A Sensible Dinner - Pearlieq's Journal

[pearlieq]

1/27/06

--9:00am

--leftover ravioli and bread from dinner last night

We had a nice restaurant meal last night, which I managed by going through in halves. I split the most AMAZING piece of key lime pie with DH last night. It was the most perfect custard with a great key lime flavor that slowly developed when you took a bite. I was very impressed. Since we had a gift card to use up, I took a piece for the road. I've got it in the fridge now waiting for an opportune moment.

I'm meeting DH for lunch here pretty soon, then I've got to stop at the store. I think I'll try heading out for a walk this afternoon. It's a nice day and I've been itching to get out. We're staying in tonight and clearing out the TiVo. I'm making black bean enchiladas. Should be good!

12:00pm

--florentine benedict
--fried potatoes

Lunch at Egg Harbor. Yummy! Off to my walk, then an afternoon relaxing until DH gets home.

4:30pm

--1 strawberry cereal bar

Trader Joe's cereal bars are the best! I've never had a bar that yummy before.

I had a great walk today. It felt so darn good to get outside and to move around. It did so much for my mood. I really hope the weather stays good so I can get out more.

6:00pm

--3 black bean & cheese enchiladas
--1 orange

The enchiladas turned out great. I think the leftovers are going to be even tastier!

8:40pm

--1/2 sm piece key lime pie
--1/2 100 cal bag kettle korn

Small snack before bed. We need to turn in early tonight because we're judging a high school business competition tomorrow morning. I'm honestly not a huge fan of the experience. I keep getting matched with these close-minded, pinched teachers with no practical frame of reference and barely controlled biases towards the kids. Still, I was part of it when I was in high school and I'm still close with the sponsor, so I do it every year.

 

[eeyore25]

Hi there!!!

Just wanted to pop in and say hi!!! Hope things are well and you had a great week.

Keep up the great work. Happy Friday!

 

[eeyore25]

Hi there,
Hope you had a great weekend!!!

Happy Monday!

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi pearlieq!

Stopping by to say hi and see how you are doing. Hope you have a wonderful Wednesday!

 

[eeyore25]

Hi there,

Just wanted to pop in and say hi!!!! Hope you are having a great week

 

[pearlieq]

2/1/06

10:15am

--1 egg & cheese biscuit
--1 cup rice w/1T butter

3:00pm

--1 pad thai bowl w/peas
--1 piece toast w/butter & nsa jam
--1 cheese enchilada entree
--1 cup light ice cream
--4 or 5 sugar free turtle candies

7:45pm

--1 pear

8:45pm

--3 pieces small spinach stuffed pizza
--1 Coke

I've been feeling like a termite for the past couple of days. I'm about ready to gnaw a hole in the house!

So, I haven't been around much lately. I wish I could claim I was busy or some other worth excuse, but the simple truth is that I've just fallen away. This used to be so important to me, and I used to invest so much in it, and that's been dropping off over the last several months until it's just gone. And I think I need it back. Keeping the journal is very helpful to me. I do better when I keep an accurate record of what's been going on, good or bad.

I really wanted to be a lot lighter by now, and I'm not and I'm sad and frustrated about that. I'm up 10 pounds from my lowest, and I know that will just continue until I've gained back everything and then some. I really don't want that.

I've also realized how important having a goal is. In the abstract it seems silly and arbitrary, but it really did work for me. So, I'm reinstating my ticker. I miss my fishy.

My main goal for the near future is to be under 300lbs before our cruise this May. I really want to be able to be proud of myself and my accomplishments (not to mention fitting into my cruise dresses!). I'll put up the ticker to get me back to where I first started (315) and then I'll put up the next one to get me down to my goal!

I need to figure out about exercise as well. It's finally getting warm enough to walk outside, and I can't wait for that. I also enjoyed my yoga class and am interested in keeping up with it. Other than that I'm not sure what I want to do with myself.

I didn't have the best experience with Duane the trainer. He showed me some good things, but it never seemed to be what I wanted or what I was looking for. I kept feeling pushed into something that didn't fit me. Plus there was always something that didn't quite sit right with me about how he approached our relationship. I finally broke up with him yesterday (I know that sounds strange, but that's really what it was like!) and it was awkward and somewhat unpleasant, but I do give myself credit for standing my ground and not offering any apologies or excuses. But, with that done, it's still left kind of a bad taste in my mouth that's affecting how I feel about the gym and even working out in general. I need to work through that and get the focus back to myself.

Well, this was a mouthful. It kind of all just came pouring out. I'm feeling a lot better these days. I'm feeling a little more sane, a little more sure of myself, and more ready to tackle things. And I really do want to be here.

 

[pearlieq]

2/2/06 - Happy Groundhog Day!

8:45am

--1/4 small spinach pizza
--1/2 can Coke

I woke up kind of late today, but it felt good to steal those last few minutes. I'm feeling pretty darn good today. Ready to try to be productive today. I've got dishes and laundry to do, and some bits and pieces for work.

It feels like a good day!

11:40am

--1/4 small spinach pizza
--1/2 can Coke

I got a work meeting, dishes, and laundry done this morning. Now I'm going to tackle some bills. It feels so nice to get things done!

2:30pm

--1 individual cole slaw

I finally got out this afternoon. I took a nice walk around the neighborhood and then went out to mail the bills. I picked up my snack then headed to downtown Oswego. I checked out the local bike shop. I want one of those old 50's style bikes with the candy colored frames and big whitewall tires. I loved the selection they had, but they were pretty pricey. Maybe I'll save up for one.

I then headed to the library to read up a little on personal finance. All in all a nice afternoon!

5:30pm

--1 apple
--8 veggie dumplings
--2 T peanut sauce

UGH!!! I am so frustrated! DH and I have been trying to open IRAs, but we keep having issue after issue with our banks!!! I spent an hour on the phone this morning an another half hour at the branch this afternoon trying to get it ironed out. And it's still not competely straight!!! Argh!!!

I'm kind of hoping DH might be amenable to going out for dinner. I need to relax!

7:00pm

--2 sugar free turtles

I was starving! I needed something to take the edge off...

7:30pm

--1/2 6" italian loaf w/butter
--part of my salad w/croutons and 1 t. ranch
--most of a linguine with olive oil & broccoli
--1 caramel sundae

Wow, this meal was a comedy of errors! First we get there to find they won't take our entertainment book coupon because they changed management. Fine. Whatever. Then they refused to refill our bread. Apparentley their policy had changed and now they're charging $3.00 for every 6" round after the first! I couldn't help laughing at that one. Then they brought out my entree and it was literally just drained noodles and vegetables. Absolutely no oil or seasoning! I sent it back, and they fixed it (I can only imagine what that conversation was like in the kitchen!). It was edible, but not terribly good, but I was hungry. Then I found a piece of plastic wrap in my entree!!! I called the waitress back (again) and this time they comped my meal and most of DH's. What a mess! DH took me for a consolation sundae afterwards.

 

[Lesli54]

Good morning, Pearlieq!

Just wanted to pop in for a few minutes. I am so glad that you have decided to come back and have realized how important this is. Been there. By the time the holidays were over, I thought seriously about giving this all up. But like you, I had gained and I realized that holding myself accountable through journaling was the best way to get it back off. Besides what do they say about when people leave support groups? When they leave, that is usually when they need the support the most? That kept going through my head and I knew that if I completely left then I would continue to sprial down with into stressville and upward on the scale.

Look at it this way. At least you are 10 over your LOWEST weight, not your highest. This is very managable and you can easily get back to the lowest again if you set your mind to do so. I am in your corner.

BTW, missed the fishy, glad he is back.

Have a good day and remember we are in this together. Have a little to brighten your day.

 

[pearlieq]

2/3/06

9:30am


--2 eggs
--2 pieces cheese
--2 ww tortillas
--3 T salsa

Yummy! I'm so hungry this morning. That always happens when I start behaving myself. I'm hungry over and over and half the time I get hungry while trying to fall asleep and wake up starving.

I hate to say it, but I have no desire to work today. It's OK, I can definitely make it up over the weekend. I know we won't be doing much on Sunday! Maybe I'll even try to get some done later today. DH is going to be gone until late tonight, so I'm pretty open for the next 12 hours... I was thinking of going to the mall tonight, and/or maybe getting together with my mom. I was also going to go lift at the gym today. I'm a little apprehensive about running into Duane the trainer and having it be all awkward, but I know I need to face it and get back on the horse, so to speak.

1:45pm

--1 pad thai bowl w/peas
--1 large handful cucumber slices
--1 orange
--1 cup milk

It's been a productive morning so far. I took care of some personal errands and even went to Curves for a workout. I just didn't feel like going to the gym. I think I'll see if DH wants to go lift with me tomorrow. He should be amenable to that.

I actually enjoyed Curves. There's part of me that really wants to get back to the basics and to what worked for me before. It's kind of fun realizing that maybe I don't know everything. I think part of my problem with Curves (and pretty much everything else for that matter) is that I just take it too far. I don't want to go to Curves 6 times a week, but one or two I can deal with and even enjoy. I kind of like this whole growing up thing. I feel like I'm becoming a better person the more I learn about myself and the world.

Still thinking about going to the mall, I should probably go grocery shopping, and I was thinking of trying out a spa school for a facial. We'll see what actually happens...

5:30pm

--1 piece Sbarro cheese pizza

I did go and try the spa school for the facial and it was really nice. I'll definitely go back! The tech was really nice and very professional. Afterwards I was very hungry but couldn't decide where to eat. I wound up just heading for the mall. I thought Sbarro would be tasty. WRONG! They much have changed their pizza or I've grown up or something because it was worse than frozen! Ick! Not to mention the one lousy piece of pizza and a drink was over $5!!! I won't make that mistake again!

7:30pm

--8 veggie dumplings
--2 T peanut sauce
--1 meatless smoked sausage link
--1/4 cup cashews

I was pretty hungry again when I got home. I stopped at 2 grocery stores, but still couldn't find veggie foods on sale. It never fails--they'll be on sale for weeks but as soon as I run out, not a sale to be had! I'll keep trying, though. I miss the convenience of veggie burgers and chick'n patties.

I think I'm in for the night now. DH will still be a couple of hours. I think I'll head up and watch TV and/or read for a while.

8:15pm

--1 nsa pudding cup

I'm already getting hungry again, dagnabbit!!!

10:00pm

--1 T boursin cheese spead
--5 or 6 pretzels
--large handful cucmber slices
--1 nsa pudding cup

I caught a quick snack with DH when he got home.

 

[pearlieq]

2/4/06 - Weigh In

326.4 - Down .6 from last week

I'm trying so hard not to take this personally! I know it's really only been a few days and that I'm probably hoding on to TOM weight, but it's still discouraging. Here's to next week being better!

 

[pearlieq]

2/4/06

9:30am

--2 slices of dutch pancake
--1/2 orange

This is such a yummy breakfast. I still don't get how 2 eggs, 1/2 cup each of splenda, Bisquick, and milk, and a chopped pear can fill up a whole pie plate.

We're going to head out to do some errands, then see if we can't find some fun today!

11:45pm

--1 large slice cheese pizza
--1/2 Jimmy John's provolone slim w/tomatoes
--1/4 bag barbecue potato chips

I was super hungry by this time and wound up buying both and sandwich and a piece of pizza. Cooler heads prevailed when I got home and I wound up saving half of my sandwich and chips for later.

Still trying to find something to do. It's so sad that two 20-somethings with time and money can't find anything to occupy them. It's too cold to do most anything outdoors, there's really nothing we need to shop for, and there's no movies we want to see. What now?

**************************
Today didn't go very well. I got very bored and stir crazy and we couldn't really find anything to do. I wound up getting frustrated and a little depressed and tried eating to make myself feel better. Of course it didn't work...

Ready to try again tomorrow...

 

[pearlieq]

2/5/06 - exactly 3 months until our cruise!!!

10:00am

--1 carton lowfat yogurt

Well, I'm ready to try again today. Yesterday was a mistake, but it's in the past and I'm leaving it there.

I think I'm going to talk to DH about ditching our gym membership. He seems to prefer using our elliptical trainer at home, and after everything I've done at the gym and with Duane the trainer, what I truly enjoy and am willing to do is walking. I can do simple strength training exercises at home, and even use the elliptical or ride a bike for a change. I don't like having the guilt of not going to the club hanging over me, plus the whole Duane the trainer experience has just left a bad taste in my mouth. I did enjoy the yoga, but there's no reason I can't just sign up for a class. It would still be less expensive than the gym membership. I'll have to see what DH thinks...

12:30pm

--1/2 portion asiago dip
--1 6" slim french roll
--part of a salad w/ranch
--1/3 at most of a lemon pasta entree

We tried a new local restaurant. I was pretty happy with it even though some of our food wasn't that great. My lemon pasta sauce was waaaay too sharp. It really needed some olive oil/butter/cream to mellow it out. Still, I think it's got potential and I'm sure we'll be back.

I had a very frustrating experience at the gym. They wouldn't let me cancel! They said we had a 1 year contract and that it couldn't be canceled. The contract has a cancellation provision that says that the cancellation fee is equal to the monthly payment. The gym rep said that meant that the fee was equal to the monthly payment for the rest of our membership, not just one month. I say bull, but the membership director wasn't there, so I'll have to revisit it on Tuesday. I don't deal with frustration well. Even now just writing this I can feel myself getting stressed. I'm just so mad about it!

I think the rest of the day is kind of a wash. DH has got the superbowl pregame jabbering on and that will go for the next 3+ hours. The funny thing is, if I wanted to watch 7 hours of something, he would either subtly make it obvious he'd rather be doing something else or just disappear. It seems like he always gets his own way and what he wants, regardless of how I feel about it. I suppose if I made a big stink he might be a little more aware of what I might want, but it certainly doesn't filter through on its own. Wow--that's pretty cynical. I wonder where that's coming from?

5:30pm

--Superbowl snacks (cashews, cucumbers, light popcorn, pretzels, and sun chips)

I'm a little hormonal today. I might be the 3 times I started crying with no provocation. At least poor DH is relieved. He couldn't figure out what was up with me!

9:00pm

--1/2 small spinach stuffed pizza

I really enjoyed watching the game and having a nice relaxing evening.

I'm reading the world's most depressing book. It's Ben Stein's called "Yes, You Can Still Retire Comfortably" but it paints this horrible doomsday scenario that most of the world is horribly prepared to retire and there's very little chance of being solvent anyway and you won't see a dime from social security if you save and take care of yourself and what's more you'll be taxed into oblivion to cover everyone who didn't prepare. Might depressing read...

 

[pearlieq]

2/6/06

8:45am

--1/4 small spinach pizza

I didn't sleep well last night. I just couldn't get comfortable and I kept moving around all night. I woke up sore and not well rested. Luckily I bounced back pretty fast. Not sure what's on tap for today. I should work out and there's a few things I need at the store. Other than that it should be quiet.

11:00am

--1/4 small spinach pizza
--1 jello cup

I got hungry again. So far I have not done much with my day, but that's OK. I'll probably come around later and at least try to get some chores done.

11:45am

--4 pieces whole grain toast w/1 1/2 T butter and 3 T nsa jam
--3 nsa turtles
--1 jello cup

Whoops! This is not a stellar moment. Still, I'm going to just wait it out. I'll have something reasonable when I get hungry again.

3:30pm

--1 light string cheese
--1 pad thai bowl w/peas

Finally got hungry again. I think I might go upstairs later and work out on the elliptical trainer. I feel like I want to do something today and it feels nice!

6:30pm

--1 veggie brat on a light bun
--1 serving macaroni & cheese
--1/2 cup light fruit cocktail
--1/2 can green beans

This was yummy, but I'm getting hungry again already. I'll have to find a yummy snack.

Didn't wind up going the elliptical this afternoon, but I didn't eat like a maniac all afternoon either, so I guess it's a wash. We're sitting around in front of the TV again tonight. We really need to find something better to do with ourselves.

9:15pm

--1 veggie sausage in a light bun w/ketchup
--1 PB&J with low sugar jam on whole grain bread

Hopefully this holds me for the night!

 

[pearlieq]

2/7/06

9:15am

--1 bowl raisin bran w/1% milk

So far so good today. I'm feeling good, the sun is out, I've got a few things to do for work but it's not too bad. It feels like a good day. I just wish it were warmer. I can't wait to get back out for my walks!

12:30pm

--1 PB&J on whole grain white w/1T each peanut butter and low sugar jam
--1 1/3 servings leftover macaroni
--1 apple
--the rest of the cucumber slices

Still feeling pretty nice today. I've got to go to the store later, but that's about it. Trying to decide if I want to go to the library or not, and also thinking about what, if any, kind of workout I'm looking for today.

Magellan is driving me nuts today! He's spent the whole morning prowling around the house, meowing, and jumping up on the tables/counters where he knows he's not allowed! Mook! I don't know what he wants. He has food, even though I know he's not crazy about it. Their water fountain is in the dishwasher, so maybe that's what's got him agitated. I offered him toys, brushed him, petted him--everything! He's working on my last nerve! Hopefully he goes down for his afternoon nap soon.

2:30pm

--10 cashews

4:30pm

--1 Clif bar

I've got such a case of the hungrys today! I thought seriously about giving up, but managed to ride through it. I took myself to the library, mostly just to get myself away from the kitchen, and then made a grocery stop. The lady in front of me in the checkout line was too bizarre! It took her forever to unload her cart because she insisted on sorting, grouping, and stacking her foods. It was the strangest thing I've ever seen. I guess I can see wanting all the frozen stuff together, but what's the deal with making sure you have two perfectly even stacks of frozen vegetables?

5:15pm

--1/2 cup cottage cheese
--100 cal pack popcorn
--1/2 cup light fruit cocktail

Still very hungry, but this did take the edge off! DH should be home pretty soon so I can get a proper dinner.

6:30pm

--3 egg omelet w/1 1/2 pieces American cheese
--1 cup oven roasted potatoes
--1 orange

This was very tasty and seems to have satisfied me, though I'm sure I'll get an evening snack later. I've found that if I haven't overeaten during the day that I almost always need a late evening snack. If I try to skip it I just wind up not being able to sleep, so I find it's better just to get something.

9:30pm

--1/2 cup leftover potatoes
--2 pieces whole grain toast w/ 1/2 T butter and 1 1/2 T nsa jam

This is really more than I wanted to have, but at least I didn't totally go crazy. I wanted to, but I managed to hold it together pretty well.

 

[Lesli54]

Good evening, Pearlieq!

You are doing really well today and I admire your determination to see this through. I am going to make you my inspiration for a few days. Any time I feel like munching, I will just remember how you got busy and avoided it OR ate a reasonably healthy well portioned snack to get through.

I need to plan my snacks during the work day better, maybe that will help.

Keep up the great work and just hang in there. You will get to where you want to be in no time.

 

[pearlieq]

2/8/06

Ugh...I'm not having the best morning. I woke up feeling OK, but now I'm kind of bummed. I weighed myself and I'm a pound HIGHER than I was last week! How that could have happened, I don't know, but it's really bumming me out. It takes so much effort to stay OP. What if I never get anything out of it? How long can I hold out without some kind of reinforcement?

Plus, I really don't want to work, but I know I need to. I don't wanna do my chores, but I know I need to. I thought about going to the gym today for a yoga class, but there's part of me that's developed a real aversion to the club and I'm not sure whether I should honor that or fight against it. It won't be warm enough to walk for quite a while, and I really miss it. All I really wanna do is run to McDs and buy hundreds of calories worth of unhealthy breakfast.

This day has to get better right? What can I do to pull myself out of this?

10:15am

--1 cup raisin bran
--2/3 cup milk
--1 small banana

I finally started feeling hungry, so I had a smallish breakfast. I finally found chick'n patties on sale yesterday so I'm really looking forward to having them for lunch. I also got myself started on some laundry and a small work issue. I always feel better when I'm at least a little productive.

1:00pm

--2 chick'n patty sandwiches
--1/2 cup cottage cheese
--1/2 cup applesauce
--1/2 cup green beans

I've been looking forward to this all morning!

2:00pm

--1 cup cottage cheese
--3/4 cup applesauce
--2 pudding cups
--1 1/2 cups buttered rice

This was a major stumble. Ugh.

7:00pm

--1/2 order bruschetta
--2 pieces bread w/2 pats butter
--all of DH's fries
--2-3 ravioli
--most of a piece of chocolate cake

By this point I wasn't really being all that careful about what I ate. It's was OK food, but I really didn't need all I ate.

Not a great day...

 

[pearlieq]

2/9/06

--10:00am

--leftover ravioli

I'm still feeling so discouraged. I jumped on the scale this morning and of course yesterday's indiscretions made me gain 800 pounds. It all feels so hopeless. I really do want this, but it feels so much harder this time around.

4:00pm

--2 chick'n sandwiches
--1 banana
--2 large handfuls Sun Chips

7:00pm

--1 JJ's provolone sub
--1 bag BBQ chips
--1 medium Coke

Dinner out with a friend. Very good for the soul!

9:15pm

--1 lemon bar
--2 chocolate grahams
--5 squares cheese pizza
--1 vanilla caramel bar

Ugh. I stopped in Starbucks on the was home from JJ's, and got way too many treats and ate them all. Pretty much the only thing I did quasi-right was not finishing all of the pizza...

 

[toystoryduo]

Hey girl!

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling discouraged right now. I know that I have been feeling quite discouraged myself the past two weeks. It was a combination of DH's new job, lack of money, the winter blahs, and a situation with a family member. The past few days have been a bit better though. Keep on keepin' on Pearlieq! It will get better soon!

Please be sure and take extra special good care of you, okay? PM me if you need someone to listen.

 

[Lesli54]

Good morning, Pearlieq!

Hang in there. I think many of us are at the frustrated stage and I am thinking that alot of it is the "depression" of winter. It's too cold to walk outside on days that you feel like jumping into your plan with both feet, but you don't feel like sitting all day, but you just don't know which way to go. The good thing is that spring is only a few weeks off and you will be ready to go.

Some days I think I am so far off base that I need to start completely over, but I think starting from scratch is ok because really in the long run you are not starting from scratch. You have already lost quite a bit of weight and you just need to pick back up begin to retrain yourself for life. We always said that we are building a lifestyle and that takes time. Look how many years it took for you to build the habits that you have now, it is just going to take more time to build the life you want.

I hope that your day is a really good one for you.

 

[pearlieq]

Yesterday and today were both unmitigated disasters, but oddly enough, I seem to have found some inspiration.

I'm still here, still willing to try...