A Bridal Party Question (long)

[IloveDMB]

I have a little problem, and would love some advice.

My best friend is getting married next year, February to be exact. She was my college roommate, lives right around the corner now, basically my best friend for life. She has asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. Now I have applied to medical school all across the country and I am waiting to hear back. She knows this, she is totally behind me. She asked me, full knowing that I might not be in the area next year. I will make it back for her wedding no matter what, if I have to fly in for 2 days, I will be here.

Well, the other girls in the bridal party don't get it. They want to book a place for a bridal shower now (which is way too far out, in my opinion). I said I can't decide on a date because I don't know where I'll be. If they want to have the bridal shower without me, that's fine, I'll get over it. I'll send my mom as my liason (my best friend and my mom are close anyway). But these girls seem very unwilling to compromise. In fact, in all the e-mails they are ignoring me. They forward them to me, but I am never included in the plans. I can do the plans, I have the money saved up for the wedding already. It's almost like I don't want them to forward the e-mails to me, cause they just annoy me. One girl wants to give her the same EXACT bachelorette party that she had. I mean, c'mon, that's just stupid.

I would love some advice on what to do. These girls seem very unwilling to compromise. I should hear from the medical schools in the next few months, which is still well enough time to plan everything. I am at a loss as to what to do. I really want to be in the wedding, but I honestly don't know what to do with the other girls.

Thanks in advance. It seems like a bit of whine/vent to me now, but I really would love any and all advice.

 

[marlasmom]

My dd's bridesmaids were squabbling before the wedding about a shower. Everyone was writing to me to settle it. A friend said - "well everything is on schedule then." Let them make the plans - attend if you can. Best of luck on medical school.

 

[stinkerbelle]

They want to book a place for a bridal shower now (which is way too far out, in my opinion). I said I can't decide on a date because I don't know where I'll be.

actually no...because they would be looking at a shower in November or December for a February wedding (as showers are generally up to 4 months before the wedding) and that's right around holiday time. now IS a good time to book.

just tell them to book the shower and you will do your best to get there...I think that's sufficient.

 

[IloveDMB]

I guess they could book it now. They want to have it the same day as their parent's wedding anniversary, which is the reason for the early November bridal shower.

I don't want to call her mom, so I called the sister (the maid of honor). Just waiting to hear back.

 

[vettechick99]

just tell them to book the shower and you will do your best to get there...I think that's sufficient.

Good advice. Seems they want to do whatever they want anyway.

 

[princess pooh]

Let them plan whatever they want. The important thing is that you're there for your friend on her wedding day.

I get chosen to be a bridesmaid a lot because apparently i'm good at keeping people calm. I'm terrible at planning showers and other parties but I'm great at helping out the bride on her wedding day. Just because you can't help out with the plans doesn't mean you won't be a valuable addition to the wedding party.

 

[WDSearcher]

I don't understand the problem. They want to plan a shower, but you don't know your availability. So ... let them plan, help as much as you're able, and leave it at that. Put the date on your calendar and work around it if you can. But to expect them to halt all planning because you don't know your schedule yet seems a bit unfair. They're not all applying to med schools, but they've got lives of their own to work around too and maybe they're planning now because they know their own summers or falls are going to be busy.

If they're forwarding the plans to you, then you ARE involved in the plans. If you're not answering the e-mails or contributing to the discussion, that's your fault, not theirs. You can certainly state opinions and offer suggestions without knowing what your schedule is. And maybe the one girl wants to have the same EXACT bachelorette party as she had because hers was so much fun and she so enjoyed it that she wants her friend to have the same wonderful experience. If you don't think that's a good idea, then say something! And follow it up with an alternate suggestion.

It kind of sounds like you want to be the one to plan the party, and are annoyed that they're getting a head start and not waiting until you're ready.

 

[totalia]

Wow. You are a very understanding bridesmaid. I think those girls are just being stupid. I wish I knew what to suggest that would help you. Though I do suggest that you talk to the bride about this.

I must say that I envy your friend for having such a good friend as a bridesmaid as yourself.