A sensitive question from a father

[Allisdad]

I hope some of you can help me. I have a 5 year old daughter who is terrified of storms, let me explain. We were camping a little over a year ago and we got caught in a nasty storm. My wife and daughter were in the camper when a large tree limb was hit by lightning and fell a few feet from the window they were sitting in. The limb fell on top of my SUV and completely flattened the back end. My daughter went hysterical. She has been afraid of storms ever since. As a matter of fact she often will ask me about clouds on non rainy days. I have tried everything to calm her but nothing works. She hates to leave the house on cloudy days. I feel so bad for her as she loves to play outside, but the slightest gust of wind and she starts to get leery. I hate to take her to see a doctor about it, but am running out of options. We love to camp, but are afraid of another melt down. I feel guilty posting this here as I know most of you deal with far worse things every day, but you all seem so compassionate and understanding. I just am sick and tired of people telling me to “toughen her up” or “what’s wrong with her”. I need people who understand even if it is minor. Thanks in advance for all your help.

 

[bookwormde]

From her experiance her fear is very real and is typical of PTSD so while you can work on it yourself, I think that since it is effecting her life professional counciling would be a very good idea.

The good thing is that kids are resiliant and with some help and time she will likely work through it.

bookwormde

 

[mommatomase]

As a child, lightening struck my grandmother's house. I was in it alone. Flames came out of one receptical. I was 14 and was terrified from that day on of thunderstorms. I still don't like them, but have learned to tolerate them so my son doesn't become afraid.

My situation was much different for two reasons. I was older and it wasn't as tramatic.

As bookwormde said, counciling would probably do her a world of good... I wish someone would have done that for me... I do think Post Tramatic Stress Disorder is a good thought here... she was terrified!

 

[Allisdad]

I really appreciate the replies. We really wanted to avoid a therapist, We live in a small town and the doctors here are very limited but I am willing to do whatever it takes. I know a lot of people are afraid of storms and at first thought this would be something she would grow out of.

 

[GoofyG]

I would recomend a therapist. I live in tornado alley ( my neighborhood has ahd 3 tornadoes got hrough it, along with this last storm MAy 10th) There are alot of terrified kids here, some do fine and some need therapy. Prayers for her, I have a 4yr old who now talks about the tormato trap. (Cellar, we went to the cellar 4 times in 10 days this last May!

 

[brighteyes]

I do agree with a PP about PTSD. She was terrified. Some children can outgrow their traumas and others can be intensified as they grow older if it is not dealt with.

Regardless of what anyone else thinks, to her - this was traumatic. That is all that matters here - how she perceives it. It is a real fear for her and she needs help to learn to cope with that fear. She may not ever "get over it" but may learn ways to deal with the fear and face it and make it less controlling over her. I know she is young, but a therapist or dr can help her learn even at a young age.

Good luck.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

I can't offer too much in the way of help, but support is the best thing you can give her. Let her know you understand that she is scared of the storms, but what happend was an odd event, that most likely will NEVER happen again.

My FIL was just pulled underground during an F5 tornado back in '65. Their whole house (and 1/2 their town) was destroyed. He was around 6 when it happend. To this day, he hates storms, but his mother instilled that God made sure they were safe and He would continue to keep them safe (she was a very religious woman) and Larry trusted that and eventually grew out of the severe storm stress. Now, there are a few storms that have come through that put him on edge a bit, but he knows what to do to stay safe, and he acts on it. He used to vocalize his fears, but he has outgrown that too.

I would have reoccuring nightmares that tornadoes would rip our house apart and I couldn't find my family, so anytime a loud storm came through, I'd flip (thank you Wizard of Oz). I would have some blankets and flashlight, the works, all moved to our basement. My mother and brother made fun of me for it, but it allowed me to feel safe. I even had a plan of what I needed to do in case we did get in trouble.

Have you talked about a storm plan? Maybe her knowing you are concerned over her fears will help calm her down a bit? Get her one of those chargable flashlights that charge up by cranking them - have her keep it by her bed. Make a plan, let her lead you on the things you would need to do to stay safe?

I also turn on a radio at night for my kids in case we get storms - helps keep them from waking up. DH wakes during ALL storms. FIL wasn't always calm about his storm fears, and 2 of his 3 kids can't sleep and are on constant vigil when it rains. Like I said, he does a lot better now, but it did take him a while to really be okay (on the outside).

I've been in campers when nasty storms hit, and boy are they loud! You just have to ride out the storm! Best of luck!

 

[Deesknee]

Trying to help your children when they have fears like this is so difficult. I agree to get her professional help. Go to the nearest city if you must to find a child psycologist (sp?). Without getting into details. One of my DS had a really tough time after Sept 11th. Trust me, when we finally gave in, (after about a year of fighting) and began taking him to a specialist, his life began to improve greatly. We also live in a small town. I don't think we have any type of therapist in town. We got a name from our pediatrician. And began taking him a few towns over. BTW, there were many appointments he fought going. 7 years later, ds is in college and we all find comfort in the fact ds can call his phsycologist if needed.
Good luck to you all.

 

[Allisdad]

We have tried to help her in any way possible. She says she realizes this probably will never happen again, but she still makes excuses as to why she doesn’t want to go anywhere and often stays in her room when it does rain saying “I just want to play in my room”. Deesknees if I may ask you since we have similar situations how did children in your town treat your son when he started therapy. My daughter is finally making friends here (we have lived here for almost a year now) and I know how word spreads. I just don’t want her losing friends because of what the parents think and don’t understand.

 

[WheeledTraveler]

Who else needs to know that she's in therapy other than you, your wife, and your daughter? She's 5 and it's not exactly something kids talk about. If you tell her school, they can't tell anyone. Not to mention that her fear of going out is likely to be a bigger barrier in friendships than the fact that she's in therapy. If you find a good child psychologist (really important to find someone who specialises in kids), I also suspect it won't be a long-term thing since it's only been about a year since the event happened.

My family did family therapy several times when I was a kid (a few years older older than your daughter) and I don't think any of my friends or their families ever knew. It's not something that's difficult to hide. My brother's teacher may have known, but it certainly wasn't a big deal thing for anyone. And this was over 15 years ago when it was much less common for people to be in therapy at all. The stigma has gone down a lot over time.

I really hope she gets some help.

 

[Deesknee]

We have tried to help her in any way possible. She says she realizes this probably will never happen again, but she still makes excuses as to why she doesn’t want to go anywhere and often stays in her room when it does rain saying “I just want to play in my room”. Deesknees if I may ask you since we have similar situations how did children in your town treat your son when he started therapy. My daughter is finally making friends here (we have lived here for almost a year now) and I know how word spreads. I just don’t want her losing friends because of what the parents think and don’t understand.

I'm going to pm you.

 

[Nik's Mom]

I sympathize with you, Allisdad. Our 8 year old, who happens to have ASD, was totally traumatized by a fire alarm. We had just moved from California and decided to spend some time at Great Wolf Lodge while our moving trouck was en route to our new state of Kansas. We were at Great Wolf Lodge in their water park when a fire alarm was triggered in error. We were not allowed to leave the water park for 10 minutes. In the mean time, that fire alarm went off at an ear-piercing volume. My ds started to shake like I've never seen. After that day, ds refused to go anywhere where he thought there was a fire alarm. I mean school, stores, any buildings. And anytime the tornado alarms tested in our town, he was hysterical. He missed a lot of school. In fact, I ended up home-schooling until we could get him back inside a building. In order to get him back into school, it took months of work. I still start to cry when I think of the work involved.

The process to get ds into a building again was very tedious. I won't bore you with the details, but it basically required exposing ds to different noises/alarms at lower volumes, then working our way up.
It's been two years, and ds is still nervous about sounds. He has never fully gotten over the incident. But he is way better. We ended up taking him to multiple therapists to get help. In the end, lots of patience and building up immunity to sounds has helped him.

Find a good therapist in your area. They will help you. In the mean time, I'm sending prayers your way. I know how difficult this must be for your family!