Your thoughts on Jack & Jill gifts?

[kimblebee]

Oh, and I'm pretty sure calling anyone tacky is poor etiquette, whether the 'mainstream' or 'fringe' type of etiquette.

So, do places like Elks clubs, VFW, never have dances or dinners where you have to buy tickets to attend? Or hotels have New Year's Eve parties where you have to buy tickets?

 

[kimblebee]

I hadn't realized you weren't familiar with it. That could explain some of the confusion on this thread, though! Etiquette involves a set of guidelines that make social interactions easier, so you're less likely to inadvertently offend someone. You might want to look through books or websites by Emily Post or Miss Manners if you want to learn more about it. Not everyone follows it these days but it's certainly handy for avoiding uncomfortable situations. By "mainstream etiquette", I mean the etiquette guidelines that are observed by the majority of people in the US (and are found in etiquette books), since obviously there are regional variations in what is considered acceptable, and some social circles have different customs as well.

Snarky much? I could practically picture you looking down your nose at us while you wrote this.

 

[Scurvy]

Oh, and I'm pretty sure calling anyone tacky is poor etiquette, whether the 'mainstream' or 'fringe' type of etiquette.

So, do places like Elks clubs, VFW, never have dances or dinners where you have to buy tickets to attend? Or hotels have New Year's Eve parties where you have to buy tickets?

Certainly it would be poor etiquette to tell someone they are tacky, but it's entirely different when the subject as a whole is up for discussion. As I've already said several times, if you're doing something that is accepted within your circle, then it isn't tacky for you within your circle. Why do you care is others who aren't a part of that find it tacky?

And yes, many clubs and other businesses charge admission for events. But they aren't private individuals, so it's a different type of situation. Restaurants charge for meals, too, but it would be tacky for you to charge your friends for their meals when you invite them to dinner. A business or organization is not the same as a private individual, and different rules apply to them.

 

[Scurvy]

Snarky much? I could practically picture you looking down your nose at us while you wrote this.

No, I wasn't being snarky. I was serious. But I'm sorry if you were offended.

 

[kimblebee]

So now I'm not tacky because my friends and family are tacky too?

 

[Aimros]

So now I'm not tacky because my friends and family are tacky too?

As long as everyone is in the same tacky boat together attending the same tacky party, then I guess we'll make the best of it!

 

[kiddo76]

So now I'm not tacky because my friends and family are tacky too?

If you have to read a book written by some women you've never met in order for you to know how to behave in a socially acceptable way, well, I just feel sorry for you.

 

[Scurvy]

Seriously, I don't know why you're taking this so personally. I was just trying to explain why so many people said those sorts of events were tacky, since a few people seemed surprised by the responses. I thought those of you who seemed surprised might honestly want to know why people felt that way, but I see you really don't. You just want people to think it's ok to throw Jack and Jills and sell tickets. If you and your social circle don't consider Jack and Jill fundraisers tacky, then why does it matter that other people do?

Etiquette is particularly handy when dealing with people outside of your own social circle. Lots of people are concerned with it. If you aren't, or if you don't find it useful, then it shouldn't matter to you what other people think.

 

[kimblebee]

Seriously, I don't know why you're taking this so personally. I was just trying to explain why so many people said those sorts of events were tacky, since a few people seemed surprised by the responses. I thought those of you who seemed surprised might honestly want to know why people felt that way, but I see you really don't. You just want people to think it's ok to throw Jack and Jills and sell tickets. If you and your social circle don't consider Jack and Jill fundraisers tacky, then why does it matter that other people do?

Etiquette is particularly handy when dealing with people outside of your own social circle. Lots of people are concerned with it. If you aren't, or if you don't find it useful, then it shouldn't matter to you what other people think.

Of course I am concerned with etiquette. And no, I don't care what anyone else thinks of what I do. I just find it funny to say something is tacky just because it is new to you. There are lots of things talked about on the boards that I personally find really tacky. I don't say anything because I don't know anything about it. I grew up with 'If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all' Seems that would be the polite thing to do.

 

[kimblebee]

If you have to read a book written by some women you've never met in order for you to know how to behave in a socially acceptable way, well, I just feel sorry for you.

Sorry, but what book? I know how to behave in a social setting just fine without someone elses guidelines. No need to feel sorry for me, but thanks for the concern.

 

[kiddo76]

What I find is more helpful than reading some book, is actually understanding how local customs work before jumping to conclusions that something is 'tacky'. What's tacky in Western MA, may be perfectly acceptably in Northern NJ. Neither region is wrong, just different. There is no ONE set of rules that apply to every region or social class in the country.

 

[kiddo76]

Sorry, but what book? I know how to behave in a social setting just fine without someone elses guidelines. No need to feel sorry for me, but thanks for the concern.

Oops, sorry! The was directed at you. The comment was directed at Scurvy.

 

[Scurvy]

What I find is more helpful than reading some book, is actually understanding how local customs work before jumping to conclusions that something is 'tacky'. What's tacky in Western MA, may be perfectly acceptably in Northern NJ. Neither region is wrong, just different. There is no ONE set of rules that apply to every region or social class in the country.

Yes, and I believe I've said that repeatedly, but I've also said that you need to be aware that people outside of those areas might find those customs unnacceptable. I've even given an example of something that is considered perfectly acceptable within the US and is considered terribly tacky in many places outside the US. If I do something that it's considered acceptable here and someone from somewhere else finds it tacky, I'm not going to be offended. I will, however, file that information away for future reference since I often interact with people from many different places and I wouldn't want to offend someone in the future (by throwing them a shower if they find showers tacky, for example) if it's something that can be avoided.

As I said, I thought you were honestly confused about why people found these events tacky and I was trying to help explain. I see that is unnecessary, so I'll stop now. I am sorry if you were offended.

 

[We_Love_Disney]

If you have to read a book written by some women you've never met in order for you to know how to behave in a socially acceptable way, well, I just feel sorry for you.

This comment is rude.

 

[kiddo76]

This comment is rude.

Pot, meet kettle.

 

[RobDoc]

Thanks for participating. This one is done.