A question for parents with more than one kid

[DVC Jen]

I have two DDs and I always tell them.. You're my favorite.. but I love your sister more.

I say the same thing to both of them. Confusing my DDs is one of my favorite pasttimes.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Hey...I started this exact thread about a month ago!

I do remember this exact thread. I had to look at the date to make sure I wasn't reading that thread.

 

[Rex Rules]

Every one has a "favorite" - people who say they don't are lying to themselves and to others.
We only have one child and the simple fact is because DH was NOT ever the favorite - his brother has been treated vastly different every day of their life. It's sad.
We have 7 nieces and nephews and have a definite favorite - he is my nephew and he hung the moon, as far as I am concerned.

 

[allie&mattsmom]

I have a dd-10 and a ds-8. I can't say I have a favorite but when one is acting up, I want to spend time with the other one! Generally, when one is "in a mood", the other one is an angel so to speak. I think they feel sorry for me because the other one is being so evil! They never are both really bad at the same time. I guess this is God's way of not giving me more than I can handle!

 

[RitaZ.]

Not this week, they each have annoyed me equally this week. I don't know if it's Christmas or what, but it has been around here this week.

 

[mickeyboat]

I have a dd-10 and a ds-8. I can't say I have a favorite but when one is acting up, I want to spend time with the other one! Generally, when one is "in a mood", the other one is an angel so to speak. I think they feel sorry for me because the other one is being so evil! They never are both really bad at the same time. I guess this is God's way of not giving me more than I can handle!

My kids do this too. Emily has been a bear for a little over a week. I am ready to sell her to the gypsies. Hannah has been the sweetest little angle during that time. It doesn't take long for them to learn, does it?

Denae

 

[tiff211]

I do something like this, when they are all in the room, I'll hug them one at a time and say "you're my favorite but don't tell your sisters!" loud enough so they all hear me.

 

[SnowAngel]

All three of mine are my favorite. I tell each of them it's a secret.. they are my favorite but keep it a secret.

 

[SeaSpray]

Every one has a "favorite" - people who say they don't are lying to themselves and to others.
We only have one child and the simple fact is because DH was NOT ever the favorite - his brother has been treated vastly different every day of their life. It's sad.

Wow. This is SO not true. But I am really sorry for your DH though It is very sad that he was treated so differently (in a negative way) than his brother.

I have 2 sons, ages 17 1/2 and 14 1/2. I can honestly say (and yes, I've thought about this over the years, asking myself if I did have a favorite or not) that I do NOT have a favorite.

Both of my DSs have a LOT in common, but they also have a LOT of differences. I tell both of them, in front of each other "You're my best one". And when they say "We both can't be your best one", I tell them "Yes you can. You probably will have to wait to understand this until you have kids of your own, if you have 2 or more".

I truly love and enjoy each of my sons AS IF they were my only one.

 

[RitaZ.]

I just wanted to add, my mom swears that she has treated all of us equally and doesn't have a favorite. The truth is that as much as she says that, her actions speak louder. My oldest brother is her favorite, always has been and always will. She always defends him, justifies what he does/says and he can do no wrong. It gets a little at times; even when I bring it to her attention, she denies it.

I have told DH that if I ever show that blatant favoritism toward one of our kids to just smack me.

 

[Cindy's Mom]

I just wanted to add, my mom swears that she has treated all of us equally and doesn't have a favorite. The truth is that as much as she says that, her actions speak louder. My oldest brother is her favorite, always has been and always will. She always defends him, justifies what he does/says and he can do no wrong. It gets a little at times; even when I bring it to her attention, she denies it.

I have told DH that if I ever show that blatant favoritism toward one of our kids to just smack me.

too much venom....

 

[Kitty 34]

I have favorite attributes for each of my sons.

Oldest DS (25)....has a knack for making me laugh

Middle DS (18)....we share great intellectual conversations

Youngest DS (16)....is very calming. He is great at fixing things because he never gets too agitated.....like Mom can.

 

[4greatboys]

Every one has a "favorite" - people who say they don't are lying to themselves and to others.

Wow what a sweeping generalization and an incorrect one at that. Since you dont know me I dont really think its appropriate for you to speak for me, or other parents.
I can assure that I do not have a favorite child. I love each of my kids for who they are and what they bring to our family. Are there times I feel closer to one child than another? yes but that happens will all the kids, not just one.
Im sorry you dh had a childhood like that but I can assure you not all families are like that.

 

[RitaZ.]

too much venom....

What do you mean by that? Toward my mom?

 

[Cindy's Mom]

What do you mean by that? Toward my mom?

Toward your mom, toward your brother, remember anger is like acid, it only destroys the container holding it.

 

[RitaZ.]

Toward your mom, toward your brother, remember anger is like acid, it only destroys the container holding it.

Actually, I have a good relationship with my mom and my brother. There is no acid, as you put it. As I said, it does bother me when my mom goes on and on, but I'm learning to ignore it and accept that I can't change it. This topic doesn't define my relationship with them, it's just merely something that annoys me at times. Also, it was related to the topic being discussed.

 

[FayeW]

Yes, I admit it. I absolutely have a favourite. Our daughter personifies the term "high maintenance". She goes out of her way to irritate and antagonize her brother, and everything has to be done her way or it is a huge drama. It is hard not to favour a child who is co-operative, loving, pleasant and does what he is asked. He is not perfect, and he certainly has his moments, but our son is my favourite.

Please don't misunderstand. I love my daughter very much, but as the "squeaky wheel" she gets all the grease. I spend alot of time worrying about what she will or will not like, do or go along with. It is very tiring. On the other hand, she has a terrific sense of humour, and is very socially conscious. One day in the summer she came downstairs with the phone in one hand, and the telephone # for World Vision in the other. We know have a foster child in a Third World country. She filled the grocery sack for the food bank when the donation bag came in the mailbox. She is an amazing child, but she can push my buttons like nobody on this planet.We like to go shopping together or lie on the couch reading. I recently set up a job shadow day for her at our vet's office. She missed a half day of school, and got to watch surgeries (dog spay, cat neuter & declaw, lumpectomy) and sit in on office visits. It was a major event for her, and pretty amazing experience for an 11 year old child.

My son is just an easy going child. The one thing he will never doubt in this world is that his mother loves him. When he was 6, he had to do an "all about me" booklet for school. He described his family as "My dad is cool. He is in the army." My claim to fame? "My Mom loves me".


ETA: Don't feel too sorry for her, she's her father's favourite. The old stereotype "Daddy's Girl & Mommy's Boy" is alive and well in our house.

 

[rnd4life]

Every one has a "favorite" - people who say they don't are lying to themselves and to others.

That statement is so far from the truth! I absolutely do not have a favorite when it comes to my boys! I love them both equally, my heart is BIG enough to love LOTS of people so I don't have to play favorites.

I love them the same but for very different reasons. My oldest was my first born and I consider him not only my child, but as he grows, I consider him a friend. He's an awesome kid and fun to do things with. My 3 year old is such a sweetheart so I love him so much because of his easy-going personality.

I would feel terrible if I ever played favorites with my children. I couldn't imagine the hurt they would feel if they ever found out.

 

[mommaU4]

Yes, I admit it. I absolutely have a favourite. Our daughter personifies the term "high maintenance". She goes out of her way to irritate and antagonize her brother, and everything has to be done her way or it is a huge drama. It is hard not to favour a child who is co-operative, loving, pleasant and does what he is asked. He is not perfect, and he certainly has his moments, but our son is my favourite.

Please don't misunderstand. I love my daughter very much,

I think you're very brave to admit that.


I don't think that all people who say they don't have a favorite are lying but I do think there are some who have a definate favorite but are too embarrassed or feel too guilty to admit it. I don't think that saying you have a favorite means you love that one more or the others any less. Maybe you just get along better with that child.

Just because they are our children doesn't mean they don't have their own personalities and sometimes you just click better with one than the other. And I'm sure over the years as you and they change, the kid you click with will NOT always be the same one. I don't think there's anything wrong with admitting that.

I love my all my kids everyday, but there are some days when I may not like one very much for whatever reason. Even when we're not getting along I'd still give my life for any one of them if I had to. The key is not that you can't have one your closer to, the trick is to make sure you still treat them all fairly and with lots of love.

 

[ellyn2000]

When DD was young, she used to beg me to tell her who was my favorite. She was really serious! Finally I told her that she was. She was thrilled. Then I called DS #1 aside and told him not to tell the others, but he was my favorite. He was thrilled. Then I called DS #2 aside and told him that he was my favorite. He was thrilled..........until the day DD blabbed to her brothers that she was my favorite. Now years later it's still a big family joke. They will be standing behind their sibling and mouth, "I know I'm really your favorite." We made a DVD to send to DS #1 in Iraq for Christmas and at one point DDIL stands up and covers the ears of DD and I speak directly to the camera and explain to DS #1 that he's really been my favorite all these years and we only had those other kids in case he didn't turn out well. Now we're stuck with them!