Let me pre-face this by saying 1 week before we were scheduled to leave Jeremy's boss told him he was would not be able to use his personal time as they were going into a "war room" after being given billions of dollars to invest
This was truly the trip that never was supposed to happen.
Jeremy: It's okay darling, I'll poison myself at work throw up at my desk claiming salmonella and all will be well
Me: WHHHHHHHHHHATTTTTTT?!?! Are you crazy? Absolutely not!
Jeremy: surrrre, it'll be fine I'll just put a little bit of visine in my drink and all will be well. I'll bounce back in 10 minutes
Me: ...googling using Visine in someone's drink stumble across
"The active ingredient in Visine drops can cause..
-Lowering body temperature to dangerous levels
-Making breathing difficult, or halting it completely
-Blurring Vision
-Causing nausea and vomiting
-Elevating and then dropping blood pressure
-Causing seizures or tremors
And last but not least....
-sending the ingestor into a coma
......hmm, maybe that's not the greatest idea
Jeremy: I've got it, syrup of ipecac
Me: What the hell is syrup of ipecac?
Jeremy: It's a substance you take to make you immediately vomit if you've poisoned yourself that bullemic's often use
Me: No, absolutely not!
1 Week Later
After ingesting his lovely syrup of ipecac
Jeremy: ...groaning into cell phone from downstairs lobby of office......this was a terrrible idea
Me: Jeremy I told you not to do it!
Jeremy: it worked....we just need the doctors note....more groaning...please pick me up I don't want to get on the subway, I think I'll throw up on someone
Next stop: the lovely doctor
At this point I'd like to note Jeremy is completely fine. And I mean, COMPLETELY.
On doctors bed groaning and faking salmonella. And when I say groanin' I mean GROANIN'. He was faking it to the highest degree. If there was a academy award for best hooky player Jeremy had it, hands down.
groaning...."doc I'm realllllllllllllly ill ughhhhhhhhh"
Doctor: Yes, yes I can see that, wait here for a moment"
Doctor leaves room...Jeremy sits up and looks at me with a huge grin and raises eye brows three times in only a way that a 5 year old boy playing hooky or person going to Disneyworld can.
Doctor comes back......"now Jeremy I'm going to give you a shot in the buttox for your nausea"
Jeremy had a look only a deer in the headlights could have at that moment. I really felt bad for him but at the same time was doing all I could to not start hysterically laughing. It was just too much.
Jeremy: Doc, I realllllllly don't think I need that
Doctor: Don't be silly, it's only for nausea
Next thing you know, Jeremy pants down gets a smack in the butt and a needle. Poor guy.
We make our way up to the receptionists desk..."so you need a note for today"
Jeremy: uhhhh, you better make that till Monday, I feel really, very ill
Receptionist: ::raises eyebrows:: whatever you say
We walk our way down the stairs and out the door and Jeremy lets out a few profanities about his shot but then finally a big YAHOOOOOOOOO. We're going to Disney my friends!