How do you invite a friend for your daughter and then ask them to pay their own way?

[smylie1]

If my child were asked to go on a vacation as big as WDW, I would not think for one minute that it would be a free trip. I haven't read all the PP, so someone may have already said this, but just figure up how much it will cost the child and say, "We 'd like _____ to go with us to Disney World? It's going to cost about $___, do you think that might be doable?"

 

[Rip]

We usually take one of my daughter’s friends to the beach for a week each year and it has really made for a great vacation. There's a big difference here though, the beach house is paid for by my parents who also come, and we drive. We always pay for everything else though, food, go-cart park, water park, etc. including many souvenirs. This past summer, the girl we took, invited our daughter on their family vacation to Maine and paid for everything including airfare. We offered to pay her way, though they absolutely declined. In a normal situation, that's the way it should work. If you invite someone, you should be prepared to pay the total cost. Their family should offer to pay her way and we should decline their offer. Disney is different, however because of the incredible cost. I’ve thought about telling our daughter that we would love to take her friend, but can’t because of the cost, and can’t ask her parents to pay part of her cost, but if she could conspire with her friend to get it accomplished than we’d be happy to take her. If her parents came to us and said we won’t let her go unless we let them pay for part of the cost, we would have to consider that then.

wow

 

[bleeps]

This thread has been so interesting to me, and I appreciate both the candor and goodwill everyone has shown in expressing opinions.

Our DS is 11 and we (the three of us) still really treasure our family vacation time together. We see it as the time when we really focus on who we are as a family, on doing things that are important to us as a group and sharing the things that are important to each individual.

Maybe I'll be singing a different tune once I have a teenager, but -- said kindly and respectfully -- I just cannot imagine taking someone else along on a family vacation. We do lots of day-trip type things where we sometimes take one of DS' friends along, but I can't imagine that it would be anything other than incredibly difficult to manage having someone else's child along and figuring out how to both have a fun family vacation and work in another young person's wants/needs. Just deciding when and what to eat when I took one of DS' friends with us to a local waterpark last summer was challenging enough....

Maybe I'm talking like a typical parent of an only child who just doesn't know any better yet? But I guess my take, which I haven't seen here yet exactly, is that a 'family vacation' is just that.

 

[golden6911]

I guess I don't see the "dilemma"... If someone asked one of my kids to go with them, I would assume that I'd have to bare all or some of the costs. I don't think most people would expect their kid to get a free Disney trip.

I agree with this. If I were the parent of your friend however, I would probably have to tell my child no because even part of the cost of that trip would be out of my budget. We are going for 10 nights for $1500 less than the cost of your 4 day trip. I think you have to consider with a luxury trip like the one you are planning if the parents of the child involved could afford.

 

[Darcy03231]

We've taken our children's friends on vacation with us at various points in time (WDW, cruise, all inclusive resort, etc). We've always paid for everything except souvenirs. I wouldn't invite someone if I couldn't pay for it.

While I don't know for a fact, I'm pretty sure at least one of them wouldn't have been able to go if we didn't pay and it would have been a stretch for a couple of other families. These are families that have also taken my children with them on vacation/long weekends/outings and have never asked me to pay for anything. While they haven't been on the scale of the trips we take, it has been reciprocated, to the best of the family's ability.

I just feel if you really can't afford to take the friend, you should make it a family trip only.

 

[KimK2006]

I think you have to consider with a luxury trip like the one you are planning if the parents of the child involved could afford.

If they are only asking for the friend to pay airfare and park tickets, the friend's parents aren't paying for the "luxury trip". Park tickets and airfare are the same no matter if they are staying at All-Star or Poly.

I would agree if they are asking for reimbursement for 1/4 of the Poly room cost and deluxe dining...that would be unreasonable to ask for.

 

[iluveeyore]

Sorry, haven't read through all the posts. DD 14 just took her BFF with us in August for two weeks. We used our DVC points and she wasn't really an 'extra' person in the room as it was three of us plus her, and the one bedroom accommodates four. We buy groceries for the whole two weeks. She was so excited to go, and her parents were so excited she had the opportunity, they just told me to book her flight with us, buy her park ticket and tell them how much it was. They offered to pay for groceries, but I declined and said just send some spending money in case we eat out a couple of times. She had a blast, it didn't really cost us any extra at all, and DD's friend had a really inexpensive trip to Disney in my opinion. Plus they have a ton of pics and memories together, so I'm glad she shared that experience with her! If we had paid cash for the room, I wouldn't have asked for anything for accommodations, but definitely would only invite a friend who could pay for their own air fare and park pass.

 

[itchin2go]

If my child was invited I would offer to pay her way if I could afford it. This trip that you are planning is expensive so your DD's friends parents may be in a ticklish situation if they cannot afford the trip. Do they tell you their finances are not going to manage this expense? Do they let her go anyway ans skimp somewhere else? Some people are not comfortable discussing any financial difficulties so this may be awkward for them.

These are my thoughts as well. And you can't tell anything about someone's financial situation by looking at their home or their cars.

A friend recently took her family (friend, husband, 8 year old daughter) to WDW, and took one of her daughter's friends. They flew down, stayed at GF (theme park view), did deluxe dining, CRT, BBB, Perfectly Princess Tea, Hoop-De-Doo, La Nouba, rented a cabana - you name it - they did it. They didn't ask for a penny from the other child's family. They actually knew that the other family could not afford it, and acted with that in mind. Can you imagine if they had asked for money?

I'm kind of afraid that's what it's going to look like when you ask some family to contribute $$$ to your very deluxe vacation. Don't get me wrong. I like to stay in nice places and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just going to hard to believe that you can spend nearly $8k on this deluxe vacation, but this kid's airfare and food is going to the straw that broke the camel's back.

One more thing: I wouldn't be surprised if the child's parents volunteered to contribute $$$. I still think it's rude to ask.

 

[ajpa]

If they are only asking for the friend to pay airfare and park tickets, the friend's parents aren't paying for the "luxury trip". Park tickets and airfare are the same no matter if they are staying at All-Star or Poly.

I would agree if they are asking for reimbursement for 1/4 of the Poly room cost and deluxe dining...that would be unreasonable to ask for.

I think it's the opposite. The OP said they would cover airfare and some portion of the food but that was it and they were going with the DxDP (?) (or maybe it was just DDP)

 

[tink20]

This past June, we took both of DD's BF,(noway could I afford 2 extras, but DD would have never been able to choose which one would go) we drove so no airfare. I just spoke to the parents, (like 8 months in advance, plenty of time to save). We stayed a week in the ASMu Family Suite. I just ask for ticket money and the Dining plan money. I think it was like $550. Anyway, I spoke to the parents, before the girls ever knew, that way if it didn't work out, they wouldn't be upset. We had a wonderful trip and the girls had the best time. They were so in to getting autographs and pictures with the characters. Hope you all have a Wonderful Trip!

 

[NMAmy]

This thread has been so interesting to me, and I appreciate both the candor and goodwill everyone has shown in expressing opinions.

Our DS is 11 and we (the three of us) still really treasure our family vacation time together. We see it as the time when we really focus on who we are as a family, on doing things that are important to us as a group and sharing the things that are important to each individual.

Maybe I'll be singing a different tune once I have a teenager, but -- said kindly and respectfully -- I just cannot imagine taking someone else along on a family vacation. We do lots of day-trip type things where we sometimes take one of DS' friends along, but I can't imagine that it would be anything other than incredibly difficult to manage having someone else's child along and figuring out how to both have a fun family vacation and work in another young person's wants/needs. Just deciding when and what to eat when I took one of DS' friends with us to a local waterpark last summer was challenging enough....

Maybe I'm talking like a typical parent of an only child who just doesn't know any better yet? But I guess my take, which I haven't seen here yet exactly, is that a 'family vacation' is just that.

I'm the parent of an only child which is one reason we began taking a friend along when she was a teenager. I think it really made our trips more enjoyable. It's kind of boring for teens to just have the parents to hang out with. We still spent time together and maybe we just lucked out in dd's choice of travelling companion but she was a wonderful, very easy going girl. I never had one problem with her in all of our trips. And it gave DH and I the opportunity to know her friend better.

I think it's the opposite. The OP said they would cover airfare and some portion of the food but that was it and they were going with the DxDP (?) (or maybe it was just DDP)

I read it the same way. I do think it's wrong to insist that the friend pay for the deluxe dining plan. She's bound to wherever the OP decides to eat and it sounds like they're planning on expensive choices. If I were the OP and insistant upon having the friend's family foot some of the bill--I'd stick with airfare and park tickets and cover the upgraded dining myself.

 

[KimK2006]

I think it's the opposite. The OP said they would cover airfare and some portion of the food but that was it and they were going with the DxDP (?) (or maybe it was just DDP)

You are right. Since everyone kept suggesting they ask the friend to pay for the airfare and ticket instead, I forgot what the OP originally said. I agree it would be wrong to ask for someone to pay for part of the room that was going to be the same price even if the friend didn't go. And, I agree it would be unreasonable to ask for food cost of deluxe dining. I don't think it is unreasonable to ask to pay for airfare and park tickets.

 

[Geoff_M]

Our DS is 11 and we (the three of us) still really treasure our family vacation time together. We see it as the time when we really focus on who we are as a family, on doing things that are important to us as a group and sharing the things that are important to each individual.

I understand what you're saying, but who the friend is can make a big difference. In our cause we refer to the friend as "Our 2nd daughter" because she (before our daughter moved away to college this year) spent so much time at our house. She often greets us with "Hi, 2nd Mom & Dad!". We've known her since birth and she and our daughter have been best friends for ages. We're also great friends with her family. She could be seamlessly integrated into the family fold for something like a vacation. We'd also love to be able to show her Disney World for the first time in her memory. This wouldn't be a case of bringing along a 2nd teen-aged girl in order to try and keep our daughter from being bored because she's being forced to spend time with her family.

 

[mjkacmom]

Our DS is 11 and we (the three of us) still really treasure our family vacation time together. We see it as the time when we really focus on who we are as a family, on doing things that are important to us as a group and sharing the things that are important to each individual.

Maybe I'll be singing a different tune once I have a teenager, but -- said kindly and respectfully -- I just cannot imagine taking someone else along on a family vacation. :

I don't have an only child, but if ds11 was an only, I could definitely see DH and I taking him, alone, on a family vacation. However, dd13 is another story - she'd be begging for a friend to come, or to stay home! She's totally into her friends - I'm about to ruin her day any minute, by calling her and telling her she has to come right home after school, instead of going to starbucks. I don't know if it's the age, the fact that she's a girl, that she's the oldest of 5, but right now, she really doesn't care to spend that much time with mom and dad.

I hope he doesn't turn on you - I myself can't imagine ds11 being like this, but then again, he's not a teen yet.

 

[nanceliz]

Actually, I am taking my best friend's son with us on our upcoming trip.
When I first asked my friend about him going, her first question after saying how great it would be was how much will it be? But, we have been friends forever (not just our children)

But, it answer to the poster's question, I would phrase it like "we would love for him/her to go with us and we have the hotel and food covered" "Would you be willing to pay $$$ for ticket and airfare?"

Like some of the other posters have said it depends on how well you know the parents.

In our case, we are taking their son because neither of them are interested in going to Disney and we are fanatics

 

[Shleedogg]

I think with most things the rule is if you invite, you pay. I don't think this rule has to apply for Disney. A Disney vacation is expensive. There will come a day when my DD will want to bring a friend, and I imagine I'll probably pay for whole trip. If the parents offer to pay for something though, I'll let them.

As some pps stated, I think the trip you're taking is too extravagant to expect the other family to pay. Have you thought about downgrading the hotel? Even if monorail is important, CR is much cheaper than the Poly. With the money you save, you can probably cover the other girl's trip.

I just looked at room rates and on average, the Poly is at least $100-$150 more per night than the Contemporary. I think if you really want her to go, you could switch hotels, to the Contemporary, or even Wilderness Lodge, AKL (the 2 cheaper deluxes) and the money you save on hotel you can use to pay the rest of her way. I don't know when you're going, but over the summer they had rates at AKL and WL for $169/night. It seems like you can afford it, you're just making a decision about what is more important to you.

 

[GovieMom]

It's just hard to believe that you can spend nearly $8k on this deluxe vacation, but this kid's airfare and food is the straw that broke the camel's back.

I thought the same thing.

 

[Geoff_M]

I'm kind of afraid that's what it's going to look like when you ask some family to contribute $$$ to your very deluxe vacation.

I think you're misinterpreting what the OP was suggesting the girl's parents cover. The OP said she would cover the airfare and an portion of the food. Since I don't think there is a cost for adding another minor to the room, there won't be an incremental charge for a deluxe resort. Since the OP would be paying for the airline ticket, and a portion of the friends food, the out-of-pocket expense for the OP to bring the friend would be more than if the friend stayed at home. So how would the friend be "contributing" to this "deluxe" stay? She'd still be costing them a fair amount of money to come along!

I still think it's rude to ask.

I think you're really stretching things to call it "rude". I would rather someone offer my kid an opportunity to join them in something that might be a wonderful childhood memory that might require me to pay some of his costs and be "rude" to me, then not offer the chance at all and be "polite".

 

[MyTwoPrincesses]

I'm not sure I *get* it. You are inviting the other girl for YOUR DD's enjoyment and I think you should be willing to pay unless the parents offer to pay. Now if my DD were a guest, I would definitely offer to pay. But to invite the other girl and ASSUME her parents would pay is rude.

Your trip is HIGHLY expensive and if it is important for your DD to have a playmate, then I wouldn't go all out for the Poly, Deluxe Dining, and a Limo. In your shoes, I would get a Fort Wilderness Cabin or two rooms at a moderate or value resort for more space, regular Dining and use Magical Express if I invite the other girl OR I would not invite the other girl and stick with your Poly/Deluxe Dining/Limo plan. Honestly, around $8000 for a short trip is ridiculously expensive and it is hard for me to believe that your DD's friend will be so cost prohibitive.

 

[auralia]

having the extra child doesn't effect the cost of the room so i wouldn't even include that in the calculation... i'd calculate park ticket, plus dining plan, plus airfair ... so lets say delux dining that would be about 280$ plus about300 ticket, 250 airfair (i'm just guessing at numbers here) that is 830... then i'd pay what i could afford of that and ask her parents for the rest and if they can't swing what ever the rest is then your daughter will have to tough it out at disney w/ just her parents.