How do you invite a friend for your daughter and then ask them to pay their own way?

[hookedonears]

Our daughter, 14 and has gotten to the age where she wants to bring a friend with her to the world. We think it's a great idea, but the extra cost is just too prohibitive for us considering we will be flying and a big part of the trip for us is eating at signature restaurants. Of course we would pay for her Airline ticket and a portion of her food, but the rest would be a little over our heads. Has anyone ever encountered this dilemma?

 

[ogreenlee]

I'm going to hate that age. Oddly enough, my parents always let me bring a friend along for many of our vacations, but the thought of having to sleep in the same room with giggly teenagers isn't too appealing for me.

 

[Kies99]

Just be upfront about it.

Talk to the parents and say something like..."look, our daughter would really like to invite your daughter to go with us to Disney. We'd love to have her join us, but the cost is a little prohibitive. We'd be willing to pay airfare and a portion of meals, etc...Could you help out with the rest?".

Then just work out a payment in advance with the other kids parents. As a parent, I'd have no issue with this. I'd be more than thrilled that the other parents would be willing to pay the airfare and some of the meals.

 

[shelemm]

I have not been in this EXACT situation, but I have gone on trips where I shared travel expenses.

My advice is to come up with an estimated amount that you feel you'd need for the other family to cover. And that you'll take care of everything (transportation, food, lodging, park tickets) except for incidentals. The other kid should have some of their own spending money.

And of course talk directly to a parent before approaching the kid.

 

[ogreenlee]

Are you wanting them to pay for tickets and are you using the DDP?

 

[Hannathy]

I agree be up front. Maybe they could pay the airfare and you could cover the signature meals and then the girls could possibly eat by them selves at a CS a few times while you and DH have a quiet great meal? that is the joy of taking someone for your teen, you get the bonus of quiet time with DH while they are having a good time at the teen level.

As a parent of a teen who has went places with families this seems easier to plan for and fit into a families budget on both sides. Plus the cost is a bit more up front so the other parents know whether they can afford it or not.

 

[DOPEYLUVER]

It sounds as if you can pay for SOME of the trip. It kind of depends how the trip is booked. If I was not doing a package, I'd probably do something like having the friend pay for the airfare and the park tickets. Only because those are cleaner items. You could pay for the meals rather than sitting with a bill and figuring out who had appetizers or desserts, etc.

This is just based on how I've travelled with my kids friends. Also, everyone including my kids have their own money for stuff like souvenirs or even snacks in the park.

 

[hookedonears]

We've never used a dining plan in the past, though more than likely, we'll probably use the deluxe dining plan on this trip. We should be able to quantify our total cost with the exception of souvenirs. I like the be up front suggestion, but it's still going to be hard to do.

 

[mickeyluv'r]

It may help if you keep your portion the same in terms of money, but shift the explanation around: you'll cover her room and board if they pay her park ticket and airfare. I don't know what her airfare portion will cost, how long you are going, where you are staying, etc....But with say DDP for a week her food would be $329 plus tips, which is for many folks about the same as airfare would be...Pyshcologically you would be telling the parents that they need to cove the expense of getting her there and her 'entertainment' (park ticket) and you'd be less likely to have to remotely justify your dining choices. I say this in part because you felt that including your dining choices was part of what you chose to include when telling us about your situation. If you want to invite your daughter's friend that is very kind - but you shouldn't have to explain your choice of dining - or have to justify it in any way. (I hope that makes sense...) Just a thought.

Otherwise I'd just be upfront with the parents. It will probaly help if you can be detailed in explaining up front what the expenses will be, and give them fairly hard numbers to crunch. If you are using DDP, and have already priced your airfare then it shouldn't be too difficult to give them actual numbers to use.

 

[ogreenlee]

We've never used a dining plan in the past, though more than likely, we'll probably use the deluxe dining plan on this trip. We should be able to quantify our total cost with the exception of souvenirs. I like the be up front suggestion, but it's still going to be hard to do.

I'd print out a list of overall costs including what you think is reasonable for spending money for a 14 year old.

Highlight what you will pay for and total that up. Give yourself a budget just for that child and stick to it. If you're willing to spend $500 on that child, then whatever is left is what is left. The parents should be happy that you're willing to take the child, be responsible and pay for a good portion of their trip. Then the rest is completely up to them. It's nice that you're asking. I wouldn't worry about whether they can or not. That's up to them.

Give them a hard list of what they'd be paying for. Make sure they pay for those items that have an exact amount like the pp said; tickets, airfare, or DDP. You'll be responsible for the rest.

 

[Shmily1]

We do this every trip. DD18 has taken her BFF for the about the last 9 years and I always tell them how much it will be. I usually say, "We are going to WDW on X/XX for X days. If you want to go, you'll only have to pay for your ticets and food. That cost would be $XX. Just let me know because I have to book it by next week so I'll need the money on this day." She hasn't missed a trip yet and is going again on 12/15!

 

[Geoff_M]

I guess I don't see the "dilemma"... If someone asked one of my kids to go with them, I would assume that I'd have to bare all or some of the costs. I don't think most people would expect their kid to get a free Disney trip. We just went though this exact scenario. We've decided to go to WDW for Christmas, and our daughter has a friend that hasn't been to WDW since she was two. She went to Florida a couple of months ago with another family and had planned to go to WDW during it, but due to some things that didn't go according to plans, they had to axe the WDW portion of the trip and my daughter's friend was very disappointed. We wanted to invite her on our trip for another try at WDW, but decided to talk to her parents privately beforehand to see if it would be OK with them. We offered to cover the lodging and food if she could cover the plane ticket and park admission. The parents loved the thought, but since the trip covers Christmas, they (understandably) didn't want her to be gone during that time.

 

[hookedonears]

We're looking at 4 nights at the Poly., and 5 day park hopper passes -Est. $3800. Considering past history, I expect total food including a fourth will run about $1600. Airline tickets will run $400 ea., so that's another $1600. We usually rent a Limo (town car) additional $140 with tip. Souvenirs $150
$3800
$1600
$1600
$140
$150
$7290
I get sticker shock every time I look at it.

 

[BillSears]

Personally I think the answer is....

You don't invite them and ask them to pay their own way.

Either suck up the cost and pay it for them or don't invite them.

 

[pattysgirl]

Years ago, I was invited by my friend's family to join them for a week at WDW. I paid for my airfare and I had some spending money. I think it would be fine to ask for airfare and park tickets, as it is a set amount, and then you could cover the room and food costs, which would be harder to quantify to the parents.

 

[hookedonears]

BillSears, we personally agree with you. But I think girls at age 14 need to have a friend with them, so they basically can feel independent (big girls). I think my wife and I would also have as enjoyable a time with a little bit of time to ourselves as well. What a delimma.

 

[ama223]

I agree with asking them to pay for set things - I'd probably go with airfare and the park ticket (and of course if the girl wants souveniers, extras, etc.)

I would not ask for a portion of the hotel, food, etc.

 

[kaligal]

BillSears is correct. You cannot invite someone and ask them to pay for it. Well, you can, but you cannot do it without being rude...unless you follow that, "Traditional etiquette is a bunch of crap and I will decide what is rude and what isn't"...but if you think that way, you probably wouldn't be asking others, lol.

If you can't afford to take others, then just take a family vacation. It'll be good.

 

[ogreenlee]

Do you know her friend's parents? Do you already have an idea about their financial situation?


$1000 may be totally worth it for this family to have their daughter go stay at a nice resort, eating nice meals, and with a family they feel is safe. Some folks may go into shock at that price point.

 

[itchin2go]

Personally I think the answer is....

You don't invite them and ask them to pay their own way.

Either suck up the cost and pay it for them or don't invite them.

I agree! If you're not prepared to foot the bill, don't extend the invitation.

That said, I'm guessing most parents would insist on paying for at least some of the expenses. If you took them up on their offer to contribute, I think that would be fine.

I just think it's rude to invite someone to something and then request payment. If someone did this to me, my poor husband would be hearing me talk about it for weeks. Poor man.

One more thought: If working in this additional person is important, perhaps alter your plans so you can afford to pay her way. That way everyone's happy and no one gets their feeling hurt.