A man in the women's dressing room...what would you do?

[poohandwendy]

I am sure it would have shocked me, but given the circumstances described, I wouldn't have been upset by it.

Now, if he were looking around and acting strange, I would have definitely had an issue with it.

That said, I am certain that if my DH were ever left to raising the kids alone he would sucker a female family member into doing the clothes shopping with the kids, even my son, LOL. Except for tennis shoes, for some reason he has this thing about tennis shoes and likes to take them shopping for them. Go figure.

 

[bumbershoot]

I would have been surprised, but like you would have figured it out quickly (though I'm only 5'3" and probably woudln't have been able to see over the door, LOL (our tj maxx has quite tall doors and walls)). At that point it wouldn't have bothered me.


I'm actually pretty impressed a 10 year old girl was comfy letting her dad pick out swimsuits. By 10 I could barely let my mom help me with that, and was mortified wearing a bathing suit around my dad (and it was trips with him where I wore them mostly!).

I wonder how some of you would feel about some of the dressing rooms in NYC. Some have no door, no curtain. Some are just a big room with hooks.

Reminds me of outlet shopping in San Francisco in the 80s. Man oh man did I hate trying clothes on. But I liked the clothes once the trying-on was done!

I'm still shocked that many women thought it was just fine to bring boys into a womens restroom and have a problem with somebody in a dressing room. IMO there is far less privacy in most rest rooms and people are far more exposed.

IMO a "womens" dressing room and restroom should be just that, no exceptions.

Even my 3 year old????? Um yeah, I'll be sending him into a men's room all alone...



This thread is also reminding me of a visit to a friend who was attending UC Berkeley, and her dorm had unisex BATHROOMS. They had nearly top-secret style locks, and extremely HIGH stalls and shower walls (a basketball player couldn't have looked over, OK maybe Yao Ming (is that his name?) or the tallest man in the world (or woman for that matter), but not the average or above-average college student). But yeah, I knew about it in advance, I wasn't surprised, so I think maybe the surprise is the difference.

 

[Cass]

I would have asked the guy how I looked in my dress

 

[TurboKitty]

I have to admit, I am still a little surprised that some women here think that the sight of their near nude form might even faze that dad. He wasn't some masher and no matter your state of dress, you wouldn't be a blip on his radar, given his current mission.

This just bothers me, because I can relate it to the few times my husband may HAVE to assist our 9 year old daughter, (who's developmentally disabled with autism but it's not obvious especially from a distance) in a public restroom. He's immeadiately seen as some sort of molester when they enter or leave.

 

[Macca1111]

The guy was commenting on how nice the gf/wife/so looked and there were comments like "You are so fine", "foxy", etc... I was so creeped out!

I can't believe that was allowed to happen! Crrreeeppy!

just that I was surprised he was allowed in the women's dressing room and it made me uncomfortable.

And it's totally ok to feel like that. I have a problem with your whole siutation just from logic standpoint. I agree with many who've said:

I have taken my now 17 year old daughter shopping hundreds of times, and when she is trying on clothes I wait for her outside the dressing rooms and let her step out to show me(if she wants). I would never want another man to walk into the dressing rooms when she is not fully clothed in there, even if he was shopping with a daughter or wife.

Isn't that what everyone does? If she's not ok coming out in her bathing suit, she shouldn't be buying it right? I always came out of the dressing room for both parents, so that my parents weren't just hanging around being creepy and taking up valuable space. That way you pass by the 3 way mirror too on the way in and out too. I can see both people's perspectives in this, but I think it would have been stopped by some simple logic - she goes out to see daddy in whatever suit she's trying on. It sounded like she was defiently capable and didn't need an adult just hanging out outside her room. That's my thought.

 

[Taqwus]

Honestly if you feel uneasy with it and you are very phobic about it the solution is simple. Just wait for him to leave. You both are paying customers and he has a duty to watch out for his child and to help them
Odds are he never even knew you were there, I know when I got stuck in the same situation I never even noticed anyone around me and could have cared less
This is basically the same thing as mom following the son in the mens change room

 

[fan_of_small_world]

Has anyone mentioned that the OP only *thought* that the girl was 10? My DS is only 8, but he could easily pass for 10 or 11. I'm sure it would have been hard to get a good look at her in passing, so maybe she was a bit younger but just older-looking.good

 

[iloveboardwalk]

LOL, I guess I'm one of "those" women who just cannot make a single decision for myself.

Sometimes my husband and I go shopping together. He waits outside the dressing room, or sometimes finds other things for me to try on. It's not because I just cannot decide what to buy without him or because we're "joined at the hip." It's because we enjoy spending time together. Silly me.

Sometimes, I buy my own clothes without anyone else around!!

Likely the OP's situation would have made me uncomfortable. I probably would have waited until they were done because I am kind of a prude and even though the man was most likely not one bit interested in anything except helping his daughter, it would have made me jumpy. I wouldn;t have faulted him though, a dads gotta do what a dads gotta do.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Its all about comfort level and what your used to.

Years ago BC (before children) I used to travel with the Iams Superdogs with my collie. We used to change outfits in a big room, men woman together. Yea you could use the restroom but most of the Iams shows took place at huge dogshows so it was almost impossible to get in and out of the bathroom and change as quick as we needed to.

It was weird at first but after a while it wasn't a big deal. You just got used to it. So after doing things like that, my modesty is gone.

 

[HunnyPots]

I don't understand why he needed to be IN the stall with his daughter while she tried on swimsuits. My daughter would have never let her daddy do that past the age of four! Oh well, different comfort levels...

A few years ago, DD and I were looking for a prom dress at a store in the mall, maybe JC Penny, I can't remember, but there was a man who would NOT stay out of the dressing room while his teenage daughter tried on dresses. he kept insisting that he had to be there to "approve" even though the mother was there too. Other mothers began to complain and one mom confronted the man directly and it got pretty intense with him getting in her face and saying a few not-so-flattering things, so the store manager ended up asking the man to leave with the threat of calling security.
Now THAT was an uncomfortable dressing room situation!

 

[dreamcometrue]

it probably wouldn't have bothered me either since he was there with a child. My DH probably would go in the dressing room if my DD called him or needed help, but I am always the one going shopping with the kids, so we never have that problem!

It would only be weird if he was by himself!

 

[Mkrop]

Isn't that what everyone does? If she's not ok coming out in her bathing suit, she shouldn't be buying it right? I always came out of the dressing room for both parents, so that my parents weren't just hanging around being creepy and taking up valuable space. That way you pass by the 3 way mirror too on the way in and out too. I can see both people's perspectives in this, but I think it would have been stopped by some simple logic - she goes out to see daddy in whatever suit she's trying on. It sounded like she was defiently capable and didn't need an adult just hanging out outside her room. That's my thought.

I think you are assuming she was capable of a solo trip to the dressing room. And trying on swimsuits, maybe she had a problem with the straps or something and didnt want to come out with it only half on. The OP didnt say that she called Dad in to ask "hey do like the pink one or the purple one better" She just said "dad come here" which may have meant she needed his help.

My son is 9 and sometime he struggles with certain articles clothing, now most boys clothing is simple, but I sent him in a dressing room once with a pair of jeans. I didnt realize the jeans had the buckle type button, he was not really used to these and was struggling, he callled for me bc he did not want to come out with his pants unbutton.

 

[Mkrop]

I don't understand why he needed to be IN the stall with his daughter while she tried on swimsuits. My daughter would have never let her daddy do that past the age of four! Oh well, different comfort levels...

I wanted to ask you an honest question, I noticed a boy in you sig, is that your son, do/did you help him get dressed. Why is it different? Isnt just about a parent helping a child? Not being snarky here! Just asking!

And he wasnt in there accoring to OP's story, she was in there alone and then she called "dad come here" so he went to her. I would go to my son if he called.

 

[Stacerita]

It wouldn't have bothered me one bit. If he was alone looking around that would be different. But his DD called him, he went over there. I really don't see a problem with it at all. If I was the OP, I wouldn't have done anything. I would have tried on my stuff, and left when I was done.

 

[DVC Daisy]

This thread is also reminding me of a visit to a friend who was attending UC Berkeley, and her dorm had unisex BATHROOMS. They had nearly top-secret style locks, and extremely HIGH stalls and shower walls (a basketball player couldn't have looked over, OK maybe Yao Ming (is that his name?) or the tallest man in the world (or woman for that matter), but not the average or above-average college student). But yeah, I knew about it in advance, I wasn't surprised, so I think maybe the surprise is the difference.

Hey - I LIVED in those dorms (years ago) and was not told about the unisex bathrooms before moving in! Talk about surprised! Since it was the only common place to hang out on the entire floor, often the guys would hang out in there by the sinks & chat! But, anytime a girl came in, for any reason, they would all politely leave! And, you actually had the option of going up like 6 or 7 stories to the "all girls" floor if it really bothered you. Very few girls did that, you just get used to it. And, BTW, the shower stalls were VERY high, but the bathroom stall doors, not so much LOL

After that, a man in the womens' dressing room would not bother me

 

[cardaway]

General question:

So if exceptions are allowed, just where does somebody draw the line? What age children are allowed into the roolm for the opposite sex? Is the parent of the opposite sex never allowed in the room for the opposite sex or can the follow their child in if necessary? What about those who need physical help, can they ask for an adult of the opposite sex to come in to help?

I'm sure somebody could say yes or have their answer for all of these whether it's a bathroom or a dressing room. The question remains how many exceptions do you make before you're trumping the answers and privacy rights of others or even making a mockery of the whole gender split in the first place.

People can argue that some of these exceptions have to exist, but when you are the person who feels their privacy has been breached, WHY the person of the opposite sex is looking at them doesn't really matter now does it?

Until a concrete exception list is made, I have to go with no exceptions. In the absence of a list there is an expectation of privacy. There are other options to dressing rooms. There are family restrooms.

 

[dcgrumpy]

There are other options to dressing rooms. There are family restrooms.

What options? Trying on clothes in the middle of the store?

I know of very few places with family restrooms.

 

[pearlieq]

I would have been surprised, but once I figured out what was going on I wouldn't have minded.

If there had been a guy (or woman, for that matter) there alone, just kind of wandering around the fitting room without obvious business, I would have found that creepy and reported it.

As long as the doors are adequate (I'm tall and understand the problems of those half doors) I don't really care. I don't mind the idea of unisex bathrooms or dressing rooms.

I don't agree with the implication is it's OK if another woman sees me undressed. I don't want someone to see me without my permission, man or woman. Gender isn't the issue for me.

But at the same time, if it happens on accident, oh well. Not that big of a deal.