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[C.Ann]

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[safetymom]

I understand that the SIL would have made it very awkward. But you can visit the funeral home when the family isn't there.

I do speak from experience by the way. Just so you all don't think I am just offering an opinion without any experience.

 

[safetymom]

C. Ann, they must do it differently where you live. When I lived in PA you could always go to the funeral home and pay your respects before, after viewing hours. When my mother passed away and we went for a dinner break when we came back there were several people that had signed the guest book. When my husband died we didn't take a dinner break.

 

[C.Ann]

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[safetymom]

Now that you have provided more details yes that solution wouldn't have worked.

 

[C.Ann]

..........irrelevant - old info/news

 

[Disney Doll]

C. Ann, they must do it differently where you live. When I lived in PA you could always go to the funeral home and pay your respects before, after viewing hours. When my mother passed away and we went for a dinner break when we came back there were several people that had signed the guest book. When my husband died we didn't take a dinner break.

Around here, the family doesn't get a break from the wake. Sometimes they'll do 3-5PM & 7-9PM viewings to give the family that 2 hour break, but if the family isn't there, no one else goes in either.

Whe we waked my in-laws (separately-they died 9 months apart), we were near the casket pretty much the whole night. They had big wakes, with literally 500-700 people signing the guest book, so they were long nights.

 

[disneymom3]

In my mind a wake is a totally inappropriate time to make anyone feel uncomfortable - even "The Ice Princess" - and that is exactly what my presence would do..

Yep. I totally agree with you on this one. Whatever her reason is, SIL is upset with you. (Justified or not, clearly not.) Showing up at her MILs funeral is not a good way to mend fences. I think your going would probably be interepreted by her as trying to prove a point, show her up, or whatever. Good call on sending the card.

ETA-- Safetymom, what is the point of going when the family would not be there? I sincerely want to know. I always felt that going to a wake or a viewing was to extend sympathy and support to the family as well as show respect to the person who died. But the body doesn't know you are showing respect so if you are alone, what is the point? I am just confused by this idea.

 

[C.Ann]

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[RadioFanatic]

I"m so sorry you had to put up with that - moral of the story - (1) always go with your gut; and (2) "ice princesses" suck.

 

[C.Ann]

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[jenniferma]

I hope you don't mind me posting-- I have been following your story. Your SIL sounds like she needs some serious therapy. All I can say is that I so feel for you and her DH and DD! She is holding them ransom with her crazy behavior!

There seems to be a person like this in every family. I agree you did the best thing possible-- imagine what he## your BIL would have had to endure if you would have shown up. Too bad they all enable her and let her act like that. She sounds like someone with borderline personality disorder.

I can't believe her bitterness towards you for all those years over nothing! I am serious when I say-- she needs therapy! Her poor kids.. imagine not being able to invite your cousins and Aunt to your wedding because of your psycho Mom! Oh.......... so sad!

It is probably just easier for your BIL and DNiece to agree with whatever she wants to keep peace. What a shame!
Hang in there... at least it isn't your OWN sister!
jen

 

[C.Ann]

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