7 months pregnant and husband having an affair...what now?

[lizabu]

I'm so happy to hear the baby's doing well and you are doing well. I agree completely about emailing the texts to a secret email address and the getting tested for STDs. You would be surprised how many people have STDs and most of them don't even know they have him. I agree with what was said by PP. He's not your friend. Tell him nothing. Can you believe this guy? He wants to do what he wants? How would he like it if you had a BF on the side? You're just doing what you want Have your Mom come. You need back up and support especially now that you're stuck in that house with him. Maybe she can be a buffer or maybe he will be ashamed of himself in front of your Mom and finally move out.

 

[clutter]

I don't know if I should take my mom up on the offer to come visit, at least for a little while.

YES!!! Get your mom here asap. You will feel so much better.


DH asked to sit down and talk this afternoon, which somehow ended up with him being angry with me. I told him that if he wanted to be in a relationship with this girl, he needed to move out - it wasn't fair to me to expect me to be in the same house as him while he's with her. He got mad at first and said that wasn't fair, it was his house too and he should be able to do what he wants, but he finally agreed to leave at the weekend. We'll see if he really does or not. He also got mad at me for keeping the texts from this girl - I said I was doing it because some of them were starting to get threatening and I wanted proof in case I needed to get protection in the future. He said that was absurd, that she was "just a kid" (SERIOUSLY??!! ) and that she would never want to come near me. I told him if he didn't want me to get the messages, he should probably tell her to stop sending them and he got mad and said I wasn't listening to him. OK then. At that point we were done - now I'm in the living room watching TV and he's in the guest room sulking.

I wouldn't tell him any more about this. Unfortunately, you are now on opposite sides. Don't show him your good cards. Just in case. It takes a long time to finalize a divorce. The person he is right now is NOT the person that will show up for the final hearing. (You will not be either. But that is not a bad thing.)

I also wanted to comment on something else - people had been asking how our relationship was before this all happened. As far as I knew it was fine - we'd been blissfully happy the first couple of years together, then just settled into being happy and comfortable together. I honestly never had a clue DH was unhappy - he says he'd been unhappy for a few months when he started the affair, but didn't know how to talk to me about it. I've thought back over that time, and he honestly seemed fine - I actually looked at the pictures we took on a vacation together two weeks before the affair started, and we look so happy! But he can't have been happy, otherwise he would never have started the affair.

Call your mom, have her come. Your dad may come as well. You're still in shock. Let your parent(s) come and pamper you and your son. (In about 2 months you will understand this.)

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I'm so happy to hear the baby's doing well and you are doing well. I agree completely about emailing the texts to a secret email address and the getting tested for STDs. You would be surprised how many people have STDs and most of them don't even know they have him. I agree with what was said by PP. He's not your friend. Tell him nothing. Can you believe this guy? He wants to do what he wants? How would he like it if you had a BF on the side? You're just doing what you want Have your Mom come. You need back up and support especially now that you're stuck in that house with him. Maybe she can be a buffer or maybe he will be ashamed of himself in front of your Mom and finally move out.

Yes, this! Please listen to this.

 

[minnie56]

I thought the exact same thing about the texts!!! Please--send them to a new email he can't know about. Even to your Mom. And YES have your Mom and Dad if he will come be with you. You are so brave and doing so well but you and baby need someone to help you through this because as others have said it's going to get worst before it gets better.

Please????

 

[minnie56]

OH and thank God baby is doing well..
I wish you could get home, I really would feel better if you had a lot of miles between you and this sad sad man and his bimbo.

 

[PrincessNancy96]

I've been following this thread and my heart just breaks for you and your little one...

I agree with opening an secret email account and get those texts sent to that account for safe-keeping and send copies of those to your parents.. (also, don't delete them from your phone til you verify they are in the email account).

Also, don't give him any more information.. Gather up all the documents you can while he is at work tomorrow... make copies of them if you have a copier or can get to staples or something... he may try to destroy or remove them if you give him a heads up you need them.

Continue to take care of yourself and your beautiful little one..

 

[kmccain]

I too have been following and have been praying for you and your baby.

You have a large support network here!

 

[TRK0011]

Any idea how to forward texts to an email account?

 

[kmccain]

Just forward and type in the email address

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Any idea how to forward texts to an email account?

My daughter has done this by doing a "screen shot" and saving it like a picture, then email the picture. There may be a better way. You could also forward them to your parents so that they would also be on their phones too.

 

[Fly4free]

Glad to hear all is well with the baby. Please take care of yourself during all this stress. Like others have said, do not tip your hand to your husband. Don't let him see you are documenting bank accounts. Don't forget retirement accounts too! Open yourself an account in just your name (preferably one you can access in Canada) and start moving $ into it.

Try to put yourself into a position that if things get ugly that you have a place to go. Do you have a friend that could keep some of your most prized possessions until you figure out what you will be doing? Keep your passport, important documents and some cash somewhere other than your house, maybe in a safe deposit box.

Glad you talked to your mom and have her to help you. I agree it might be best to move to Canada, with your parents, if you are able to before giving birth. If your blood pressure goes down, that may still be an option. You will know more after you talk with your attorney too. In the meantime do your own research about health insurance. Call your current insurance co and find out what type of coverage you would have in Canada.

Best wishes to you and God Bless!

 

[gottaluvPluto]

I was just thinking about how ex-husbands act and well ..... I think you should get a PO BOX and have all your mail go there and not the house. Your scum of a soon to be ex just might take your mail or go through it.

 

[MomiTo2SwtGuys]

OP, glad to hear that the baby is doing well. Hope your blood pressure gets better. I'm sure it has to be stress related though.

I would take your mom up on the idea of her coming to visit for a while. You will need someone to be there for you emotionally when the baby comes. And your husband doesn't sound like the support system that you need.

I would not let him read any more texts that the girl sends. I would be afraid of him deleting them when you are not around.

I hope things start looking up and you can find some answers and peace with this situation.

 

[westjones]

I do not know the details of this for sure, but a friend of mine had a situation with her underage daughter receiving inappropriate texts and with a court order, was able to get copies of them from Verizon.

Maybe your lawyer could get something that allows you to get a print out of these messages from you cell phone company.

Again...maybe I am wrong, this was 3 years ago, and it was a mess and I was supporting her emotionally and don't remember the exact details other than she did get a court order and got something from the cell phone company and I think it was a copy of the texts.

Just something to keep in mind when you see your lawyer on Friday. Best of luck. I hope your mother is able to come soon. You really need your family by your side right now. It will help a lot with the stress. And as you are about to become a mom yourself, you will realize that moms don't just give up everything to help their children because they are suppose to....they do it because they WANT to. As a mom, anytime your child is in trouble....not matter what their age.....you want to help them. Let her help you.

 

[Goofierunner]

Any idea how to forward texts to an email account?

If you're unsure of how to do it, think about taking it to the local cell phone store for your carrier and they can do it. We did this with my dad's phone and they were able to save one of his most treasured pictures.

You got a lot of good advice here. Change your passwords, get your own bank account set up, don't trust him. Keep yourself centered. You have a great support system here. Thank you for keeping us updated.

 

[pampam]

I'm not sure how you feel about your son being born in Canada, but if this is what you are prefering, you can always take a train or bus if you cannot fly. Or perhaps Mom and Dad could drive to California and get you. There are always other options available.

 

[punkin]

I would not be making any decisions about flying until I spoke to the lawyer. There is nothing wrong with flying at 7 months with a healthy pregnancy. Of course, the doctor would want you perfectly safe, on the ground where he could monitor you and help you give birth. However, if your attorney thinks the best legal strategy is to give birth in Canada (which he might), I would definitely ignore the doctor's (overcautious, IMO) advice.

 

[SaraJayne]

If flying is out, you can always have your Mom and Dad come down and pick you up, to drive back home to Canada.

 

[goofyintoronto]

I would not be making any decisions about flying until I spoke to the lawyer. There is nothing wrong with flying at 7 months with a healthy pregnancy. Of course, the doctor would want you perfectly safe, on the ground where he could monitor you and help you give birth. However, if your attorney thinks the best legal strategy is to give birth in Canada (which he might), I would definitely ignore the doctor's (overcautious, IMO) advice.

I totally agree! If your lawyer advises you to give birth in canada, and since your pregnancy is healthy, I would be travelling to canada asap...even if you look at other ways to travel besides plane. A bus perhaps. Consult with the doctor again once you have new info from your lawyer.

 

[minnie56]

I worked for an airline for many years, as long as the pregnancy is stable, flying at 7 months is perfectly fine. I really would love to know she is safely away from this guy...