A couple of etiquette questions & then some ranting

So if someone pronounces your name wrong, you don't correct them, because it would be impolite? If the clerk at a store gives you incorrect change, you don't bring it to their attention? Someone may not have known they've made an error unless someone tells them. And I didn't tell anyone off. I politely informed said family member that as an adult, I should be getting my own invitation, for future reference. This family member didn't even start adding my name to invitations until my mother asked her enough times about various events whether I was invited too when it was obvious I was, because we're talking things like a kids birthday party in the backyard, not a wedding or somesuch.

hey, its your life, do with it what you will. if that makes you happy and makes you feel better, go for it. just saying, pointing out etiquette matters like this is actually against etiquette. so you have to decide if two wrongs make a right.

bit difference between pointing out a mispronounced name (my lot in life, btw) and such. I'd tell someone if they had spinach in their teeth, too. but there are polite ways of doing so, and its not about teaching someone a lesson
 
I have been taught that you always address the card as John and Jane Doe.

I was also taught that you only need to send one invitation per household and that the invite should specify on the envelope or the invitation to whom it is being addressed. IE: John and Jane Doe and Jill and Guest

That's how I do everything as well!:thumbsup2
 
My mother always taught us that we should overlook any breach of etiquette by others unless their purpose in making the breach was to hurt us. I don't believe the person who sent that invitation was trying to hurt your feelings.
I don't believe you should have said anything to him/her at all and your mother certainly shouldn't be ranting and raving about it to anyone. That would just be waaayy over the top IMHO.


ding ding ding!
 
MareQ: how is someone to know that they have wronged someone if no one tells them?

Unless that someone is your child, it's not your place to tell them.

Look at it this way - The point behind etiquette and good manners is to always make the other person feel comfortable when they are visiting your "home" and to not make them uncomfortable when you are visiting their "home". When you teach your children proper etiquette the first rule is to teach them to over look other peoples breach of etiquette - because to do otherwise would make them feel uncomfortable in their "home" Make sense?
 

Don't have any idea how proper it is, but I often will address an envelope "woman's name", "man's name" , "last name". That way, if she did not take his name when they married or hyphenated or something, I'm still "correct" without know exactly which it is since it's unlikely the husband's name was changed.
 
Whatever you do, remember pointing out someone's bad manners or lack of etiquette is the epitimy of bad manners.
 
I was always taught it was man's name first on everything...

Such as John & Jane Doe.

However...I'm bad & usually put whoever is the blood relative first or friend I know better. So, if Jane is my best friend -- I would end up addressing it as Jane & John Doe. If it's my aunt by blood then Sue & James Smith but if it's uncle by blood then James & Sue Smith.

I have the hardest time with my DH's sister, since she kept her maiden name...so I list her first & then her DH second using their full names. I suppose technically I'm supposed to add Dr. in front of her name because she does have her doctorate but I don't.

Of course, I haven't done any real formal invites in a *long* time.

I save myself a lot of hassle for most things with just adding "and family" because we have such a large family that I can't remember who has kids & how many they have but we want to invite the entire families...so I figure that covers myself without having to remember all their kids names. Mostly for distant cousins but we were also taught you invite *everyone* to any major function, hence the reason to invite my 1st cousin 10x removed. That's the downfall of being the youngest in my generation & my dad coming from a larger family. Some of my 1st cousins are long time grandparents & I'm still in the midst of toddlerhood.

So, yes, I would probably have not done sending a seperate invitation to any adults in the household but would want to let them know that *everyone* in the household was more than welcome.
 
/
I don't believe the person who sent that invitation was trying to hurt your feelings.

I don't think so either, of course, but it did in a way hurt my feelings, even though not intended. But at what point does it get ridiculous to keep tacking a grown child and her "guest" onto the parents invitation. If I still live at home when I'm 30, should I have my own? What about if I'm engaged and living at home? What if I just got married but am still living at home because the closing on mine & hubby's new house isn't for another week? That's why it seems to make sense that an adult, even one living at home, should have their own invitation. If no one ever brought this to my aunt's attention, the above scenarios could/would take place, and I think that's wrong.

You haven't hurt my feelings by politely expressing your opinion. :goodvibes The reason I even posted this thread was to find out what everyone else's experiences were. So far I have gathered that some people think I'm right with the addressing & invites, some people think I'm wrong, and everyone thinks I was wrong to correct what I saw as an error. :hippie:
 
I guess I'm just casual and write it how I say it out loud, I think of some people as Dick and Jane, and I think of others as Jane and Dick. I hope that they don't care and are just happy to be invited.

I often write one invitation for everyone in the house regardless of age. I just get tired of writing out invitations, lazy I guess. Again, hope they are just happy to be invited.
 
I don't think so either, of course, but it did in a way hurt my feelings, even though not intended. But at what point does it get ridiculous to keep tacking a grown child and her "guest" onto the parents invitation. If I still live at home when I'm 30, should I have my own? What about if I'm engaged and living at home? What if I just got married but am still living at home because the closing on mine & hubby's new house isn't for another week? That's why it seems to make sense that an adult, even one living at home, should have their own invitation. If no one ever brought this to my aunt's attention, the above scenarios could/would take place, and I think that's wrong.
You haven't hurt my feelings by politely expressing your opinion. :goodvibes The reason I even posted this thread was to find out what everyone else's experiences were. So far I have gathered that some people think I'm right with the addressing & invites, some people think I'm wrong, and everyone thinks I was wrong to correct what I saw as an error. :hippie:

Just because you think it is wrong doesn't necessarily make you right either. You went ahead and called your aunt with what you thought was the right thing without researching.

What others are mentioning about you calling to "rectify the mistake" is because you should have been gracious about the invite and then after the big event went on to mention to your aunt that in the future you would like your own invite. This is a new change in invitation customs to send adult children, who still live in their parents housing, a seperate invitation and more than likely your aunt, like myself, was not aware of the new custom.
 
Age does not make you an adult.
I totally agree.

If you'd pulled this stunt on me, it would be the last invite I would send to you. You really are coming across like you acted like a snot-nosed brat.

Of all the things in life to get your drawers in a twist about, this should be the last.
 
Just because you think it is wrong doesn't necessarily make you right either. You went ahead and called your aunt with what you thought was the right thing without researching.

I did actually research it before I called her. The pages that came up as a result of my Google search supported what I thought.

I posted THIS thread to find out what other regular everyday people had experienced out there in the world.
 
The thing that always gets me on things like this is there is always somebody who thinks they have the right answer when obviously the is no ONE right answer. Look no further than the reponses here that say totally opposite things.

If somebody called me up and lit into me claiming I did something wrong when there is no clear right answer they might not like the response.
 
I have been taught that you always address the card as John and Jane Doe.

I was also taught that you only need to send one invitation per household and that the invite should specify on the envelope or the invitation to whom it is being addressed. IE: John and Jane Doe and Jill and Guest

:thumbsup2 ITA
 
If you'd pulled this stunt on me, it would be the last invite I would send to you. You really are coming across like you acted like a snot-nosed brat.

Of all the things in life to get your drawers in a twist about, this should be the last.

I'm curious to know what things in my life you think I should have my drawers in a twist about.

If thinking that at 21 years of age I should be getting an invite seperate from my parents makes me a snot-nosed brat, then snot-nosed brat I am.


WonderfulDreamer2 said:
Age does not make you an adult.

Actually, according to the law, it does. I'm not getting into issues of maturity, responsibility, or anything else that may make you feel that someone isn't an adult despite their age. 21 is a legal adult. I could be the most immature and irresponsible thing going, but if I commit a crime, I'm going to be tried as an adult, because I'm 21.
 

If thinking that at 21 years of age I should be getting an invite seperate from my parents makes me a snot-nosed brat, then snot-nosed brat I am.

One thing to think - it's a whole other ball game when you actually have the nerve to call somebody up to inform them of their "mistake". That my dear is the difference between an adult that acts like an adult and an adult that acts like a child.
 
I have been taught that you always address the card as John and Jane Doe.

I was also taught that you only need to send one invitation per household and that the invite should specify on the envelope or the invitation to whom it is being addressed. IE: John and Jane Doe and Jill and Guest

Thats what I thought too. Yes I put the mans name first and NO I am not offended to see my name second on invitations :rolleyes: Why does it matter? Who really cares? I don't think that it means I am less invited because my name is second :rolleyes:

You made the bigger mistake. You just don't do what you do and it's no wonder they seem to be annoyed with you. It's a 50th anniversary party thrown by family- not an invitation to the White House.

:rotfl2:

In my family we would just call eachother....and yes I would be fine if it was just one call to the house and not a separate phone call to each of us ;)
 





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