A Sticky, What Would You Do, Situation

[scanne]

There are three siblings, all grown with careers and/or families. Both parents are deceased. There was one uncle (the mother's brother) living 3000 miles away and very distant, but also having a lot of $$$. The eldest of the three sibs was in touch with the uncle for many years, made many trips to visit him, sent letters and pictures and offered to bring him here to live with him as his health was ailing, about 5 times in the past 3 years. He was also very close to this uncle in childhood, as he was the only father figure he has while his own father was in Europe during WW2. The other two sibs didn't help, did not ask about nor communicate with the uncle.

The uncle recenltly passed away - was found in his apartment alone - very sad and tragic. His nephew that always kept in touch takes care of everything. Flying the body home for a proper funeral, flying out to uncle's estate to clean apartment, gather paperwork and tie up loose ends. One of the sibs isn't even sure if he's coming to the funeral.

The will says to split the inheritance equally.

Is this fair after the many years that this man was alone in his apartment with only the one nephew reaching out, caring for and trying numerous times to help, that he should have to split the inheritance equally!? Personally, I do not, but I know that a will is a binding document.

Just curious as to what you "think" and why. What would you do if you found yourself in this situation?

 

[Skatermom23]

Well, I guess life isn't always fair. Ultimately is was the Uncle's choice on how the money was split. I know I will someday be in this same situation. I have a brother who pays little to no attention to my mother. I am the one who calls her daily and checks up on her. She has already told me flat out that everything she owns gets divided equally. It is no biggie really, it is her money.

 

[DoeWDW]

It is the uncle's money, to do with as he wishes.

If I were the sibling that cared for him, I might feel a bit resentful but I would never ever say a word about it to my siblings.

If I were one of the siblings who didn't care for him, I'd feel pretty low and might offer the sibling who did take care of him part or all of my share of the inheritance. Whether it was accepted or not, at least I'd feel I made the offer.

 

[ReggieB]

I agree with SkaterMom23. It was the Uncle's descion to make. I would like to think that the caring relative did what they did out a sense of family and love, not because of the thought that when the Uncle died he would be compensated. Too often you see families torn apart because they have this ridiculous sense of entitlement. My own sister got very snotty with my Uncle when our Granparents died, as she felt we didn't get 'the same' Personally I would trade all of what we did get times 1000 to have another day with them both.

Do the other siblings deserve the money? Probably not, but it's their loss in the end, as they didn't get to spend the quality time with the uncle that they could have done.

 

[Tigger_Magic]

I'd follow the terms of the will as this was the uncle's last request. It may not seem "fair", but it is what the uncle wanted done with his estate.

 

[christinadei]

It was the uncles decision, period. It was his money and he chose what to do with it. Fair? Probably not, but I think that the nephew who took care of him did so because he loved him and not lookign for money. The other two should feel bad for not ever seeing him. But that's how life is.

 

[Disney Doll]

No it isn't fair, but life isn't always fair.

That's why when I choose to do something for someone, I choose to do it because I want to, or because I feel it is the right thing to do, and not because I expect any reward.

As long as the will was properly executed when the uncle was alive, it states his wishes as to what he wanted done with his estate upon his passing, so it must be followed.

 

[scanne]

I would like to think that the caring relative did what they did out a sense of family and love, not because of the thought that when the Uncle died he would be compensated.

He absolutely did this out of love and concern and is very distraught over the way his uncle passed. I, as the daughter of the nephew, feels the anger and resentment towards the other sibs. My dad just wishes that his uncle had seen my children and experienced the joy they bring. It's a difficult situation to say the least. I was just wondering how others would feel or see the situation.

 

[popeyeohoh]

I agree it is not fair. Unfortunately there is nothing anyone can do about it. I would make my peace with it and move on. My mil left my dh's neice a great deal of money and never mentioned my children in her will.

 

[Christine]

Nothing you can do about it.

My great uncle did something similar. He had been married for most of his life to a woman who had two sons from a previous marriage. He pretty much raised them and was very good to them. The mother (wife) died many years ago and my great uncle went on to live another 20 years. During that time, he had very minimal contact with his stepsons. My great uncle had diabetes and needed a lot of care towards the end as he lost a few limbs due to the disease. He ended up moving down to where we live and one of my aunts (his niece) took him into her home and took care of him. They had a wonderful relationship with him (as we all did). When he died, ALL of his assets were given to the stepsons.

It didn't seem right, but that's what he decided to do for whatever reason. We didn't really expect his money nor was that the reason we loved him. But it just makes you wonder what goes through people's brains.

 

[poohtown]

i think maybe the uncle was feeling his closeness to his nephew had nothing to do with money. By leaving the money in an equal split he showed the siblings that he cared for all of them but the nephew who was closest to him had the privelege of a love and friendship that was above money.

 

[Tigger_Magic]

i think maybe the uncle was feeling his closeness to his nephew had nothing to do with money. By leaving the money in an equal split he showed the siblings that he cared for all of them but the nephew who was closest to him had the privelege of a love and friendship that was above money.

That is a great way of looking at this!

 

[Minnie824]

Its not fair..I have 2 personal experiences in my family where siblings did absolutely nothing....the older sibling in this case just has to be the better person and knows that he can sleep at night and was there for his uncle.

 

[disney4us2002]

Yikes, family situations!! I haven't experienced this yet but I know my day will come. My dad is getting up in age and my brothers have apparently already told my dad that they hope he remembers that he already gave me "my share" with my college education and wedding! My brothers are older and not particularly responsible so dad says he's making me executor of his estate - I said perhaps he'd like to consider a neutral person, like an attorney instead. The last thing I want to do is fight over money. Yuck.

I can imagine your dad may feel slighted but the uncle probably thought dividing equally was appropriate. Perhaps the will was made many years ago.

 

[caitycaity]

The will says to split the inheritance equally.

Is this fair

fortunately a person can write their will however they want. fairness isn't a prerequisite.

i don't think it's fair, but it obviously was the uncle's wish and i think that needs to be respected.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

i think maybe the uncle was feeling his closeness to his nephew had nothing to do with money. By leaving the money in an equal split he showed the siblings that he cared for all of them but the nephew who was closest to him had the privelege of a love and friendship that was above money.

Wow, very nice way to think about things. It is very true.

 

[Keli]

Yes I think it is fair because it's what the uncle wished. Also, being close to another human being, loving them and being loved by them in return is it's own reward.

 

[poohandwendy]

Unfair? Not at all. The only way it would be unfair is if the uncle's wishes were not met.

It's a shame that people think of inheritance as a measure of ones love. And in many families it goes so far as being held over peoples heads as a way to make them feel obligated, before the person even dies. It's sad, IMO.

 

[Tigger_Magic]

Unfair? Not at all. The only way it would be unfair is if the uncle's wishes were not met.

It's a shame that people think of inheritance as a measure of ones love. And in many families it goes so far as being held over peoples heads as a way to make them feel obligated, before the person even dies. It's sad, IMO.

It's also a shame when people think of inheritance as a right just because they are a family member.

 

[disykat]

As a parent, we feel love for our children "equally" (but perhaps differently) regardless of how they treat us. The uncle sounds like a great guy who was able to overlook how he was treated and just love the people he considered his heirs. I can see where it might feel unfair, but I think it is admirable.