A Plea: People Posting Confidentially

[ilovemk76]

How about if you think you know who the anonymous poster really is, you show respect and keep quiet about it. You only show your true colors when you "deliberately" out them.

If I can figure it out in 10 seconds then so can the spouse. Can you imagine how you would feel if your spouse was talking about your mental illness on the internet?

I really feel bad for the spouses of those who come on here to say they hate their marriage. Get counseling, get a divorce or live with it. Only you can deside.

 

[CurlyGirl]

I also don't see any mods telling people not to out them (this thread was not started by a mod, for example).

Why should mods have to do this? Isn't it just common courtesy to keep your mouth shut if you know who it "really" is?

I suppose maybe we need to have a refresher course on what common courtesy is?

 

[Liberty Belle]

If I can figure it out in 10 seconds then so can the spouse. Can you imagine how you would feel if your spouse was talking about your mental illness on the internet?

I really feel bad for the spouses of those who come on here to say they hate their marriage. Get counseling, get a divorce or live with it. Only you can deside.

So why not send her a pm if you're so concerned? You can pat your own self on the back, if it helps.

 

[ols386]

If I can figure it out in 10 seconds then so can the spouse. Can you imagine how you would feel if your spouse was talking about your mental illness on the internet?

I really feel bad for the spouses of those who come on here to say they hate their marriage. Get counseling, get a divorce or live with it. Only you can deside.

What makes you think the poster's spouse is on here?

 

[pacrosby]

What makes you think the poster's spouse is on here?

Yeah, that's kind of funny. My husband wouldn't be caught dead wasting his on time on a message board.

 

[CurlyGirl]

If I can figure it out in 10 seconds then so can the spouse. Can you imagine how you would feel if your spouse was talking about your mental illness on the internet?

I really feel bad for the spouses of those who come on here to say they hate their marriage. Get counseling, get a divorce or live with it. Only you can deside.

First off, who says the spouse reads here? My husband doesn't read here.

Second, it's my guess that people are looking to vent or ask advice from people who will not gossip about them to other friends or family members. Of course, only the person involved can make the decision on what to do but it often helps to hear others stories and get info., don't you think?

 

[RitaE]

Why should mods have to do this? Isn't it just common courtesy to keep your mouth shut if you know who it "really" is?

I suppose maybe we need to have a refresher course on what common courtesy is?

I'm always amazed when people equate "my view" with common. Obviously, there are people here who disagree with your view. You may think them rude, that's your right. You can hold a refresher course on what you consider courtesy if it makes you happy, but I really haven't seen anybody breaking the official DIS guidelines when they "out" a poster's alias.

Maybe if the issue disturbs you so much you'd be better served by contacting the moderators and asking to have the guidelines adjusted.

 

[DEA]

I have a different plea. If you have something so private you don't want your already obscure online persona associated with it the Internet is probably not the right place to put it.

Just sayin'

Maybe so, but they made the choice to do so sensing some value in it, and have tried to get a modicum of privacy in doing so. I am just suggesting that, for people seeking help anonymously, outing them isn't going to help.

If you post the same details yesterday under your "official" name and then today under your "hiding" name how do you expect it to be annoymous?

If your marriage is in trouble go to a counselor or see the Dr. who prescribed the meds. Nobody here can really help you.

A better plea it too keep your private life.... private.... on the internet.

They are trying to keep some things private, thus the reason they are posting under a different ID.

they aren't all that private.....the mods know.

And the mods are in a position of trust in this community and I have not seen a moderator out anyone in this fashion.

Agreed.

Plus, I just don't get the point of threads like this.

My point: I see something that is potentially doing harm. I am asking, nicely, I think, for people not to do this harm. Perhaps they do not realize that it could be harmful, and I have now brought it to their attention.

If I can figure it out in 10 seconds then so can the spouse. Can you imagine how you would feel if your spouse was talking about your mental illness on the internet?

The spouse may not be here, and therefore the person thinks it will be a safe place to discuss an issue with which he or she would like outside advice.

People actually do talk about a spouse's mental illness in tons of forums all over the Internet. They do so with other people who might be going through the same issues, or with those who might offer advice. People who post here under another identity are, in fact, trying to protect said spouse-with-mental-illness by attempting to keep the spouse's identity out of it by cloaking his or her (the poster's) actual identity. So, if my spouse were seeking counsel on the Internet in good faith for just about anything having to do with me, I would appreciate the fact that she was trying to protect my (and her) privacy. I would not appreciate someone drawing an arrow toward our family by outing her.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'm always amazed when people equate "my view" with common. Obviously, there are people here who disagree with your view. You may think them rude, that's your right. You can hold a refresher course on what you consider courtesy if it makes you happy, but I really haven't seen anybody breaking the official DIS guidelines when they "out" a poster's alias.

Maybe if the issue disturbs you so much you'd be better served by contacting the moderators and asking to have the guidelines adjusted.

You don't think it's common courtesy not to out someone who is wanting to remain anonymous?

 

[ols386]

I'm always amazed when people equate "my view" with common. Obviously, there are people here who disagree with your view. You may think them rude, that's your right. You can hold a refresher course on what you consider courtesy if it makes you happy, but I really haven't seen anybody breaking the official DIS guidelines when they "out" a poster's alias.

Maybe if the issue disturbs you so much you'd be better served by contacting the moderators and asking to have the guidelines adjusted.

So if someone posts anonymously and you think you know who they really are, you would deliberately out them?

 

[ICF]

This is the internet....if you want complete privacy, don't post your issue on a message board.

 

[CurlyGirl]

I'm always amazed when people equate "my view" with common. Obviously, there are people here who disagree with your view. You may think them rude, that's your right. You can hold a refresher course on what you consider courtesy if it makes you happy, but I really haven't seen anybody breaking the official DIS guidelines when they "out" a poster's alias.

Maybe if the issue disturbs you so much you'd be better served by contacting the moderators and asking to have the guidelines adjusted.

Oh, good lord. Are you kidding me with this?!
Is respect for others on the list of Dis rules? If so, it's respectful to let other people remain anonymous.

 

[ilovemk76]

So if someone posts anonymously and you think you know who they really are, you would deliberately out them?

Saying you know who they are does not mean you posted their name.

 

[RitaE]

No, I don't think it is all that rude. I suspect I've probably outed some people on message boards before but I really can't recall one right now.

As far as here, as long as they aren't breaking DIS guidelines I don't have a problem with what somebody posts. If I think they are wrong or rude and it disturbs me enough, I'll tell them so. I really didn't see a problem with this mornings reveal to tell you the truth. On a scale of rudeness I've always felt much more uncomfortable with people who bring private marital and medical issues to such a large public forum. If my spouse did something like that to me, I'd consider it really rude.

 

[tlbwriter]

On a scale of rudeness I've always felt much more uncomfortable with people who bring private marital and medical issues to such a large public forum. If my spouse did something like that to me, I'd consider it really rude.

If I wanted some input on private marital issues, I think an anonymous post on a message board is preferable to discussing it with friends and family who actually know the spouse.

 

[CurlyGirl]

On a scale of rudeness I've always felt much more uncomfortable with people who bring private marital and medical issues to such a large public forum. If my spouse did something like that to me, I'd consider it really rude.

Here's a hint ... If you are uncomfortable with people bringing private marital and medical issues to a public forum, DON'T READ THEIR POSTS.

 

[kamik86]

If I wanted some input on private marital issues, I think an anonymous post on a message board is preferable to discussing it with friends and family who actually know the spouse.

However the spouse may feel that you shouldn't have been going ANYWHERE for input on that. Becuase they don't want you to talk to anyone about it.

I don't post anything on this board or any other then I wouldn't let my husband read. Yes that includes the times that I have posted about the latest thing my husband is doing that is driving me crazy (Like how I spent all my time not at work yesterday doing grad school work and he spent it on the couch online or watching TV and didn't get any housework or packing for our trip in 2 days done). Its not like I haven't told my husband about it already.

 

[jrmasm]

If I wanted some input on private marital issues, I think an anonymous post on a message board is preferable to discussing it with friends and family who actually know the spouse.

I think it's much smarter to speak to one close friend or family member that you can trust rather than speaking to 80,000 + of your closest internet friends.

 

[Robinrs]

I'm always amazed when people equate "my view" with common. Obviously, there are people here who disagree with your view. You may think them rude, that's your right. You can hold a refresher course on what you consider courtesy if it makes you happy, but I really haven't seen anybody breaking the official DIS guidelines when they "out" a poster's alias.

Maybe if the issue disturbs you so much you'd be better served by contacting the moderators and asking to have the guidelines adjusted.

Most things concerning common sense and courtesy have no laws attached, it's just morality, something we learn if we're lucky enough to absorb it.

As for the guidelines, I would feel foolish to add something to a rule that I'd think would be common sense amongst adults. I'd THINK they'd know better.

After 13 years on this board... am I kidding???

 

[Liberty Belle]

Saying you know who they are does not mean you posted their name.

What's the point of saying you know who they are?