A Plea: People Posting Confidentially

[Liberty Belle]

No need to be sorry. Here's what I was trying to get across:

1. You want something (meal or advice)
2. You need to provide something (payment or username)
3. You run a risk (credit card being stolen or problem associated with your identity)
4. You try to minimize the risk (do not leave credit card on table or use a second, novel username to ask for help)

In both cases, people can try to minimize the risk more, but in both cases they are taking steps to minimize it.

Where is the analogy breaking down for you?

Do you write or teach? Your communication skills are excellent!

 

[Liberty Belle]

You know what they say when you assume.

I was not being snarky. I was just stating a fact.

I need to fix my snark meter, then. It's definitely malfunctioning.

 

[ShesAPirate]

This is not an issue about following the guidelines. Frankly, it's about not being a jerk. Not everyone can afford to run to a doctor or therapist (we don't all have health insurance, FYI) or lawyer (seriously?! $$$) every time we have a question or issue. Not all of us can talk to the people around us when something is bothering us. Sometimes, you might want to be 'net anonymous and just hear other opinions and advice from someone who might've been in the same situation at some point in their lives. I know there's no such thing as privacy on the internet -- this isn't about that, either. Sleuthing out the details, finding other posts, etc., and then calling someone out who is just asking for help (or venting, more likely) is the equivalent of "nya-nya-nya-nya-nyaaaaa, I know your real name -- and I'm gonna tell!" It doesn't help the 'anonymous' poster, and just makes the outer feel good about themselves.

For the record, I've never posted as someone else (in 4 years on these boards, I've only made just over 1000 posts with my real name). I am very fortunate to have a great support system and people to turn to when I need help. Not everyone is so lucky, and I don't see any point in dragging them into the spotlight against their will.

 

[Robinrs]

I have never and would never out someone posting anonymously. But I can't control what anyone else does and neither can you or the OP in an anonymous thread. That is my point.

If you start an anonymous thread like the ones you are describing there is a change someone will figure out your real identity and post it or hint at it. That is a risk you are knowingly taking because you can't control what anyone else does.

Complaining after it happens is not going to help. In fact the people who kept quoting and chastising the person who "outed" the anonymous person in the thread you are talking about probably called more attention to the anonymous person's identity than the original outing did anyway. I hadn't even looked at that thread until this one was started and I wanted to see what it was about.

Complaining is part of what this board is for? Did you just register?

 

[bgirldeb]

Complaining after it happens is not going to help. In fact the people who kept quoting and chastising the person who "outed" the anonymous person in the thread you are talking about probably called more attention to the anonymous person's identity than the original outing did anyway. I hadn't even looked at that thread until this one was started and I wanted to see what it was about.

Same here.

 

[ols386]

For the same reason that you or anybody else did not feel the need to send a PM.

Why did others quote my post and then comment when a PM would have done the same? We all know the answer. To show their superiority but in reality they made one small line stand out to all.

But as far as I can tell, you were not trying to post anonymously.

In the other thread, the op WAS trying to post anonymously, and you called them out on it. I guess I'm not sure what your point was in doing so?

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

Same here.

Me three.

FireDancer said it well. I don't understand outing someone; I also don't understand starting a separate thread to call attention to it.

 

[JessicaR]

I have a different plea. If you have something so private you don't want your already obscure online persona associated with it the Internet is probably not the right place to put it.

Just sayin'

This is the internet....if you want complete privacy, don't post your issue on a message board.

This is how I feel too.

Good manners, common sense, and moral standards are only useful to those that have them. Good luck trying to change those that don't.

It's a nice thought to want that OP.

 

[jrmasm]

No need to be sorry. Here's what I was trying to get across:

1. You want something (meal or advice)
2. You need to provide something (payment or username)
3. You run a risk (credit card being stolen or problem associated with your identity)
4. You try to minimize the risk (do not leave credit card on table or use a second, novel username to ask for help)

In both cases, people can try to minimize the risk more, but in both cases they are taking steps to minimize it.



Where is the analogy breaking down for you?

Well first of all, announcing 'I'm a regular poster using another name" is not minimizing risk. That is putting a big, red, flashing arrow on yourself.


Let me give an analogy that I think works better: I should be able to get blind drunk and pass out naked in the middle of the streeat at 3:00am and not be messed with. I should be able to do this but since we live in a very imperfect world, I would be an idiot to do so.

 

[disykat]

Hi there.

I have looked in on some threads in this forum in which the OP was posting under a different username in order to preserve some sense of confidentiality when discussing issues that they do not want to have associated with their "main" persona here. I have also seen, in some threads, that subsequent posters sometimes guess as to that person's main persona in the thread itself.

I would ask you to please not do this, even if you are sure that you know who the poster usually posts as on these boards.

They have a reason for wanting to remain as anonymous as possible when discussing these issues. It is not a puzzle or challenge for the readers. Your guessing at their "true" identity in the public realm of a thread here, even if you are right, does not make you smart. It means that you are betraying that person's wish for some distance.

There are enough threats to privacy online. Please do not be another one.

As a disclaimer, I have only ever posted on these boards as the username you see beside this post. I have not been "outed" in a thread in the way that I am describing here. I just feel for the people whose privacy has been invaded by other people outing them. It could have very real ramifications in their lives. Please keep that in mind, and be sensitive to it. If you must satisfy your curiosity, a Private Message would keep the person's identity, well, private, just like they intended. Keep in mind, though, that if they do not confirm or deny your suspicions, it is because they still want to maintain the separation between the main persona they use here and the problem that they wish to discuss with people who are, in the main, helpful and thoughtful.

Please do not cause more problems by directing attention to the real person behind the problem. Thank you for your consideration.

I totally agree. I pretty much lose all respect for people who prove themselves to be DIS stalkers. That said, I don't remember poster names from thread to thread enough to remember who the DIS stalkers are.

I have never gone annonymous, but people do it because of the DIS stalkers. Sadly, it just seems to bring them out more.

Gotta love the "We can bully anyone we want, you're not the boss of me" responses this is bringing out though!

 

[ilovepcot]

I think the only person you outed was yourself.

 

[JessicaR]

Well first of all, announcing 'I'm a regular poster using another name" is not minimizing risk. That is putting a big, red, flashing arrow on yourself.
Let me give an analogy that I think works better: I should be able to get blind drunk and pass out naked in the middle of the streeat at 3:00am and not be messed with. I should be able to do this but since we live in a very imperfect world, I would be an idiot to do so.

Its that or be thought a troll. At least thats why I think they state they are a regular poster. To have people give their post thought and consideration. But I do agree it makes some start playing the guessing game.

 

[FireDancer]

I think the only person you outed was yourself.

Stop doing that, I hear you'll go blind.

 

[DEA]

I have never and would never out someone posting anonymously. But I can't control what anyone else does and neither can you or the OP in an anonymous thread. That is my point.

If you start an anonymous thread like the ones you are describing there is a change someone will figure out your real identity and post it or hint at it. That is a risk you are knowingly taking because you can't control what anyone else does.

Complaining after it happens is not going to help. In fact the people who kept quoting and chastising the person who "outed" the anonymous person in the thread you are talking about probably called more attention to the anonymous person's identity than the original outing did anyway. I hadn't even looked at that thread until this one was started and I wanted to see what it was about.

I know I cannot control other people's behavior. I thought, though, that I might ask in a nice and respectful manner if people might refrain from attempting to pierce the veil of secrecy that people are trying to keep intact when posting here at times.

Me three.

FireDancer said it well. I don't understand outing someone; I also don't understand starting a separate thread to call attention to it.

Please note that I did not start this thread with a reference to ANY particular previous thread. I did not want to call attention to a thread, only to a pattern of behavior I have witnessed. If you do not understand outing someone, then you might understand the frustration I have felt in seeing people have their "real" identities guessed at in the threads. I have seen some number of threads on which such things have happened, and I wanted to avoid the archeological expeditions to find such threads by starting anew.

I see that I have failed miserably, and for that, I apologize to anyone on any thread who has had more attention directed their way.

I did not intend this to be a personal attack on anyone, which is why I also refrained from identifying previous threads or usernames or even timeframes of threads that have caught my attention.

Again, it comes down to this: This purports to be a community. It's right there in the forum title. I feel that, as a member of the community, I should look out for people in the community who might suffer because of something someone might say. I do not mean that they would feel insulted, or judged, or have their feelings hurt by people on a forum; that, I think, is an assumed risk for posting on any forum. I mean that they or their loved ones might be exposed to real physical, mental, financial, and emotional risk. Granted, maybe people should not rely on an alias to protect them, but they do, and I do not see the harm in asking people to refrain from unmasking them, even if the disguise seems to some to be as silly as Clark Kent's glasses.

 

[Robinrs]

This is how I feel too.

Good manners, common sense, and moral standards are only useful to those that have them. Good luck trying to change those that don't.

It's a nice thought to want that OP.

Wow, AMEN!

I totally agree. I pretty much lose all respect for people who prove themselves to be DIS stalkers. That said, I don't remember poster names from thread to thread enough to remember who the DIS stalkers are.

I have never gone annonymous, but people do it because of the DIS stalkers. Sadly, it just seems to bring them out more.

Gotta love the "We can bully anyone we want, you're not the boss of me" responses this is bringing out though!

 

[ilovemk76]

I need to fix my snark meter, then. It's definitely malfunctioning.

That is why I said if I had gotten a PM that stated it came across wrong I would have removed it. Once it was quoted there was not point in removing it.

 

[crashbb]

Given that you seem to agree that the "disguise" is useless, wouldn't you be better to suggest that they stop posting, rather than trying to tell everyone else how to act?

 

[DEA]

Well first of all, announcing 'I'm a regular poster using another name" is not minimizing risk. That is putting a big, red, flashing arrow on yourself.

That sounds a little like blaming the victim. I suggested that they were trying to minimize the risk. There are 80,000+ people on the board (someone else threw out this figure), so the chances of it being any particular poster is 1/80,000. It's the personal information that leads people to their guesses about identity, not the identification that the poster is one of the tens of thousands of people on the boards.

I would also suggest that people who say that are actually saying, "You might know who I am, but I am trying to maintain some separation by posting this under a different username. Please respect that rather than take it as a challenge."

Let me give an analogy that I think works better: I should be able to get blind drunk and pass out naked in the middle of the streeat at 3:00am and not be messed with. I should be able to do this but since we live in a very imperfect world, I would be an idiot to do so.

And if you did so in a community where you had some level of trust with people, some folks might actually try to get you safely out of the street and home into bed, and suggest to you gently that you not do that sort of thing anymore.

I think that's what some of the people who post here under an assumed name might need, rather than to be left in the street, have their pictures taken and put on the front page of the local newspaper, and have video of it posted on YouTube.

 

[Uncle Remus]

That is why I said if I had gotten a PM that stated it came across wrong I would have removed it. Once it was quoted there was not point in removing it.

Here's another nice feature about internet message boards, the Quote Button:

I was talking about a PM to me. I might have removed the post if I had gotten even one PM but as soon as the "police" showed up I decided to let it stay.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I have to agree with FireDancer.

My other thought is that a good portion of the alias names here aren't done for confidentiality, they are done because the 3 years of posting behind the first user name looks bad in terms of the current crises.

Such as

Grand Floridian
Grand Floridian
12 day Disney Cruise
AKL Villas

then all sudden

"Any advice? I need to file bankruptcy."

See it over and over here.

Again, why follow another person so much. Do you really have that much time?