A very humble request for some pixie dust....

Discussion in 'The DIS Unplugged Podcast' started by cathie1327, Jun 23, 2011.

  1. cathie1327

    cathie1327 Living in reality all the time is for people with

    May 16, 2008
    Hi everyone,
    I almost feel guilty for asking, but I absolutely believe in the power of positive thought and have seen that thought do so much on this board. I know that there are so many others who need the prayer and pixie dust more than I....but I figured perhaps there may be some floating around for me...

    Nearly 3 weeks ago, my boyfriend/fiance of 8 years left me. He hadn't officially proposed yet, but we've talked for years that we wanted to get married when the time was right. We've had some issues lately, but I never in my wildest dreams thought they were enough to bring us to this point. Needless to say, I am absolutely heart broken. I left our apartment and am staying with my parents until I figure out where to go from here. I haven't really felt ready to make any sound decisions yet, but the one I made right away was cancelling our vacation to Orlando in September. We were going to go to Universal Studios for the first time ever after having been to Disney for years, and Seaworld, and Busch Gardens....places neither of us have never been. We were really excited and it really broke my heart to have to break those plans.

    I've toyed around with the idea of taking off to my happy place, Disney, on my own later this year to get some time away. But Disney was something we always did together, and even Disney right now makes my heart hurt. I've avoided this site ever since he broke up with me because it is almost unbearable to be reminded of him so strongly....especially when he is the one that introduced me to my love of Disney.

    We are both relatively young, still in our 20's, and so I know I have lots of time left to live and I'll find someone else and all the cliche' things everyone has been telling me....but right now, I still burst into hysterics every time I try to make myself accept how my life is changing. It has all been a blur and I can't believe it's almost been 3 weeks. Going on in my life without him terrifies me. :sad1:

    Anyway, I'm sorry for blubbering for so long, if any of you can spare a little prayer and pixie dust for me, I'd sure appreciate it, these are some of the hardest days I've been through in a very very long time.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
  2. linnell

    linnell DIS Veteran

    Dec 16, 2009
    ::hugs to you::

    You need time to grieve, even though there isn't a death, it is the end of an important relationship. It'll take time and you'll be able to get through it. If Disney makes you happy, find a girlfriend to go with, make some spa appointments, yummy dinners etc and have a great time.
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  4. sayhello

    sayhello Have Camera, Will Travel

    Oct 28, 2006
    It's never easy to have your life disrupted like this. Be easy on yourself. We all mourn differently, and it sounds like you are definitely in mourning. I think you're wise not to make any big decisions right now.

    Any chance you could plan a vacation unlike what you used to do with him? Pick a place like a Spa in Sedona, AZ, and just spend the time being pampered and massaged? Getting away from your "real life" for a bit could help.

    There's all sorts of cliche'd things I could say right now, but I'm sure you've heard them all, so all I'm going to say is to be kind to yourself.

  5. lovethecastle

    lovethecastle Mouseketeer

    Dec 28, 2006
    aww, very sorry to hear this. 8 years is a long time so you'll need to take some
    time to process all of it. Remember when you are feeling especially anxious or upset to 'just breath'.
    Sending beautiful sparkly pixie dust just for you.:goodvibes
  6. DisneyKevin

    DisneyKevin Kelvis Moderator

    Jun 20, 2005
    I've learned in the last two years that people grieve differently and that one form of grief is not better or worse than another.

    A loss is still a loss.....

    It's really ok to feel bad for a while. Dont beat yourself up for feeling this way. Do things that make you feel good, but allow yourself to feel what you feel. It's how we heal.

    Sending you positive thoughts and energy.
  7. DWGal210

    DWGal210 DIS Veteran

    Jan 10, 2008
    I'm sorry to hear this - I'm definitely sending you good thoughts & lots of hugs. Take care of yourself.
  8. Smile&Nod

    Smile&Nod Mouseketeer

    May 8, 2009
    I like this quote from Elmer Laydon - it applies to a lot of things in life:

    There are times that it's hard to see past this very moment. so take it one moment at a time: ask God for the next moment, then the next hour, then the next day...before you know it you will be beyond the storm.

    As others have said, let yourself mourn the loss of the relationship and be kind to yourself - you need time to adjust to the "new normal".
  9. dansyr2514

    dansyr2514 DIS Veteran

    Aug 13, 2006
    Sending pixie dust you way. I went through the same thing. Disney was my special place with my ex and I didn't think I'd be able to go back w/o him. But I did. The first time I had a few moments of crying remembering all the special things to us, but still all in all had a good time. Each year has gotten easier and I've gone with a couple other people since then. Now those special things at Disney are my special things, not ours. If you think you can, go and bring a friend. You're probably still going to have some sad moments, but you'll have some great new memories that don't involve him. Good luck and I feel for you.
  10. irishtigger

    irishtigger DIS Veteran

    Mar 12, 2010
    Time heals all wounds I know that is easier said than done and I am sure you have heard this a 1000 times but it is true. I have been through this kind of break up before and I feel your pain and I know this isn't easy. It will get better and you will smile again and when you are ready to go to your happy place it will be there and new memories will be made. There is nothing wrong with crying or not knowing what to do next it completely understandable and natural. Sending some added pixiedust your way.

  11. WaltD4Me

    WaltD4Me <font color=royalblue>PS...I tried asking for wate

    Apr 22, 2003
    Big hugs to you. :hug: I know how hard this is. A loss is a loss and you do need time to grieve. It's a process, allow yourself to go through it.

    But I will share this story with you.....

    I was in my late 20's when my boyfriend of 9 years broke up with me. We had lived together for 4 years and were talking about getting married when his estranged dad invited him to go on a cruise with him to get to know each other again. I could not go due to work. When he got home he told me he had met someone else. She moved in with him a week after I moved out. 3 months later, they got married. It was devastating. However.......

    Today he is a bald, used car salesman who I know for a fact cheats on his wife.

    Everything happens for a reason and I am thankful that I dodged a bullet.
    Hang in there.
  12. roomthreeseventeen

    roomthreeseventeen Inaugural Dopey Challenge finisher

    Dec 22, 2009
    Cathie, I am so sorry that happened to you.

    Remember that you don't have to make any decisions RIGHT NOW. Eight years is a long time to be in a relationship, especially if you are in your early 20's. Take this time and spend it on taking care of YOU, and letting your friends and family take care of you. Orlando will still be there when you are ready to go.
  13. Cin

    Cin DIS Veteran

    Sep 12, 2010
    Huge hugs, lots of prayers, and plenty of pixie dust and whatever else it takes to help you cope with your loss. WDW was something I introduced my ex to also and I didn't know if I could ever go back, without memories and stuff flooding back to hurt me, but after lots of years I finally did return this past year and took my new husband of 7 years and introduced him to Disney magic. Give it some time and you can either brave WDW with some girlfriends to create new memories or simply wait as time does tend to help with the hurt. 8 years is a long time, and very impressive in this day and age of disposables. That says a lot about the kind of person you are and how you value relationships. Hugs to you in your time of loss. God bless you and bring you comfort and peace. :hug:
  14. safetymom

    safetymom Super Moderator

    Aug 13, 2001
    Sending pixie dust and positive thoughts your way.
  15. jcb

    jcb always emerging from hibernation

    Apr 28, 2007
    I just love this. What a great attitude.

    I agree with everything said previously, especially what Kevin said. You need to find your own way of addressing, when you are ready, what makes you happy. It will happen and you will be happy again someday but getting there can be quite a struggle. Looking back on it, I wouldn't now trade it for anything as DW is the best companion I could ever hope to have.

    As a practical matter, you might give some thought to going to WDW (if that is what you want to do) at a different time of the year than you have gone before. If you have only gone at Christmas, this year go to Food and Wine.

    Good luck and lots of pixie dust to you.
  16. figment3258

    figment3258 DIS Veteran

    Jan 26, 2008
    Sending positive thoughts and pixie dust your way. :wizard::grouphug:
  17. princessbride6205

    princessbride6205 DIS Veteran

    May 8, 2006
    Sending lots of pixie dust and positive thoughts your way!
    This is, of course, a very difficult time for you. I'm glad you've reached out here for some support. I think this would be a good time for a new hobby or getting back to one you've neglected for a while. Maybe cooking, dance class, crafts...
    As for Disney, maybe this is the year you go to Disneyland? I wasn't sure I would like a solo trip, but I did one last year, and it was a really different and positive experience.
  18. NitroStitch

    NitroStitch DIS Veteran

    Jul 15, 2009
    I'm sending you a bunch of hugs and pixie dust too! :grouphug: Having 8 years ripped out from under you has to be incredibly painful and disorienting, and it takes a while to grieve over all the "what ifs" and the vision you had for your life before.

    As others have said, sometimes the best things in life come from the painful losses, but you definitely don't feel that way when it's happening. Sometimes it takes quite a while before you can look back and be glad things went the way they did.

    If you decide to go to Disney later this year, you can still enjoy the trip tremendously. Just focus on it being a different kind of trip. Were there things you never got to try before? Places to eat? Things to see? Places to stay? You can make those your own and make Disney your own as well. I started my love of Disney alongside my first husband, and at first it was strange when I started going alone. Then I realized I could tour entirely at my own pace, eat or see whatever I wanted, and it became a completely different and enjoyable experience of its own.

    Take care of yourself, get comfort from those around you (including your DIS family) and know that things will definitely get better! You need to go through the grieving now, however long that takes for you and in whatever form. :grouphug:
  19. *NikkiBell*

    *NikkiBell* The WDW Merchandise Walking Bible Moderator

    Jun 27, 2005
    Dear Cathie,

    When I first started reading your post, I thought this would be another request for PD due to a medical scare. As I continued reading, I honestly felt as if I wrote this, and we were sitting here a year ago. I am stunned at the similarities.

    Just over a year ago, my boyfriend/future fiance of eight years left me for another woman. It was sudden and totally unexpected. Looking back, I guess there were a few signs. It took me quite a bit of time to come to grips with what happened. I am still processing things, but have moved forward and in the right direction.

    Last summer, I decided that it was absolutely necessary to visit WDW even though this was a place we would frequently visit together. It was a celebration of who I was and who I was to become and so needed. I think you should go if you are able to.

    I also want to pass along two books that I wish I had early after our break-up. I think they might be insightful to you:

    Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (the book is so much better than the movie)
    Peace from Broken Pieces by Iyanla Vanzant

    Remember that you are not alone. This will be difficult, and you will cry. However, with support and love from your friends you will get through it. I'm still adjusting. Sometimes I dream of the future I planned out for me just with another man. Other times I think it's hopeless. I am sure you will experience similar moments. You may adjust quicker or slower than I did, but know that you can move on and life is so good. :grouphug:

    If you need an ear, let me know. My PM box isn't working, but I am on FB and friends with many DISers.
  20. Disney Dad Canada

    Disney Dad Canada Passing on my Disney obsession to my 3 kids, and a

    Mar 21, 2010
    I had an ex girlfriend leave me on my birthday. It's never easy. For what's it's worth, it ended up being a good thing in the long run, as I met my future wife a few weeks later.

    In any loss, be it a death or a break up, it's okay to be selfish. Do whatever you think needs to be done to make you feel better (as long as it's nothing TOO drastic). Remember it's perfectly valid to feel however you are feeling at any given moment.

    Most importantly, remember you have family and friends that can help. I know when my wife passed away almost 5 years ago now, there were some people that I was truly disappointed with, but also some I was pleasantly surprised with just how much they helped.

    Life is a process, a journey, and not a destination. When plans change, or are changed for you, it can be rough. You'll be looking back at these moments in a year or so and seeing how much better your life has become because of it.
  21. Rekenna

    Rekenna DIS Veteran

    Feb 9, 2010
    OP, you deserve Pixie Dust as much as anyone else (we all need it once in a while).:wizard:

    I'm really sorry. :hug:

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