9YO daughter problems-- HELP-- doesn't want to be without mom

[auntpolly]

Have you ever read "Reviving Ophelia"? I think it's a must read for girls that age. When my DD was that age she found weird challenges because she just wasn't a follow the pack type, if you know what I mean (marched to the beat of a different drummer and still does.) She's a pretty tough cookie but that's really the age when girls start getting very mean (it seems to be younger than when I was in school). Middle school girls can be mericiless in teasing and bullying. Anyway,DD had her friends and it didn't seem to kill her little spirit or anything, but there was that pack of girls that
seemed on a mission to ruin the lives of DD and girls like her.

I don't know, could be that. They are starting to be so self concious at that age. Just give her lots of hugs and encourage her to talk.

 

[HaleyB]

Wow, just thought I would send you a . Being a parent is so hard sometimes.

I will say that 9 is a really hard age for both the kids and the parents. Hang in there, sounds like you are seeking help in the right places.

Good luck, and let us know how it turns out.

 

[DWDreams]

It's hard to say whether this is a phase or not, though I'm inclined to think so for a few reasons as long as nothing is going on at school.

My first concern would be to make sure she isn't being bullied on the bus since it sounds like the issue may be something occurring about the ride home.

Barring that, it may be a phase. My daughter is in 5th grade and just turned 11 in January. I'd definitely say she went through a similar thing last year when she was 9/10 and in 4th grade. She also became more of a homebody, though she'd never want out of a sleepover or any of her sports activities etc... I definitely noticed a few things about last year. One, it's the age girls start becoming mean for lack of a better term. It's tough and none are immune to this phase unfortunately. Second, she seemed more in tune with bad things that could happen. I'm talking questions about whether someone would break into the house, did we keep the doors locked at night, would someone try to steal her if she rode her bike, on and on. Nothing traumatic happened to her, but I do know she was exposed to more talk about that sort of stuff at school. I'll admit it worried me, I was concerned about an OCD thing when we'd leave the house and she'd ask me for the 10th time whether I'd locked the door. But, just as I was thinking I may need help with it, it passed. So, my point is it's hard to say. Some kids just may be more anxious about things in general, which is not to say to ignore it of course. I would definitely try to talk to as many people as possible to find out if something is going on at school.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

This is absolutely true ! my DD has always been gifted and a straight "A" student and the psychologist said anxiety is common in gifted children

That's what my DD psychologist said also.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My dd suffers from "perfectionism". She feels if it is not going to be perfect/get hurt, she doesn't want to do it or hard to begin. Point out lots of examples of yourself, when something isn't perfect, and laugh and say how OK it is. Over time it sinks in!

Sounds like you are encouraging and communicating.

 

[PooohBear]

my dd is little older 11 & 6th grade.
In January she got sick, then she felt so sick she couldn't move.
After a rough few days and 2 hospitals visit, it turned out it was a pscho-sematic illness.

she felt pressures from school and other problems, her system just shut down.
after therapy (she's still doing it) she has Generalized anxieth disorder.

she became afraid to do things that she did year ago or more.
She's doing better now, but still in therapy

another note, my older DD friend had social/separation anxiety when she was about 9-12. she didn't want to be apart from her dad.

 

[kristen821]

If I had to guess my guess would be someone is being mean to her at school. Does she have the same friends she always did? I had a rough time in grammar school because i was so quiet. I would have never told my parents because it was to embarrassing to me at the time. I don't know why but it was. Can you encourage her to invite friends over. Maybe if she became closer to some of the girls she'll have an easier time. Good luck and I hope it passes soon.

 

[kpgclark]

Absolutely nobody is being mean to her. I am certain of it. We talked about it a lot. She did say she was stressed from taking PSSA's which were two weeks ago (state tests for No Child Left Behind". She also said school is too much work. I'm thinking now that it is a combination of a certain level of perfectionism, hard work at school, and generally feeling some extra attachment towards me. Let's hope next week is better for her at school and then we get a week off for a much needed vacation. I also think she has genuinely been feeling bad with this long lasting sore throat which I think is due to post nasal drip which I just started treating a few days ago with Clariton.

 

[Buckalew11]

She needs to visit Mickey Mouse. Bet advice you'll receive on the whole thread, IMHO.
Could be Disneyitis. If not full blown, just wait.

 

[shelby2001]

I have a daughter who was going through this last year only she was 8 at the time. It was the same thing as you only I did find out what was causing this, her best friends parents were in the middle of a divorce and the mother left the kids with the father to be with her new man. So my DD was affraid for me to leave for fear that I was not coming back and was going to live somewhere else and not want them anymore. I guess this is a fear with children of this age group that if it is happening to my friend it's going to happen to me. Just thought I'd give you another option to explore.

 

[kidzmom3]

the weirdest thing happened. I replied to this thread a while ago with what I thought might be some okay advice. Now, my 8 year old DD is having major anxiety. CRying at bed time, at school, going to the nurse, wanting me with her and I am freaked out! It is absolutely heart breaking to see your child so emotionally upset and troubled. Nothing you say works so you just have to hold her. I am hoping this is all about her First Communion which is Saturday. She tells me she is worried that she will mess up and do something wrong. We talked extensively and she says this is the problem. I offered for her not to do it, but she does want to. She has decided she doesn't want to wear the veil, so who really cares about that?? not me.

also, we just got back from one of the BEST vacations we ever had. The Five of us got along awesome, we had great weather, a wonderful time in general. This seems to have depressed her since we have been back. Its been a little over a week since we have returned and 2 days of the major anxiety.

 

[kpgclark]

My daughter has gotten better-- but did not want to go to orchestra once and didn't want to go on a field trip. Yesterday I was at a girlfriend's house and she is a child psychiatrist. I told her what was going on and she said it was normal. She said to validate the feeling the child is having and then tell them they need to go to school, baseball practice or whatever. She also said that if it continues for a few months then to maybe seek counseling because often the child won't tell a parent what is bothering them (such as a bully) but will tell a third party. She said it is very treatible. The other thing she told me is that my daughter needs to go to more camps this summer so that she doesn't get further attached and really not want to go to school or do activities in the fall.

 

[kidzmom3]

thanks for the update. I hope my daughter does as well. Hopefully its just this crazy communion stuff that has her frazzeled and feeling vulnerable. But, honestly, to hear my child sob as if her heart was breaking, takes a chunk out of mine.

 

[Skylarr29]

This sounds really odd, but please have her doctor make sure she doesn't have strep. There is a weird syndrome that occasionally occurs after a bout of strep called PANDAs. (You can google it, if you'd like.) It basically brings on obsessive-compulsive disorder, which is a form of anxiety disorder. It's WAYYYY out there, and I wouldn't bring it up, but I do know a child who ended up with OCD / anxiety disorder after a bout of strep.

Otherwise, maybe it IS just a weird phase. My son goes through family "withdrawal" after spring break, Christmas holidays, and the summer. Maybe that's it? (We're about to go back to school on Monday after a glorious week-long break!!! He's NOT looking forward to it.)

Julie

OCD after strep is actually more common than most would realize... I would take her to her physician asap and maybe even get a second opinion if necessary. You know your dd best and you KNOW she is acting way out of character. Do what your gut tells you and don't wait too long to find out what is really going on.