How do you invite a friend for your daughter and then ask them to pay their own way?

[Gabes_mommy]

I agree with asking them to pay for set things - I'd probably go with airfare and the park ticket (and of course if the girl wants souveniers, extras, etc.)

I would not ask for a portion of the hotel, food, etc.

This is exactly what I would do. The hotel is going to cost the same regardless whether or not the friend goes and you could say you would cover accomodations and food.

I don't think it's rude at all to ask.

 

[mjkacmom]

I agree with the peeps who say ask the parents first, discreetly, without the kids knowing. That way the parents won't feel pressured if it's beyond their budget.

It would be easier to ask them to foot the airfare & parkticket as well, because they might have airmiles or points they could use. But if you can't afford to pay for the guest's room & board, I personally, wouldn't invite the kid.

I agree with this. You should pay for room and board, because you'd be out the same amount of $ for the hotel if she didn't come, and you are the one choosing to eat at expensive restaurants.

 

[ogreenlee]

I would explain it to the parents the same way you explained it to us. It sounded perfectly acceptable the way you described it. You didn't sound rude. You actually sound generous for doing this. I don't see how anyone who you said this to could take it the wrong way. If I was approached with this, I would be so happy that someone was even springing for my child's ticket. Heck, I would probably pay for your entire vacation if you would just take my kid. It will give me time to move to an undisclosed location and change my phone number to one that is unlisted.

EXACTLY what I was thinking!

 

[purpliequeen]

I can tell you what we did from the dd's perspective. I'm 20 right now. When I was 18, my parents gave me a trip to Disney World as my graduation present. They booked a 2-bedroom villa at the BCV and told me to invite my best friend. My best friend at the time (and still is) was 18 at the time as well. I told her first and then our parents talked out the details.

My parents obviously paid for the accommodations, as they chose the resort and it's only fair. They got the master bedroom and we were fortunate to get a dedicated two-bedroom so my best friend and I had our own queen beds.

In terms of finances, my best friend's parents treated the trip as a graduation present that they were giving her as well. They paid for the basic Magic Your Way Dining Plan (back then, $36.99/pp/day) and airfare (round trip, Southwest was around $90). They also covered park hopper tickets. There was no issue with this, as it was treated like a graduation present and her parents were happy that we invited their daughter along. My bff was responsible for paying for the items that she wanted. Just like I was responsible for paying for items that I wanted from my own spending money. If I wanted to do something and have my bff join in, we would charge it to the room key, which my parents covered. (For instance, we charged two water tubes for Stormalong Bay to the room for the whole day.)

We're all going again this January. We booked a 1-bedroom concierge level in AKL's Jambo House. Parents are again in the master bedroom and my bff and I are going to sleep on the pull-out couch or maybe one of us will sleep in the sleeper chair if it's comfortable. Again, my parents are paying for the accommodations. This time around, since there's really no special occasion, my parents are covering all meals that we eat together with them. If my bff and I go on our own and decide to buy a snack or counter service meal, we're on our own. My parents are really lax though and aren't picky if we charge things to the room card. I think my parents would cover the meal plan if we actually decided to buy it, but we're staying concierge level and plan on eating breakfasts and snacks throughout the day. My bff this time is responsible for airfare, park tix, and spending money, as last time.

I don't think it's rude to invite another friend and having them cover their own expenses. Of course, I'm 20 and reliant on my parents, but when my friends' parents invite me on a trip, my parents pay my portion. If my parents were not OK with that, I wouldn't be allowed on the trip- enough said. It really depends on where you're going and what you're doing. Everyone knows that Disney is expensive and it's nice to have part of your trip covered, but I would never expect other people to pay for everything for me.

This is quite common, actually. I went to a prep school (boarding) and it was common for students to go home with their friends for the holidays. If transportation was via plane, the student would pay for his/her own airfare. Of course, room and board usually was covered by the parents, but the student usually paid for what he/she bought/went to with their friends if the parents didn't cover it. That was assumed, and quite the norm. Who knows what's it's like now- I graduated three years ago- but I always consider these types of trips treats in the way that I'm happy to be invited.

Have fun! It'll be a blast- and as parents, it'll be nice to get your daughter/son out of your hair.

 

[linzbear]

I would always make any non-family parties pay and book their own airfare. Reason? It's non-refundable. What happens if the friend's mom decides a week before hand that the friend is grounded and can no longer go? You're stuck with the bill for the airfare, that's what.

Making them pay for the airfare makes them responsible for the loss of money if they want to cancel.

Honestly, I'd ask for souvenir money for them and to book the airfare, and that's it. Easy to quantify, and then you're not out anything if they need to cancel last minute.

 

[NMAmy]

We've been taking a friend along for dd for the past 6 years or so. I have paid all expenses just because, to me, it seems that if we're doing the inviting, then we do the paying. It's worth it to me to have someone for dd to hang out with and the payoff is that even in college, dd still wants to go to WDW with us.

If you are going to have the friend pay part of her own way, then set up those arrangements in advance. Will you be booking the flight and then be reimbursed or will her family? Will you be buying the park tickets in advance and then be reimbursed or will her family? If her family is doing the purchasing, then make sure they have the correct flight information and that the friend gets the same tickets you do (i.e. park hoppers and same number of days.) It would really put a crimp in things if the rest of you had hoppers and she didn't. If you're purchasing the items and being reimbursed, then set a payment date.

Frankly, for myself, there are just too many variables that I can't control for me not to pay the friend's way. What if the family comes up short when it's time to pay? Then she just doesn't come along? It seems likely to cause a lot of friction between friends.

And I would not charge for the hotel or the limo. The limo is your choice-- it would cost the same whether the friend was there or not. Same thing for the hotel.

 

[TDC Nala]

This is not a budget trip you're taking - Polynesian, deluxe dining plan, limo rental - so you'd need to give the parents real numbers to see how much you're talking about and be really up front about the costs and what you are willing to pay for yourselves. If you want the kid to stay in your room, and you're planning to use deluxe dining, then she HAS to get it - you can't have her in your room and not get her the same plan unless you don't register her as a guest - and then she doesn't get a room key. Don't know if you are planning to pay for her dining plan or pay partially for her dining plan before you hit the parents with "we HAVE to pay this amount for dining."

 

[photobob]

It is a tough call. I am of the mind if you invite you pay, though i wouldn't just go tell the parents we want her to go and it's all on us. Be prepared to pay for everything and hope that the parents offer to pay at least a portion of the trip.

 

[momof2disprincesses]

This past June, DH and I celebrated our 20th anniversary at WDW and decided it was the trip we would let our 2 girls bring friends.

DD13 brought her best friend and DD17 brought her boyfriend of over 2 years. We are DVC members and stayed in a 2 bedroom condo at Kidani. DH and I stayed in the master bedroom and the 3 girls stayed in the extra bedroom and the boyfriend slept on the pull-out couch. He even had his very own bathroom since Kidani has 3 bathrooms!

DH and I had purchased 6 day park passes for a trip a year earlier and never used them (we decided last minute to purchase AP's and have been AP holders ever since). So we gave the 2 friends the old tickets we had and told their parents our only request was that both kids pay the $50 to turn them into hoppers since we had AP's and wanted to have the flexibility to go where/when we wanted.

We also covered the travel expenses. We decided to drive to save money and have the ability to bring as much "stuff" as we wanted, even though it's a 24 hour drive from WI.

We also asked them to bring spending money. We said we would pay for one meal out daily and would have food available in the condo at all times. We all ate breakfast daily before leaving and then would either eat lunch or dinner back at the room too. We paid for the one meal per day and we did buy snacks when everyone was out and hungry. We did a combo of CS and sit down meals and averaged about $100/day for food since some of the CS meals were way under $100 and some of the sit-down meals were over $100. We ate at Planet Hollywood, T-Rex and Rainforest Cafe and we also did one private meal for DH and I alone on our anniversary. Having a car helped too as a few of our sit down meals were at places like Chevy's and Macaroni Grill off-site.

It didn't add a lot of cost to our trip to have the friends along, but they had a great time and our kids LOVED having the experience of being in their favorite place with them!

One friend brought like $300 for gifts and things. The other brought only like $100 and both wound up being fine with that amount.

It was our philosophy that inviting friends, most of the costs were our responsibility and we didn't go as extravagant on this trip for that reason.

 

[singnring]

If you are concerned about having to ask them to help pay, have you considered downgrading a bit to save enough in your total cost to cover the friend's expenses?

Maybe stay at a cheaper resort, go with the reg dining plan, find cheaper airfare, etc?

Yes, you'll be sacrificing what you wanted to some degree, but you will save yourself the issue of having to ask the parents for money.

Might be a good trade-off if you are that concerned about whether it is proper to ask them to help pay.

Just a thought!

 

[Sandy321]

It sounds like it really depends!

Have you discussed this with your DD? I would start there - as PP have stated, 2 teenagers + 2 adults = 1 bathroom and 1 HUGE mess in the room - since its a short luxury trip at the Polynesian, you might want to wait till next time to invite a friend...

Getting 2 rooms at POR that connect would be much more conducive to sanity - imho!!

and like others have said if you do feel obligated to pay her way, then making use of free Disney Magical Express, cutting down to no park hoppers, and regular dining plan - you can have your 2TS meal and they can eat a CS in the park... but then you'd have to "budget" - which may be better for a different trip...

I know when we invited friends to go to the lake - we left it up to our DD to talk and ask - then the parents called and asked about expenses - we decided 7 days was too long - but we had 3 teenagers! (as in dd asked girlfriend #1 she said no, so dd asked gf #2 she said yes, then gf #1 said things worked out and now she could go... we thought it would be "OK" but as all moms know 3 is never a good number with girls!! THey didnt fight, but trying to get 3 to agree on stuff was a pain most of the trip!)

 

[NHTikiBeckie]

I guess I don't see the "dilemma"... If someone asked one of my kids to go with them, I would assume that I'd have to bare all or some of the costs. I don't think most people would expect their kid to get a free Disney trip. We just went though this exact scenario. We've decided to go to WDW for Christmas, and our daughter has a friend that hasn't been to WDW since she was two. She went to Florida a couple of months ago with another family and had planned to go to WDW during it, but due to some things that didn't go according to plans, they had to axe the WDW portion of the trip and my daughter's friend was very disappointed. We wanted to invite her on our trip for another try at WDW, but decided to talk to her parents privately beforehand to see if it would be OK with them. We offered to cover the lodging and food if she could cover the plane ticket and park admission. The parents loved the thought, but since the trip covers Christmas, they (understandably) didn't want her to be gone during that time.

I agree with this. I would never expect other parents to pay for my kid if they invited him/her on a trip.

 

[Rash]

Wow - you guys are WAY more generous than me. Even with DVC, a Disney trip is expensive - no way I could afford to pay for another kid! I'd expect the friends parents to pay for ALL expenses except the room. They would actually be saving money on food by not feeding their kid all week, so why shouldn't they pay for the food? I certainly would pay for a meal or two here and there at my discretion.

Basically, your offering the friend a free room at Disney. That's generous enough, no?

If someone asked my kid to go with them, I would insist on paying for ALL her expenses.

 

[ols386]

I agree with this. I would never expect other parents to pay for my kid if they invited him/her on a trip.

I was viewing your YouTube links....those are great!!!

 

[Rip]

Hookedonears,

I think my biggest problem with this is you're taking money out of your DD friends family's vacation budget to help pay for something you want for your family. If she had asked to tag along then it would be her responsibility to pay but since you're asking her to come along for your convenience it's up to you to cover the costs.

Plus you're putting your DD friends parents in a bad situation. You're making them the bad guy if they can't afford or don't want to pay for their daughters trip to WDW.

 

[mjkacmom]

They would actually be saving money on food by not feeding their kid all week, so why shouldn't they pay for the food? I certainly would pay for a meal or two here and there at my discretion.
.

Except they want to get the DDP - I don't spend $72 A DAY on feeding one of my children. And what if the girl is a picky eater? I don't think you should expect the parents to spend that much money a day on meals.

 

[Nancyg56]

Hookedonears,

I think my biggest problem with this is you're taking money out of your DD friends family's vacation budget to help pay for something you want for your family. If she had asked to tag along then it would be her responsibility to pay but since you're asking her to come along for your convenience it's up to you to cover the costs.

Plus you're putting your DD friends parents in a bad situation. You're making them the bad guy if they can't afford or don't want to pay for their daughters trip to WDW.

ITA. When my kids were younger we would include their friends on vacations and I would pay. I did not supply spending money but they only used their own money on souvenirs. I took care of everything else. Granted, we never flew to our destinations so I did not factor in airfare.

Now we are considering a trip in April with my DGD. I would love to bring a friend for her and would gladly pay if this could be arranged and if it is feasible.

If my child was invited I would offer to pay her way if I could afford it. This trip that you are planning is expensive so your DD's friends parents may be in a ticklish situation if they cannot afford the trip. Do they tell you their finances are not going to manage this expense? Do they let her go anyway ans skimp somewhere else? Some people are not comfortable discussing any financial difficulties so this may be awkward for them. If you really want to take her I would plan on paying the entire expense. If the parents offer to pay her way then you can ask for whatever you felt was reasonable.

I think that there is a very good chance that the girl may find out about the invitation no matter how discreetly it is made.

 

[Sleeping Becca]

My DD invites friends on our vacations, she is an only child so having a friend is fun.

We ask that the parent pay for the child's park ticket, plane ticket (if we fly), and spending money. I let the parent know how much, we will be giving our DD for spending money for the week, and normally the parents give the child the same amount. We pay for all meals, snacks, show tickets, and accomodations.

This summer, she invited a friend whose family did not have a lot of money. We offered to pay for airfare in addition to the other expenses. She would have needed to come up with spending money and park ticket. The girl's family could not come up with the money, so we considered just paying for her to go. As I was talking to the girl's mother, I discovererd that the reason they didn't have the money was because the week before they spent over $250 for a day at the waterpark taking the girl and friend, and another $300 on a pop up pool for the girl (they live across the street from a public pool).

Even though we could have afforded to take the girl and pay for her expenses, we chose not to. The trip would have cost them less than they had spent the week before. The family knew for months in advance how much the trip would cost them. We were asking for them to pay less than $500 ($200 of which was for the girl's spending money) for 7nights at the GF, including HDDR, Cali Grill, Brown Derby, mani pedi's at the GF spa, BBB, afternood tea, boat rental, and multiple table service meals.

Obviously the trip was not a priority for them. I felt I shouldn't have foot the entire bill due to their lack of planning.

In essence I would have been paying for their pop up pool and their trip to the waterpark. Sorry, not gonna happen.

 

[Rip]

Except they want to get the DDP - I don't spend $72 A DAY on feeding one of my children. And what if the girl is a picky eater? I don't think you should expect the parents to spend that much money a day on meals.

I really don't think you should invite someone and expect them or their parents to pay for anything. Especially an admitted deluxe trip such as this. I realize you could talk to the parents privately and all that, but you're still putting them on the spot for something that you want for yourself and your daughter. IMO, if you're doing the inviting, you should expect that you are going to cover the costs. If they offer to pay for part or all, then great, and most parents would, but I don't agree with putting them on the spot right off by telling them you want to invite their kid but you can't pay for her/him.

 

[hookedonears]

We usually take one of my daughter’s friends to the beach for a week each year and it has really made for a great vacation. There's a big difference here though, the beach house is paid for by my parents who also come, and we drive. We always pay for everything else though, food, go-cart park, water park, etc. including many souvenirs. This past summer, the girl we took, invited our daughter on their family vacation to Maine and paid for everything including airfare. We offered to pay her way, though they absolutely declined. In a normal situation, that's the way it should work. If you invite someone, you should be prepared to pay the total cost. Their family should offer to pay her way and we should decline their offer. Disney is different, however because of the incredible cost. I’ve thought about telling our daughter that we would love to take her friend, but can’t because of the cost, and can’t ask her parents to pay part of her cost, but if she could conspire with her friend to get it accomplished than we’d be happy to take her. If her parents came to us and said we won’t let her go unless we let them pay for part of the cost, we would have to consider that then. I wonder if their DISers. May be they'l read this post.