She didn't say giving a large cash gift was silly, she said giving based on the cost of the wedding was silly.
Exactly. It's silly to give more because the reception venue has a "better address" or because they're serving prime rib instead of chicken. Your gift should be what you want to give to the couple, not payment for your dinner.
If we couldn't afford to give an appropriate gift to the couple, we would not go to the wedding.
What if you were on the receiving end of this situation? Would you really want your cousin/co-worker/high school friend to skip one of the most important days of your life because he couldn't afford to fill an envelope "properly"? Wouldn't you rather have that person come with a small gift and celebrate with you? Wouldn't you feel bad that that person -- someone you'd wanted to share your day -- felt he couldn't come because he didn't feel he had "enough" to give?
I know it's a very regional thing - never heard of punch, mints, or just cake at weddings - probably a lot easier, but I'm guessing the cost is about the same, when you factor in the cost of the reception, against the gifts.
Punch and cake receptions in the church fellowship hall are quite acceptable here in the South, though we're seeing more and more buffets. Sit-down meals are fairly rare.
I have never been in such financial ruin that I could not afford $200. But I would probably decline the invite if I was that poor - I would have other more important things to worry about than a wedding.
I certainly have seen days when I could not afford $200. During college, there were many times when I could no more have come up with $200 than I could've come up with a million. It was only slightly better in our first married years. Today $200 is nothing for us, and I've frequently spent that much on nice wedding gifts, especially for family -- BUT I've never felt that I had to do it because of the cost of the wedding.
Just because someone has asked for money/gift cards or whatever instead, doesn't mean that they need to have a smaller wedding!!
No matter what the individual's circumstances, it's still rude to ask for money! It's like saying, "I don't want some stinky old thing you'd pick out -- but I still want you to give me a gift!" If someone ASKS, it's fine to say, "We already have all the household goods we need, but we'd love a little help with the honeymoon" -- BUT that's only acceptable if someone ASKS.
ITA. Some of the the *Garden* (backyard) receptions cost wayyy more than a banquet room. Ha, you should SEE some of the backyards!!! STUNNING.
Absolutely! I've worked at some incredible outdoor weddings! I'm remembering one right now that I'm sure cost $$$$$$$ -- lovely yard, rented white tents surrounded by round tables, flowers everywhere, white lights in the trees, food stations here and there, waiters serving drinks. Absolutely wonderful wedding. I'm also remembering one that I know was done on a budget: The groom built a gazebo for the bride as a wedding gift, and she bedecked it with grocery-store purchased flowers. Caterers served a very casual meal of BBQ straight from an over-sized grill, while a bluegrass band played on the front porch and people danced in the front yard. Wedding cake was served in the carport. It was also lovely.
No, around here -- with our wonderful, mild climate and lovely greenery -- outdoor receptions aren't second-rate by any means. Personally, I wouldn't choose to have one 1) because it was important to me that my wedding was inside the church and 2) because rain is always a concern, and I'd be insane worrying about last-minute alternatives if the weather was a problem.
Are you really saying having a cash bar at a wedding is tacky and inappropriate?
Charging invited guests for anything at YOUR PARTY is tacky, BUT there's another reason people are going this direction, and it isn't compeltely about money: It's about avoiding liability. If a guest drinks himself silly, then crashes his car and kills a couple people on the way home, THE HOST can be held responsible for that guest's actions. I personally think this is horribly wrong, but it's the world in which we live. I don't like this, but cash bars are a way to get around this liability.
In my area, dry receptions are completely acceptable, though they are less common than they used to be. Another thing we're seeing more and more is the bridal couple offering JUST ONE champagne toast -- no one's going to get snockered on that 1/2 a glass of champagne.
Then they go and give whatever amount of cash they can afford, even if it's $10. I got married in "cover your plate" territory and many people did just that. A couple of my closest relatives did a lot more than that and one grand-uncle gave me $10 ( he was on Social Security and really that was all he could afford). I was just as happy with his gift as I was with the bigger ones. Really, it's not about the gifts.
And that's exactly as it should be: you were glad that your grand-uncle could make it to your wedding, and you didn't look down on him because all he could give you was $10. It's about celebrating the marriage. Too bad everyone doesn't see that bigger picture!
