9YO daughter problems-- HELP-- doesn't want to be without mom

[kpgclark]

I'm hoping someone will tell me this is a passing phase. Recently my daughter who is 9 has started behaving strangely. Firstly she has had a sore throat (not strep) that has been coming and going for a few weeks. Not sure if that is related to behavior but thought I'd mention it. Anyhow recently she doesn't want to be without me. Yesterday the teacher called to say that she wanted me to get her from school instead of going home on the bus and she was crying. My daughter told me that she was missing me terribly at school. A couple of days ago I was in school helping in the class and she said her throat hurt and I ended up taking her home because she started to cry and to the doctor who tested for strep which was not indicated. I don't know if she is using the sore throat as an excuse to go home or what. I think she may have post nasal drip though.

Tonight she FREAKED out before leaving the house to do a daddy daughter activity that she has loved doing in the past where lots of her friends and their dads are. Before school today she cried a bit because she didn't want to go. I'm not sure what to do. It was really horrible to make her go in the car tonight because she was hysterical. However I felt like if I let her stay home it would reinforce the whole behavior. But it really tore me up tonight. Is this a phase your kids have gone through?

I hope this makes sense.

 

[princesspumpkin]

I haven't had this experience, but I'm wondering if anything traumatic has happened to her recently (death in the family, etc) Also, I think I was around that age when I first realized and completely understood about death being final. Just a thought.

 

[beckmrk04]

I'm hoping someone will tell me this is a passing phase. Recently my daughter who is 9 has started behaving strangely. Firstly she has had a sore throat (not strep) that has been coming and going for a few weeks. Not sure if that is related to behavior but thought I'd mention it. Anyhow recently she doesn't want to be without me. Yesterday the teacher called to say that she wanted me to get her from school instead of going home on the bus and she was crying. My daughter told me that she was missing me terribly at school. A couple of days ago I was in school helping in the class and she said her throat hurt and I ended up taking her home because she started to cry and to the doctor who tested for strep which was not indicated. I don't know if she is using the sore throat as an excuse to go home or what. I think she may have post nasal drip though.

Tonight she FREAKED out before leaving the house to do a daddy daughter activity that she has loved doing in the past where lots of her friends and their dads are. Before school today she cried a bit because she didn't want to go. I'm not sure what to do. It was really horrible to make her go in the car tonight because she was hysterical. However I felt like if I let her stay home it would reinforce the whole behavior. But it really tore me up tonight. Is this a phase your kids have gone through?

I hope this makes sense.

I would talk to her and make sure something didn't happen to cause this sudden change of behavior!! I'm sorry, and don't mean to scare you, but as I read your story, I was alarmed.

It sounds like she's using the sickness as an excuse, for sure, but WHY is the bigger question, IMO.

You need to talk with her and let her know that she can be honest with you and you will help her- no matter what she tells you is wrong.

Good luck.

 

[kpgclark]

I did talk with her. I had the same concerns. I asked if anyone was mean to her or hurt her etc. I told her she could tell me anything. The only thing that reluctantly came out was how much she misses me. Honestly she doesn't have alone time with adults so I'm not concerned about that. I just think she is having some kind of attachment issues. I don't know!

 

[beckmrk04]

I did talk with her. I had the same concerns. I asked if anyone was mean to her or hurt her etc. I told her she could tell me anything. The only thing that reluctantly came out was how much she misses me. Honestly she doesn't have alone time with adults so I'm not concerned about that. I just think she is having some kind of attachment issues. I don't know!

Hmmm... I don't know. I don't have kids, but have a couple of siblings, and have been around tons of kids, and it's just not a common phase at 9yo. That doesn't mean it couldn't just be a phase for your dd, by any means.

It just seems odd. Sorry! I wish I knew something better to say!

 

[kpgclark]

I just called my husband who said the minute she got to this Adventure Guide's meeting she was fine and ran off with her friends. I did know a girl last year who was a friend of my daughter's who didn't want to play with other kids for a while. Maybe I'll call her mom.

 

[KAMLEM]

I have a 9 yo DD and that sounds very odd. My daughter is at a sleepover across the street as we speak and she couldn't get over there quickly enough! I have never heard of something like this coming on so quickly, especially at her age. I would continue to talk to her about it and if it doesn't change pretty soon I'd take her to speak with someone about it. to you and your daughter

 

[kpgclark]

One other thing-- she for the past few months has been kind of a homebody. She likes to stay home and play. She has LOTS of friends and has them over here. She does play at other kid's houses but not as frequently as she did before. For example she used to sleep at her best friend's house a lot but now doesn't want to sleep away from home and hasn't done so for a long time- several months. Now that I think of it about a month ago she didn't want to go to the library with a friend to go to an American Girls thing. I hope this is just a weird phase. Maybe I'll call the guidance office on Monday

 

[JulieWent]

This sounds really odd, but please have her doctor make sure she doesn't have strep. There is a weird syndrome that occasionally occurs after a bout of strep called PANDAs. (You can google it, if you'd like.) It basically brings on obsessive-compulsive disorder, which is a form of anxiety disorder. It's WAYYYY out there, and I wouldn't bring it up, but I do know a child who ended up with OCD / anxiety disorder after a bout of strep.

Otherwise, maybe it IS just a weird phase. My son goes through family "withdrawal" after spring break, Christmas holidays, and the summer. Maybe that's it? (We're about to go back to school on Monday after a glorious week-long break!!! He's NOT looking forward to it.)

Julie

 

[Buckalew11]

So , no one has died that is close to her? Or maybe that she read about? Like a story where a girl loses her mom?

I am happy she is having fun at her party but it sounds as if she is having seperation anxiety. As a 6yo I had problems leaving my mom after a close neighbor died who was like a grandfather to me.

Keep her talking, keep loving her through this and yes, keep her going socially.

 

[kpgclark]

Yeah, nothing traumatic going on. The doctor did the rapid strep test on Wednesday and the other test results came in today. No call from doc so no strep.

It is funny because once she gets where she is going she seems fine-- like tonight my hubby said the minute she saw one of her friends she was all sunshine and roses. I think she is just going through a phase where she is really attached to me. I guess it is possible that she is worried I might die or something-- perhaps this is the age where they realize that nobody lives forever.

 

[kpgclark]

Oh, and today at school I put a note in her lunch which she said she put in her pocket to "have me near her because she missed me so much."

 

[Buckalew11]

Yeah, nothing traumatic going on. The doctor did the rapid strep test on Wednesday and the other test results came in today. No call from doc so no strep.

It is funny because once she gets where she is going she seems fine-- like tonight my hubby said the minute she saw one of her friends she was all sunshine and roses. I think she is just going through a phase where she is really attached to me. I guess it is possible that she is worried I might die or something-- perhaps this is the age where they realize that nobody lives forever.

Well, all I can say is I was that same way. If I could just get to school, my stomachache almost always got better. I was very attached to my mother. It'll get better. It did for me a few years ago. (I'm 41!)

 

[Stitch65]

Well, when I was 9 I went through an extreme behavior change. I used to be a great student, teacher's pet, etc and all of sudden I was begging not to go to school. I can remember my mom having to pry my fingers off the steering wheel to get me to go in. I'm sure it was hard on her. Turns out that my 4th grade teacher was verbally abusing me (and I wasn't the only one) and I spent most my time in the counselor's office. I remember not being able to tell the adults around me why I was acting the way I was... I remember being drilled by the principal to see if it was something at home (I assure you it wasn't) and I was finally moved to a different teacher. Sadly that woman kept her job long after I left. My mom had to force me to go to school though, until they could switch me since the school was threatening to claim "truency". That was a hard year for me & my family. I did have physical symptoms to my emotions, I had severe stomach problems until this was all cleared up.

It seems that something must have happened. Maybe her best friend and her had a falling out? Maybe there is a bully at school? Not trying to freak you out, just wanted to say that even though she can't verbalize it, she might be trying to tell you something.


My thoughts are with ya!


OR You're such an awesome mom she's just going through seperation anxiety.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I too think it sounds like something a little deeper. Kids sometimes have a hard time understanding and verbalizing issues like this. It sounds like there might be some other root cause???

 

[Angelrose]

Oh gosh I hate to bring this up, BUT, since she doesn't want to go to sleep overs anymore, could she possible have been molested? I would take her for an exam, just in case.

 

[kpgclark]

While I understand you bring up molestation I don't think this is the case. She is just generally more of a homebody and has always been a little shy. It just seems a little more extreme lately and she hasn't had a sleepover in many months.

 

[Planogirl]

Keep talking to her and talk about anything and everything. Something does seem to be bothering her and maybe she doesn't even realize what it is herself.

I can imagine how worried you are but I'm sure that you'll figure this out.

 

[Angelrose]

OK that's a relief!

 

[Wonderlandmom]

I would make her an appt for a physical, and ask for blood work (including lyme disease). Maybe the Dr. can help figure this out even if it is not physical and just emotional. Good luck. I do think talking to the guidance counselor is a good idea too. I have an 11 yr old DD myself, they can be emotional, but this seems extreme.