A Sensible Dinner - Pearlieq's Journal

[Lesli54]

Good morning, Pearlieq!

The past is the past. Time to learn from it and just keep moving forward. You are still here and that is all that matters.

Baby steps. One day at a time. However you look at it, you just have to keep persisting.

Sending you lots and lots of for a good day and a great week!

 

[pearlieq]

2/13/06

10:00am

--leftover broccoli in brown sauce with about 1/2 cup rice

12:15am

--1/2 order of peanut noodles with veggies & tofu

3:00pm

--1 chocolate covered caramel

3:45pm

--the whole.darn.can of Pringles

I can't belive I did this. I knew it was a mistake even opening the can and an even bigger mistake taking it over to the couch with me. I didn't even really want them or particularly enjoy them.

This feeling reminds me a lot of when I was younger. When I was around 12, I started experimenting with making myself sick after bingeing, and it grew into a pretty steady habit through junior high. It tapered off in high school and I haven't done it since my freshman year of college, but I feel today a lot like I felt back then--consumed with regret and wanting to do something to make it unhappen or at least make it better. I'm a lot older now and I know how to make better choices, but I really remember what it felt like.

For the past week or so I've given serious thought to converting back to an ominvorous life. Here's what's swirling around in my head on that topic.

1.) I miss meat. I miss all of my old favorites. It's been really hard to pass up things I loved.

2.) If I went back to eating meat, would I gain tons of weight because I'd go on a neverending McDonald's binge? How much as being a vegetarian kept me out of trouble? How much has it been just as bad for me? Am I really doing any better eating a grilled cheese versus a cheeseburger?

3.) What about my moral beliefs? Factory farming didn't suddenly become humane just because I miss hot dogs.

4.) What if I only bought organic meats from companies that treated their animals humanely? Is that good enough?

5.) Does this make me a weak and terrible person? Am I really OK with condoning and supporting horrible cruelty because I want a cheeseburger? Can I look at myself in the mirror knowing I'm consigning animals to suffering for my own pleasure?

6.) Does doing this mean anything now that my heart's not really in it anymore? Is there a better way for me to support animal welfare?

7.) What's it going to be like telling everyone? Will they think less of me? Think I'm a hypocrite? Will my reneging confirm their belief that no one can really make it as a vegetarian and those people are all kooks?

8.) Is this why I've been feeling so crappy over the past several months? Is this why my hair has been falling out and I've been sluggish and depressed? Am I not getting the nutrients that I need? Am I not disciplined enough to make sure I get a balanced diet as a vegetarian?

9.) With my PCOS/insulin resistance, are all the extra carbs I've been eating as a result of going veg part of the reason I feel crappy and sluggish and why I'm having trouble gaining weight? Would a higher protien/lower carb diet including meat make more sense for me from a metabolic standpoint?

10.) Would adding some meat back in actually be better for me? Would it mean I'm not eating so much cheese and so many unrefined carbs and snacks?

11.) Is this a failure? Did I give it a fair enough try? Am I OK with the idea that I tried and that it didn't work out for me?

12.) Why does meat seem kind of dirty to me these days? Am I OK with going back to eating it? How concerned am I about it "polluting" my system? What about all the germs, anti-biotics, hormones and all of the other nasties associated with meat?

I haven't made any final decisions yet, and I think I may check in with my MD about checking my thyroid and iron levels, but this is definitely weighing heavy on my mind lately.

 

[Lesli54]

WOW! So many things to contemplate lately.

Personally, I don't think less of you for thinking this through again and if you do go back to adding some meat in your diet, I won't think less of you then either. Of course, I know we don't see each other on a daily basis so it is not quite the same as wondering what those who are closer to you think. BUT, I see it as a learning experience and definitely a growth experience. You are trying to make changes to your lifestyle and that means looking at all options, trying a few and seeing what really best fits your needs and goals down the road. Sure some may scoff, but in the end you need to do what feels most comfortable to you.

You talked about getting more protein and lowering the carbs. Maybe there is a way to do that without going 100% to the meat end. I don't know, but I am sure that with the way you love to research you will figure it out.

Sending you to help make your choices "easier". Have a wonderful day!

 

[pearlieq]

2/14/06 - Happy Valentine's Day!

I haven't gotten around to breakfast. I'm not really hungry yet. We're not doing too much special today. Same as last year, we're ordering a heart shaped pizza from a local place. I can imagine we'll just wind up in front of the TV afterwards, but honestly I'm a little disappointed at the thought of that, so I need to come up with something better.

What gets me a little bit about Valentine's Day is this: I have to tidy up the house, come up with some kind of dessert and the rest of the meal, order the pizza, set up the table, fix my hair, find something nice to wear, shave my legs, and paint my toenails. DH has to show up. And maybe take a shower. Seems somewhat lopsided, doesn't it???

10:00am

--leftover cheese ravioli from last night
--1 breadstick

1:30pm

--1 double cheeseburger
--1 chicken sandwich

Well, I did it. Once the possibility crept into my mind, I couldn't shake the idea of trying what I'd been missing. This is probably more than I needed for lunch, but I wanted to try both beef and chicken. I'll call it an experiment more than anything.

I kept waiting to get smited or something while I ate them. I'm not sure what I was really expecting--maybe something was supposed to feel different? Honestly, they tasted pretty much how I remembered (good, but nothing terribly special) and I was done with them soon enough and it didn't seem like anything special. I'm still not making any final decision about what I'm doing from here, but I think I got more questions than answers about doing this...

5:45pm

--1 large trinidad candy

DH brought me home a card and candy, and told me he ordered the Pride & Prejudice DVD for me, which was really nice. Neither of us really had a taste for pizza, so we went out in search of food.

7:00pm

--1 piece garlic bread w/cheese
--green salad w/2 t. ranch
--2 or 3 small pieces sourdough bread w/2 pats butter
--cheese lasagna
--2 root beers

The lasagna was amazing! I couldn't believe how good it was!

9:00pm

--1/3 bag kit kat bites
--1 sm glass sparkling grape juice

DH brought home the grape juice, which was very cute. Sadly, though, the rest of the night was kind of a bust. DH has been working long hours and had to go in a 6am the next day, so he wound up watching TV until 10, then staggering into the bed and right to sleep. Oh well...

 

[Lesli54]

What gets me a little bit about Valentine's Day is this: I have to tidy up the house, come up with some kind of dessert and the rest of the meal, order the pizza, set up the table, fix my hair, find something nice to wear, shave my legs, and paint my toenails. DH has to show up. And maybe take a shower. Seems somewhat lopsided, doesn't it???

You are so right, it does seem lopsided. Obviously a man came up with the Valentine's day idea.

 

[Jane E.]

Happy Valentine's Day, Pearliq! Maybe your dh will surprise you tonight and do more than just show up. I bought a good bottle of champagne and dark chocolate - I think we'll probably just have hamburgers with it. We never go out on Valentine's Day - the restaurants are just too busy!

My kitty escaped!!! (for about one minute) I was outside reading and watching her. The phone rang so I ran in to answer it & when I came out she was outside the fence & the dog was crying. I called to her, turned my back on her & started playing with the dog. Within 2 minutes she was next to me. When I tried to grab her to take her back in the house she ran which greatly amused my neighbor. It took me another 2 minutes to get her back into the house. Cats are a lot harder to raise than dogs!! I don't see how you survive with two!

I see you're struggling with the veggie/meat eating lifestyle. You've raised some serious points along with your health issues. I hope that you're able to come to terms with whatever you decide. Its horrible that our society can't be more humane to the animals we rely on. Since most people nowadays refuse to wear dead animal skins on their backs maybe treatment of cattle, chickens etc will be the next area that is changed.

 

[pearlieq]

My kitty escaped!!! (for about one minute) I was outside reading and watching her. The phone rang so I ran in to answer it & when I came out she was outside the fence & the dog was crying. I called to her, turned my back on her & started playing with the dog. Within 2 minutes she was next to me. When I tried to grab her to take her back in the house she ran which greatly amused my neighbor. It took me another 2 minutes to get her back into the house. Cats are a lot harder to raise than dogs!! I don't see how you survive with two!

Oh my! That had to be an adventure! They are such stinkers, aren't they!

Our only got out once, and it sure did a number on me. A worker had walked out of our house but didn't secure the door properly. I had no idea that something was up until I got a call from a neighbor that the cats were out on the porch! I flew out there and luckily they came in when called, but it sure it harrowing, isn't it?!?

Glad she's in safe and sound!

 

[pearlieq]

2/15/06

9:15am

--1/2 piece leftover lasagna
--1/3 bag kit kat bites
--1 cup sparkling grape juice

The Kit Kat bites didn't need to happen, but I was 1/2 asleep and not thinking clearly. The only good thing was that I did pour some into a tiny bowl so I didn't wind up finishing a whole bag. I'll take what I can get, right?

Diana is so cute right now! She's curled up in her chair in the living room using DH's sweatshirt as a pillow. She's in a perfect little ball with her paw covering her nose. It's so adorable! Magellan just woke up from his morning nap, so he's on the carpet in front of me shaking out the cobwebs and trying to figure out what to do next.

1:30pm

--leftover veggie lasagna
--1/2 cup green beans

I need to find something to do with myself this afternoon. DH says he's coming home early, and I'm making enchiladas for dinner tonight. I hope he does make it!

4:00pm

--1 chick'n sandwich
--1 apple

So far it's been a productive afternoon. I've gotten laundry done, tidied up, sorting through all of our filing, and straightened out our junk room upstairs. Not bad for an afternoon. Now I'm just going to rot my brain with M*A*S*H reruns and non-educational internet surfing until DH comes home.

5:30pm

--1 chick'n sandwich
--1 large handful sunchips
--the rest of the Kit Kat bites

6:00pm

--4 pieces whole grain toast w/butter and nsa jam

Good grief! Will I ever get this right???

9:00pm

--1 order potatoes
--1 burrito
--part of another burrito
--about half of a mexican pizza
--most of a med Sierra Mist

DH got stuck at work super late and we wound up punting. So much for today...

 

[eeyore25]

Hi there,

Just wanted to pop in and say hi!!!

Sorry to hear that your day didn't work out the way it was suppose to....that is always tough when you plan and it does not work!!!

Keep it up. Have a great weekend!

 

[Jane E.]

Pearliq, your kitty sounds so cute all curled up in a ball. Yesterday, my cat was in heaven. The electric went out about dinner time so I sat out on the patio with her for over an hour. Usually she only gets about 10-15 minutes of outside time. My neighbor & I had a blast watching her. Cats are just too cute!

Hang in there with the food plan. Its been rough for me the past two weeks. We can do this!

 

[Lesli54]

Good morning, Pearlieq!

Just stopping by to see how you are doing. I hope that today is a good day for you. Try to stay warm. At least there is sun, right?

Take care, I am thinking of you.

 

[pearlieq]

2/18/06

OK, first things first. Tracy, where is your journal? I must be losing it, because I can't find it!!! Please forgive me if I'm hopelessly out of the loop or something...

I'm starving this morning and need to go get something to eat here soon. DH is still fast asleep, but he's had a rough week and I'm sure he needs it.

Work has been such a bear lately. These next few weeks are going to be awful, but it's really going to be busy all the way up to when we leave on our cruise (and I probably won't be coming back from the cruise since I'll get thrown in some foreign jail for running around naked because none of my clothes fit...) I really do need to focus, try not to panic, and just tackle this all methodically. I need to be very disciplined about not slacking off or procrastinating. Me, disciplined. Right, no sweat!

In other news, I've decided to try going back to eating meat. I've experimented a little this week and I swear I feel better already. I guess I was just a very bad vegetarian. So far people have been kind and supportive when the hear the news, for which I am very grateful.

10:20am

--2 chick'n sandwiches

 

[toystoryduo]

2/18/06

OK, first things first. Tracy, where is your journal? I must be losing it, because I can't find it!!! Please forgive me if I'm hopelessly out of the loop or something...

Hey pearlieq~

Sending you a PM....

 

[Lesli54]

Good morning, Pearlieq!

I am so glad that you are feeling better. There is more of a positive energy in your post. I am also glad for you that people are understanding your choice to reconsider the meat issue. It is all about trial and error and if you try something and in the long run it makes you anxious or you just don't have the energy, etc., then it is time to reconsider and I think you are doing a wonderful job in weighing this all out.

I hope that your day goes well.

 

[pearlieq]

2/19/06

9:45am

--1/2 cup chopped kiwi

Not much time to write. I'm off to go meet my old friend from high school for lunch, a bridal show, and dress shopping. Should be an experience. It's not every day you leave the house with a strapless bra stuffed in your purse!

 

[eeyore25]

Good Morning,

Just wanted to pop in and say hi!!!

You are doing a great job....keep up the good work!

 

[goldcupmom]

Good Morning, Pearlie!

I haven't been posting, but I've been checking up on you periodically.

Hopefully your struggles will start resolving.

Eat meat, ENJOY it, and move on! You are in control and you CAN get healthy and lose the weight!

It sounds like you are beginning to get a handle on things and portion control - just keep the Pringles and Kit Kat bites out of the house!!
(my binge is salt & vinegar chips and anything Chocolate! If they're here I have to eat them ALL!!)

Have a good week! Glad the Kitties are surviving winter.

 

[eeyore25]

Hi there,

Hope you are doing well.... Keep up the good work.

Happy Friday!

 

[pearlieq]

3/5/06

Well, today is my WISH-iversary. I have thoughts about it, but they're not coming together well. Still, I thought the day should be marked.

Today was a nice day. DH left for a business trip to Austin. He's home Wednesday, so I only have to get through 3 sleeps by myself. I went to a baby shower for a friend and had a nice time catching up with former co-workers.

Afterwards, I went out and bought the dress I'd been looking at for our cruise this May. Here's a picture:

http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridesmaids_detail.jsp?stid=1552&prodgroup=139

I ordered it in a nice clear royal blue. I need to drop about 5-10 pounds so I can breathe and move in it. Still, that's better than my dress for semi-formal night. That one is going to need 20-25 pounds and/or a really strong, scary undergarment.

 

[pearlieq]

3/6/06

10:30am

--2 veggie burgers
--1/2 pkt ranch dressing
--1/2 cup applesauce

I got a very late breakfast this morning. I have GOT to go to the grocery store. We have so little food in the house--no milk, no bread, no eggs, etc. I'm having to get very creative to come up with meals!

It's snowing today, which is thoroughly icky! I'm really hoping it stops, so that my trip to the store isn't a dirty, slushy mess. I should go out and clear the sidewalks, but it's still snowing, so why bother? Of course it had to snow while DH is out. I swear he planned it! I don't even know how to turn on our snowblower, so I guess I'll have to go out and do it the old-fashioned way. At least it's good exercise, right?

12:30pm

--1/2 can lentil soup
--1 pkt goldfish
--1/2 cup apple sauce

4:00pm

--2 pieces wholegrain toast
--1 T each light butter and low sugar jam
--1 apple

I finally went to the store, but they didn't have several things I really needed. So, I guess I'll need to make a trip later this evening. I'd rather wait than deal with rush hour.

I'm kind of struggling at the moment--I really feel the need to binge. I'm hoping I can work through it and mitigate it somehow.

5:00pm

--more toast

6:00pm

--10 pc honey barbecue wings
--double cheeseburger

I hope that's it but I have a sneaking suspicion it's not. It's been a bad, bad few days. I guess there's nothing to do now but try again...