1 in 4 Married Couples Sleep in Separate Beds

[escape]

Oh, my! I guess I need to start looking for a divorce lawyer. Anyone know of a good one? Oh, wait. I may be old enough to qualify for the free pass to sleep in a separate bed.

Seriously, I don't owe anyone an explanation as to why I choose to sleep in a separate bed at times but I will tell you that it is mostly due out of consideration for my husband. It works for us and it has nothing to do with our being happy or unhappy with each other. I do agree that there could be issues with couples not sleeping together but I assure you, that isn't always the case.

 

[rie'smom]

We mostly sleep in the same bed however, on those nights when his snoring is outrageously loud, he goes to another room.

 

[angie@dvcstore]

Im not married but if i was i would obviously sleep in the same bed as my husband...Unless he as a really bad snoring problem like my dad lol

 

[Christine]

Im not married but if i was i would obviously sleep in the same bed as my husband...Unless he as a really bad snoring problem like my dad lol

I think everyone entering into a marriage believes they will spend their entire married life in bed with their spouse. Unfortunately as aging begins (and things can start in your 40s), there are oh so many things that will mess up your sleep. If you're lucky enough to be a heavy sleeper or your spouse is a rare quiet sleeper, you'll be good to go.

 

[lovemygoofy]

My husband and I sleep together in the same bed every so often. It seems usually it's a hotel bed lately but hey that counts.

The 6 months that he was home he worked nights and I worked days. We didn't sleep in the same bed or barely even see each other.

We also have yours, mine and our accounts. I think we are going to make it though I would pretty much sleep with the man anywhere but all bets are off if he wants to sleep outside

 

[jsmith]

My husband and I sleep together in the same bed every so often.

LMAO-took the words right out of my mouth. We are attempting to live in the same HOUSE-let alone sleep in the same bed-after nearly 7 years of being occassional weekenders. And our marriage is pretty good thank you-but life-and the Army-happen-and you have to adjust.
I dont think sleeping apart-especially if one partner snores is a deal breaker-the snoring however might be (i am the snorer in our relationship-and its do to a botched adnoid surgery when i was 12 so a CPAP is not the answer).

 

[mamacatnv]

We do sleep together but I would love love love to have my own bed. We have been married for 23 years and he still wakes me up with snoring, tossing, turning etc. I am sure I do the same to him.

I would have my own room if I had my way but I know he would not understand and he would take it personally.

I know lots of couples that have their own rooms, they snuggle, make love etc then move on - they are perfectly happy and in some ways I think happier than I am when it comes to the sleeping arrangments

 

[JessicaR]

We do sleep together but I would love love love to have my own bed. We have been married for 23 years and he still wakes me up with snoring, tossing, turning etc. I am sure I do the same to him.

I would have my own room if I had my way but I know he would not understand and he would take it personally.

I know lots of couples that have their own rooms, they snuggle, make love etc then move on - they are perfectly happy and in some ways I think happier than I am when it comes to the sleeping arrangments

I think you nailed it with that statement. Sleeping apart is sleeping apart. Love making doesn't require a bed. We're married over 20 years, still madly in like kidding, but I have insomnia and my husband snores and sleep deprivation just doesn't work for me.

 

[DMRick]

After 3 years with hubby having one, I know what it is and ho wyou get them . I was responding to the person that said sleep study didn't help..as in, bummer, that's too bad. Some people, like my bil, was not able to be comfortable with any type of the offered masks, so even though one was prescribed, he wasn't able to use it. It's amazing to me, how many peopled use them now and what a big help they have been in the snoring department.

A CPAP machine is a "prescribed" medical device given to someone after a sleep study has been done.
Just because you snore, doesn't mean you qualify for a CPAP machine.

 

[Piglet4Ever]

I saw this report on the Today show the other morning and I was so relieved. It meant we are somewhat normal. DH and I have different schedules but even when we had the same schedule, we wouldn't sleep together. I require totally dark conditions and white noise only (a fan is on year round) in order to go to sleep. He needs the tv on. It takes me about 45 min to an hour (on a good night, and thats with OTC sleep meds) to go to sleep and it takes him about 2 minutes. This man has fallen asleep in the living room while holding the remote to turn the channel!!! And not just once, but at least 3 or 4 times recently. It was at a point where I became concerned that he had some sort of condition.

Somewhat similar here. Dh and I have been married for going on 14 yrs. We slept in the same bed for about the first 10. He goes to sleep everynight about 10 and is asleep within mins. I am in bed about 2-3am and then end up tossing and turning for awhile. I like to sleep with a fan on yr round, he hates it. So we have been sleeping in separate beds for the last few yrs and it has worked great for us. We figure we aren't really spending "quality" time together when we are sleeping so what's the big deal. We don't love each other any less, if anything we get along better when we both get a good nights sleep.

 

[pigletgirl]

Yes, we will sleep in the same bed.

 

[srferson]

Alot of old people have problems with incontinence... maybe that's why? or some are senile... maybe its okay cuz they dont remember who they are?

Oddly enough, for me personally, I agree that sleeping together and joint accounts work best for DH and I even if we are old. However, your delivery sucks.

You have absolutely no way of knowing if other couples are unhappier or happier than you are so why would you even use that as part of your argument?

Though for my husband and I, only having one joint account would be rather disastrous. Almost everything is in one shared account, but we both have personal accounts set aside for personal spending. My husband has rather expensive hobbies. I do not. This, for us, is the best way to avoid an argument about money.

We do what's best for us. What makes us happy as individuals and as a married couple.

Not sure why it's so hard for some people to understand that everyone doesn't always work the same way. And the path to happiness can be drastically different from person to person or couple to couple. But most here seem to get that, which is good.

 

[Kae]

Did anyone see the segment of the Today Show? It was very interesting & explained that it is not about"the relationship of the marriage".

Kae

 

[kkmcan]

Dh and I sleep in the same bed except when he's on shift Then he sleeps in his bed at the station.

When he's not home I still sleep on just my side of the bed. Funny, but I don't stretch out and sleep in the middle. I still stick to my side of the bed. I guess it's cause I'm saving it for him.

 

[ReneeA]

I work nights - 7pm to 7:30am. DH works days. I sleep with him on the nights I'm home, then kick him out of bed when I get home from work in the mornings.

We do just fine.

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

Somewhat similar here. Dh and I have been married for going on 14 yrs. We slept in the same bed for about the first 10. He goes to sleep everynight about 10 and is asleep within mins. I am in bed about 2-3am and then end up tossing and turning for awhile. I like to sleep with a fan on yr round, he hates it. So we have been sleeping in separate beds for the last few yrs and it has worked great for us. We figure we aren't really spending "quality" time together when we are sleeping so what's the big deal. We don't love each other any less, if anything we get along better when we both get a good nights sleep.

Exactly...our marriage works this way. When you are sleeping, it's not like you are missing out on quality time with each other anyways. I'd rather be well rested for the next day rather than feel pressured to conform to other peoples ideas of what makes a good marriage and what makes a sad one. This is what works for us, and all these people that say they can't imagine not sleeping with their spouses....well I can't imagine sleeping with mine!
But I adore him and he loves me and that's all that matters. 17 years married and going strong!
I do have to admit that when we were dating, we went to his sisters house and her DH always slept on the couch. I was appalled! I told DH (when he was my fiance) that I would never have a marriage like that. So some of the people who aren't married and say they intend on sleeping with their spouses, I remember feeling the same way. I had never even known a couple who slept separately. Now I know one other, my nephew and his wife sleep separately too, and we were talking about this very subject the week before the report came out.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

That is horrible to be sleeping apart from your SO.

My wife and I still snuggle up at night under the covers. 15 years of marriage.

I feel bad for couples that sleep apart. What a sad marriage they must have.

I think unless your "old" then you should and if you don't then I think pretty much the marriage is pretty much over!! IMOO

Correct

Two things that ruin a good marriage..

Sleeping apart and keeping your bank accounts apart.

If you do either/both, you won't have a very strong marriage. Not saying you can't get it to work, but you are making it much harder and you are not as happy as other couples who do share both. Again, this is my opinion, so before people go off the deep end and say I am being rude, I am just saying what I feel and not picking on anyone.

I'm amazed at how judgmental people are. At least you are admitting that this is only based on your opinion and not based on actual research. My parents have slept in separate beds for as long as I can remember (and I am 25.) Initially my mom oscillated between nights and evenings at the hospital and my dad is a 9-5er who is a very light sleeper. Then my mother was diagnosed with sleep apnea, even with the CPAP, she still snores on occasion.

And FTR, they have a very strong marriage. They don't work any harder. They get their sleep so they are both happy people when they deal with each other. They have been married 30 years now, and I am very sure that sleeping separately is one reason.

Now, I absolutely intend to bed share with my husband when I get married, (king sized bed, the dude is 6'4"!), but if over time it becomes better to sleep apart, it's not the end of the world or our marriage.

 

[bigbabyblues]

DH & I sleep in the same unless it's a day he works (24 hour shifts). If he's not home, I sleep in the middle of the bed.

 

[rie'smom]

That is horrible to be sleeping apart from your SO.

My wife and I still snuggle up at night under the covers. 15 years of marriage.

I feel bad for couples that sleep apart. What a sad marriage they must have.

So because my view does not agree with others, does not make it rude.

I also do not get upset at the responses or feel everyone else is being rude back to me because they shared their viewpoint.

But at the end of the day, I do feel bad for couples that sleep apart and feel their marriage does suffer from it. Of course, you don't have to agree, but I stand by what I think/feel about this topic.

Correct

Two things that ruin a good marriage..

Sleeping apart and keeping your bank accounts apart.

If you do either/both, you won't have a very strong marriage. Not saying you can't get it to work, but you are making it much harder and you are not as happy as other couples who do share both. Again, this is my opinion, so before people go off the deep end and say I am being rude, I am just saying what I feel and not picking on anyone.

I don't think you're rude, just misinformed.

My husband and I have been married for 28.5 very happy years. If I had little to no sleep because of his snoring, we might not still be married- he even wakes himself sometimes! Every marriage is different. What works for me won't work for you and vice versa.

Making general statements as you have done is bound to cause friction.

 

[disneyfans95]

I don't think you're rude, just misinformed.

My husband and I have been married for 28.5 very happy years. If I had little to no sleep because of his snoring, we might not still be married- he even wakes himself sometimes! Every marriage is different. What works for me won't work for you and vice versa.

Making general statements as you have done is bound to cause friction.

I think the friction is caused because the statement hits home and people are forced to look and realize that maybe there is a better way of doing things. So right away they get offended and say that I am wrong, when in reality, if they made more of an effort to be together with their SO, their marriage would be stronger.