1 Year after a relatives wedding & still no thank you...WWYD?

[horseshowmom]

It is extremely bad manners to not thank someone for a gift. Period. It's not a matter of giving a gift with the hope of getting a thank you.

It's a matter of caring enough to send a gift at all. Period.

That she has horrible manners does not of course, mean you get to point it out.

If you give her another gift, you would be reinforcing the rude behavior.

Take care now! May the rest of your gifts go to people with good manners!

I agree completely.

I'm gonna let it go, however, no more gifts for this cousin....The entitlement comment made sense , maybe this is her problem....anyway thanks!

When my daughter was growing up, she learned to write thank you notes. From time to time, she wanted to put it off until later. I reminded her that it took a lot less time for her to send a thank you than it did for the person who went out of their way to get her a gift (and she wasn't allowed to play with the present/spend the money until she had sent her thank you). As other posters have said, it's just common courtesy and has nothing to do with giving a gift and expecting something in return.

 

[shortbun]

i would positively, absolutely do nothing. I'd move on. I don't sweat the small stuff.

ita!!!!

 

[shortbun]

Absolutely!!!

Since when is it okay to receive a gift and NOT give a thank you. Is it really that hard? It is BASIC common sense and BASIC common gratitude.

Agreed but I think it's worse to point it out to someone. Seriously, move on.

 

[RitaZ.]

I refuse to buy gifts for people who don't say thank you for them. I don't expect a formal thank you, but I do expect it to be said in some way. A written thank you is polite at a formal occasion such as a wedding, but I'd be happy with a phone call or an e-mail. However, no thank you at all shows a complete and utter lack of appreciation.

It never ceases to amaze me how selfish and rude our society has become that something as basic as saying thank you has fallen by the wayside and so many people seem to think this is perfectly okay.

I agree. I don't even need a formal note or an email. Just knowing or hearing from another family member that they received the gift is enough for me.

I wouldn't tell anyone that they forgot to send me a thank you note. However, I would stop buying gifts for said person.

 

[OceanAnnie]

She has no manners but you do. Say nothing. It will only make you look rude. I wouldn't send her another thing. Send the kids something small if you want, but I wouldn't do one more thing for her. People like that have a sense of entitlement. She doesn't see any reason to send thank you notes and she's not going to change her ways now. Let it go.

Yep.

 

[crz4mm2]

Did you give the gift in anticipation of a THANK YOU card? Or did you give the gift out of love?


I have sooo forgiven all the missing thank you notes....

 

[disneychrista]

IMO you need to get over it. Do you only give gifts so you can get a thank you? Or do you give gifts because you want to?

 

[Ember]

Did you give the gift in anticipation of a THANK YOU card? Or did you give the gift out of love?


I have sooo forgiven all the missing thank you notes....

I give it out of love. However, I expect it to be received with love, too. And that includes showing some appreciation and saying thank you. It's not the formal note I would be upset about. It's the lack of thank you in some form.

 

[ericamanda01]

I understand wanting a thank you, but I never expect one. With that said think about how crazy her life has been in the past year. Newly married as well as a baby in 12 months is a lot of change. It can make anyone forget about thank you notes.

 

[phragmipedium]

I get where you're coming from - it's RUDE not to say thank you for a gift. In some way, especially if the gift was not opened in your presence - via email if busy, etc. It's just unkind to not care enough to acknowledge to someone, yes I received your gift and I appreciate it! Not something I would lose sleep over, but especially if I didn't know if it'd been received, it might pop into my mind and I might be slightly annoyed for a moment.

That said, especially since you know this cousin's mom knows that thank you's aren't going out and presumably asked the cousin, was told she sent an email, etc - they don't care. They are aware, and they don't care, and bringing it up would do no good and it would be impolite in itself. If exchanging gifts with these people is a tradition with you and you want to continue that tradition, send your own thank you's and don't worry about what they do - you can control your own actions, but not those of other people. If you don't see them very often and there is no regular gift-giving (Christmas, etc) between your families, then it's likely there's no big issue. I would continue to send gifts if they have more kids, but that's my own thing - I give a gift because I want that person to have it, but that still doesn't mean it's polite to not say thank you for something. Especially for a big gift like a wedding or new baby - no one is so busy that they can't take a moment to call or email in a reasonable amount of time if they really appreciate something you have done for them. I'm grateful I was raised to say thank you, and my children will be raised that way also. I would let it go, but if you can't, you're under no obligation to send gifts.

 

[Silent1CB]

Since you've verified that she did receive the gifts, then I would let it go. To me, a thank you is verification of gift received if it wasn't a check that I could tell they cashed.

So thank yous come by email now? Does she have your correct email address? Do you normally receive email from her otherwise? If you've received other email, but not a thank you email from her, then I would think she never sent it or it got messed up somewhere.

 

[a1tinkfans]

I'm just curious on what you guys would do in my situation...

My cousin got married last year. I gave a gift of money ( $150 to be exact ) 1 year has come and gone & I still have not gotten any thank you. no email, card, nothing. She did cash my check promptly tho after her wedding

In October, she also had her 1st baby. Yes, she was preggo while she was getting married, call it what you may. Anyway I sent baby gifts of new clothing, I'd say at least $75 worth of items all through the toddler years. I also included a few hand me downs that my daughter used that were too cute to just do away with. I know she got them b/c my Aunt commented to my mom how cute everything was. Yeah, no thank you for these gifts either. My mom did casually say something to my aunt, who then said my couz. sent me an email, thanking me for the gifts. I never got said email....

Anyway, should I mention to my cousin that I think it's in poor taste that I never got any thank you's? Her mom tells my mom she's VERY busy. Yeah, well so am I, WAIT so is the entire WORLD! She's a normal girl, nothing weird or anything regarding her situation. I guess she's just lazy? It just disappoints me I went out of my way & nothing.......

Okay, why get aggravated, your cousin is either totally tacky (sorry!) or clueless or Lazy....so, personally I would not expect anything this far out (though etiquette wise, up to one year is okay), but I would not send anything else if it bothers you that she does not take a minute to call and thank you...Oh, gee, I have a SIL like that

 

[horseshowmom]

I give it out of love. However, I expect it to be received with love, too. And that includes showing some appreciation and saying thank you. It's not the formal note I would be upset about. It's the lack of thank you in some form.

Absolutely...

You know, the cousin would probably have been offended if you hadn't sent the appropriate gifts. I don't understand why she shouldn't at least want to thank you for your kindness.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I wouldn't have even NOTICED?

This.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Considering that there has not be ONE acknowledgement of your gifts, I would never get her another gift.

I would - a box of thank you notes and a book of stamps


OP, if you want, next time you talk to your cousin you might 'play innocent': "I never heard from you and just wanted to make sure you got our wedding gift and baby gift".

 

[kaytieeldr]

It wasn't until another family member of mne told me that it had upset my grandmother that I didn't call her and say thank you for a birthday card & money that I ever really thougt about it. I was never intentionally trying to be rude. I just didn't know and I think a part of it has to do with the generation I was born in.

Respectfully, it's however your parents (including her child) raised you.

eta: rereading this, I have NO idea why I wrote what I did. Maybe I meant to insert the parenthetical phrase somewhere else? Makes no sense.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I'd let it go. I give gifts all the time for which I receive no thank you note, although the person will often say thank you in person. It does not bother me one iota if somebody does not send it. I do not give gifts for a thank you note. Would it be nice? Yes. Is it common courtesy? Yes. Does not getting one really affect me in any way or mean they are not grateful? No.

 

[kaytieeldr]

But, Eeyore's Butterfly, it sounds like there was NO acknowledgement of any kind until the OP's mom asked the aunt - and then only a verbal "yes, she got it" and of course, the claim of an e-mailed thank you

 

[terri01p]

 

[aprilgail2]

I wouldn't do anything but I would always just think of them as tacky and rude. I would also not be sending anymore gifts! I don't think its to much to just write a quick thank you note and drop it in the mail. I was a single parent with a newborn and I still managed to get all thank you cards for all gifts out very quickly -within a week of the people stopping by with gifts, so I don't buy the "oh she might be busy with the baby" line.
I am not crazy about emailing thank you's but its better than not saying thank you at all. I think the worst one I ever got was a "blanket thank you" on FACEBOOK!! it read- "thanks to everyone that sent a present for the baby"....not even sent to each person- just a big old blanket thank you.