..

[C.Ann]

 

[Mickeyluver37]

What are your 100% fail-proof disciplinary actions that you use?

Particularly in situations where there is danger involved..

There isn't a 100% fail-proof disciplinary action out there- and spanking certainly isn't one!

With most dangerous situations, you have to be proactive in teaching the child what is and isn't allowed, and why it is dangerous. If you have never told them why they can't run out in the street, it doesn't make sense to punish them for doing it.

With three kids, I've learned there is no blanket punishment for anything- it depends on the child and the situation. After one kid, I did think I had all the answers, then along came number 2. However, I've always known it was never, ever appropriate to hit one of my children. There is ALWAYS an alternative.

 

[HeatherH]

There are NO "100% fail-proof disciplinary actions"! No such thing exists.

I don't spank, I don't believe in it, never did. I use a variety of disciplinary techniques, depending upon the child's age. Time outs, privilege loss, extra chores, etc. They work.

Hitting my child just teaches her that hitting is acceptable, and I don't believe it is. Your mileage may vary. I don't tell other people how to parent their children, nor do I expect others to tell me that I need to hit or spank my child to be a good parent.

 

[C.Ann]

 

[Microcell]

LOL! I have my children reduced to a look, and when they get it they know they are up a creek. Shoot the mere threat of getting me upset alerts the kids to the ten million hour lecture.. once I get started I do not shut up! They would probably prefer a spanking to my rants.

 

[livie1205]

my parents spanked me one time for going to someones house and not telling them...guess what? never did it again lol and I love my parents to death...

 

[monkeyboy]

Kids or our peronal lives?

 

[NMAmy]

------------------

I'm not so sure of that.. When my dad swatted me on my butt for playing with matches (a dangerous situation that could have resulted in our house burning down), I never played with matches again.. He never spanked me for routine, run-of-the-mill stuff - just extremely serious infractions - which I never repeated again.. So I would have to say that in those instances, it was 100% fail-proof.. LOL

How old were you at the time, C.Ann? I only ask because the way I'd discipline over that issue would depend on the age of the child.

When dd was little, a sharp "No!" would stop her from touching something dangerous like the stove. For other infractions when she was older, time outs, taking away a toy or a privilege, and grounding all worked well. I'm trying to think if I ever had matches around when dd was young--both my parents smoked when I was little so I remember learning about them but I don't think I ever really had matches in my house when dd was young--I know I don't right now. I did have one of those long lighters for the gas stove and when she was old enough to reach it, I simply explained what could happen if you play with fire before she ever thought to play with it and she stayed away from it. She would have been 8 or 9 at that point--old enough to understand.

And, just for the record, I didn't spank and my dd was not a little hellion (which appears to be the theme on the other thread.) She was mostly polite and well behaved. We had rules that she knew she had to follow. I just didn't discipline by spanking. I remember being terrified of my mom when I was a kid--my dad was the calm one and never spanked any of us and never had to. I didn't want to be my mom in this case.

 

[java]

Personally we don't hit in our house. A spank is hitting imho. I remember the first time my son saw someone hit their child in a store. He was horrified and asked me "why is she hitting him?" And I told him "She is trying to teach him something" And he at 5 said"All she is teaching him is how to hit"
So we don't do it. We use time out. And taking away things. Danger issues are dealt with on an as needed basis. Once you explain to a child that something is dangerous generally that's the end of it for my kids.
Oh and I have 4 children aged 14 down to 3.

 

[luvmy3]

I do have to say that I have spanked my children in the past, but realized it did not work and did not continue to do it.
What I find is the key for discipline to work, is following through with the punishment. If I say "don't do this, or this will happen", and one of my kids do it, then the punishment stands. I have thrown away favorite toys, I have had to ground dd when she was supposed to go to her BFFs slumber party, I have had to keep my youngest inside the house for a week during the summer while his brother and sister were busy playing and swimming. Sometimes I feel incredibly guilty and want to take the punishment away, but I don't. I tend to take away privledges more than anything. Now that my kids are older it works much better than time outs. If I do have to a time out, they are to spend it in the corner of the office. My youngest almost 5 does have an occasional time out but my other two don't anymore. My DS7 was not able to play any video game in any form this weekend because his teacher sent a note home from school. While this may not sound like a big deal, to him it was like the end of the world. My kids are not allowed TV, computer and video games during the school week. They look foward to be able to do it on the weekends, especially ds who LOVES his gameboy. He was miserable just watching dd and other ds playing the Wii, and I bet I won't get many more notes home

 

[SRICE100]

I completely agree. A sharp tone from me is enough to convey my meaning in a dangerous situation- which we have had few of. My kids know I mean business with a look or a tone, and I try to to be consistent with their punishments. They know their will be some sort of consequence such as a time out or losing something- if I feel it merits something more than a talk or redirection.

My kids aren't perfect, but they are well behaved and polite. My DH is very strict, but he doesn't need to hit our children to get his point across. We often get compliments out to dinner or other places about how well behaved out kids are. They also attend a strict Catholic school that reinforces our rules.

My SIL is over the top with punishments- both yelling and hitting. My kids are so upset when they watch her spank their cousins or smack them across the face that it has reinforced to my husband and how we have chosen to parent. But we respect that this is how she chooses to parent.

 

[C.Ann]

 

[C.Ann]

 

[tasha99]

I spanked my older two kids in situations where there was danger and they had disobeyed me. My youngest, I don't spank (not sure why, although I will say stern talking to's and time outs seem to work much better with him than they did with his older brother and sister). What I do now is put my son in a corner (he had to be facing away). I don't send him off to another room for a time out because I want him to be standing there, near me, thinking about what he did wrong. It's a rare event because for the most part, he's got an excellent attitude.

 

[hipchickie]

Discipline is needed less frequently when you are an involved, proactive parent.
If I do need to discipline, it is one or more of the following: timeout, restrictions on activity time or privleges removed. He is now 7, and is a child everyone compliments as well behaved, courteous, and polite.

I always see this example dragged out - "oh, but my toddler ran away from me in a parking lot - they could have been killed! so I had to spank them"
and what runs through my mind is lazy parentsParents that can't or won't plan thier life better to avoid the situation.

This was not my child, but this speaks volumes about the match incident in the OP...I was with a relatives child, and I had a hot coffee sitting on a counter. The child reached for it, and in the nick of time I noticed and moved the cup. Obviously I would not discipline someone elses child, but if it was my child, would I spank him because it was dangerous and he could have gotten hurt? Of course not! As the adult it was completely my fault for not better monitoring her and thinking about where I put a hot beverage.

OP, You don't say how old you were, but if my son was playing with matches, I would talk to him about why it is dangerous and how he should never do that, age appropriate... and as the responsible adult PUT THE MATCHES WHERE A CHILD CAN'T PLAY WITH THEM. Duh!

 

[C.Ann]

 

[Pigeon]

Spanking is most certainly not failsafe. I know many people who spank their kids, but the kids do dangerous things regardless.

We don't promote or condone violence in our house, so spanking is a non-starter. In case of serious issues, we make a big deal about it, and there are consequences and lectures appropriate to the particular situation. My kids are pretty good about listening to explanations about safety issues, and I can't think of any instance where an unsafe behavior was repeated.

 

[denisenh]

no spankings used. we had punishment chairs when the kids were young. oh boy that was the worst thing to have to do......go to the punishment chair, they hated it.
the kids were good mainly. as long as they knew what was expected of them, it was all good.

 

[hipchickie]

----------------------
Obviously you didn't read my response.. The matches were acquired from my best friend..

And shudder the thought - this was back in the 50's when helicopter parenting wasn't the trend and children were actually allowed to play outside in the yard without being under a microscope..

so your friends father kept his matches outside, where you were playing unsupervised as a 4 year old?

You call it helicopter, I call it taking responsibility - tomato -tomahto

 

[C.Ann]