15 yo boy going to be a father...wow

[simpilotswife]

The problem with this is that EVERY man/boy who became a dad would use it to not pay child support. I bet even dad's who divorced would use it too.

Nope see if you're married all bets are off. Marriage implies a contract of having and raising children together. Parental rights would not be revocable in that instance.

As for the get out of support thing for unmarried men. I would make it so that an unmarried man has the right to terminate parental rights up to the first week of birth, after that then they can and should be held responsible.

 

[mom2boys]

You are telling me that if your 15 year old son slept with a girl and she became pregnant, even though he swears he used a condom, that instead of demanding a DNA test to be certain that this baby actually is your son's you would just force him to do the "honorable" thing and raise a baby that may not be his? I am sorry but that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my entire life. Let me tell you, I have two sons, and the day some girl comes and tries to saddle one of my boys with a baby for the rest of his life she is gonna have to prove that it is his kid. If it is we will do the "honorable" thing, or I should say the responsible thing, but I won't chance my sons life being ruined because some girl "thinks" he is the daddy.

Dana

ITA - another mother of two sons. I would fully expect my son to fulfill HIS responsibilities. I would not let him be strapped with another male's responsibility.

 

[simpilotswife]

Really? So my ex-husband shouldn't be responsible for supporting my daughter because he changed his mind about wanting a child after she was born? That is sooooo wrong. It doesn't matter. He helped create that child. He knew the chances he was taking when he had sex. Bottom line.

If you are married, then no he can't change his mind. Marriage is a contract which implies having and raising children together. If he married you after you got pregnant, then it's the same. Marrying you implies agreement to raise that child together.

 

[mskani]

There was a movie on Lifetime recently that dealt with the same subject matter, except both parties were sophomores in high school.

I am a caseworker with the Illinois Department of Human Services and I see this everyday. Some women can be very deceitful and conniving when they need to be. I too have seen countless episodes of Maury Povich where the mother says "I am 110% sure that you are the father..." and then the test comes back stating otherwise.

Personally, I would be very suspicious of an 18 year old girl dealing with a 15 year old boy. Usually most girls date older guys. What's wrong with her that as a senior she has to date freshmen/sophomores? My guess is that she got pregnant by an older guy, he told her to "step off" and she used your son's friend as a replacement.

I definitely agree that a paternity test should be done, as it will give a 99.99% guarantee. If I were his mother, I would insist. I have a younger cousin who had a girlfriend and they had two children. Later on they broke up and she decided that she needed more child support. Let me be clear that neither child wanted for anything--he was (and still is) gainfully employed and he was having money taken out of his check in addition to extra money/etc for the kids. Anyway, she got super greedy and the judge ordered a paternity test. Guess what?! The older child WASN'T his! He and his family were devastated. By this time, the child was at least 12 years old.

 

[poohandwendy]

a "paternity test" is no more than a cop out in this instance. A way for the man to look for a way to dodge the responsibility.

Actually, it would be quite the opposite. If you take a paternity test and it ends up you are the father, there is ZERO way to dodge the fact that you are the responsible party. If you take that test and you are not the father, you should not be held responsible anyways.

Avoiding a paternity test would be trying to dodge your responsibility. Avoiding oaying child support and sharing the care of the child would be trying to dodge your responsiblity.

I don't see why people think that you should be held responsible for a child that may not be yours.

Not only that, kids have the right to know who their parents are, if at all possible. JMHO

 

[doubletrouble_vb]

And he shouldn't have to support a child for the next 18-21 yrs old because she won't terminate her pregnancy. At this point, with no decision available to him, it is her pregnancy and should be her responsibility.

If the girl is the only person who gets to make the decision about whether or not the child should be born then she should be willing to support it.

Instead of the father being the unwilling financial party to raising the child the State would become the unwilling financial partner... That would be you and I along with him if he has a job.

 

[Mishetta]

My church supports this organization that houses pregnant women who were out on their own with no place to live.....mostly young girls kicked out of their homes by their parents. But also women kicked out by their boyfriends who have no where to go. We donate money as well as items for Mom to be & baby. Once baby is born, the Mom's have to find a new home because there is no room for babies too at this facility. But at least they have time to figure out where they can find shelter until baby is born. Anyway...not to make this story so long but one church member asked "what ages are these pregnant girls?" The coordinator of this organization answered, "we've had them from age 30 down to age 9." There were 50 of us in the room when the coordinator said that & each & every one of us let out a loud gasp! I'm stunned that a 9 y/0 could get pregnant! Are girls starting that young already? I'm still shaking my head over that one!

 

[poohandwendy]

I'm stunned that a 9 y/0 could get pregnant! Are girls starting that young already?

apparently there are some who are...it's horribly sad.

 

[doubletrouble_vb]

For example...let's say they had a simlar contract for women to sign..like 'I will carry the child to term if you get me pregnant' (just giving a similar example of pre-choosing)...it would never fly as legally binding. There are just too many situations where people would disagree about whether or not the person was forthcoming at the time. He could say, I showed her the card, she could say he didn't.

It just would never be practical.

If we can't get people to take a few seconds to protect themselves from deadly disease and pregnancy...what are the odds they are going to be interested in contracts in the heat of things?

They won't be that practical. But if they aren't then they will know they have consented to care of any child who is born because (more than likely) the guy wants to get in the girls pants as quickly as possible. Even better the girl will know the guy would leave her hanging out to dry in advance.

By the way he couldn't say I showed her the card...it'd be a contract executed at a convenient but public location. It would give the man an ironclad out if he wanted to take it. The real problem is biology. Sperm lives for a couple of days, the egg can be fertilized for a couple of days. How long should the "contract" be to cover biological vagaries?

 

[Stacerita]

I'm stunned that a 9 y/0 could get pregnant!

There are even documented cases of younger than that getting pregnant. Its very sad.

This young man needs to get a paternity test to determine that this is "his" responsibility or not. And then needs to take responsibility for the actions/decisions he made. Not taking the test would be foolish on his part.

 

[Andrea]

Ironically, my best friend who was expecting her 3rd child had a miscarriage today.

So sad that people who really want a baby are struggling with grief and a 15 yo will be thrust into adulthood...

i so agree with this 100% my friend was trying for years to have a baby finally she gets preganet with twins and she lost one of them at both and she gave birth to them both around 7 months

 

[Seahunt]

I really feel sorry for kids today - even some of their TEACHERS (who were really respected in my time, maybe not liked but usually respected) are on the make now with these naive kids :

APRIL 4--Meet Rachel Holt. The 34-year-old Delaware teacher is facing rape charges for allegedly having sex with a 13-year-old student 28 times during a one-week period last month. Holt, a science teacher at Claymont Elementary School, allegedly had sex with the boy, a student in her class, at her Wilmington home. According to a probable cause affidavit filed today in Justice of the Peace Court, the boy's father contacted cops yesterday afternoon and told them his child was having "inappropriate contact" with Holt. Last night, in an interview at New Castle County police headquarters, Holt admitted she had intercourse with the boy 27 times and performed oral sex once during the last week of March. She also revealed that another student, 12, had watched her having sex with the boy and that she had provided both boys with beer. Holt is being held in a local lockup in lieu of $560,450 bail.

 

[simpilotswife]

Instead of the father being the unwilling financial party to raising the child the State would become the unwilling financial partner... That would be you and I along with him if he has a job.

You shouldn't make that assumption. I had a friend who was a single parent and she never took a dime from the state.

 

[MrsKreamer]

Couple thoughts...

1 - This should hardly be shocking. Wow...teens are having sex.

2 - If it were my son, I would not demand any DNA test. If the child could be his, that is all I would need to know (somewhat easy to say, since I don't have a son). The honorable thing to do is to behave honorably.

3 - I haven't read the whole thread, but I take it the "child support" issue has come up. It takes two people (in most situations, anyway ) to make a baby, and both should be responsible for it. It is the mother's choice (for the moment, at least) to have the baby or not, and to keep the baby or not. The father can't just decide, after he's had some fun, that he isn't interested. He is responsible for that baby in the first place. If he didn't want to take on the responsibility that is always a possible result of sex, he shouldn't have done it in the first place.

As a mother of a son and another son on the way, I completely agree with you. Very, very well said!

 

[MrsKreamer]

It doesn't matter if he wants her to keep the baby or not. There is a BABY being born in the near future and it needs to be taken care of. I think it is sad that so many on this thread seem to not care about that.

 

[poohandwendy]

It doesn't matter if he wants her to keep the baby or not. There is a BABY being born in the near future and it needs to be taken care of. I think it is sad that so many on this thread seem to not care about that.

FWIW, as the OP of the thread, I will say that the people involved (and their families, from what I understand) all are in agreement over this issue and there is no one trying to shirk or debate the responsibility of the baby's needs. (obviously time will tell, but there seems to be total agreement on that)

What is happening on this thread is discussion and debate of the hypothetical...what happens in RL is what really matters.

 

[WonderfulDreamer2]

You shouldn't make that assumption. I had a friend who was a single parent and she never took a dime from the state.

Then she's 1 out of 1,000,000. The sad fact is, the percentage of single teenaged parents that rely on government assistance is much higher than those who don't.
My stand still remains, after the act of intercourse, the focus should be on the welfare of the child and not about "why" the boy shouldn't be held responsible for his part of it.

 

[SillyMe]

Then she's 1 out of 1,000,000. The sad fact is, the percentage of single teenaged parents that rely on government assistance is much higher than those who don't.
My stand still remains, after the act of intercourse, the focus should be on the welfare of the child and not about "why" the boy shouldn't be held responsible for his part of it.

I agree.

How many 18 year olds can afford to support a child on their own without support and without assistance??? Not many. Heck, it's hard enough for someone who has an established job or career. One other fact I'd like to mention regarding the state paying to support the child....you are not eligible for assistance until you prove who the father of the child is and he is held accountable by the state.

 

[RUDisney]

Is there such a stigma in this world today about adoption that it is not readily considered... for the sake of the child?

PoohandWendy is right. This is hypothetical. But, let's suppose that a man could waive his parental rights to the child because he knows that he cannot possibly handle the financial or emotional support that the new baby will require. He knows that the best time for him to bring a child into this world is when he's in a committed adult relationship, be it married or not. He does the mature and responsible thing by saying, "I cannot support this child in the way that it deserves to be raised. Therefore, my vote is to place the baby for adoption so it can have half a chance at having a better life than I can provide."

Then, the burden is on the mother. If she believes that she can raise the child properly and she has the support of her family, then she can make that decision solely for herself and for the child. If she cannot support the child appropriately by her own means, then she should do the responsible thing and offer the baby to a family who will love and raise it better than she could at that moment.

I feel very strongly about a woman saddling a man with so many years of raising a child that SHE decides to keep and he has no way out of it... no matter how it will affect his life or the babies' life. So many of these women do what a PP said. They get greedy and keep taking the father back to court to suck more out of him, even if the child is not being raised without things. The woman can play the game of not letting the father see the child, becasuse the child is sick, because she wants to punish the father, for whatever reason. The child gets to see all of this. How is the child better for it?

My DH was used as a pawn between his parents. He was 19 when they divorced and when his father died 2.5 years ago, his mother was still controlling the situation. Basically, if you want me in your life, don't see your father. Don't talk to him. Don't have anything to do with him. Yet, she wanted child support for her younger children even though she wouldn't allow them to see him.

I think adoption should be talked up far more than abortion. I'm glad the option is there, but why not make it a badge of honor to have carried your child to term and then have offered it as the most loving gift you could, to a family who would raise it better than an 18 yo could?

 

[mom2boys]

There was a movie on Lifetime recently that dealt with the same subject matter, except both parties were sophomores in high school.

I am a caseworker with the Illinois Department of Human Services and I see this everyday. Some women can be very deceitful and conniving when they need to be. I too have seen countless episodes of Maury Povich where the mother says "I am 110% sure that you are the father..." and then the test comes back stating otherwise.

Personally, I would be very suspicious of an 18 year old girl dealing with a 15 year old boy. Usually most girls date older guys. What's wrong with her that as a senior she has to date freshmen/sophomores? My guess is that she got pregnant by an older guy, he told her to "step off" and she used your son's friend as a replacement.

I definitely agree that a paternity test should be done, as it will give a 99.99% guarantee. If I were his mother, I would insist. I have a younger cousin who had a girlfriend and they had two children. Later on they broke up and she decided that she needed more child support. Let me be clear that neither child wanted for anything--he was (and still is) gainfully employed and he was having money taken out of his check in addition to extra money/etc for the kids. Anyway, she got super greedy and the judge ordered a paternity test. Guess what?! The older child WASN'T his! He and his family were devastated. By this time, the child was at least 12 years old.

Thank you for posting this. Girls lie. Boys lie too.

The movie is called "Too Young to be a Dad". It is a Lifetime movie but it is out on DVD with another movie "Mom at 16" or something like that. My local video store has several copies. I saw it on Lifetime. My boys will be sitting down with me and watching that movie in the not too distant future. They are in 5th & 6th grade. While it's not a pressing issue at the moment, they will be held responsible for their actions.
DH's best friend had a woman try to trap him. They were both in their mid-twenties. The day after they broke up, she turned up claiming to be pregnant. He was fully intended to take responsiblity for his child. Although he didn't love her, he was considering marrying her. It never occurred to him or to DH that a "woman" would lie about something as important as a baby's life. They asked me for a woman's perspective and I was immediately skeptical. DH & the friend insisted she must be pregnant because she should know. I suggested that the friend accompany her to the doctor for her initial pregnancy visit before he made he final decisions. Guess what, a day after he made that offer, she suddenly wasn't pregnant any more. Turned out she was just "late" - by two months. A first for her.