Your RSVP is too late!!

[Allison]

I would not exclude the child. I would make it work.

If you can't pick up/drop off, tell the mom that but I wouldn't tell the girl she couldn't come.

 

[JessicaR]

She is in the neighborhood, but in order to pick her up we would have to take 2 cars. We already have 5 people in the car. Plus we have to pick up the cake and balloons.

Did this Mom offer an explanation for calling late? Did she also say why the heck she couldnt take and pickup her own daughter? Wondering if maybe Mary's mom is having some sort of hardship or is she just lazy/busy doing something else?

This is the part that I would draw the line at since it will make you have to take two cars.

 

[JodyLynC]

Here in town we have a bowling alley and the b-day parties are usually packages and have a child limit on it for the party so yeah I can see where you would need to say "Sorry, we didn't hear from you in time and to fill the spot to get the most out of the price I have to pay, I invited someone else".

And if you have been asked to chauffeur her to and from the party I think that would just add to my desire to tell her that it just won't work out this time, but "let's set up a seperate time for the girls to get together".

That is the way our bowling parties work here. We have our limit and to add another child means serious bucks.

 

[mumom95]

I agree, that I wouldn't want to exclude the little girl.

I don't think you would be wrong at all to say you cannot pick her up or bring her home. And like some other poster said, this may solve your problem.

The mother was rude for not calling on time. But it's a pretty well known fact that people in today's society don't do a good job of calling for an RSVP. Doesn't mean it's ok, but it is something you should have thought about before inviting someone else to the party and maybe have checked first. Like I said, you aren't wrong in this whole thing, and you should not have had to call, but it would have solved the current problem you have.

 

[blanq]

Of course I'd hate to see a child disappointed, but maybe Mary's mom will get the message when Mary can't go. I don't blame you. She'll live.

It's just crazy the way people don't RSVP. Seems like there are never any consequences.

I'd tell her exactly what you stated...you didn't hear from her, you're so sorry but you invited a co-workers daughter.

ITA with your response!

 

[AKL_Megs]

Okay, this is what I would call and say.

"You know what, Mary'sMom, we really wanted for Mary to come to DD's party, but unfortunately, we had to have our exact number in to the bowling alley on x-date, so this is why we had the RSVP by date. When we didn't hear back from you, we just assumed Mary wouldn't be able to make it, and we invited another friend. I am sorry."

It's too expensive for you to add Mary, and you can't/don't want to pick her up. What else can you do? It will be Mary's mom's job to explain what happened.

 

[Binnie]

I'm sorry, but I must be a *****.

Mary got unlucky and has a slacker mom who didn't RSVP on time. It's not her fault, but it's also not your fault. It's slacker mom's fault. The pick up/drop off thing is just icing on the cake.

I would call slacker mom back and let her know that because she missed the deadline to RSVP, you aren't able to accommodate. Maybe slacker mom will get into gear the next time...

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I know that there's a reason why sometimes my friend's think I'm too nice... but there might be a good reason why she didn't RSVP right away. Maybe someone was sick, death in the family, out of town?

idk... once someone (especially a child) is invited, I think the invite should stand whether they RSVP'ed or not...

As for picking up/dropping off... no, I don't think you should have to do that.

Good luck.

 

[handinpocket]

Can you explain why?

Because you INVITED the little girl and a decent human being would not hurt her feelings. From your posts it is obvious you do not want her there and she is just an inconvienence.

 

[zulaya]

OP, I'm in your corner. I wouldn't make special accommodations.

RSVP means RSVP.

Places where you buy a birthday party package have limits on group sizes. There can be very expensive penalties for adding a person over the group size. It's not a matter of enough cake; it's a matter of the policy of the bowling alley.

And as far as balloons and goodie bags....balloons can be expensive. And if you buy goodie bag "stuff", you usually don't buy it in singles...it's usually a package of 10 or some other multi pack. So you are saying to salve an 8 year old's possible hurt feelings, this mom should pay a fee for having another kid there, plus another balloon, plus another set of stuff for a goodie bag?

What kind of message is that sending?

OP, you wouldn't be a ***** if you said Mary couldn't come. RSVP means RSVP. Let Mary ask her mother why she couldn't come...assuming Mary even knows about this party. If her mom is just now getting to this invitation, and wants you to pick her up, it sounds like that family is looking for you to babysit.

Personal responsibility seems to be sorely lacking there. And the OP should not have to call. Just because some parts of society seem to lack proper RSVP etiquette doesn't mean the OP should have to check in with people who don't call.

JMHO.

 

[laurie31]

I agree that the transportation issue is your "out."

Say, "Wow, we'd love to have Mary come, but my car will already be full."

(don't even MENTION the option of taking two cars! What a PITA!! No WAY would I do that, even for someone who RSVP'd early.)

DD had her party at a bowling alley last year, and it was fun, but you still have to get there early, set up the room with the cake, the gifts, etc. (they provided food and paper products, but I had to bring the cake).

Now I did actually bring not one but TWO of her friends to this party, but their moms dropped them at our house AND I had room in my car. So it was no big deal. I would NOT have taken a second car just to bring them, though, and I would not have gone and picked them up. I was frazzled enough trying to remember the candles, the matches (yep, forgot those one year. Not good!), the gifts, the camera, the camcorder, etc. etc.

I also understand about the $$ for an extra kid. We had to choose pizza or hotdogs. Each kid got one hot dog or one slice of pizza, a bag of chips, and a drink. The drinks were free refills, but the food was NOT. An extra kid would not have had anything to eat, unless I bought it a la carte from the snack bar. Plus I presume going from 10 to 11, means going up a party tier. (here, there is a flat rate, regardless of how many show up. You can choose a party of 5, 10, 15, etc. If you have 11 or 12, you still pay for 15). Adding "one more" would have been a huge price increase.

Hopefully, the mom won't be able to find other transportation, and you can invite Mary to go bowling with your DD another day. You can even give her a balloon and goody bag when she comes. I guess I would find some way to have her at the party if the mom can get her there, though. I don't think I would have resorted to inviting from the "B" list untill the dead last minute. The RSVP issues these days are brutal. Seriously.

 

[ilovejack02]

This is the exact reason we don't do big birthday parties with DS 's class. We only invite our very close friends, thank goodness DS is good friends with all of my best friends kids. LOL they all have several children, one has 5. I think in total that is about 16 kids between all the girls.

 

[krcit]

Gee, people are a bit tough on Mary's mom. She forgot to RSVP, doesn't mean she's a slacker. Maybe the invite got misplaced, maybe the whole family had a stomach bug or maybe she just forgot. I've been guilty of that in the past so now I try to RSVP the day I get the invite

If it is too much trouble and expense for Mary to attend then I would call and say what a pp said about the bowling party being full.

 

[JodyLynC]

Thanks for your replies and suggestions. I've been going back and forth on this for the last hour. If it was just a matter of filling another goodie bag, I wouldn't hesitate. But to pay for the extra bowling and to drive another car is just too much.

The mom mumbled something in her VM about her email not send out messages, but she could have called. Instead she waited until a few days before the party.

 

[JodyLynC]

Because you INVITED the little girl and a decent human being would not hurt her feelings. From your posts it is obvious you do not want her there and she is just an inconvienence.

Please go back and read my posts.

 

[luvmy3]

She is in the neighborhood, but in order to pick her up we would have to take 2 cars. We already have 5 people in the car. Plus we have to pick up the cake and balloons.

So the mom responds past your RSVP date and then asks you to transport Mary to the party, which would mean you would have to go out of your way to do since it would require another car. If it were my kids party, Mary would end up very disappointed. I would want to include her, but that mom is asking way way too much of you.
Call the mom back and tell her that you already filled the spot since she did not RSVP by the date you asked her to. Maybe that will get her to make sure she RSVP's on time to the next party her dd is invited to.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'd rather not disappoint Mary either, but I had and RSVP date down for a reason. That is why I'm thinking of suggesting a separate play date.

Oh and I need to pick her up and drop her off as well.

Well if I have to pick up the kid and drop her off then all bets are off then. I would just be honest and tell her you filled the spot.

 

[handinpocket]

Please go back and read my posts.

I have read your posts. I still think you are wrong. Be glad she didn't just show up.

 

[laurie31]

Gee, people are a bit tough on Mary's mom. She forgot to RSVP, doesn't mean she's a slacker. Maybe the invite got misplaced, maybe the whole family had a stomach bug or maybe she just forgot. I've been guilty of that in the past so now I try to RSVP the day I get the invite

If it is too much trouble and expense for Mary to attend then I would call and say what a pp said about the bowling party being full.

It's not JUST the lack of RSVP, she also wants the OP to transport Mary *to* AND *from* the party! That right there would be a dealbreaker for me, even if the mom had called the day she got the invitation.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Jody, you've made a good decision. Unfortunately, the world isn't going to revolve around Mary, and this will be one of many such lessons.

You invited the child. The parent dropped the ball, period. You are not responsible for that, nor should you be guilted into that.

Unless you offered in the invitation to provide the transport, then that expectation (or request) is inappropriate.

Take care now and don't let things get you down.