How do you invite a friend for your daughter and then ask them to pay their own way?

[teal]

airfare and the park ticket (and of course if the girl wants souveniers, extras, etc.)

I would not ask for a portion of the hotel, food, etc.

I agree with this.

While I generally don't think it's a good idea to invite someone somewhere if your not going to pay for them, I think there are times when, if discused first, it would be fine.
It would be a shame for the kids to miss out just because you can't pay teh whole thing, when the other parent might be more then happy to contribute so the kids can go on a trip together!


I also agree with being up front, it's always the best plan.

Not really related but...

I had a friend invite me on a ski vacation with the family to their time share when I was about 14.

I said no because I knew my mom couldn't afford it at the time, but my friends mother said they would cover everything but the ski passes. Since they were driving and had a timeshare one more person didn't make much of a difference.

I ended up going, but found out after that my friends mom had come to my mom about the trip just days before leaving and basically said that if she didn't put some money towards the trip I wouldn't be able to go. My mom ended up giving her about $400 to cover food and gas for me, and agree to go to a condo presentation where my friends family have their timeshare (that way they get a discount).
That's on top of the $350 she gave me for food, ski passes and emergencies. (this was quite a few years ago now)
Needless to say she wasn't impressed when she found out I had bought all my own food.

 

[Wall-E1]

I would explain it to the parents the same way you explained it to us. It sounded perfectly acceptable the way you described it. You didn't sound rude. You actually sound generous for doing this. I don't see how anyone who you said this to could take it the wrong way. If I was approached with this, I would be so happy that someone was even springing for my child's ticket. Heck, I would probably pay for your entire vacation if you would just take my kid. It will give me time to move to an undisclosed location and change my phone number to one that is unlisted.

 

[Geoff_M]

...unless you follow that, "Traditional etiquette is a bunch of crap and I will decide what is rude and what isn't"

I guess I don't follow... So if my daughter calls up a couple of her friends and asks them if they want to get together and go to the movies, then "traditional etiquette" dictates that she's obligated to offer to pay for all of the tickets unless the others refuse her gesture???

 

[Basil of Baker St]

A looong time ago my friend asked me to go on a Land & Sea trip w/ her and her family (back when it was The Big Red Boat). They basically said - would you like to go, it will cost $$ for your portion. No problem whatsoever. My parents paid for my part of the trip, I took my own spending money and we had an awesome time. Don't sweat it. Just be upfront w/ the costs and what you're willing to pay and then they can choose to go or not. I think it's nice enough just to be willing to put up w/ another teenager during your trip.

 

[KimK2006]

I think it is acceptible to ask for them to foot some of the cost. I agree that the "easy" split would be they pay for the airline tickets and/or park tickets and you pay for food and hotel. I am sure they would think you are generous for inviting her and paying for her food and hotel.

 

[tinka-belle]

I've had clients do this several times. Often the airfare and park ticket are covered by the friend's parent. Some people pay for all the food or DDP, others do not and have the friend's parent pay for the DDP or spending money toward the meals too.

While it is nice to pay completely for a teen's friend to accompany the family, Disney can be expensive and I think for the most part the other teen's family expects to pay something toward the trip. Offer to cover what you feel comfortable with, make a nice gesture to cover the food, etc. if you can, but be upfront that the friend needs to pay for their park ticket, air, spending money, or whatever.

 

[MickeyNicki]

Call the girls parents, say we would love to bring her with us but it would have to be at your own cost so before we invite her we wanted to make sure you could afford the price.

 

[DisneyGerry]

id at least ask for the big ticket items--park admission and airfare if that is the case.

 

[BillSears]

Hookedonears,

I think my biggest problem with this is you're taking money out of your DD friends family's vacation budget to help pay for something you want for your family. If she had asked to tag along then it would be her responsibility to pay but since you're asking her to come along for your convenience it's up to you to cover the costs.

Plus you're putting your DD friends parents in a bad situation. You're making them the bad guy if they can't afford or don't want to pay for their daughters trip to WDW.

 

[MichelleVW]

Personally I think the answer is....

You don't invite them and ask them to pay their own way.

Either suck up the cost and pay it for them or don't invite them.

BillSears is correct. You cannot invite someone and ask them to pay for it. Well, you can, but you cannot do it without being rude...unless you follow that, "Traditional etiquette is a bunch of crap and I will decide what is rude and what isn't"...but if you think that way, you probably wouldn't be asking others, lol.

If you can't afford to take others, then just take a family vacation. It'll be good.

I think that's a crazy way of thinking. My girls invite friends to MLB/NBA games all the time and we will foot the bill for the kids, but a trip to Disney...no way!! If they wanted a friend to go, then I would ask the parents first and if they couldn't pay their way, they wouldn't be going. I don't think that's rude at all.

If my girls were invited to Disney or anywhere with a friend I would expect to pay their way.

 

[CarolAnnB]

I would never assume if someone asked to take my DD to Disney that they would pay for the whole thing. If it were me, I would have them book for the airline tix on their own, so if they end up canceling (kid gets grounded, whatever), you are not out the money if it is non-refundable. Same if you are buying park tix in advance, tell them what you are getting and they can get the same thing.

 

[ols386]

If someone invited my daughter to go with their family on a trip to WDW, I would fully expect to pay for my daughter's expenses....air fare, food, etc. I would just be glad that they invited her, and she got a chance to go with her friend, and have a blast.

I certainly would NOT think they were being rude by inviting her, and expecting her to pay for her own expenses. Rude is a relative word...what seems rude to some, may not seem rude to others. I think you have to handle it however feels comfortable to you.

 

[ajpa]

I agree with the peeps who say ask the parents first, discreetly, without the kids knowing. That way the parents won't feel pressured if it's beyond their budget.

It would be easier to ask them to foot the airfare & parkticket as well, because they might have airmiles or points they could use. But if you can't afford to pay for the guest's room & board, I personally, wouldn't invite the kid.

 

[Geoff_M]

Hookedonears,

I think my biggest problem with this is you're taking money out of your DD friends family's vacation budget to help pay for something you want for your family.

Well, since the offer is voluntary, it would be up to the other family to decide if the use of their money would be worth it. The "want" would also not be a one way affair. Hookedonears' daughter "wants" her friend to go along, but (presumably) the daughters' friend would also "want" to go to WDW. No one's obligating anyone to do anything with such an offer. If the friend doesn't want to go to WDW, then the offer would be declined, and it's a moot point.

Plus you're putting your DD friends parents in a bad situation. You're making them the bad guy if they can't afford or don't want to pay for their daughters trip to WDW.

But if you talk to the parents FIRST without the kids knowing, as I and others have recommended, then this problem goes *poof*! Nobody has to be "the bad guy". When we talked to the parent of our daughter's friend he was genuinely touched that we'd make such an offer to included his daughter in our family vacation (particularly knowing how bitterly disappointed she was that she had recently traveled all the way to Orlando, only to not be able to go to WDW) and offer to pick up about half of her costs. I didn't notice any smoke rolling out of his ears due to our "rudeness". He also appreciated us talking to him first.

 

[WendyMS]

It would be nice if I could afford the Disney cost of an extra child and pay for everything. However, I'm the single mom of DS14 and finances are tight. I budget well and quietly stash funds for a yearly vacation. My son has asked for about 10 years to bring a friend on vacation. I wanted some down time--and a friend would certainly keep him busy and let me relax a bit, so in 2008 we invited one of my son's best friends.

We knew the family well. I talked with the mom upfront. I was up for paying room and food (we weren't on the dining plan but did one TS most but not all days ---the DDP isn't worth it versus a room discount when it's just my son and I ---though it might have been with the friend along). Friend's parents covered airfare and park ticket. He had a little bit of spending money--which I don't think he even used. I also paid for some of the "little things" that I'd typically do for my son on vacation. I bought them both tons of pins for trading both before and during the trip. In hind sight the airfare might have been cheaper than the pins.

I'm old school enough to get that when you invite someone to dinner, you pay. However a Disney trip has some extra expenses (which can be cost prohibitive to adding a friend) that say a week in a condo at the beach would not. I think airfare and park ticket are easy fixed expenses to attribute to your extra teen. If you enjoy nice TS meals, it's a bit much to force another family in to paying for deluxe meals if they aren't accustomed to such and meal cost is a bit of a moving target. I also felt that extras we chose such as pin trading, DisneyQuest, and the like were my choice and my financial responsibility.

Just make sure to let your teen know that it's quite a privilege to bring a friend along and that the answer could be "no". Be upfront about costs and expectations with the other parents (and approach them rather than the friend so as to not add to the disappointment if the answer is no).

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

We're looking at 4 nights at the Poly., and 5 day park hopper passes -Est. $3800. Considering past history, I expect total food including a fourth will run about $1600. Airline tickets will run $400 ea., so that's another $1600. We usually rent a Limo (town car) additional $140 with tip. Souvenirs $150
$3800
$1600
$1600
$140
$150
$7290
I get sticker shock every time I look at it.

The room is not going to cost any more with 4 than 3. The limo/town car will not cost any more with 4 than 3. The main expenses are the airfare and park ticket. I think it's reasonable to ask the parents to chip in for those expenses. I would pay the expense for the DxDP, if that's what you choose to do. After all, that's something that is important to *you* and may not be to a teen-aged girl. If you are willing to cover some part of the trip, that would be the most logical thing to include. She would also need to pay for her own souvenirs.

I don't think it's breaching etiquette to ask for the parents to pay for part of their daughter's expenses. I had friends go with me on church Youth trips as a teen and their parents always paid the expenses, same as my parents did.

I hope you have a great trip!

 

[seashoreCM]

Any way to get the friend and her family to make the first suggestion how much they can help pay for?

For example, your daughter will give just a tentative invitation and will of course say that she needs to get her parent's (your) permission. You deny the permission at first adding that you cannot afford it and don't give more details.

Yes, you will have to play "bad guy" for that moment but at least get the ball into the friend's court.

 

[picktails]

I cannot understand why anyone thinks it's rude to invite someone's child to accompany your child on a fabulous Disney vacation and ask the parents to pay some of the expenses! This is done ALL THE TIME here, especially with skiing. DS16 has friends join us on our yearly trip and we're all happier for it. But NO WAY I'm footing the bill for lift tickets, etc.
It's an HONOR to be asked! And in no way insulting if you have to decline...

 

[Tinkerbellie16]

I have not gotten to this age yet with my kids (inviting their friends) but it did happen with my brother's friends when we were kids. As the other posters have said, come up with an estimate of costs (airfare, hotel, food, transportation, & any other non-souvenir costs) and be up front with the friends' parents. I would not tell the friend yet though. Say the trip will cost $x + extra $ for souvenirs, we would be willing to pay $y. Let the parents know that they can think about it for a few days (or whatever) then talk to them again. That will give them a chance to discuss it and not feel pressured into a yes/no right away.

And as a parent, I would be over the moon if not only my child got invited, but that someone else was willing to pay ANY amount of money! That is very thoughtful of you

 

[nicki.momof3]

We're looking at 4 nights at the Poly., and 5 day park hopper passes -Est. $3800. Considering past history, I expect total food including a fourth will run about $1600. Airline tickets will run $400 ea., so that's another $1600. We usually rent a Limo (town car) additional $140 with tip. Souvenirs $150
$3800
$1600
$1600
$140
$150
$7290
I get sticker shock every time I look at it.

WOW - that is a crazy high price for 4 nights. I am taking my family of 5 (2 adults, 3 children) for 8 nights at POR on the DDP with 7 day hoppers for all for $4100. If you are doing the dining plan as you posted earlier why $1600 for food? We are going Easter week so it is Peak prices also (arriving good Friday and staying for 8 nights.

If I was that childs parent I would pass on the trip. It sounds great but the price is way to high.