13 yr old grounded for life-20 months later~post 258!!

[The Mystery Machine]

Hugs for your bad day. Put it this way....good thing you caught him NOW, even though you want to kill him.

 

[kmp1191]

Ok....I've lost it! Yep....I'm sitting here crying right now.
I also found 3 gift cards in his drawer....2 iTUNES and one Gamestop.
"Where'd you get these son?"
"Found them in the street a few weeks ago"
"Why should I believe you now? I'm going to ask you exactly one more time...from what store did you steal these from?"
"Walgreens"

Dear god....what the hell am I doing wrong?

 

[Hedy]

Ok....I've lost it! Yep....I'm sitting here crying right now.
I also found 3 gift cards in his drawer....2 iTUNES and one Gamestop.
"Where'd you get these son?"
"Found them in the street a few weeks ago"
"Why should I believe you now? I'm going to ask you exactly one more time...from what store did you steal these from?"
"Walgreens"

Dear god....what the hell am I doing wrong?

 

[kmp1191]

Ok....I've lost it! Yep....I'm sitting here crying right now.
I also found 3 gift cards in his drawer....2 iTUNES and one Gamestop.
"Where'd you get these son?"
"Found them in the street a few weeks ago"
"Why should I believe you now? I'm going to ask you exactly one more time...from what store did you steal these from?"
"Walgreens"

Dear god....what the hell am I doing wrong?

I broke open the wrath of mom on him. Told him that it would be a cold day in hell when I'd believe a word out of his mouth and an even colder day when he'd be allowed to do ANYTHING!! I asked him why....no answer. I told him that I at least deserved an answer as to why he is stealing when he has more than most kids his age. Still no answer. I told him to get the hell away from me before I hit him so hard he'd not see straight for a month!

Lisa in memphis~i tell ya what girl.....you will have the opportunity to never have to shovel horse crap again!! Then....when all of your horses are done crapping....I'm shipping him to NC....and in the cold months....he's going to Barkley's and the moose!

I honestly don't know what to do anymore!!

 

[DalGal]

I think he's lucky you're only changing the door handle so it doesn't lock. My mom would have taken the door off the hinges...zero privacy.

And for you...

 

[lucyanna girl]

Just keep telling yourself "I will get through this."

My two sons were fourteen and seventeen when our surprise daughter came along. They never got into real trouble but certainly weren't above skipping the occasion day of school, etc.

My husband loves to tell the story of the day I was around five months pregnant when the school called to see why both boys were absent. I replied that they were not absent only to be told they were. DH swears that while I was raving about what would happen to them when I found them I said "If this baby is a boy too I'll throw myself in the river".

Today one is a high school teacher and coach and one starts to state police academy next week.

There were many days I didn't think they would survive to graduate high school.

Have you talked to a counselor or considered taking your son to one. I'm certainly no expert but it sounds like a pattern has been established here that needs to be addressed by an expert.

I'm very sorry you are going through this.



Penny

 

[GabbyMom]

Ok....I've lost it! Yep....I'm sitting here crying right now.
I also found 3 gift cards in his drawer....2 iTUNES and one Gamestop.
"Where'd you get these son?"
"Found them in the street a few weeks ago"
"Why should I believe you now? I'm going to ask you exactly one more time...from what store did you steal these from?"
"Walgreens"

Dear god....what the hell am I doing wrong?

I don't think the gift cards have any value on them until they get checked out. I think they have to be activated before they are any good.

Still what he did was wrong. Did you change the pin number on your debit card?



Your doing the right thing punishing him. Have fun with your iTouch I love mine.

 

[Amlee]

Oh WOW!!! Wow!

Yeah, I'm thinking the ride to jail and some time in a juvi cell might do the boy some good.

 

[barkley]

i think a call to the family doctor for a referal to a counselor is advisable-or if your dh has it available through his employment, a call for an appointment with employee assistance (my gov. employer offered counseling for our children through this).

good luck to you (btw-did'nt he realize that the gift cards he stole don't work until they've been activated upon puchase?). so did he opt to use your credit card only AFTER he tried to use the stolen ones and they did'nt work?

 

[NotUrsula]

Ok....I've lost it! Yep....I'm sitting here crying right now.
I also found 3 gift cards in his drawer....2 iTUNES and one Gamestop.
"Where'd you get these son?"
"Found them in the street a few weeks ago"
"Why should I believe you now? I'm going to ask you exactly one more time...from what store did you steal these from?"
"Walgreens"

Personally I'd be laughing uproariously at this one -- AT him, you understand.
Not only did he steal, he stole something that was TOTALLY WORTHLESS!!!
Gift cards are not worth a cent if they have not been charged through the register. He risked getting sent to Juvie for absolutely nothing.

BTW, my cousin runs a trawler in the North Sea off the Irish coast. You want I should ask him if he needs a deckhand? (This is what we threaten DS with; I'll do it, too, should he ever do something boneheaded enough to deserve it.)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

i think a call to the family doctor for a referal to a counselor is advisable-or if your dh has it available through his employment, a call for an appointment with employee assistance (my gov. employer offered counseling for our children through this).

good luck to you (btw-did'nt he realize that the gift cards he stole don't work until they've been activated upon puchase?). so did he opt to use your credit card only AFTER he tried to use the stolen ones and they did'nt work?

Or perhaps they are not from "Walgreens". That is also a possibility.

 

[scottishduffy]

I feel so bad for you. This has been going on a while!

Hmm. my suggestions.

1) strip down his room to a bed, sheets, and a few outfits. Nothing else. He earns back EVERYTHING he has, through behavior in a trustworthy fashion.

2) the hardlabor of horse poo shoveling.

3) Not only PAY BACK his cousin for all the games (on top of returning them) but write at least a two page letter two his cousin and his aunt re: Why I stole, How I think you(victim) felt, How i feel now, How i know it is wrong, What i plan to do in the future to earn your trust back.

4) Include one of those letters to walgreens, you, dad, and anyone else necessary.

5) IPOD, Computer, TV and everything else should stay gone for 6 months (at least) unless computer is absolutely necessary for school assignments.

6) Inform him that his stuff will be randomly searched repeatedly for next year and anything out of ordinary will start punishment over.


You should also keep a posted list of things he can do consistently to earn your trust. Tell him when these things have been done daily, without reminders, for at least 3 months he will *begin* to get trust, but it will take much longer for all restrictions to go away. Whatever you like can be on there and keep it posted for him. He should have lots of time to focus on this. I am so sorry you are going through this. You are a good mom for acting on this.

 

[kmp1191]

i think a call to the family doctor for a referal to a counselor is advisable-or if your dh has it available through his employment, a call for an appointment with employee assistance (my gov. employer offered counseling for our children through this).

good luck to you (btw-did'nt he realize that the gift cards he stole don't work until they've been activated upon puchase?). so did he opt to use your credit card only AFTER he tried to use the stolen ones and they did'nt work?

Yeah...he didn't realize that you actually had to pay for them! When they didn't work, he stole my credit card. Smart kid. He knew how much he was gonna need...the gift cards were $100...the charges were just over $100.
Unfrickingbelievable!

 

[Kimickey]

Make him take the stolen gift cards back to Walgreens and admit to the store manager that he stole them (Maybe make him write his speech before hand) Then tell the manager that it's up to him if he would like to press charges. That should scare your son on top of that embarass (I cannot spell) him. On top of that maybe invite a couple of friends along male and female to witness he's admitting he's a thief. Kids at his age hate to be humiliated.

Also since your DH is a cop, maybe a trip to the juvenile detention center is in order so that he can see where "real" teenage theives and criminals go when they commit a crime.

I dont know, my daughter is 10 and I'm all about embarrassing her, she hates it. But it changes her behavior.

 

[barkley]

Personally I'd be laughing uproariously at this one -- AT him, you understand.
Not only did he steal, he stole something that was TOTALLY WORTHLESS!!!
Gift cards are not worth a cent if they have not been charged through the register. He risked getting sent to Juvie for absolutely nothing.

BTW, my cousin runs a trawler in the North Sea off the Irish coast. You want I should ask him if he needs a deckhand? (This is what we threaten DS with; I'll do it, too, should he ever do something boneheaded enough to deserve it.)

we tell dd we'll send to a school we know of that is 'self sufficient' (in other words, unless you plant it and harvest it-you are'nt eating)-it's the same one dh's parent's threatened him with and has'nt changed much in over 40 years, all the power is wind generated so unless the wind is blowin-the juice ain't flowing (and don't even think about listening to your ipod there-they don't allow any kind of electronic devices on the property).


op-you might want to consider including in your plan what 'super nanny' had a family implement (given it was with a much younger child who was stealing from stores)-before exiting any store or other person's home the parent literaly 'patted down' the child to ensure nothing was being taken (and verbaly reminded them why they were doing it).

i am so sorry for all you are going through-i just hope this is'nt the tip of the iceberg and you uncover much more (are there any other credit cards he could have accessed over the past months? including those owned by others in homes he may have visited.)

 

[lovemygoofy]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'd take everything out of his room that he did not need. He'd have a bed and a blanket and that would be it. Also what kind of clothes and shoes does he have? Name brand shoes? Not anymore. I'd have him bagging it all up and it would be going to the church drop off or goodwill or whatever.

I'd take him to the dollar store and buy him several generic pairs of jeans, serveral tshirts(ALL the same color) and maybe 2 pairs of very plain white tennis shoes. Have you ever seen guys in jail or prison? This is exactly what they wear. He would not have one name brand label on his body.

I would put him into a routine everymorning just like they did at jail. Up in the morning for excersizes before school and then school and then volunteering, homework and dinner afterwards and lights out at 8pm. He would have no tv(you might a bit easier on him about that) and would get solitary confinement in his room at night.

It's also a time for a dose of reality about what he does have. Obviously there are lots of shelters and people in need in Memphis. Time to take him down there and show him what how well he has it when he thinks he doesn't have anything or wants the instant gratification. I don't think he has anything wrong other than wanting it right now and honestly that's alot of people's problems in today's world.

I know there are cotton farms down that way. Cotton is the nastiest freaking job in the world. I'd find someone that needed some help. I'm about three and half hours away if you need some military drill routine instilled into him I'm not a parent and don't know what you are going through but I can tell that you are hurting and you are a good parent. What he has done doesn't mean you failed.

 

[mom23boys]

I am sorry you are going through this.

I also love your idea of punishment and would let DH take him to the police station and see what it is like to be a criminal.

 

[barkley]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'd take everything out of his room that he did not need. He'd have a bed and a blanket and that would be it. Also what kind of clothes and shoes does he have? Name brand shoes? Not anymore. I'd have him bagging it all up and it would be going to the church drop off or goodwill or whatever.

I'd take him to the dollar store and buy him several generic pairs of jeans, serveral tshirts(ALL the same color) and maybe 2 pairs of very plain white tennis shoes. Have you ever seen guys in jail or prison? This is exactly what they wear. He would not have one name brand label on his body.

I would put him into a routine everymorning just like they did at jail. Up in the morning for excersizes before school and then school and then volunteering, homework and dinner afterwards and lights out at 8pm. He would have no tv(you might a bit easier on him about that) and would get solitary confinement in his room at night.

It's also a time for a dose of reality about what he does have. Obviously there are lots of shelters and people in need in Memphis. Time to take him down there and show him what how well he has it when he thinks he doesn't have anything or wants the instant gratification. I don't think he has anything wrong other than wanting it right now and honestly that's alot of people's problems in today's world.

I know there are cotton farms down that way. Cotton is the nastiest freaking job in the world. I'd find someone that needed some help. I'm about three and half hours away if you need some military drill routine instilled into him I'm not a parent and don't know what you are going through but I can tell that you are hurting and you are a good parent. What he has done doesn't mean you failed.

there's also a website you can purchase vinal clear backpacks and lunch containers through-heavy duty but entirely see through. you could get him these along with the style of sweat pants and shirts that have no pockets in them.

 

[Buckalew11]

Well, I am also thinking some counseling might need to happen. That is quite a bit of stealing for a 13yo person. Stealing is something that most of us rise above--we do not even think of walking in a store tempted to take something. I think I'd find out if there could be some help for this. He stole from Walgreens because he wanted the music for his iPod, he stole the games because he wanted them to play on his Nintendo. He stole your CC and used it when the other cards would not work. It doesn't seem like he is just stealing to steal (like a klepto) (sp?) but he does seem to have trouble with wanting things and doing whatever, (stealing) to get them. I think he needs a good scare, some counseling (which tends to be hard at this age), and ultimate punishment.

You are still doing good, even with crying and exploding. That is better than killing him with your bare hands or having a stroke.
I'm going to be praying for you both--well, all of you. I can't imagine how exhausted you are right now (mentally and physically).
I really hope you do not start to find other things.

 

[teacups]

Read the other posts about the 15YO having sex and you wont feel so bad.