How do you invite a friend for your daughter and then ask them to pay their own way?

[Geoff_M]

i'd calculate park ticket, plus dining plan, plus airfair ... so lets say delux dining that would be about 280$ plus about300 ticket, 250 airfair (i'm just guessing at numbers here) that is 830...

It's not even the full cost of the dining plan as the OP said she'd cover part of the food costs.

 

[VillageMama]

I'm trying to picture the conversation and putting myself in the shoes of the friend's mom and dad...

OP: We're planning a trip to WDW and we'd love to have your daughter come along.

Me: What a fun idea! (Meanwhile I'm thinking, "Oh my goodness, how fun would that be? Mary would have a great time! She and Susie are such good friends. I'd be a little anxious to have her fly away and be at a theme park with another family but I'm sure they'll take good care of her.)

OP: We can pay for her room and food, could you cover her air fare and park tickets? It will probably come to about $1,000.

Me: Uh... no... I don't have an extra $1,000.

Now I'm in the awkward position of having to tell the OP that we can't swing that. I'm glad that she came to me first, so that my daughter doesn't have to be sad at not getting to go.

But I'm sad that I can't provide my sweetie with the fun opportunity that came up.

I think it's okay to ask for incidental spending money and if the other parents offer to pay more, to accept it. But I think if you're inviting another child on a vacation, you should cover the bulk of the expense.

 

[tlh0726]

Due to the 12 year age difference between our kids, we always invite one oldest DS's friends to go along. The only thing we have ever asked is that the friend have their own spending money. We pay for everything else.
We look at it as part of our overall vacation expense and our son has a great vacation (not hanging 24/7 with people that don't know anything ) as well as the rest of us.

As for asking the other parent to pay, here our my thoughts

As a PP already stated the room and limo costs do not change therefore the other parents should not be asked to offset them.

The only additonal cost that is added to your trip for this extra person is
1. spending money
2. dining plan
3. park ticket with hopper
4. plane ticket

Spending money - I do not think anyone would argue with you asking the parents to send money for souvenirs, extra snacks, games, etc. for their child. Let the parents decide what amount they want their child to have, only they know what they can and cannot afford to give them. The parents can either give it to the child in one lump sum and when it is gone it is gone or they can give you the total amount and each day you give the child a certain amount. Any additional shows, misc extras, etc that were not pre- planned should be paid by you.

Dining Plan - Our family do not use the dining plan. No way would I want to pay for the Deluxe Dining Plan when I know that I could spend way less doing counter service and packing snacks. Our kids could care less about fancy meals it is all about the parks and characters. You want the signature restaurants, therefore you should foot the bill.

Park Ticket - Cost is the cost. We are fans of the park hopper option. I as a parent would be okay paying this.

Plane ticket - Kinda tricky on this one. I search around for the best deal on airfare before I book flights for our family. What I consider a good deal and what others have paid and thought was a good deal are 2 entirely different things. I would have a problem just letting someone book it and having to be stuck paying that price. Maybe print out a few different airline prices. Find the average price (including luggage fees) Give this price to the parents as the maximum price. If booked cheaper they would only have to pay that cheaper price, if booked at a more expensive price you pay the difference. I as a parent would be okay paying for this.

Using the above you would be asking the parents to pay for airfare $400 (your estimate) 5 day park hopper $280 wo/tax, and spending money $100 (estimate) Total for 5 day vacation approximatey $780.00

For some this would be great deal, for other it would be a budget buster (as one PP stated she is going on a 10 day vacation for $1500 less than what you are paying for a 5 day)

Me personally, it would be hard to justify spending that amount of money for a vacation for one member of the family unless it was used as their xmas gift (which would also mean grandma would be getting them a gift card for their spending money, thus less overall cost to me) .
I will also admit that in my thinking I am having a hard time with this just being a 5 day vacation , why not 7 or 9? Airfare is going to be basically the same amount. Park tickets only increase $6 each for a 7 day or $12 each for a 9 day over the price of a 5 day. With taking that into consideration I would be more respective to paying the $780 for a 7 or 9 day vacation versus the 5.

Adding -
In this economy and not knowing the other families financial situation, I would have a hard time asking them to pay approx. $800 for a vacation.
If you can not afford to pay the entire amount (except for the spending money) and keep your fingers crossed that the other family offers to pay something, I would not ask the parents if they child could go.

 

[bleeps]

I understand what you're saying, but who the friend is can make a big difference. In our cause we refer to the friend as "Our 2nd daughter" because she (before our daughter moved away to college this year) spent so much time at our house. She often greets us with "Hi, 2nd Mom & Dad!". We've known her since birth and she and our daughter have been best friends for ages. We're also great friends with her family. She could be seamlessly integrated into the family fold for something like a vacation. We'd also love to be able to show her Disney World for the first time in her memory. This wouldn't be a case of bringing along a 2nd teen-aged girl in order to try and keep our daughter from being bored because she's being forced to spend time with her family.

Wow -- how wonderful for all of you to have such a close, dear relationship; it really does sound as though the friend is an extended member of your family!! DS had good friends, but at this point in his life he just doesn't know someone THAT well; maybe it will come as he gets older.

I appreciate the input on something I hadn't thought about before, and we'll see what the coming years bring!

Still trying to put myself in OP's shoes -- I guess I have to say that I'm with the folks saying that if you invite, you should be prepared to pay -- and then see if the other family offers $$ and figure out how much you'd take from them that would feel right (covering some portion of the guest's expenses). I guess I'd only want to consider this, if the time ever comes, if we could afford the whole thing and just tell the other family to have the child prepared to cover his own treats/purchases.

 

[Stormin'theCastle]

I'm not trying to pile on here...but I really don't think there's any tactful way you can invite another family's child without being fully prepared to pay their way (and being okay with that). Especially when it's not exactly a budget trip.

If the other family INSISTS on paying for something, they could perhaps chip in on airfare. I'm sure most parents would at least give their child money for souvenirs if they're going away with another family (but you can't and shouldn't count on it).

It really puts the other family in a bad position to do otherwise. I can't help but wonder how the invited child's siblings would feel if Mom and Dad decided it was okay to pay for a Disney trip for one child while the others stay home!

 

[Geoff_M]

I'm not trying to pile on here...but I really don't think there's any tactful way you can invite another family's child without being fully prepared to pay their way (and being okay with that). Especially when it's not exactly a budget trip.

Trust me, it's not like trying to figure out how to tell a member of the opposite sex that their fly is down! Honestly. I've done it. The other family did not recoil in horror and they're still speaking to us. In fact, the response was that they were touched that we thought of their daughter.

I'm trying to picture the conversation and putting myself in the shoes of the friend's mom and dad...

OP: We're planning a trip to WDW and we'd love to have your daughter come along.

Me: What a fun idea! (Meanwhile I'm thinking, "Oh my goodness, how fun would that be? Mary would have a great time! She and Susie are such good friends. I'd be a little anxious to have her fly away and be at a theme park with another family but I'm sure they'll take good care of her.)

OP: We can pay for her room and food, could you cover her air fare and park tickets? It will probably come to about $1,000.

Me: Uh... no... I don't have an extra $1,000.

First of all... you get the whole thing out front. You don't just say "Would your kids like to go to Disney World with us?" and then hit them with the cost issue once they accept. Now, THAT would be rude! Instead you say "We're planning on going to Disney in December and thought that if your daughter can cover the plane ticket and park admission, we'd love to have her join us! We'll cover the lodging and all of her food costs." And if money is an issue for them, and they don't feel comfortable telling you, it's really easy for them to come up with something else to say, like "Thanks for the offer, but we're thinking about going to (Chicago/The U.P. to snow mobile/Detroit... pick one), around then and aren't sure of the dates yet, so I don't think that'd work for us."

Let me put it another way... Have any of you suggested to families that you're good friends with to go on a joint vacation? A weekend together in a state park campground? A joint trip to a Six Flags, perhaps? Was that awkward? Did you stop and think that maybe the other family might be a little tight on cash at the moment and you didn't know it?

 

[KellyNY]

My $0.02
When I took my DD friend to Six Flags, I did not ask to cover anything but tickets. Parents offered to pay half to get there(we live far), I refused since I would pay it anyway. They also gave her money for food, but I payed for her, felt strange to me to take this money. I know, one day there and a week at Disney is different moneywise but not different in basics. Parents should pay for airline and park tickets, I would cover meal plan completely, since it is not child choise to eat at restaurants but yours. If you want to help them you can offer to pay for park tickets. It is not strange to tell them to pay for their child fun. State what you would cover and what they would in numbers and let them think about it. Although it is very nice of you to take their kid with you, they can still have hard time to afford it, so be prepared that they may say no. Do not tell kids, till everything is clear with parents.

 

[hookedonears]

Yes exactly, that's part of the problem. Yes it's an extravagant trip I admit. It normally takes about 2 years to save for our trips, and we normally save about $4000 during this period. All of our other trips during the year are normally very conservative, and we try to be very frugal during the year as possible. If her parents said we won't let her go unless they help pay her way, and we said fine, the total cost is going to be X, they would choke.

 

[lbklyn]

I see nothing wrong with asking the parents first, and asking I would start by saying "My family will be going to WDW (Date) although we would not be able to pay for her entire trip we would love for (kids name) to be able to come with us." We would be able to pay for accomadations, meals etc. (whatever you ARE able to pay for). Then add "Do you think this would be possible"?.
I do agree with the posters however that say the kids parents should NOT be responsible for paying toward accomadations (ESPECIALLY the Polynesian) or deluxe disney dining!!!! If I COULD have paid for my sons friends I certainly would have, but there was no way. We asked and most parents I knew did the same. And to be honest I NEVER felt someone was being rude when they asked if my son could come but that I would need to put something in towards it. As long as it was REASONABLE. If what you would be asking them to put in was over $500.00, then I would scratch the idea. I think asking for airfare and Basic my way ticket prices (and then YOU pay for the upgrade) would be fair. I loved when my son was invited to go away with good friends and when we took them and saw what a blast they would have it made it ALL the more enjoyable. Me personally would ask for no more than $400.00. Anything over I would take care of.

 

[lbklyn]

Trust me, it's not like trying to figure out how to tell a member of the opposite sex that their fly is down! Honestly. I've done it. The other family did not recoil in horror and they're still speaking to us. In fact, the response was that they were touched that we thought of their daughter.


First of all... you get the whole thing out front. You don't just say "Would your kids like to go to Disney World with us?" and then hit them with the cost issue once they accept. Now, THAT would be rude! Instead you say "We're planning on going to Disney in December and thought that if your daughter can cover the plane ticket and park admission, we'd love to have her join us! We'll cover the lodging and all of her food costs." And if money is an issue for them, and they don't feel comfortable telling you, it's really easy for them to come up with something else to say, like "Thanks for the offer, but we're thinking about going to (Chicago/The U.P. to snow mobile/Detroit... pick one), around then and aren't sure of the dates yet, so I don't think that'd work for us."

Let me put it another way... Have any of you suggested to families that you're good friends with to go on a joint vacation? A weekend together in a state park campground? A joint trip to a Six Flags, perhaps? Was that awkward? Did you stop and think that maybe the other family might be a little tight on cash at the moment and you didn't know it?

I agree COMPLETELY!!!! Well said.

 

[paintnolish]

Once my sisters and I were teens, we were sometimes allowed to bring friends on vacations. They were never expected to pay for anything but souveniers. Just my 2 cents!

 

[Darcy03231]

Since you've decided to a deluxe trip I think I'd keep it just to the 3 of you. I think its really hard to ask someone to come with you and pay their own way, especially since you're really going all out.

Just as a point of reference I'm doing a 5 night/6 day stay the first week in December. We're a family of 3 (all adults by WDW standards). We're staying at the All Star resorts and I had a PIN for free dining (DDP). My total for room, park tickets (MYW base) and dining for 3 people is $1,166.00. We'll us ME so there is no extra cost for transportation. Round trip air was $160/pp. Averaged out its $550/pp. That can still be a strech for some people to come up with, especially in this economy.

 

[tlh0726]

OP
You have a approx. cost of what it is going to cost to invite this child to join your vacation.

Plane ticket $400
DDP $280 ($70*4)
Park Ticket $300
Total approx $980.00

Point blank - How much of the cost do you want/willing to pay?

Once YOU decide on the answer to this question, you will have the amount to ask the parents to contribute.


After my initial post I was talking to DH on the phone and asked him his opinion on this. He agreed that asking the other parents to pay for the plane ticket and park ticket was reasonable. However, paying that much (approx. $800) on a 5 day vacation was not something he would agree to. He said that he would be willing to pay $500.00 toward the expenses and the child would need to save for the own spending money.


As another PP already questioned, does this other child have other siblings?

 

[hookedonears]

That's why we're not going to ask and would say no if her parents offered to pay. If her parents say they won’t let her go unless they help defray the cost, we would tell them it's an extravagant trip and we couldn't accept the offer. As we have, the girl has been to Disney several times, and I don't know for sure, but I think it's within their means. If they insisted we would think about it and consider giving them the cost of adding the girl to the package. We would pay for her airfare and food. We're not sure that we're even going to ask, because we don't want to put them or us into that position.

 

[Darcy03231]

OP, you've lost me here.

In the original post you said you'd pay her airfare and a portion of her food.

From your last post it looks like you're going to invite the friend and not ask for any $$ toward the trip and refuse $$ if the friend's parents offer it.

Have I missed something?

 

[tlh0726]

Our daughter, 14 and has gotten to the age where she wants to bring a friend with her to the world. We think it's a great idea, but the extra cost is just too prohibitive for us considering we will be flying and a big part of the trip for us is eating at signature restaurants. Of course we would pay for her Airline ticket and a portion of her food, but the rest would be a little over our heads. Has anyone ever encountered this dilemma?

That's why we're not going to ask and would say no if her parents offered to pay. If her parents say they won’t let her go unless they help defray the cost, we would tell them it's an extravagant trip and we couldn't accept the offer. As we have, the girl has been to Disney several times, and I don't know for sure, but I think it's within their means. If they insisted we would think about it and consider giving them the cost of adding the girl to the package. We would pay for her airfare and food. We're not sure that we're even going to ask, because we don't want to put them or us into that position.

Op,
Your above 2 posts just confused me.
Your initial post- you are asking how to ask the parents to pay for part of her food costs, her tickets, and spending money.
Your last post - you are now saying how you are not going to ask them to pay, if they offer to pay you are not going to accept, and only if they insist to pay, otherwise they will not let her go on the trip, you are back to doing what your initial question asked?




Just read Darcy03231 post. Glad I was not the only one that was a little confused

 

[marius97]

I think that it is all about being up front. If you asked them to come and then a month later said, oh by the way, you need to pay X amount of money, that would be a problem. I wouldn't think that a normal parent would expect their child to go to WDW for free, just because a friend asks them to go. It is one thing to take a friend to your summer cabin for free...WDW is another story.

 

[Ava]

This thread has been so interesting to me, and I appreciate both the candor and goodwill everyone has shown in expressing opinions.

Our DS is 11 and we (the three of us) still really treasure our family vacation time together. We see it as the time when we really focus on who we are as a family, on doing things that are important to us as a group and sharing the things that are important to each individual.

Maybe I'll be singing a different tune once I have a teenager, but -- said kindly and respectfully -- I just cannot imagine taking someone else along on a family vacation. We do lots of day-trip type things where we sometimes take one of DS' friends along, but I can't imagine that it would be anything other than incredibly difficult to manage having someone else's child along and figuring out how to both have a fun family vacation and work in another young person's wants/needs. Just deciding when and what to eat when I took one of DS' friends with us to a local waterpark last summer was challenging enough....

Maybe I'm talking like a typical parent of an only child who just doesn't know any better yet? But I guess my take, which I haven't seen here yet exactly, is that a 'family vacation' is just that.

My DD is only an infant, and I hope she won't be an only child, but I agree with you. Maybe I'll change my mind when DD is a teenager and clamoring to have a friend come on vacation with us, but when I was a kid we never brought friends on a big vacation like WDW. That's not even something I would've asked for as a kid, it just wasn't done in my family & amongst my peers. We'd go with friends/bring friends to local amusement parks & the beach, but never on a big trip.

 

[vroomagain]

Op,
Your above 2 posts just confused me.
Your initial post- you are asking how to ask the parents to pay for part of her food costs, her tickets, and spending money.
Your last post - you are now saying how you are not going to ask them to pay, if they offer to pay you are not going to accept, and only if they insist to pay, otherwise they will not let her go on the trip, you are back to doing what your initial question asked?




Just read Darcy03231 post. Glad I was not the only one that was a little confused

It seems to me that it was an update on what she is planning to do thanks to the advice she received.

OP, I think it is really kind of you to take your daughter's friend with you. I'm sure she will be pleased!

 

[hookedonears]

Well we're still trying to make that decision as far as asking. It will be very difficult to ask unless her parants pay for part of her trip. There's no doubt that her parants would insist on contributing, however, we don't want to put them in that position, considering how much this trip is going to cost. We don't know, but we believe her parants are in a position to help. Her parants are really nice and the girl is as well and would, I think be a great addition for our 14 year old. Paying the extra $800 (airfare and food)for her to go will be stretching us to the limit. It's just a hard decision for us to make.