one of my nephews started planning his wedding. The original plan was to get married this spring not too far away so his grandfather could attend. That grandfather has since passed, so that plan is out and he is now planning a fall wedding further away near the bride's hometown. Wedding plans have not been finalized, but he is planning to have his wedding the weekend we are supposed to leave for the cruise. There is no way for us to attend both due to timing/distance. We cannot simply switch weeks for our cruise. In addition to our friends being locked in to this week, the cruise is only offered twice per year. The first cruise ends on the day of the wedding and the second leaves on the day of the wedding. So we would have to pick a completely different cruise and go on this one another year. My brother and his wife know this and are completely unwilling to move the wedding date despite nothing being booked for the wedding yet.

I was originally planning to cancel the cruise for the wedding, but I have looked up where they are planning to have the wedding, and it is in a small picnic pavilion in a state park with no facilities. There is simply a small roof over a dozen picnic tables, a small grill, and two outhouses. I am not thrilled with having to cancel all of my plans to attend a picnic wedding, but I am sure if I don't go my brother and his wife will be furious and will probably not attend anything in the future that I plan. Nobody is thrilled about going to this wedding due to timing since it is after school goes back in the fall. My other brother has two children in college that he doesn't want to skip classes for this wedding. Even the groom's sister is not sure if she can skip college classes to go to this wedding. And then there are my elderly parents who no longer travel. It would have been difficult to get them to travel to begin with, but I don't see them willing to go now that we know it is just a picnic in a park.

So there is my dilemma. Would you cancel the cruise and go to the wedding, or stick with the original cruise plans?

 

[bigbabyblues]

I would say "I'm sorry, but we have already booked a cruise for X date and are unable to attend the wedding." The venue would have nothing to do with it though.

 

[Christine]

I would stick with the cruise. You put a lot of planning into and, while I know they are just "friends," this obviously was a trip you planned together.

It sounds like your brother is being unreasonable. If he weren't and there was some reason the wedding *had* to be that weekend, I might have a different take on it.

When I planned my wedding, it was important enough for me to have close family there so I made sure I ran dates by those that mattered and took them into account.

 

[JaxDad]

We have a cruise booked for next fall. Friends have also booked to go with us. These friends have to get their vacation approved at work a year in advance. They have their vacation time approved and cannot reschedule, so they will go on this cruise whether we go or not. Our cruise deposit is fully refundable at this point. We have not started making flight and hotel reservations, but would like to start doing this next month when Southwest opens their schedule for fall. Other relatives would like to go on the cruise with us but have not booked yet.

After the cruise was booked, one of my nephews started planning his wedding. The original plan was to get married this spring not too far away so his grandfather could attend. That grandfather has since passed, so that plan is out and he is now planning a fall wedding further away near the bride's hometown. Wedding plans have not been finalized, but he is planning to have his wedding the weekend we are supposed to leave for the cruise. There is no way for us to attend both due to timing/distance. We cannot simply switch weeks for our cruise. In addition to our friends being locked in to this week, the cruise is only offered twice per year. The first cruise ends on the day of the wedding and the second leaves on the day of the wedding. So we would have to pick a completely different cruise and go on this one another year. My brother and his wife know this and are completely unwilling to move the wedding date despite nothing being booked for the wedding yet.

I was originally planning to cancel the cruise for the wedding, but I have looked up where they are planning to have the wedding, and it is in a small picnic pavilion in a state park with no facilities. There is simply a small roof over a dozen picnic tables, a small grill, and two outhouses. I am not thrilled with having to cancel all of my plans to attend a picnic wedding, but I am sure if I don't go my brother and his wife will be furious and will probably not attend anything in the future that I plan. Nobody is thrilled about going to this wedding due to timing since it is after school goes back in the fall. My other brother has two children in college that he doesn't want to skip classes for this wedding. Even the groom's sister is not sure if she can skip college classes to go to this wedding. And then there are my elderly parents who no longer travel. It would have been difficult to get them to travel to begin with, but I don't see them willing to go now that we know it is just a picnic in a park.

So there is my dilemma. Would you cancel the cruise and go to the wedding, or stick with the original cruise plans?

I'd stick with the original cruise plans. I had an uncle and aunt miss my wedding due to prior vacation plans, and it didn't hurt my feelings at all, especially since they still sent a gift!

 

[Mizzoufan]

We have a cruise booked for next fall. Friends have also booked to go with us. These friends have to get their vacation approved at work a year in advance. They have their vacation time approved and cannot reschedule, so they will go on this cruise whether we go or not. Our cruise deposit is fully refundable at this point. We have not started making flight and hotel reservations, but would like to start doing this next month when Southwest opens their schedule for fall. Other relatives would like to go on the cruise with us but have not booked yet.

After the cruise was booked, one of my nephews started planning his wedding. The original plan was to get married this spring not too far away so his grandfather could attend. That grandfather has since passed, so that plan is out and he is now planning a fall wedding further away near the bride's hometown. Wedding plans have not been finalized, but he is planning to have his wedding the weekend we are supposed to leave for the cruise. There is no way for us to attend both due to timing/distance. We cannot simply switch weeks for our cruise. In addition to our friends being locked in to this week, the cruise is only offered twice per year. The first cruise ends on the day of the wedding and the second leaves on the day of the wedding. So we would have to pick a completely different cruise and go on this one another year. My brother and his wife know this and are completely unwilling to move the wedding date despite nothing being booked for the wedding yet.

I was originally planning to cancel the cruise for the wedding, but I have looked up where they are planning to have the wedding, and it is in a small picnic pavilion in a state park with no facilities. There is simply a small roof over a dozen picnic tables, a small grill, and two outhouses. I am not thrilled with having to cancel all of my plans to attend a picnic wedding, but I am sure if I don't go my brother and his wife will be furious and will probably not attend anything in the future that I plan. Nobody is thrilled about going to this wedding due to timing since it is after school goes back in the fall. My other brother has two children in college that he doesn't want to skip classes for this wedding. Even the groom's sister is not sure if she can skip college classes to go to this wedding. And then there are my elderly parents who no longer travel. It would have been difficult to get them to travel to begin with, but I don't see them willing to go now that we know it is just a picnic in a park.

So there is my dilemma. Would you cancel the cruise and go to the wedding, or stick with the original cruise plans?

With the attitude you have in the post. I say go on the cruise. if you go to the wedding I don't think you would be very fun to be around.

 

[SC Minnie]

I would stick with your original cruise plans. The wedding plans haven't been finalized so they still may change the date and place.

 

[Procrastinate]

The gift will be the same whether or not I attend the wedding.

As far as I know, there is no particular reason they picked this particular weekend, just that the end of September sounds nice. It might be different if they were forced to choose this date because that is the only day the venue had available or if it had some special meaning.

 

[Erzengel]

Does your brother and wife know that the tickets are refundable?

 

[Oreo Cookie]

Stick with your plans and go on the cruise. They picked a date that you are not available, it doesn't mean you cancel your plans.

 

[Procrastinate]

I agree that DH and I won't be much fun to be around if we attend this wedding. He is barely speaking to me for even considering canceling the cruise. It doesn't help that this is the same brother who has ignored our wishes for other family events. One year he planned an anniversary trip for everyone to go away with my parents. We told him we couldn't go until after a certain date because DH wouldn't be able to get off work until then. He chose to schedule the trip for a weekend that we couldn't go. This year he gave us three days notice that they were throwing an anniversary brunch for my parents. We already had plans that we couldn't cancel. He also picked the date for the family Christmas celebration on the day nobody else wanted. We went to that, but it meant that my children couldn't attend.

 

[Procrastinate]

Yes, I told them that the cruise is refundable but that it couldn't simply be rescheduled since both dates would conflict with the wedding. The response was that I can go on the cruise next year.

 

[amberpi]

I'd stick with the original cruise plans. I had an uncle and aunt miss my wedding due to prior vacation plans, and it didn't hurt my feelings at all, especially since they still sent a gift!

Seconded.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

The response was that I can go on the cruise next year.

My response would be that they could have the wedding next year!

 

[CdnCarrie]

Talk to the nephew directly. Not sure about others but my father had no input into my wedding date. Not sure why your BIL does. Probably has much more to do with the bride than the father of the groom.

 

[Micca]

Go on the cruise with friends, you've made your plans and your nephew has made his. Schedule conflicts happen sometimes. If you feel bad about missing the wedding maybe you could have a little party for them when the timing suits everyone. Hey--the party could be--can't believe I just thought of this--at a public park shelter with an outhouse!

 

[smiths02]

I am not thrilled with having to cancel all of my plans to attend a picnic wedding,

--I understand including this information to let us know that the wedding date could easily be moved. However, either you want to attend because of your relationship with your nephew or you don't. I mean barring an all expenses paid suite at WDW for all guests, most weddings are some event with food and dancing that the guests pay for gift, travel, hotel, etc. So it seems off to me that you wouldn't want to attend a relative's wedding since it is not fancy enough.

--I don't know how many relatives there are, but it seems weird to expect people to move a wedding for an aunt's vacation. On the flip side, I wouldn't expect an aunt to change her vacation if she already planned it.

--I would also communicate with the nephew directly.

Why, oh why, did you bother to talk about what was refundable to your brother? You should have just been firm in the first place and said you couldn't attend if it was on such and such dates.

 

[Procrastinate]

My conversations have been with the groom's father and mother. I saw the bride this past weekend at the family Christmas celebration. She became ill part way through the event, so I never got a chance to ask her about the wedding plans. She has actually gotten ill and disappeared at every family event. I did not speak directly to my nephew about it.

 

[smiths02]

When I planned my wedding, it was important enough for me to have close family there so I made sure I ran dates by those that mattered and took them into account.

But the OP is communicating with the father of the groom. The OP is an aunt. I really don't know that you can plan a wedding that every person can attend...close friends and family on both sides (especially if there is a big family).

We also don't know that it isn't a special date.

 

[design_mom]

I agree that the father-of-the-groom probably had little input into the date of the wedding. The groom might have (should have) had some, but if the wedding is being planned by the bride's family in the bride's hometown, then he might not have had much choice on the date/venue either.

I can't imagine missing one of my niece's or nephew's weddings, regardless of where it's held, but we're pretty close to all of them (and none of them are quite of marrying age yet). So I would probably cancel because I would want to be at the wedding.

But, since you already made a commitment to your friends for the cruise, I think 'prior commitment' is a valid excuse even if your tickets are technically refundable.

 

[Hikergirl]

I'll be blunt, it is really none of your business why the wedding date is what it is. Just because you feel a date is "nothing special" doesn't mean they don't.
Having said that, I'd go on the cruise and send my regrets. Besides it doesn't sound like you like this part of your family very much anyway so you'd probably enjoy the cruise with your friends more.