7 months pregnant and husband having an affair...what now?

[zurgswife]

Prayers that all goes well today...

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Something tells me that if this 19-year-old girl is a nut job, her parents probably aren't far from it. I would think that something had to have gone wrong in her upbringing for her to think that it was okay to have relations with a married man who is significantly older than her. So going to the parents of the girl could potentially be just as dangerous... maybe even more of a threat.

I agree. The apple don't fall far from the tree, and since the girls mom is a friend of her DH it could get dangerous. We don't really know what her friendship is with him. She could have talked him into dating her daughter for all we know. People are absolutely crazy.

Good gravy, I sure hope this isn't the advice you'd give your 2 daughters if they came to you with a similar situation.

I was thinking the same thing. No way would I give some of that advise to my girls.

I dont have any new advie just a hug.

Good luck with the lawyer and doctor today. I hope they give you all the guidance you need to make the right decisions.

Yes!! Big hugs from me today!! Today may be hard but you can do this. You have to, for you and for your son. You both deserve a better life than this. I have been praying for you.

 

[LilKiki]

.

 

[Shmily1]

Prayers that your appointments are going great for you, your little man is doing great, and you find the strength you need to keep you two safe and healthy.

p.s. The mom in me begs you to please tell your parents soon. If I was your parent, I would want to help you, not feel obligated.

 

[westjones]

p.s. The mom in me begs you to please tell your parents soon. If I was your parent, I would want to help you, not feel obligated.

Me too! I would hope if either of my DDs were in a situation like this they would let me know, and I would want to go get them and bring them home right away.

You parents will want to help you. Give them a chance to be there for you. I know DH and I are looking forward to those retirement years and travel, but we would not enjoy ourselves at all knowing one of our girls is in a crisis and we would rather help her through it then to go on a trip.

 

[TRK0011]

So I wanted to update you guys on today.

First up, my attorney called to reschedule the appointment for Friday instead. Another one his clients needed him for an emergency, and since she's paying him and he's doing this consultation with me for free, I understand him needing to be with her. He did ask me to get together all financial documents I could find and bring them to the appointment. I also mentioned the texts I'd been getting, and what to do about them. He told me to keep them all for right now and he'd take a look at them to see what could be done to make them stop.

My Dr appointment went great though! My little guy is doing great in there He's measuring right on track and had a strong heartbeat. I told my Dr what was going on and he was so supportive - it turns out he has a daughter my age who went through a divorce last year after just two years of marriage because of a cheating husband. He said the baby is showing no signs of stress, but my blood pressure is slightly elevated and he assumes that is down to stress on my part. I asked him about flying and he advised against it - he said to do such a long journey when I was already under stress could lead to problems, and he would rather I don't go.

So then I called my parents and spoke to my mom. I really struggled to start the conversation but ended up telling her everything. She was fantastic - she just listened for the most part. She kept saying she couldn't believe he could be so stupid, and how disappointed in him she was - I was right there with her! She asked what I wanted to do, and I told her what the Dr said. She said that if the Dr advised me not to fly, I should listen to him. She did offer to get on the next flight out here to stay with me, but I declined for right now. Just the fact that I have some support right now makes me feel so much better. She said she'd sit down and tell my dad tonight and see what he suggests - my dad adored DH, so he's going to take this hard.

So I think I'm going to hold off on any more decisions until I talk with the attorney on Friday. If the Dr says I shouldn't fly, I really can't leave. I don't know if I should take my mom up on the offer to come visit, at least for a little while.

DH asked to sit down and talk this afternoon, which somehow ended up with him being angry with me. I told him that if he wanted to be in a relationship with this girl, he needed to move out - it wasn't fair to me to expect me to be in the same house as him while he's with her. He got mad at first and said that wasn't fair, it was his house too and he should be able to do what he wants, but he finally agreed to leave at the weekend. We'll see if he really does or not. He also got mad at me for keeping the texts from this girl - I said I was doing it because some of them were starting to get threatening and I wanted proof in case I needed to get protection in the future. He said that was absurd, that she was "just a kid" (SERIOUSLY??!! ) and that she would never want to come near me. I told him if he didn't want me to get the messages, he should probably tell her to stop sending them and he got mad and said I wasn't listening to him. OK then. At that point we were done - now I'm in the living room watching TV and he's in the guest room sulking.

I also wanted to comment on something else - people had been asking how our relationship was before this all happened. As far as I knew it was fine - we'd been blissfully happy the first couple of years together, then just settled into being happy and comfortable together. I honestly never had a clue DH was unhappy - he says he'd been unhappy for a few months when he started the affair, but didn't know how to talk to me about it. I've thought back over that time, and he honestly seemed fine - I actually looked at the pictures we took on a vacation together two weeks before the affair started, and we look so happy! But he can't have been happy, otherwise he would never have started the affair.

So that is where I stand for now. Thank you all again for sticking with me - it means so much to me that a group of people I've never even met could be so kind and thoughtful

 

[Tiger926]

So I wanted to update you guys on today.

First up, my attorney called to reschedule the appointment for Friday instead. Another one his clients needed him for an emergency, and since she's paying him and he's doing this consultation with me for free, I understand him needing to be with her. He did ask me to get together all financial documents I could find and bring them to the appointment. I also mentioned the texts I'd been getting, and what to do about them. He told me to keep them all for right now and he'd take a look at them to see what could be done to make them stop.

My Dr appointment went great though! My little guy is doing great in there He's measuring right on track and had a strong heartbeat. I told my Dr what was going on and he was so supportive - it turns out he has a daughter my age who went through a divorce last year after just two years of marriage because of a cheating husband. He said the baby is showing no signs of stress, but my blood pressure is slightly elevated and he assumes that is down to stress on my part. I asked him about flying and he advised against it - he said to do such a long journey when I was already under stress could lead to problems, and he would rather I don't go.

So then I called my parents and spoke to my mom. I really struggled to start the conversation but ended up telling her everything. She was fantastic - she just listened for the most part. She kept saying she couldn't believe he could be so stupid, and how disappointed in him she was - I was right there with her! She asked what I wanted to do, and I told her what the Dr said. She said that if the Dr advised me not to fly, I should listen to him. She did offer to get on the next flight out here to stay with me, but I declined for right now. Just the fact that I have some support right now makes me feel so much better. She said she'd sit down and tell my dad tonight and see what he suggests - my dad adored DH, so he's going to take this hard.

So I think I'm going to hold off on any more decisions until I talk with the attorney on Friday. If the Dr says I shouldn't fly, I really can't leave. I don't know if I should take my mom up on the offer to come visit, at least for a little while.

DH asked to sit down and talk this afternoon, which somehow ended up with him being angry with me. I told him that if he wanted to be in a relationship with this girl, he needed to move out - it wasn't fair to me to expect me to be in the same house as him while he's with her. He got mad at first and said that wasn't fair, it was his house too and he should be able to do what he wants, but he finally agreed to leave at the weekend. We'll see if he really does or not. He also got mad at me for keeping the texts from this girl - I said I was doing it because some of them were starting to get threatening and I wanted proof in case I needed to get protection in the future. He said that was absurd, that she was "just a kid" (SERIOUSLY??!! ) and that she would never want to come near me. I told him if he didn't want me to get the messages, he should probably tell her to stop sending them and he got mad and said I wasn't listening to him. OK then. At that point we were done - now I'm in the living room watching TV and he's in the guest room sulking.

I also wanted to comment on something else - people had been asking how our relationship was before this all happened. As far as I knew it was fine - we'd been blissfully happy the first couple of years together, then just settled into being happy and comfortable together. I honestly never had a clue DH was unhappy - he says he'd been unhappy for a few months when he started the affair, but didn't know how to talk to me about it. I've thought back over that time, and he honestly seemed fine - I actually looked at the pictures we took on a vacation together two weeks before the affair started, and we look so happy! But he can't have been happy, otherwise he would never have started the affair.

So that is where I stand for now. Thank you all again for sticking with me - it means so much to me that a group of people I've never even met could be so kind and thoughtful

Thanks for the update!

I am sorry your husband won't leave until the weekend. Hopefully he'll change his mind and move out tomorrow.

I am sure you are anxious to talk to your parents again - maybe you could take a train to their city?

Hugs and support sent your way!

Tiger

 

[kathie859]

Thanks for the update. I have to admit that you and the baby have crossed my mind several times since I read your initial post. It sounds like you've taken all the right steps. Continued best wishes for you and your son. I'd love to simply throttle your husband. What a louse!

 

[zurgswife]

thanks for the update. I'm glad the little guy is doing good. I think your wise to listen to your doctor. I think if your DH does move out it might be nice to have your mom around as you get closer to your due date.

 

[Imzadi]

He also got mad at me for keeping the texts from this girl - I said I was doing it because some of them were starting to get threatening and I wanted proof in case I needed to get protection in the future. He said that was absurd, that she was "just a kid" (SERIOUSLY??!! ) and that she would never want to come near me. I told him if he didn't want me to get the messages, he should probably tell her to stop sending them and he got mad and said I wasn't listening to him. OK then.

You need to remove the phone from the house or hide it very well, as he could get a hold of it and delete all the texts. Now that you've told him WHY you are keeping the texts. You should also make copies of them somehow, in a way that proves they aren't being altered. Store in a remote location, so you have the copies for safekeeping.

 

[diamondpixienc]

OP, I would move now while you are still pregnant, as overwhelming as that seems.

You'll be able to use the Canadian healthcare system and not have to rely on his insurance. That is no reason to stay married until the baby is born.

I have not read the entire thread but stopped here when I saw this. But, first, I am so sorry that you are going through this. But like this and others have said I would go ahead and move before your son is born if possible hence you would be heading to another country. But, I do wish you and your little man well. I know it is hard because your heart is hurting but you have to try to stay strong for this little person who needs his mom to stay as healthy and stress free as posible. So, just focus on that precious little boy for now. You guys are going to be just fine. Your no good piece of sorry excuse of a husband gonna get his and honey karma gonna kick his but.

 

[karensi]

You need to remove the phone from the house or hide it very well, as he could get a hold of it and delete all the texts. Now that you've told him WHY you are keeping the texts. You should also make copies of them somehow, in a way that proves they aren't being altered. Store in a remote location, so you have the copies for safekeeping.

Like others, I have been faithfully reading this thread without posting.
But when I read that you had told told him that you are keeping the messages for future use I thought the same thing as PP.
Thinking maybe you could forward those messages to a good, trusted friend, or better yet, maybe your Mom.

Anyway, stay strong, you seem to be doing a good job of that so far. Also wanted to say, I was happy to read that all went well with your MDs visit.


Karen

 

[sandramaac]

Don't tell him, anything---the text you are saving the attorney you are seeing, the records you are gathering, peope you are sharing your story with. Tell him nothing!!

Did you have you OB/GYN run any std test???

Please hope you changed all your passwords. Don't reply to any text from the girl. Just bide your time right now. Have your pay directly deposited into your own account--again don't mention it until he does. Gather, but discreetly build up a little nest egg the next few months. And see what the attorney says to do.

Also make sure you have someone here with you closer to the baby's birth to stay with you.

 

[jujube]

So I wanted to update you guys on today.

First up, my attorney called to reschedule the appointment for Friday instead. Another one his clients needed him for an emergency, and since she's paying him and he's doing this consultation with me for free, I understand him needing to be with her. He did ask me to get together all financial documents I could find and bring them to the appointment. I also mentioned the texts I'd been getting, and what to do about them. He told me to keep them all for right now and he'd take a look at them to see what could be done to make them stop.

My Dr appointment went great though! My little guy is doing great in there He's measuring right on track and had a strong heartbeat. I told my Dr what was going on and he was so supportive - it turns out he has a daughter my age who went through a divorce last year after just two years of marriage because of a cheating husband. He said the baby is showing no signs of stress, but my blood pressure is slightly elevated and he assumes that is down to stress on my part. I asked him about flying and he advised against it - he said to do such a long journey when I was already under stress could lead to problems, and he would rather I don't go.

So then I called my parents and spoke to my mom. I really struggled to start the conversation but ended up telling her everything. She was fantastic - she just listened for the most part. She kept saying she couldn't believe he could be so stupid, and how disappointed in him she was - I was right there with her! She asked what I wanted to do, and I told her what the Dr said. She said that if the Dr advised me not to fly, I should listen to him. She did offer to get on the next flight out here to stay with me, but I declined for right now. Just the fact that I have some support right now makes me feel so much better. She said she'd sit down and tell my dad tonight and see what he suggests - my dad adored DH, so he's going to take this hard.

So I think I'm going to hold off on any more decisions until I talk with the attorney on Friday. If the Dr says I shouldn't fly, I really can't leave. I don't know if I should take my mom up on the offer to come visit, at least for a little while.

DH asked to sit down and talk this afternoon, which somehow ended up with him being angry with me. I told him that if he wanted to be in a relationship with this girl, he needed to move out - it wasn't fair to me to expect me to be in the same house as him while he's with her. He got mad at first and said that wasn't fair, it was his house too and he should be able to do what he wants, but he finally agreed to leave at the weekend. We'll see if he really does or not. He also got mad at me for keeping the texts from this girl - I said I was doing it because some of them were starting to get threatening and I wanted proof in case I needed to get protection in the future. He said that was absurd, that she was "just a kid" (SERIOUSLY??!! ) and that she would never want to come near me. I told him if he didn't want me to get the messages, he should probably tell her to stop sending them and he got mad and said I wasn't listening to him. OK then. At that point we were done - now I'm in the living room watching TV and he's in the guest room sulking.

I also wanted to comment on something else - people had been asking how our relationship was before this all happened. As far as I knew it was fine - we'd been blissfully happy the first couple of years together, then just settled into being happy and comfortable together. I honestly never had a clue DH was unhappy - he says he'd been unhappy for a few months when he started the affair, but didn't know how to talk to me about it. I've thought back over that time, and he honestly seemed fine - I actually looked at the pictures we took on a vacation together two weeks before the affair started, and we look so happy! But he can't have been happy, otherwise he would never have started the affair.

So that is where I stand for now. Thank you all again for sticking with me - it means so much to me that a group of people I've never even met could be so kind and thoughtful

Copy the texts especially if your phone is not locked. Open a new yahoo account and email them to the account. Your husband could erase the messages or take your phone making you think that you misplaced it. Also send a copy to your parents for safekeeping. Anyone duplicitous enough to cheat and especally with a crazy teenager cannot be trusted. I'd also let him know that you've told your parents the whole story.
As soon as your blood pressure goes down enough, please go to your parent's house.

 

[DVCJones]

You need to remove the phone from the house or hide it very well, as he could get a hold of it and delete all the texts. Now that you've told him WHY you are keeping the texts. You should also make copies of them somehow, in a way that proves they aren't being altered. Store in a remote location, so you have the copies for safekeeping.

Depending on the phone, you can email the texts to yourself. I would also create a new email account just for storing this kind of stuff. As soon as you get a text, send it to that account.

So glad to hear you are doing ok. I have been thinking of you...

I second the idea of having your mom come down and stay with you when your H moves out. When he does move out, consider changing the locks too.

 

[RadioNate]

Good update OP.

Just one word of advice,warning. Right now your husband is NOT your friend, he is NOT the man you married. He does NOT have your best interest at heart. Do not discuss things with him other than what it 100% necessary.

Please visit the surviving infidelity website and read about no contact and the 180. This man is NOT your ally. Please do not give him ANY information that he could use against you. You aren't going to love him out of this and nothing you say will wake him up and snap him back to reality.

Just beware.

I also agree with opening an gmail or similar account that your H is not aware of so you have a place to forward harassing texts and a safe way to communicate with your lawyer and family. Also change ALL your passwords to something he does not know, Facebook, email, bank accounts...etc.

 

[hereyago]

OP: I am so sorry this has happened to you.been there,done that and still living. Stop telling him why and what you are doing,you are just helping him out. How did She get your number? 2 guesses. Also yes he can live there and honestly the term: keep your friends close and your enemies even closer comes to mind.yes it is hard and you will be going through a myriad of emotions.

 

[DVCJones]

Also, please expect that he will become more and more angry with you as this unfolds. Especially when he feels threatened. Honestly, I would tell him nothing of your plans to visit a lawyer. Make him think you are not going to do anything until after the baby is born. Give him a false sense of security... get him to move out...change the locks...save EVERYTHING! If his behavior escalated in any way, get a restraining order. I have seen men get very scary when they finally realize the jig is up and they are not in control of the situation. Please be careful. I would also consider visiting your local police after he moves out and show them the texts and inform them of any odd/threatening behavior. They will advise you what to do. It is also good to let them know just in case you need to call them. There will be a record and they will respond swiftly. Especially when they see that you are pregnant.

Good luck!! There are so many 'strangers' here who really do care what is happening to you. ((Hugs))

 

[usnuzuloose]

I am so glad the baby is doing well, I am continuing to pray for your situation.I am glad you did confront him, it is holding him accountable for his actions. I would have your mom come if she is offering, you will need some help.

 

[Tiger926]

I also agree about not telling her hubby anything. I'm sure that is part of the reason he is hanging around - to keep an eye on her.

I would forward all texts to a private email for sure, and would absolutely have mom or both parents come and stay with her.

Best of luck OP, Tiger