13 yr old grounded for life-20 months later~post 258!!

[Amlee]

I just thought of something else if you can do it.

I would call the credit card company and Itunes. I would see about getting the charges removed off of my card. That will take care of the bill.


But don't tell your son.


Also on the pile punishment. We had a neighbor that we could always tell when he was in trouble. His dad would make him get a bucket and walk the yard in a straight line looking for rocks. He would have to work the yard until all those rocks were removed.

 

[agnes!]

I would sell the iPod right away! You won't get all of your money back, you you will make some money on e-bay. I just sold a very old ipod-nano and make $90 when they can get a brand new one for $150.
The only advise i can give is start at a low price 10-20 dollars and people will bid it up high.
You could also keep it for yourself, but the only way he will learn is for it to be taken away and for him to pay you every cent back.
side note: if you sell it on e-bay it must be emptied of snogs, videos, etc. or your item will be ancled due to copy right infringment.

Oooooooo, if you want to be really punitive, sell it on eBay and say WHY. "Fed-up mom selling child's IPod. Less than two months old.", etc., etc.

agnes!

 

[DisneyKT]

Sorry that this is happening to you. I think I would either sell the ipod or make him pay for it. Not just the money he stole but for the ipod to. And when he has earned enough to cover it maybe if you feel it is the right time give it back to him with restrictions. If he wants music he has to come to you download it. Also I would remove anything from inside his room computer wise for awhile. Good Luck to you.

 

[Forevryoung]

There is always the "pile punishment". Have a load of rock or wood delivered. The punishment is to stack it neatly. Every day when not doing homework, out to the pile until it is stacked where you want it, how you want it and neatly. When it's ALL DONE, you know what? You really wanted it in another part of the yard. Oh darn. Back out to the pile...... After you feel the child has had enough "punishment" to fit the crime, leave that pile in plain sight-because you never know when some behavior may create the need for that pile to get moved again and again and again....... Really, it serves a lot of purposes- it burns off energy, it builds character, it gets them outside in the fresh air and it gives them plenty of time to think. Good luck.

OHMYGOSH you know my parents!!!!!

Seriously. When I was 12 I mouthed off to my mom about something. She and I got into a typical tiff. However, we had had a cord of wood delivered to our driveway that day (a Friday) and my mom told me that I could not go anywhere with friends until the wood was neatly stacked behind the house. My parents left me with our little red wagon and a pair of gloves.

It's definitely my most memorable punishment

 

[PlainJane]

OP, I sent you a PM with a link to my thread about my 13 yo DS and his similar actions.

I remember your thread. I hope things are going better now .

 

[Geef]

When I was 12 I pulled a stupid stunt that made all of my freedom vanish. My parents said that I had lost their trust, so I wouldn't be able to be alone till I gained it back.

I had to walk along with the grocery cart, holding onto the side. I wasn't allowed to be in my room unless I was sleeping. Whenever my parents went anywhere, I had to go. I could go outside, but only in the front yard where they could see me from the front window.

I had to work till everything was paid back. Then my punishment started. I was still under watch the length of time it took to pay off the debt, on top of the time it took to pay off the debt.

I used to get in trouble, and would be grounded from reportcard till the next report card.

My parents really stuck to their word.

 

[tink_n_pooh]

I agree with the PP that said that he should not only pay you back for the money that was stolen but also for the iPod. And if it were my kid, he would never be getting that iPod back even after he repaid his stolen money and for the iPod with interest. That would be my pink bejewelled iPod from that point forward.

I would also make him provide proof of all of his earnings, no birthday money will be used, no loans from friends or family members, and no overpaid work either. At 13 he should be making no more than minimum wage (with the proper amount for taxes taken out). How else is he going to learn what its really like to have to pay off a credit card bill.

And I also like the Dr. Phil bedroom idea. Nothing really needs to be in that room other than his bed, an alarm clock, a desk for school work, and his clothes. It's much easier for him to keep clean this way too.

His tae kwon do instructors should be made aware of the situation as well. Not only might this assist with punishment but he would also need to know why your DS may be missing class, since he now needs to work to pay off this debt.

There does not need to be a time limit for punishments, this one is about trust and there is no set limit for when he will regain your trust.

 

[kmp1191]

You guys are the best! I love the "keep it and make it sparkle!" idea!!

I've been doing some research and I'm waiting for some replies, but here is my current plan.
1) iPOD, phone, computer, tv access, video games-all gone indefinately.
2) He no longer has a lock on his door. It's my house, I pay the mortgage, he currently has no rights. He will have to earn the right to have privacy.
3) He will not be left alone for any reason. I don't care if I'm going to the corner to buy feminine products, he can tag along and enjoy the ride!
4)He will have a LONG list of chores to do...at no pay. I may even make him clean his sisters room! (toilets and dishes are already on the list!)
5) I sent an e-mail to our church asking them if he would be able to volunteer for the uban ministries program. They start this weekend working on an apartment complex in the north part of town. (low income/section 8, a lot of homeless people in the area, not something he's used to at all.)A lot of demo work, cleaning up, hard, manual, sweaty labor. If they approve it, he will be doing that every Saturday until it is finished.
6) I am going to talk to the people that own the horse farm on the corner and find out if they need anyone to clean the stalls for free. I'm going to explain to them what he did, and I don't expect them to pay for his stupidity, but I do want them to keep a tab on how much they would have paid someone to do this type of work. When he gets to the amount that he owes me, then we'll discuss the next step.
7) In October there is a weekend Showcase of Dogs coming into town. I am in the process of contacting them to find out if they will allow a 13 yr old to assist with poop duties, or something else that is NOT fun.

My husband is a police officer and he asked DS last night if he wanted to go to jail. DS of course said no. DH explained to him that a class a misdemeanor is 11 months 29 days in jail and $1000.00 fine. When I talked to DS tonight when I got home from work I asked him what he thought the punishment should be....he said lose the iPOD and phone for a week or two. AFTER I got done laughing, I explained that was a very simple punishment for a very MAJOR crime. Then I explained to him what I had on my mind....when I told him about the horse farm, he started crying and said "NO!" I told him it wasn't a choice.
I told him that I loved him very much, but that I was more disappointed in him than he could ever imagine. I told him not only did he steal from me, he lied to me, and he tried to cover it all up...decieved me....and that it was going to take a VERY VERY long time for me to trust him again.

Oh....when we set up the iTUNES account, I bypassed the credit card part and entered the "redeem gift card" information. I told him that the only way he would be allowed to buy something was if he had an iTUNES gift card. THAT's how I know he stole the credit card.....plus he confessed.
I am also going to take a half day off work tomorrow and completely clean out his room. Again, it's my house and he has lost all privilges in it, with the exception of eating, bathing and sleeping.


I'll update more later. Hopefully I'll hear back from the church tonight or tomorrow.

Thanks again!
m

 

[dimimi]

I would stick with the original punishment except that he doesn't get the ipod back until he repays the stolen money.

I agree with this. Now if you really want to make a point, use the Ipod for yourself!

 

[Evil Genius]

You guys are the best! I love the "keep it and make it sparkle!" idea!!

I've been doing some research and I'm waiting for some replies, but here is my current plan.
1) iPOD, phone, computer, tv access, video games-all gone indefinately.
2) He no longer has a lock on his door. It's my house, I pay the mortgage, he currently has no rights. He will have to earn the right to have privacy.
3) He will not be left alone for any reason. I don't care if I'm going to the corner to buy feminine products, he can tag along and enjoy the ride!
4)He will have a LONG list of chores to do...at no pay. I may even make him clean his sisters room! (toilets and dishes are already on the list!)
5) I sent an e-mail to our church asking them if he would be able to volunteer for the uban ministries program. They start this weekend working on an apartment complex in the north part of town. (low income/section 8, a lot of homeless people in the area, not something he's used to at all.)A lot of demo work, cleaning up, hard, manual, sweaty labor. If they approve it, he will be doing that every Saturday until it is finished.
6) I am going to talk to the people that own the horse farm on the corner and find out if they need anyone to clean the stalls for free. I'm going to explain to them what he did, and I don't expect them to pay for his stupidity, but I do want them to keep a tab on how much they would have paid someone to do this type of work. When he gets to the amount that he owes me, then we'll discuss the next step.
7) In October there is a weekend Showcase of Dogs coming into town. I am in the process of contacting them to find out if they will allow a 13 yr old to assist with poop duties, or something else that is NOT fun.

My husband is a police officer and he asked DS last night if he wanted to go to jail. DS of course said no. DH explained to him that a class a misdemeanor is 11 months 29 days in jail and $1000.00 fine. When I talked to DS tonight when I got home from work I asked him what he thought the punishment should be....he said lose the iPOD and phone for a week or two. AFTER I got done laughing, I explained that was a very simple punishment for a very MAJOR crime. Then I explained to him what I had on my mind....when I told him about the horse farm, he started crying and said "NO!" I told him it wasn't a choice.
I told him that I loved him very much, but that I was more disappointed in him than he could ever imagine. I told him not only did he steal from me, he lied to me, and he tried to cover it all up...decieved me....and that it was going to take a VERY VERY long time for me to trust him again.

Oh....when we set up the iTUNES account, I bypassed the credit card part and entered the "redeem gift card" information. I told him that the only way he would be allowed to buy something was if he had an iTUNES gift card. THAT's how I know he stole the credit card.....plus he confessed.
I am also going to take a half day off work tomorrow and completely clean out his room. Again, it's my house and he has lost all privilges in it, with the exception of eating, bathing and sleeping.


I'll update more later. Hopefully I'll hear back from the church tonight or tomorrow.

Thanks again!
m

You are my hero.

 

[TLSnell1981]

6) I am going to talk to the people that own the horse farm on the corner and find out if they need anyone to clean the stalls for free.

m

I have a 12 stall barn. Where do you live? Maybe, near me?

FYI The average healthy horse produces approximately 50lbs of manure daily.

 

[yoopermom]

As the parent of a sometimes smart alecky 13yoDS, I completely sympathize. I have to agree with everyone else who has said hard, hard labor. "We love you dear son, and this will make you realize how much. Here's a pair of gloves, now go at it!" By the time he gets home, he should be too tired to do anything but fall into bed. Good for you! (A few more possibilities: raking leaves/shoveling snow/etc for free for elderly neighbors/shut-ins, helping out veterans groups, Habitat for Humanity, etc.)

Terri
PS My daddy always said, "Use your brains or use your back!"

 

[kmp1191]

I have a 12 stall barn. Where do you live? Maybe, near me?

FYI The average healthy horse produces approximately 50lbs of manure daily.

We are in Memphis, TN.
I'm really hoping your close!!!

 

[TLSnell1981]

We are in Memphis, TN.
I'm really hoping your close!!!

....

 

[kmp1191]

....

you may be my new best friend!!

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

I love your ideas for punishment but I have 1 more suggestion.

If you can't find a horse farm for manure duty, look into bailing hay. It is the most god awful job out there. DH used to bail hay and my brother did it one year too. Horrible!

My dad has gone the wood pile route with my boys, my punishment growing up was painting the barn.

 

[kmp1191]

I'm working on the horse barn route now. I'm also going to contact his youth leader at church and see if he has any volunteer work that DS can do.
I would love to do the wood pile thing, but I have no use for a pile of wood. LOL~gas fireplace.
I'm hoping if the horse farm comes through and that they will have extra chores for him to do. I don't know if DS is strong enough to bail hay...I did it when I was growing up, and yes, it is tough work! My grandpa said it didn't matter that I was a girl....he said I was stronger than most of the boys he hired anyway! LOL....actually...I was!

I'll keep you updated with my progress. Thanks again ya'll!

m

 

[richmond282]

I am very vindictive. I'd make the kid sell the ipod to pay me back!

 

[Jennasis]

I'm working on the horse barn route now. I'm also going to contact his youth leader at church and see if he has any volunteer work that DS can do.
I would love to do the wood pile thing, but I have no use for a pile of wood. LOL~gas fireplace.
I'm hoping if the horse farm comes through and that they will have extra chores for him to do. I don't know if DS is strong enough to bail hay...I did it when I was growing up, and yes, it is tough work! My grandpa said it didn't matter that I was a girl....he said I was stronger than most of the boys he hired anyway! LOL....actually...I was!

I'll keep you updated with my progress. Thanks again ya'll!

m

We run a 21 stall boarding barn in NC, and would be thrilled to have some extra free-labor in a situation like yours. So many fence post holes to dig, so little time! FYI, the going rate for barn help is $7-$10 per hour. Cleaning the actual stalls is the easiest part of barn work. Hauling water buckets, repairing fence, slinging bags of feed and bales of hay, THAT'S the tough stuff.

 

[horseshowmom]

I'm hoping if the horse farm comes through and that they will have extra chores for him to do. I don't know if DS is strong enough to bail hay...I did it when I was growing up, and yes, it is tough work! My grandpa said it didn't matter that I was a girl....he said I was stronger than most of the boys he hired anyway! LOL....actually...I was!

Oh, I bet he is. My daughter did it when she was 13 (actually younger than that). She was responsible for stacking it once the others put it on the trailer (we had it delivered this year, and that was wonderful!).

Cleaning the actual stalls is the easiest part of barn work. Hauling water buckets, repairing fence, slinging bags of feed and bales of hay, THAT'S the tough stuff.

Amen to that!