A couple of etiquette questions & then some ranting

If thinking that at 21 years of age I should be getting an invite seperate from my parents makes me a snot-nosed brat, then snot-nosed brat I am.



Not at all. Calling your aunt and telling her...now that makes you a snot-nosed brat. :thumbsup2



When you live with your parents, people are going to treat you like a child. Get over it or grow up and move. :idea:
 
You are not a separate social entity from your parents. Age has nothing to do with it. It has nothing to do with what court you'd be tried in. :sad2: You are living in their household. That is the overriding factor here. You would not be receiving a separate invitation from me. But it would be a non-issue if you ever called me up to 'politely' correct me - after that there would be no invitations.

Also, the correct way to deal with invitations that leave you feeling slighted or annoyed (to the point where you feel the need to take action) is to politely decline them.

And we address invites with the male name first here.
 
I think your behavior was childish and most ungracious.
I have no idea what the "proper" etiquette is regarding the addressing of the invitation and quite frankly I don't care because I can't even imagine getting upset over something so petty. :confused3
 
When you live with your parents, people are going to treat you like a child. Get over it or grow up and move. :idea:

Only if they're ignorant and don't realize that the offspring are no longer children despite living at home for whatever reason.

I'd love to be able to move out. This silly money tree just won't grow, though, no matter how much I water it. I heard from a little fairy, though, that the tree might perk up this winter when I graduate from college.
 

With all due respect, had you called me to "correct" me on my etiquette....I'd be very very offended. Is the point of etiquette in point of fact not to offend? What is the bigger offense, to inadvertently offend or intentionally offend?
 
If you want to be treated as an adult, separate from your parents...you have to actually be an adult separate from your parents. It's really that simple.
 
I'm impressed they included a guest for you. That's a pet peeve of mine - when I got married I insisted that any unmarried adult I invited I also made allowance for a guest. If they didn't want to bring someone, fine, but I wanted to give everyone that opportunity. There is nothing more uncomfortable than sitting at the single's table at a wedding.

As for a separate invitation or whose name goes first, I think that is one of those you things you chalk up to not sweating the small stuff. Be greatful you were invited, and they were thoughtful enough to include an invitation for you to bring a guest.
 
/
One thing to think - it's a whole other ball game when you actually have the nerve to call somebody up to inform them of their "mistake". That my dear is the difference between an adult that acts like an adult and an adult that acts like a child.

Thank you.
 
You are not a separate social entity from your parents. Age has nothing to do with it. It has nothing to do with what court you'd be tried in. :sad2: You are living in their household. That is the overriding factor here. You would not be receiving a separate invitation from me. But it would be a non-issue if you ever called me up to 'politely' correct me - after that there would be no invitations.

Also, the correct way to deal with invitations that leave you feeling slighted or annoyed (to the point where you feel the need to take action) is to politely decline them.

And we address invites with the male name first here.

I'm sorry? I most certainly think that I am my own person and that I should not always be attached as an appendage to my parents. My "guest", whoever that may be, does not live in this household? So what of that? Why was "guest" tacked on to this invitation? What is the explanation for that? "Guest" is MY guest, so most certainly should be added to my invite. But "guest" has nothing to do with my parents, so shouldn't be on their invite. "Guest" cannot be sent their own invitation as they are, MY guest, and "guest"'s identity has not been written in stone. So what would YOU do here?

I'm not going to decline an invitation to my grandparents *surprise* 50th wedding anniversary party because my aunt wrote it out incorrectly. This may work in other scenarios, but not in mine.
 
My grandparents 50th wedding anniversary party isn't something I'd really worry about whether or not I was invited to; it's kind of a given, especially since my father is paying 1/3 of the tab! :lmao:

Im confused, you live with your father and he is paying for a third of the party, why was an invitation even needed?


I think that if you lived away from your parents and they received an invitation for you and had to call and say someone invited you to a party, then that would be wrong.

I think its common to send one invite per home.
 
Only if they're ignorant and don't realize that the offspring are no longer children despite living at home for whatever reason.

I'd love to be able to move out. This silly money tree just won't grow, though, no matter how much I water it. I heard from a little fairy, though, that the tree might perk up this winter when I graduate from college.
LOL, just look at it this way, there are bonuses and also bummers when it comes to still being dependent on your parents as a young adult. Bonus=they are paying for the roof over your head. Bummer= other people still see you as one of your parents dependents because you still depend on your parents. It just goes with the territory and quite frankly is a very small price to pay.
 
I know nothing about etiquette. In fact, I kind of hate the idea of etiquette (and think it's all horribly wrapped up in sexism and heterosexism).

When I was over 18 but still living at home (mostly living at college) I was just included on my parents invitation. Suppose a family has three children--an 18 year old, 19 year old, and 21 year old who all still live at home and/or live in dorms at college. It seems like a mighty waste of paper (and stamps) to send 4 different invitations to one house. That's the way etiquette-ignorant me would figure it.

I actually just got an invitation to a family wedding a few weeks ago. I'm 25 and live with my GF/partner. The invitation came to "My Name and Guest." I don't know what the etiquette is about when "Guest" changes to a particular name. Is it the # of years people have been together? Whether they are living together? Whether they are engaged or married? Personally I would set the bar pretty low in including names rather than "Guest". I don't know what the "technical" rules are though about this. I just know that if the rule is only spouses get their name on the invitation, then 40 years from now GF will still be just "GUEST"! :sad2: I assume if this goes on and on for years at some point I'll have to say something, but I sure do dread it coming to that.
 
I'm sorry? I most certainly think that I am my own person and that I should not always be attached as an appendage to my parents. My "guest", whoever that may be, does not live in this household? So what of that? Why was "guest" tacked on to this invitation? What is the explanation for that? "Guest" is MY guest, so most certainly should be added to my invite. But "guest" has nothing to do with my parents, so shouldn't be on their invite. "Guest" cannot be sent their own invitation as they are, MY guest, and "guest"'s identity has not been written in stone. So what would YOU do here?

I'm not going to decline an invitation to my grandparents *surprise* 50th wedding anniversary party because my aunt wrote it out incorrectly. This may work in other scenarios, but not in mine.

You want them to send an invitation to your guest too now :confused3
 
Why, exactly, should you be getting your own invitation? Just because of your age? I'm sorry, I just don't understand why it's such a big deal. And, it apparently is a huge deal to you if you felt you had to call your aunt to let her know that you expect your own invitation in the future.

I politely informed said family member that as an adult, I should be getting my own invitation, for future reference.

You wouldn't have to worry about future invites had I received that phone call--no matter how "polite" you thought you were. It was rude to call her on her "mistake."
 
I'm impressed they included a guest for you. That's a pet peeve of mine - when I got married I insisted that any unmarried adult I invited I also made allowance for a guest. If they didn't want to bring someone, fine, but I wanted to give everyone that opportunity. There is nothing more uncomfortable than sitting at the single's table at a wedding.

Well, my boyfriend & I have been dating for two years, so he's a regular around my family. I think they don't put his name *just in case* something happens, but leave it open for me to bring someone else should that *something* happen. I've never had to go to a wedding single (except obviously for when I was very young and didn't date), but I can just imagine how awkward that would be. :scared:


LaraK said:
What is the bigger offense, to inadvertently offend or intentionally offend?

I did not intentionally offend my aunt. That was not my intent at all. My intent was to inform her, politely, that at 21 I would appreciate my own invitation to things. Does everyone really think that I sat here and said, "man, I'm gonna call her up and rip her a new one about this, she's such an idiot, I can't believe it, rant rant rant"? Because that isn't what happened. It was more like, "Hmm... shouldn't I have my *own* invitation at 21? Especially if I'm bringing a guest? Maybe she doesn't know that's how it works. I'll let her know for the future."
 
I actually just got an invitation to a family wedding a few weeks ago. I'm 25 and live with my GF/partner. The invitation came to "My Name and Guest." I don't know what the etiquette is about when "Guest" changes to a particular name. Is it the # of years people have been together? Whether they are living together? Whether they are engaged or married? Personally I would set the bar pretty low in including names rather than "Guest". I don't know what the "technical" rules are though about this. I just know that if the rule is only spouses get their name on the invitation, then 40 years from now GF will still be just "GUEST"! I assume if this goes on and on for years at some point I'll have to say something, but I sure do dread it coming to that.
FWIW, I would never write 'and guest' if it was obvious who that guest would be (well known to the host, a significant other/fiance/partner/serious relationship)
 
Well, my boyfriend & I have been dating for two years, so he's a regular around my family. I think they don't put his name *just in case* something happens, but leave it open for me to bring someone else should that *something* happen. I've never had to go to a wedding single (except obviously for when I was very young and didn't date), but I can just imagine how awkward that would be. :scared:




I did not intentionally offend my aunt. That was not my intent at all. My intent was to inform her, politely, that at 21 I would appreciate my own invitation to things. Does everyone really think that I sat here and said, "man, I'm gonna call her up and rip her a new one about this, she's such an idiot, I can't believe it, rant rant rant"? Because that isn't what happened. It was more like, "Hmm... shouldn't I have my *own* invitation at 21? Especially if I'm bringing a guest? Maybe she doesn't know that's how it works. I'll let her know for the future."

Well, you're the one who stated in the OP that it was a rant...

And I'll have to join the others in saying that if someone called me up to correct me on my invitations, I would solve the problem by not issuing that person any future invitations.
 
OP, if these are the biggest things you guys have to worry about, you have a really nice life.
 
You want them to send an invitation to your guest too now :confused3

No, actually, that isn't what I said. Like I said, the guest couldn't get their own invite as if something happened, guest wouldn't be my boyfriend as we assume. Since I'm allowed to bring a guest, guest & I should have our own invite, especially since guest has nothing to do with my parents whose invitation guest is tacked onto.
 
I'd love to be able to move out. This silly money tree just won't grow, though, no matter how much I water it. I heard from a little fairy, though, that the tree might perk up this winter when I graduate from college.
Well maybe the silly little money tree isn't growing at your aunt's house either and she decided to save a few pennies on postage. You really need to get over this. This was a very very small breach of etiquette and truly no big deal.
 













Receive up to $1,000 in Onboard Credit and a Gift Basket!
That’s right — when you book your Disney Cruise with Dreams Unlimited Travel, you’ll receive incredible shipboard credits to spend during your vacation!
CLICK HERE













DIS Facebook DIS youtube DIS Instagram DIS Pinterest

Back
Top