First of all.....thank you THANK YOU
THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for everyone's comfort and support. It means more to me than you can possibly understand. I haven't really been a part of this community for quite a while, I sort of morphed back into a lurker, but to have so much support from all of you....honestly....it brought tears to my eyes. There have been so many people in my life pushing me to do one thing or another, go in one direction or another, so many people that think I need to just "let myself be happy" and "get over it" but it was so nice that so many people here understand-I am grieving. It truly feels like someone has died. My best friend is gone. And my home is gone. And because my parents have a not-very-nice-to-kitties-dog, my cats, my furbabies, my children are at the apartment with him until I find something else. I really am in mourning. No one in my life seems to understand that, so it means SO much to me that all of you do.
I have talked to him a little since it happened, and explained to him that you don't just give up and walk out on 8 years, you keep at it, because relationships will ALWAYS have problems and will never be "fixed", they will always have something teaching you to be a better person and mate. He said he is a little willing to work on it, but he doesn't want me to get my hopes up.....and I'm not. I really don't think anything is going to come out of it...not if he's not willing to have faith that things can be changed. I am going to the apartment this evening for the weekend so I can see my furbabies, and I guess we are going to talk.....but I am really dreading it. I may tell him to stay somewhere else for the weekend so I can see my kids but not him. This week has really been very emotional for me, it's really started to sink it just what has happened and how drastically my life is going to change.
Anyway...I am blubbering again
If anyone wants to add me on facebook, please feel free, I am on the list of disers on facebook, or you can find me by name, Cathie Buschman
Again....thank you sooooooooooo much for your comfort and support
I like this quote from Elmer Laydon - it applies to a lot of things in life:
There are times that it's hard to see past this very moment. so take it one moment at a time: ask God for the next moment, then the next hour, then the next day...before you know it you will be beyond the storm.
As others have said, let yourself mourn the loss of the relationship and be kind to yourself - you need time to adjust to the "new normal".
I like this alot too...because that's really what I'm having to do...sometimes it seems impossible to get through the day...so I focus on each moment as I can...
Sending lots of pixie dust and positive thoughts your way!
This is, of course, a very difficult time for you. I'm glad you've reached out here for some support. I think this would be a good time for a new hobby or getting back to one you've neglected for a while. Maybe cooking, dance class, crafts...
As for Disney, maybe this is the year you go to
Disneyland? I wasn't sure I would like a solo trip, but I did one last year, and it was a really different and positive experience.
HUGS!
I have started doing a few things, I am taking a belly dancing class, and am thinking about buying a house on my own...that's going to take a while though, because I'm not really ready to think about leaving our home together.
Dear Cathie,
When I first started reading your post, I thought this would be another request for PD due to a medical scare. As I continued reading, I honestly felt as if I wrote this, and we were sitting here a year ago. I am stunned at the similarities.
Just over a year ago, my boyfriend/future fiance of eight years left me for another woman. It was sudden and totally unexpected. Looking back, I guess there were a few signs. It took me quite a bit of time to come to grips with what happened. I am still processing things, but have moved forward and in the right direction.
Last summer, I decided that it was absolutely necessary to visit WDW even though this was a place we would frequently visit together. It was a celebration of who I was and who I was to become and so needed. I think you should go if you are able to.
I also want to pass along two books that I wish I had early after our break-up. I think they might be insightful to you:
Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (the book is so much better than the movie)
Peace from Broken Pieces by Iyanla Vanzant
Remember that you are not alone. This will be difficult, and you will cry. However, with support and love from your friends you will get through it. I'm still adjusting. Sometimes I dream of the future I planned out for me just with another man. Other times I think it's hopeless. I am sure you will experience similar moments. You may adjust quicker or slower than I did, but know that you can move on and
life is so good.
If you need an ear, let me know. My PM box isn't working, but I am on FB and friends with many DISers.
Nikki-thank you so so so much. It is amazing that there are so many similarities....and I admire you for your strength to share with me what you've gone through. Right now....I'm mostly going through the hopeless stage. There are small glimmers here and there, but everything is still pretty dark.
Miss Cathie,
Sorry to hear about HIS loss! I'm in Denver if you would ever like to get out and relax, have lunch, shop, whatever makes you smile! We definitely know we have something in common!
That would be wonderful! I'll PM you and maybe we can set something up
First
I'll share my story too. I met my ex bf right before I graduated from hs and dated him all thru college and into grad school. There were definitely things I missed doing in college because I spent so much of my energy/focus on him. But I didn't see that until later. While in grad school, I was sure we were headed towards getting engaged. He came to ny from fl for 2 family weddings and I was sure it would happen then - instead he dumped me. I was really devastated but started doing all the things I didn't bother with when I was with him - and I had fun! Later I found out he had started dating my best friend, and shed been keeping it from me the whole time, so in the end I lost my bf of 4+ years and may best friend of 2 years. It was really hard but I focused on me(finishing grad school and starting a new life) and now I really am so glad I didn't end up with him and just sorry I lost so much time with him!
In the end you will be better off. Don't rush yourself thru the hurt and anger, but don't let yourself get lost in it either. Maybe plan a trip like disapalooza? Plan something for you a ways out and use that as a positive to look forward to when things feel dark!
I think that part of what frustrates me is that I DID do so many things in my life differently because I planned on he and I being together forever, getting married, doing all the the things together that we planned....I finally went back to college a couple of years ago because I wanted an art degree, but the reason I didn't go right after high school was because I was too wrapped up in him...now I'll be well over 30 before I graduate from college. It's very frustrating...but I guess if everything happens for a reason, maybe there is a reason I am going to college now instead of then.
I just sent you a friend request on FB.
