7 months pregnant and husband having an affair...what now?

[Disney Doll]

I agree. The thing for the OP to do right now is lay low, plan quietly and get out quickly when the time comes.

Ship some clothing (yours and/or baby's)beforehand if you think it can be done without husband noticing.

Ship small things with sentimental value beforehand if you think it can be done with husband noticing.

Gather important papers together (copies of financial info, tax returns, credit card bills and balances, savings accounts, retirement accounts) so they are ready to go into the carryon.

Have a mental list in terms of what you are packing as far as your clothing, the baby's clothing etc., so that on "leaving day" you can pack quickly.

The idea about Mom having a smaller suitcase inside a bigger one is good. If Mom is only coming for a quick day or two to get you out, then she shouldn't need many clothes and so therefore with her 2 suitcases, plus your two suitcases, you could maximize what you take.

Don't forget the computer!!!!!!

Don't contact his family until you are safely settled in Canada, and then only under the advice of an attorney...even then, I'd probably be hesitant to contact them, frankly.

 

[Lynne M]

I cant believe the way your husband is reacting. It sounds like he wants the both of you. He says he'll kill himself if you move out? Yet he wants to continue to date this teen? incredible! He is acting like a teen himself, sleeping with his phone. Pathetic. Who in their right mind would stay with a man like that? He's in another world if he thinks he can have both. Mental illness or not, I wouldnt suggest therapy, it might set him off. Take care of yourself first. Maybe once you get to canada you can email him and suggest therapy. But i wouldnt do it face to face.

You'd be surprised how many times that happens. I know a guy who pulled that with his wife when he got caught with another woman. "No, honey, no, I don't want a divorce, I love you, I still want us to be together.....but I'm not giving her up." And then acted like his wife was the unreasonable one when she wouldn't put up with him having someone on the side.

Happens all the time. I don't get it. Marriage vows are pretty clear about only two people being included.

 

[CarolAnnC]

Thinking of the OP today and hoping her mom arrived and they may (hopefully) be on their way. The sooner the better...

 

[SLCborn]

OP please think long and hard about contacting your Inlaws! I got along fine with mine until their son walked out the door and then all bets were off. They will NOT be the same inlaws you have today once you leave!

I hope everything goes smoothly for you and your move! As for your husband he is acting like a spoiled teenager (interesting considering who he is "dating")don't let him try to guilt you into staying! He made his decisions...he has to live with them!

 

[goofyintoronto]

You'd be surprised how many times that happens. I know a guy who pulled that with his wife when he got caught with another woman. "No, honey, no, I don't want a divorce, I love you, I still want us to be together.....but I'm not giving her up." And then acted like his wife was the unreasonable one when she wouldn't put up with him having someone on the side.

Happens all the time. I don't get it. Marriage vows are pretty clear about only two people being included.

OMG thats unreal! Cant say im surprised. I dont understand the point of marrying a person if you dont plan on being faithful to him/her. If you wanna mess around, fine. Just dont do it after you take marriage vows.

 

[ckoncurat]

You should leave now. This baby does not deserve to be raised in an unhappy home. Go home. Start over. In a few months you will have your baby, and a lot more perspective. DO NOT STAY WITH HIM!

 

[CdnBuzzFan]

I haven't read the whole thread so someone may have already said this but you need to know that what HE has done is not a reflection of the kind of person YOU are. It's a very clear picture of the kind of person HE is.

I'm so sorry that this has happen to your family.

 

[LuLuO]

Thinking of you OP and hoping you are safe.

 

[TRK0011]

One more quick update - after this, I won't update again until I'm in Canada. The flight is soon, I just don't want to say exactly when.

I've thought about DH being mentally ill, at the very least depressed. I did suggest therapy a few days back, and his response was "no, because the therapist would probably tell me what I'm doing with the two of you was wrong and that I should stop." Ya think? After that response, there's not much I can do. I think right now he thinks he can have both of us - I don't know if he'll end up actually being with her or not after I go, I guess I might not ever find out.

About the computer - I have a friend who works with computers, and he's one of the few people I've told what's going on. He wrote me a list of things I need to do each time I get off the laptop to clear history and data, so I think I'm OK as far as that goes. I paid for the laptop myself and I'm taking it with me.

I've decided I'll take all the baby clothes - they're so tiny, I think I can take them all - plus all blankets and bedding. I've also decided to take the stroller with me. Sadly, I think I could empty the entire nursery and DH wouldn't know - he hasn't set foot in it since we painted it a couple of months ago.

I'm operating on autopilot right now, doing all the practical things I need to do. I think my next update from Canada might sound slightly more hysterical - every time I think about leaving or being back home, I start to panic, so I'm not thinking about it. My parents have truly been incredible through all this - and of course everyone here has been wonderful.

 

[momrek06]

One more quick update - after this, I won't update again until I'm in Canada. The flight is soon, I just don't want to say exactly when.

I've thought about DH being mentally ill, at the very least depressed. I did suggest therapy a few days back, and his response was "no, because the therapist would probably tell me what I'm doing with the two of you was wrong and that I should stop." Ya think? After that response, there's not much I can do. I think right now he thinks he can have both of us - I don't know if he'll end up actually being with her or not after I go, I guess I might not ever find out.

About the computer - I have a friend who works with computers, and he's one of the few people I've told what's going on. He wrote me a list of things I need to do each time I get off the laptop to clear history and data, so I think I'm OK as far as that goes. I paid for the laptop myself and I'm taking it with me.

I've decided I'll take all the baby clothes - they're so tiny, I think I can take them all - plus all blankets and bedding. I've also decided to take the stroller with me. Sadly, I think I could empty the entire nursery and DH wouldn't know - he hasn't set foot in it since we painted it a couple of months ago.

I'm operating on autopilot right now, doing all the practical things I need to do. I think my next update from Canada might sound slightly more hysterical - every time I think about leaving or being back home, I start to panic, so I'm not thinking about it. My parents have truly been incredible through all this - and of course everyone here has been wonderful.

Safe travels, OP.

 

[elizke]

All the best to you OP. One of probably many who've quietly been following and cheering you on. You are doing the right thing so you are smart, just keep your focus like you are and just keep moving! Sometimes keeping blinders on is the right thing to do until you can relax. You are strong mama doing what you have to do.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

May God bless you. You really are being put to the test and I must say that you have been so strong through this whole thing. I am so happy to hear that your parents have been so supportive, but I really expected that. Stay safe while you travel and update us when you are safe and sound. Still praying for you daily.

 

[Lynne M]

I don't know if extreme selfishness and immaturity could be considered a mental illness, but that's what I think he's suffering from.

He's not going to have it both ways, and I don't think he's going to get that until you're gone and she's gone. Because believe me, she's going. She's much too childish and immature herself to be in a serious relationship for any length of time. Especially now that she's off at college, she's got way too many guys her own age right there with her.

Has he ever, at all, acknowledged how much he's hurt you? How utterly irresponsible he's been? How he's let down you, your family, his family, his CHILD?

I'd guess not. Considering that he was whining to his wife about being afraid his mistress will cheat on him, I think we have a new definition of "clueless" here.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Good luck OP!!! Thanks for the update. We're all keeping you in our prayers. You might not panic as much as you think once youre in Canada as you'll have both your parents there for support, which will do wonders for your mentality. Stay strong!

I don't know if extreme selfishness and immaturity could be considered a mental illness, but that's what I think he's suffering from.

He's not going to have it both ways, and I don't think he's going to get that until you're gone and she's gone. Because believe me, she's going. She's much too childish and immature herself to be in a serious relationship for any length of time. Especially now that she's off at college, she's got way too many guys her own age right there with her.

Has he ever, at all, acknowledged how much he's hurt you? How utterly irresponsible he's been? How he's let down you, your family, his family, his CHILD?

I'd guess not. Considering that he was whining to his wife about being afraid his mistress will cheat on him, I think we have a new definition of "clueless" here.

TOTALLY agree here! Very well said.

 

[mrsklamc]

I don't know if extreme selfishness and immaturity could be considered a mental illness, but that's what I think he's suffering from.

I was thinking "wants to have his cake and eat it, too" isn't a mental illness but this works, too.

 

[goofyintoronto]

I was thinking "wants to have his cake and eat it, too" isn't a mental illness but this works, too.

Exactly what I was thinking too.

 

[Seahunt]

I don't know if extreme selfishness and immaturity could be considered a mental illness, but that's what I think he's suffering from.

I agree - instead of depression or a mental illness, I think he just has a major character flaw. I bet after this girl is gone, there's another, and another, and another...

JMO but it's better to suffer through the breakup than spend the next years going through this torture again and again. Kind of like the phrase "death by papercuts", it will just rob your heart and soul of any joy.

Please stay safe.

 

[SaraJayne]

One more quick update - after this, I won't update again until I'm in Canada. The flight is soon, I just don't want to say exactly when.

I've thought about DH being mentally ill, at the very least depressed. I did suggest therapy a few days back, and his response was "no, because the therapist would probably tell me what I'm doing with the two of you was wrong and that I should stop." Ya think? After that response, there's not much I can do. I think right now he thinks he can have both of us - I don't know if he'll end up actually being with her or not after I go, I guess I might not ever find out.

About the computer - I have a friend who works with computers, and he's one of the few people I've told what's going on. He wrote me a list of things I need to do each time I get off the laptop to clear history and data, so I think I'm OK as far as that goes. I paid for the laptop myself and I'm taking it with me.

I've decided I'll take all the baby clothes - they're so tiny, I think I can take them all - plus all blankets and bedding. I've also decided to take the stroller with me. Sadly, I think I could empty the entire nursery and DH wouldn't know - he hasn't set foot in it since we painted it a couple of months ago.

I'm operating on autopilot right now, doing all the practical things I need to do. I think my next update from Canada might sound slightly more hysterical - every time I think about leaving or being back home, I start to panic, so I'm not thinking about it. My parents have truly been incredible through all this - and of course everyone here has been wonderful.

Safe travels to you.

 

[momof1princess]

One more quick update - after this, I won't update again until I'm in Canada. The flight is soon, I just don't want to say exactly when.

I've thought about DH being mentally ill, at the very least depressed. I did suggest therapy a few days back, and his response was "no, because the therapist would probably tell me what I'm doing with the two of you was wrong and that I should stop." Ya think? After that response, there's not much I can do. I think right now he thinks he can have both of us - I don't know if he'll end up actually being with her or not after I go, I guess I might not ever find out.

About the computer - I have a friend who works with computers, and he's one of the few people I've told what's going on. He wrote me a list of things I need to do each time I get off the laptop to clear history and data, so I think I'm OK as far as that goes. I paid for the laptop myself and I'm taking it with me.

I've decided I'll take all the baby clothes - they're so tiny, I think I can take them all - plus all blankets and bedding. I've also decided to take the stroller with me. Sadly, I think I could empty the entire nursery and DH wouldn't know - he hasn't set foot in it since we painted it a couple of months ago.

I'm operating on autopilot right now, doing all the practical things I need to do. I think my next update from Canada might sound slightly more hysterical - every time I think about leaving or being back home, I start to panic, so I'm not thinking about it. My parents have truly been incredible through all this - and of course everyone here has been wonderful.

thank you for the update, OP! and to you! praying for your safe travel home.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

Good luck, OP. Add me to the list of many, many people who will be holding you in our thoughts the next few days. I'm so happy that your family is supporting you so strongly, and I wish you all the best on your journey 'home'.