A humorous look at what we'd do if we invaded WDW

[Swayhoover90]

Over at the North Carolina Member thread we started a running To-Do list of what we would do if we were to invade and take of WDW. We were having so much fun we thought we'd share.

Some of the humor may be NC specific (please remember this is all light-hearted humor) but we hope you'll enjoy anyway.

We'll be adding on as we go.

Take Over To-Do List

1. REAL sweet tea at every restaurant. Unsweetened? Huh?

2. Flame Tree BBQ will serve REAL NC BBQ.

3. Shagging (a Beach Music dance) on/under the Boardwalk.

4. The Land ride at Epcot will show how tobacco is grown, cropped and barned.

5. Can you imagine how we could revise Soaring?

6. The Richard Petty Driving Experience will be renamed Charlotte Motor Speedway South.

7. Main Street USA will be rethemed to look like Mayberry with wandering Barney and Otis actors.

8. The Main Street Electric Parade will be made up of floats pulled by pick-up trucks and John Deere Tractors.

9. The lighthouse at Old Key West will be replaced by the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse.

10. The next DVC resort...The Villas at Hank's Trailer Park. A two bedroom mobile home will cost you 2 points per night Sunday through Thursday, 4 points on Friday and 6 on Saturday. Maintenance fees would be $9.32 per point due to yard upkeep and hurricanes.

11. Bob Timberlake will be named the official Disney artist.

12. The furnishings at all Disney Lodges will be removed and replaced with Bob Timberlake's Thomasville Collection.

13. All Rice Crispy treats will be replaced with Moon Pies in the shape of Mickey's head.

14. No more Turkey Legs - everyone will be walking around with a fried chicken leg and a buttermilk biscuit.

15. Just got to add Cheerwine to the drink selection...Have any of you asked for it? You will get a good laugh at the response when you do.

16. Test Track will be renamed "I-485, The Charlotte Rush Hour Experience".
*Won't work...the cars on the current Test Track actually get up to 65 miles per hour.

17. The Jungle Cruise boat Captains will be replaced by a bubba yelling "Hey Y'all watch this!"

18. In the Magic Kingdom we'll add an Appalachians Mountains or Great Smoky Mountain ride.

19. Soaring will be done over with a Wright Brothers theme.

20. We'll open a new DVC resort...The Villas at Biltmore Estates.

21. Big Thunder Mountain will be renamed "Tweetsie Railroad Gone Wrong" (or maybe right?)

22. In addition to shaggin' at the Boardwalk we'll have clogging at the Whispering Canyon.

23. Dole Whips are out...SunDrop Whips are in!

24. Victoria & Albert's will be renamed...Vicky Lynn & Delbert's. The menu will still be quite exotic with such offerings as possum, squirrel and rabbit. Of course there will be a BBQ amuse bouche featuring a small taste of BBQ from each area of the state.

25. Chef Mickey's and all other buffets will be Baptist church potluck style. Bring a dish and make sure there's enough for everyone.

26. Catch-and-release fishing excursions????? What in the heck is that all about. "Boy, throw that thing in the cooler. Mama will fry that up when we get back to Fort Wilderness".

27. Vicky Lynn and Delbert's (see above) will still be upscale. We'll use REAL Chinette plates instead of the Walmart brand.

28. We'll get rid of those weird animals at AKL. We'll be raisin' some chickens and goats. We'll also park some old, rusty cars on what is now called the Savannah (we'll change it to "the back yard") because "dem goats like standin' on old cars".

29. The Jungle Cruise boats will be replaced by bass boats with trawling motors.

30. The band in front of Mizner's Lounge at GF will be now play Blue Grass music.

31. The World of Disney will be replaced with a Dollar Store.

32. Real BB guns will be sold at all resort gift shops so that every little boy can experience the joy of shooting sparrows out of trees. Jack Sparrow? "Boy, you can name that bird if you want to but you better hur' up and shoot it. It's almost supper time."

 

[corpcomp]

Absolutely Sweet tea - unsweetened tea is just unamerican.

And I would do anything to get rid of those turkey legs - especially at 9am in the morning when you watch people rush for them --uggghhhh Chicken and biscuits sounds great.

Maybe instead of that discusting Cola exhibit in Epcot, we could put in a still and call it "Still Waters"

 

[SusieBea]

Ya'll have entirely too much time on ya'lls hands!

 

[WilsonFlyer]

Replace "fried chicken" (It takes a lot of nerve for them to call what they sell fried chicken but whatever) at Prime Time with Parker's fried chicken.

We need some country-style steak and mashed potatoes and gravy (BROWN BEEF gravy) somewhere. I'm thinking Le Cellier but I'll leave it to you guys to decide between there, Shula's, or Yachtsman.

Can we get a Carolina Bright Leaf hot-dog SOMEWHERE with some eastern NC chilli? Jesus Christ man. And on wheat buns? WTH? Brown hot-dogs? It sacraligious I tell you!

Throw EVERYBODY and EVERY THING out of Fulton's and replace it with the staff and food from Captain Bills at Morehead. Use Tony's Sanitary folks and food for fill-in if push comes to shove and Captain Bill's ain't enough.

The taste BORN in the Carolinas (New Bern for you trivia buffs)... PEPSI PLEASE. Some of us take Mountain Dew intraveniously when we're at home and have withdrawals when we're in Florida. Coke? (SPIT!)

With my experience from Parker's, I bet I could go out on 192 and open a REAL BBQ place and get hog-nasty rich (pun intended).

 

[corpcomp]

Ya'll have entirely too much time on ya'lls hands!

That is exactly what my wife said when I showed her this thread!!!! !

 

[ddoconnell]

Love it! I agree with the Mt Dew by IV....mine is just diet Though I do take offense to the coke tasting like spit line bein' from Atlanta and all!

Keep the laughs coming!

 

[AirGoofy]

Yes, tobacco should be added at the land ride, and do need real sweet tea. And, yes, I recognize Charlotte as the home of NASCAR, but tracks at Daytona and Talladega are a close runner-up. Even though we have our new track and new race at Sparta, KY, I am partial to Bristol.

But, do not mess with my Dole-Whips, and I'll take KY BBQ over anything else. I guess we could add a horse race at AK.

 

[MineMail]

I'm a little cranky today, so here's the flip side of your NC Takeover plan:

No more butter in any restaurants - use the cheap fake spread stuff.

A "Dog House" stand set up in Toontown (temporarily, at least) to serve the Red Dye #2 colored franks.

CM's and food servers will reply to a visitor's "Thank you" with "uh, huh" without making eye contact.

That's all for now - the other ones I came up with weren't quite so nice.
I'm cranky, but not cruel.

 

[stichy]

Don't forget slaw with everything. And some shrimp and grits.

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

I do b'lieve North Carolina sounds kind of like Alabama.

Although...we'd rename test track malfunction junction.

There would definitely be an entire land devoted to the Alabama Crimson Tide.

 

[hakepb]

The lack of any southern sensibility has always been amusing to me. McDonalds has figured they can make a bunch of money selling sweet tea for less than a Coke.
And as I drive through citrus groves, can I please buy a glass of orange juice that tastes like an orange, instead of that swill minute maid makes?

Now, for Illinois, you'd need a courthouse for the perpetual governor trials

And all money collected at the 3 'southern' parks would all be brought up north to the MK.

On the good side, you could get a real pizza and a dog run through the garden.

 

[dis-happy]

Love the 485 comments.


CM's at the MK Opening Ceremony will no longer greet guests with a "Welcome!". Instead it will only be "Hey"! At the first aid station they'll look over your injuries and say "Bless your heart".

 

[WilsonFlyer]

I'm a little cranky today, so here's the flip side of your NC Takeover plan:

No more butter in any restaurants - use the cheap fake spread stuff.

A "Dog House" stand set up in Toontown (temporarily, at least) to serve the Red Dye #2 colored franks.

CM's and food servers will reply to a visitor's "Thank you" with "uh, huh" without making eye contact.

That's all for now - the other ones I came up with weren't quite so nice.
I'm cranky, but not cruel.

OUCH!

Sorry. It seems you've had bad experiences with someone from NC. I generally find North Carolinians to be friendly and courteous. Maybe even overly so in many cases. I'm sorry you had a bad experience in NC. I assure you that it is the exception rather than the rule.

 

[Cee]

 

[SusieBea]

At the first aid station they'll look over your injuries and say "Bless your heart".

Or "God luv ya!" The things that are the truest are the funniest!

 

[Swayhoover90]

I'm a little cranky today, so here's the flip side of your NC Takeover plan:

No more butter in any restaurants - use the cheap fake spread stuff.

A "Dog House" stand set up in Toontown (temporarily, at least) to serve the Red Dye #2 colored franks.

CM's and food servers will reply to a visitor's "Thank you" with "uh, huh" without making eye contact.

That's all for now - the other ones I came up with weren't quite so nice.
I'm cranky, but not cruel.

Sounds like you may have had a food server that was a little CRANKY that day and may have been taking it out on others. Must be contagious!

 

[BeesKnees]

I am surprised breakfast didn't make the list, especially gravy. Their gravy there is atrocious. Most of their breakfast meals are meh.

New York should invade and teach them how to make pizza. I have had frozen pizza that tasted better.

 

[MineMail]

OUCH!

Sorry. It seems you've had bad experiences with someone from NC. I generally find North Carolinians to be friendly and courteous. Maybe even overly so in many cases. I'm sorry you had a bad experience in NC. I assure you that it is the exception rather than the rule.

No, no, no - I love NC, all of it and it's plenty friendly, but these are the things I've noticed that are contrary to the overall awesome people, places and things in NC. (I live in the Triangle)

Being served spread instead of butter for biscuits, toast and bagels is ridiculous. Even if I ask for butter, they don't have it. I can't figure out if it's just a way to save money or if it's a food safety issue. (Spread lasts longer without refrigeration, perhaps?)

The Dog House franks are terrible if you're used to Nathans, Hebrew National and Sabretts. Yet, some people love them. Their concept is great - love the doghouse-shaped walkup shops. The dogs fall short unless you grew up with them.

But the cashiers really don't say "thank you" or "you're welcome" unless it's at a chain store that does mystery shopping. If I take my change at Food Lion and say "Thank you." I get a "uhhuh" dismissal. It must be a southern thing.

BTW, "bless your heart" is a usually used as a veiled insult that roughly translates to "you're a moron." I hate it when people say that to me now that I found that out. (Thanks to the retiring southern columnist of the News & Observer.)


You can get good NY-style pizza in NC, but you have to avoid the places that CLAIM to have "Real NY Pizza." Those usually fall short because they're run by people who never MADE pizza in NY, so they don't know any better. The Triangle area has some outstanding pizza places run by greeks, just like in NYC, lol.

Most pizza places outside of NYC use pre-packaged sauce and cilantro, which changes the taste entirely, plus they cheap out on the cheese and don't use freshly shredded mozzarella. If there's no string, it's not made entirely of milk. The crust is always difficult because the water used in NYC is from our upstate reservoirs. Outside NYC, you have to use bottled water to get the right mix of minerals and hard/soft ratio. Makes a big difference.

 

[Rockclimber]

How about putting deer stands and duck blinds on Tom Sawyers island. And naming Ft Langhorne, Huck's Fried Fish Camp.

 

[Swayhoover90]

How about putting deer stands and duck blinds on Tom Sawyers island. And naming Ft Langhorne, Huck's Fried Fish Camp.

I love it! Join us on the NC thread! http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2525995