A question about playdates and siblings

[bookgirl]

my nephews are twins, but my brother and ex sil have always been very adament about the fact that they are two seperate people. They have individiual play dates and sleepovers and when they have a friend visiting then while they may all play together it is the twin who invited the friend that is hosting and if they want to play alone they do.

They have always had one big birthday party but they each get to invite thier own particular friends, and when they are invited to parties they are not an assumed pair, if both boys are not invited then the one goes and the other knows that there will be other times when he is the only invited one.

The boys are very different and so they often do NOT want to play together, however they attend a private school and the team sport with all thier classmates so thier friends are all from the same groups, so they often do play together and most often they are both invited to events. But it is not required and not forced on them.

 

[emma'smom]

My dd's are 2 1/2 years apart. When dd7 has friends over, I expect that they include dd4 in some of their activities. However, I find that dd7's friends will often "set my 4 year old up" and are actually mean to her--ordering her around, being bossy, etc. DD4 follows along willingly for awhile because she wants to be included. Inevitably, I eventually pull her away to do something else. However, I do think the older girls could be nicer to her and my dd7 often gets stuck in the middle.

Note- This happens most often with neighborhood kids during impromptu play dates (rather than organized pre-arranged play dates where I am more likely to make other arrangements for dd4).

 

[mhsjax]

We have a mixture in our home. We have 5 kids from 14 to 5 years old so there's always a group around. I try to make sure that if one of the kids has a friend over that they do get some alone playtime but I also encourage them to include other siblings in games or playing outside. It's a balance.

I really try to steer clear of the "playdate" title. It annoys me for some reason.

wow, I thought I was the only one. I HATE that "playdate" term, unless you are talking about little 2 or 3 year olds, then it doesn't bother me as much.

 

[Frye7127]

okay, not to hijack the thread, but this has been bothering me for a while and I need some opinions/advice.

My DS8 had a dear friend from school over a few weeks before school started. He had no seen him all summer and they both were excited to get to play together for the day. A boy from their school who is a year older and lives up the street has played at my house a minimum of 20 hours a week this summer. DS has never been asked to come to his house to play and usually it is just a video quest from the moment he arrives whether son is around or not .

The day the friend came over, the neighbor drove her boy down and dropped him off and he walked in and ran upstairs before I could say anything...They played video games for a while, but DS and friend wanted to play something else and he didn't. They hung out with him for a while and finally I told him he needed to go home for a while. I wanted DS to be able to spend time playing with his friend from school and neighbor boy had been at my home for 2 1/2 hours by this point. He asked me questions why he had to go, etc. It was awkward and I felt bad. DS's friend does not know neighborboy.

How would you have handled this? Was I wrong to ask him to go home so my child could play with the friend he had invited? How should I handle this in the future if it comes up.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

Me and my sister are pretty close in age, but I don't remember ever playing with her friends when they were over when we were younger.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

okay, not to hijack the thread, but this has been bothering me for a while and I need some opinions/advice.

My DS8 had a dear friend from school over a few weeks before school started. He had no seen him all summer and they both were excited to get to play together for the day. A boy from their school who is a year older and lives up the street has played at my house a minimum of 20 hours a week this summer. DS has never been asked to come to his house to play and usually it is just a video quest from the moment he arrives whether son is around or not .

The day the friend came over, the neighbor drove her boy down and dropped him off and he walked in and ran upstairs before I could say anything...They played video games for a while, but DS and friend wanted to play something else and he didn't. They hung out with him for a while and finally I told him he needed to go home for a while. I wanted DS to be able to spend time playing with his friend from school and neighbor boy had been at my home for 2 1/2 hours by this point. He asked me questions why he had to go, etc. It was awkward and I felt bad. DS's friend does not know neighborboy.

How would you have handled this? Was I wrong to ask him to go home so my child could play with the friend he had invited? How should I handle this in the future if it comes up.

I don't think you were wrong. If anything I think his mother was rude to just drop him off and assume it was okay for him to be over.

 

[mhsjax]

We have a mixture in our home. We have 5 kids from 14 to 5 years old so there's always a group around. I try to make sure that if one of the kids has a friend over that they do get some alone playtime but I also encourage them to include other siblings in games or playing outside. It's a balance.

I really try to steer clear of the "playdate" title. It annoys me for some reason.

wow, I thought I was the only one. I HATE that "playdate" term, unless you are talking about little 2 or 3 year olds, then it doesn't bother me as much.

 

[disykat]

I don't think you were wrong. If anything I think his mother was rude to just drop him off and assume it was okay for him to be over.

The only thing "wrong" was not blocking him (which you shouldn't have to do, but it sounds like that was the only option) and telling him immediately that ds had company today and can't play. IMO this boy's mother is enjoying her free daycare.

 

[bigbabyblues]

It depends on who the playdate is. I have two boys, they're 2 years apart. One family we have playdates with has two boys that are the same ages as mine; we include both boys when we invite them, and they do the same. Another family, if we invite their DS over, he is DS8's age, they play together, sometimes DS6 plays with them, but I don't invite his siblings. If DS8 is invited to his house, his mother always asks for DS5 to come too....she has 7 children, and even though they don't have any that are his age, there are a couple that are close and they play together. Another of DS8's friends is an only child and does not, will not play with DS5 to save his life. In the rare event that he is invited over (not because he won't play with DS5, there are several other issues with him) I remind DS5 to leave them alone.

DS5 is starting kindergarten next week, so I'm guessing we'll have a new set of friends coming over to play, and DS8 will have to respect the younger ones.

 

[Stacerita]

It might just be an issue of 3's a crowd.

 

[aprilgail2]

My brother and I are 2 years apart and we NEVER interferred with the other when they had a friend over. They were not forced to play with the little or big sibling as part of the rule. I think its terrible that a parent would expect the other sibling and the friend to include the other in their playdate. Why not just invite a friend over for each child then they can leave each other alone- thats what my friends that have more than one do! My daughter had one playdate at a friends house and that mother expected them to play with the two little siblings- that is one house she never wanted to go back to- at 8 its more like they were babysitting the 4 and 5 year old while mom took a break!

 

[PaulaSue]

I have 3 girls, they will invite a friend but many times if the silibling is close in age they are invited also. All my girls play with the inivited friend most of the time. Once in a while they will go in a room and close the door but otherwise playing in the playroom and snacktime is all of them.

Once you have 2 kids the more the merrier!

 

[Disney Doll]

My brother is 5 years older than me. I can remember always wanting to hang around when his friends were over...I thought it was "cool" to hang with the big kids. They were all pretty nice & tolerant for the most part, but my mother usually put a stop to it very quickly, simply by saying "Leave your brother alone to play with his freinds. They don't want a little sister hanging around"...

I am not psychologically damaged from my mother essentially telling me I was a pest.

 

[mumom95]

My kids are 9 and 8, 18 months apart, one boy one girl. When they were younger (6 and under probably) if one had a friend over, they usually all played together.

Now that they are in school, if one has a friend over, they don't play together as much. Sometimes they do, but if the child with the friend starts complaining, I will tell the other child that they need to leave their brother/sister alone.

Being a boy and girl, they just don't have the same type interests. If they were this close in age and the same gender, I imagine they would play together more.