...........

[RickinNYC]

I agree C.Ann, a funeral is never a place to bring in family issues. I think by you sending a card, that's enough for now. If you want to mend fences in the future, then do so at that time. Life isn't full of TV Movie of the Week moments where everything is solved by the next commercial though tears and hugs. Things take time.

I'm just sorry you're going through this right now, during the holidays, when you have other things to worry about. Just enjoy the festive season and continue on with your own life. If you want to talk things out, do so after the new year.

You done good with the card kiddo. That should suffice.

 

[C.Ann]

You done good with the card kiddo. That should suffice.

-----------------------

Thanks! There's simply no way that I would have let this family tragedy go by without some sort of acknowledgement from me..

 

[C.Ann]

..................

 

[inaminute]

I feel the card is sufficient..

I agree. Under the circumstances, I think it was perfect.

 

[ericamanda01]

C.Ann, I think your decision was a wise one. It sounds like the "Ice prinesss" has some serious issues. If there is anyone that deserves our pity it's your DH neice. I hope it all works out before it's too late.

 

[escape]

You were very wise to stay away, C.Ann. I can't imagine this person having very many friends with an attitude like that. Geez!

When and if your DD & DSIL tell you what the woman said, just consider the source and be thankful that you don't have to be around her on a regular basis. It sounds like even her own family members are ashamed of the way she behaves. Pity!

 

[C.Ann]

..........

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, sounds like the Ice Princess is a vindictive little thing, isn't she???

I've often wondered how the people around people like that give them so much "power". I can be fairly tolerant of many things, but at a certain point, enough is enough.

I have a "sister-in-law from Hell" myself. Many issues, many bad behaviors, much angst whenever she is involved in anything. For many years, we tolerated her bad behavior at the behest of my late DMIL. DMIL passed away 4 years ago, and undoing the damage wrought by her years of kowtowing to the nut has been an experience. I say this not in judgement of my DMIL...she was a mother and her relationship with her child was paramount to her above anything else.

Well, we have all reached the "enough is enough" point with DSIL. I am beyond feeling sorry for her because she is "sick". I am beyond caring if her feelings get hurt once in a while since she has made a career out of hurting other people's feelings. For the sake of family harmony, I am civil to her, and than God every day that she lives 1500 miles away, but also have no problem whatsoever calling her on her bad behavior. This of course creates the big trauma, "poor me" from her, but I pretty much ignore that.

Both my in-laws died the same year, within 9 months of each other. Her true colors came out loud and clear during that time.

Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me.

 

[Chattyaholic]

I completely understand why you didn't go. I wouldn't have gone either.

It's very difficult, if not impossible sometimes, to "just let it go."

My mother and I have already discussed what we will do if my cousin shows up at my father's funeral, when the time comes. We had a "falling out" back when I was 14 and I am now 48. We still do not understand what she got so upset about, she refuses to discuss the situation with us. And she has no contact with us at all, but we are afraid she will show up at Dad's funeral and we do not want her there. His funeral will NOT be the time to "mend fences."
Her presence there would just be more hurtful. We will tell the funeral director she is not welcome and to see that she leaves immediately.

Also, my DH was a Mennonite when we married and NONE of his relatives (lots of them, aunts/uncles/cousins, even one set of grandparents) came to our wedding, even though they were invited, except for one aunt/uncle. One set of grandparents did come to the reception but not the wedding. It HURT so much that they refused to come, simply because he was marrying me, a non-Mennonite.

So, I have already decided (years ago, and still stick by my decision) that if DH passes on before I do there will be a private service for the immediate family and a select few friends ONLY. If his relatives refused to come to our wedding (and we rarely have contact with any of them even now) they don't need to bother coming to his funeral. I couldn't tolerate it. I don't feel that long, drawn-out funerals where there are 2-3 days of "visitation" are necessary anyway, but that's a whole other subject.

 

[C.Ann]

Well, sounds like the Ice Princess is a vindictive little thing, isn't she???

I've often wondered how the people around people like that give them so much "power". I can be fairly tolerant of many things, but at a certain point, enough is enough.

I have a "sister-in-law from Hell" myself. Many issues, many bad behaviors, much angst whenever she is involved in anything. For many years, we tolerated her bad behavior at the behest of my late DMIL. DMIL passed away 4 years ago, and undoing the damage wrought by her years of kowtowing to the nut has been an experience. I say this not in judgement of my DMIL...she was a mother and her relationship with her child was paramount to her above anything else.

Well, we have all reached the "enough is enough" point with DSIL. I am beyond feeling sorry for her because she is "sick". I am beyond caring if her feelings get hurt once in a while since she has made a career out of hurting other people's feelings. For the sake of family harmony, I am civil to her, and than God every day that she lives 1500 miles away, but also have no problem whatsoever calling her on her bad behavior. This of course creates the big trauma, "poor me" from her, but I pretty much ignore that.

Both my in-laws died the same year, within 9 months of each other. Her true colors came out loud and clear during that time.

Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me.

--------------------------------------

You know what I have always found interesting? When it comes to "family" people are expected to tolerate the WORST possible behavior ever - yet if a husband were treating you in the same manner, no one would blink an eye if you divorced him in 2 seconds flat.. LOL

 

[CapeCodTenor]

I'm so sorry to hear what's going on right now C.Ann. And I hope I don't sound rude, but I really can't wait to hear what the Ice Princess' reason was.

 

[C.Ann]

[..........

 

[disykat]

You are handling this so well, C.Ann. I'll be looking for your update!

 

[Disney Doll]

--------------------------------------

You know what I have always found interesting? When it comes to "family" people are expected to tolerate the WORST possible behavior ever - yet if a husband were treating you in the same manner, no one would blink an eye if you divorced him in 2 seconds flat.. LOL

I don't play that game.. Family or no family, I won't be treated with disrespect by ANYONE (provided I have done nothing to bring it on myself, of course).. Life is too short to waste it on dealing with people who are nasty, mean, vindictive and self-absorbed - and that includes "family" members..

I'm with you C.Ann, but it seems as if we are in the minority. Oh well...

 

[Castlebound]

You know what I have always found interesting? When it comes to "family" people are expected to tolerate the WORST possible behavior ever - yet if a husband were treating you in the same manner, no one would blink an eye if you divorced him in 2 seconds flat.. LOL

I don't play that game.. Family or no family, I won't be treated with disrespect by ANYONE (provided I have done nothing to bring it on myself, of course).. Life is too short to waste it on dealing with people who are nasty, mean, vindictive and self-absorbed - and that includes "family" members..

I'm with you C.Ann, but it seems as if we are in the minority. Oh well...

The two of you are not alone. I drives me crazy when people act like anything should just be dropped or forgiven because the people who were hurtful or rude are family! It takes respect and effort on both sides for any relationship to work. You can't have one side putting out all the effort all of the time and think that everything will be just fine. It really is that plain and simple.

 

[C.Ann]

The two of you are not alone. I drives me crazy when people act like anything should just be dropped or forgiven because the people who were hurtful or rude are family! It takes respect and effort on both sides for any relationship to work. You can't have one side putting out all the effort all of the time and think that everything will be just fine. It really is that plain and simple.

-------------------------------

i think some people are under the assumption that all families are like the Ward and June Cleaver clan, but sadly they aren't.. We live in a generation where family members think they can do or say anything they darn well please and be "excused" because they're "family".. Just look at all the threads on the CB about "nasty" mother-in-laws - why aren't people expected to kiss up to them? After all, they are family...

 

[safetymom]

I said she should go. I didn't say that everything should be dropped or forgotten. Sometimes it is better for you to forgive actions so that it doesn't affect you. You can't always keep a scorecard of what everybody does.

 

[C.Ann]

...............

 

[safetymom]

No I didn't miss that part. You could have gone to the funeral home when they weren't there.

You posted your thoughts and I posted mine. You are free to handle it however you choose but when you posted you had to realize that others would post an opinion different than yours.

Maybe you made the right decision for you but others read these posts and I was offering an opinion that maybe they could use to help them make their decision.

 

[dianeschlicht]

Safetymom, I disagree. Her presence would have made it difficult for the others in the family. Not because of C. Ann, but because of the SIL. You did right, CA, and I too can hardly wait to hear what SIL said!